Help! My 11Mo Old Daughter Has Begun Screaming at Bedtime After STTN for Months!

Updated on October 14, 2010
K.E. asks from Monmouth Beach, NJ
6 answers

Hello, I am a little desperate here. I just watched my daughter finally fall asleep from exhaustion from crying hysterically and uncontrollably after my hubby tried to put her to bed. We've had the same routine for months where hubby puts her down every night in her crib with her blankie and paci. We turn on the ocean sounds and she's out within 10 minutes and sleeps thru the night. About 2 weeks ago she started waking at night and would cry for a few minutes before falling back to sleep. The first time she ever did it I got worried and went in to check on her, but since then I've been letting her be and she falls back asleep anywhere from 5-30 minutes from when she woke. Well tonight my hubby put her down and she immediately began crying hysterically for an hour. She was so exhausted she was falling asleep on my arm as I tried to console her. I finally put her back in her crib and sat in a chair right next to it. She stood up and saw me and calmed down and proceeded to lay down and fall asleep. What just happened?! I thought it was the teething because her molers are coming in but now I think it may be separation anxiety. Or have I made her feel abandoned by not coming to her all these nights? What do you think? It killed me hearing her cry like that!! I'm so worried that I possibly betrayed the trust I instilled in her by not coming to her side!

**Answering a couple posts: No, she has not been sick or vaccinated in over 30 days...she had a very small case of the sniffles a couple weeks ago but she is all better now.

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K.S.

answers from New York on

Hi K.. I replied to your other post. As with the night waking my son has been doing a similar thing after always going to bed easily with the same routine (and the night waking). I am more and more sure it is the separation anxiety - I have found for the going to sleep bit, is that it's worth bringing them out of of their room for another 10 to 15 mins so they get calm. Giving them a cuddle and reading to them (ie quiet activities) and then trying again. Keep on repeating this if they start crying again. Basically I am reassuring him that I am there but still putting him to bed again.

1 mom found this helpful
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N.W.

answers from Dallas on

Has she been vaccinated or been sick in the past month?

1 mom found this helpful
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K.O.

answers from Columbus on

One of the most important lessons children learn during the first year is self-soothing. It is possibly harder on us parents than them at times, but it is a lesson I believe helps them more in the long run. It definitely helps their independance and confidence. My daughter (21 months) wakes during the night as well, but has learned to play quietly until falling asleep again. For a while, she decided that she didn't want to go to sleep at her normal time. Other times, she did have separation anxiety. Sounds to me that she is starting to assert her independance and wanting to make some choices. She wanted you and she got you. Sometimes, it isn't a bad thing. You sound like a good caring mom. If you hear her 'hurt' cry, just make sure you go to her. If it's just the 'fussy' cry, I would give her a few minutes to work it out herself. Good luck.

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A.I.

answers from Buffalo on

I don't want to make you feel bad, but to answer your question about making her feel abandoned, I personally do think that's probably what happened. You may just have to build that trust up again by coming to her at night... hopefully it won't take too long! Elizabeth Pantley has great books and advice on these types of problems, if you're interested: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

Good luck - I hope things get better :)

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

I'm not sure exactly what is going on but both my kids (now 4.5 and 22 months) had phases of needing a parent nearby to get to sleep. It gets tiresome for the parent if it goes on a while but works if all else fails. My younger one is now going through a phase of giving us a hard time with bedtime (she was so easy and went to sleep on her own until 18 or 19 months). I sometimes have to go in every 10 or 15 minutes for over an hour.

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N.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

Could she have an ear infection? My son is a pretty good self-soother, but there are occasional nights when he needs to see me to settle down. Sometimes he just needs to hold my hand, and that might happen two nights in a row.

Tomorrow night your daughter may be fine. She knows you are loving her and keeping her safe, I am sure. if she continues to be fussy, keep am eye on her behavior, maybe she is getting a cold. Remember separation anxiety is a type of milestone, showing a level of cognitive ability. You show her that you are trustworthy in many ways, and she will realize that, so don't beat yourself up. You are doing a good job.

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