Help - My 2 Yr Old Won't Sleep

Updated on December 15, 2008
J.T. asks from Island Lake, IL
6 answers

Good morning. I have a 26 month old and she has always been an amazing sleeper! I started working at a daycare 1 day a week and she woke up the first day after one hour of a nap (she normally stays down for 2-3 hours).

Next, she started getting up after an hour of sleep at home. I would go in and say that it was still naptime, rock her a bit and she would go back down for another hour or even two!

Well now the new thing is to wake up maybe 2-3 times during the night, calling for me. I go in, pick her up and rock a couple times, tell her it is night night time, and then lay her back down.

Problem: I am a person that once awake in the middle of the night...my body can't go back to sleep. I am absolutely dying. She is getting up every morning between 4:30 - 5:30. At first, when she moved to waking up in the middle of the night, we could tell it was night terrors. She wouldn't even open her eyes and the cry was completely different than this. I can "hear" that this is the mommy/daddy I want attention.

This morning I woke up and said that this is the day (because I have heard from friends that she is manipulating) that I was going to play tough love (let me say aaaagggghhhh). I let her cry. My husband and I hadn't talked about it prior to my thought process coming into action. I let her cry about 15 mins and he thought that I should at least go in and tell her we were here but that she needed to go to sleep. That was at 6am. (That sounds like a good time for her to be getting up; however she went to sleep a little later last night). She has been crying on and off for 50 mins and I am dying.

What do I do? If I go in and rock and put her down to sleep (I must say it is just amazing to rock/cuddle during those times); however, it is HORRIBLE because if it happens at 2:30 or 3:00am, I am up for the next 2-3 hours on the computer, trying to do something mind-numbing so that I can go back to sleep for at least another hour before she wakes up. If it happens at 4:30 - 5:30am I am up for the day.

HELP.

J.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I just have a hard time with this manipulating thing. It is possible that she misses you, but it is also possible that she is teething or something else. Did you feel around for some new molars or something. Try a little children's tylenol if you think that could be it. It will get better. My children are older but I always assumed everyone else was right. You know your child of course better than anyone and you of course need your sleep. How is her eating? The tough love thing is good for teenagers, but right now if you need your sleep do whatever it is that will help you get sleep and ignore all the other people who aren't there in the middle of the night with you. Maybe a nice long warm bath before she goes to bed, or food that is comforting, music, etc. Unfortunately you will have to experiment. I remember those days and they do not last forever. Good luck with your little sweetie and sleep will come one day.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

It is important to understand that, no matter what 'different' technique you use, she will need time to adjust. Think about it...if you've gone in there to rock or give any attention in the past and you're now discontinuing that procedure she is going to keep calling and calling out for you through her cries. If you decide to use cry-it-out, it could take up to two weeks (although with our son it took three days...literally...45 mins the first time, 15 the second, and a few mins the third).

It all depends on your parenting philosophy. I highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He is a Chicago pediatrician who is well-known for his decades of sleep research on infant/child sleep patterns. You may wish to read the book to learn more about why your daughter is doing what she is doing and how to best help her get back on track.

You say she has always been an amazing sleeper so, barring any medical/illness issues, you know she is capable of sleeping through the night or sleeping through naps and self-soothing. No matter what techniques you use just be consistent with them.

Good luck and happy sleeping!

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

Hi J.-
I am the same way about sleeping. I have been sleep deprived for 13 years now. Just this morning I got up after only 5 hours of sleep (and no one had even woken me up this time!).

The only thing that helped with the middle of the night baby issues is when my husband was the one to get up. He can fall back asleep in a second, so he "volunteered" sometimes. Even if I heard the baby calling, I had a reasonable chance of falling back asleep if I didn't get out of bed. I just had to be confident that he was going to take care of the situation, otherwise I would lay in bed listening to everything, and that didn't do any good.

Good luck, and try to get a nap today:)

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A.V.

answers from Chicago on

I know what your talking about it. I sleep the same way. With my son we let him work it out on his own. However, we did always go in at first to make sure it wasn't anything else. (the one time you don't it's something else) But no cuddles or rocking or picking up. We would go in, lay him back down, give him his blankie, tell him to go back to sleep and leave. After that let them do whatever. If it goes on too long, I would go back in to check on him, but no talking or eye contact. I'm assuming she's still in a crib, you definitely want to get her out of this habit before she's in a big bed.

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

She doesn't know the difference between 2:30 and 5:30 a.m. Don't talk to her. Change her if she needs and say go night night. You've already spoiled her by picking her up and rocking (understandibly) and that's what she wants. Your friends are right and you're the one that will struggle with her crying (I feel bad for you mommy) This too shall pass.

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D.K.

answers from Chicago on

J.,

I wish you luck. I don't know your child at all, but you said that she was always a good sleeper, so why would you think she is starting to "manipulate" in the middle of the night now? Is she eating well and is she congested at all? Perhaps she is catching a cold? Does she have all of her molars already?

Also, 3 hours of nap is probably pretty nice for you during the day, but that is a very long nap for a 2 year old. My daughter started fighting her nap around 2 and could surprisingly make it through the day without a nap at all. It was a struggle but I ended up changing the nap time schedule and now she is back to a 1.5 to 2 hour nap each day, but later in the afternoon. You didn't mention how long your daughter sleeps at night either, but it may be that since she is 2 now she just doesn't need as much sleep as she was getting before.

I would recommend though that you at least go into your daughter's room and makes ure she knows you are there and tell her it is still sleeping time before you leave her alone.

Whatever you do, give it some time to sink in for your daughter so she can adjust. With most changes for my daughter it seems to take about a week to 10 days for her to fully adjust.

Good Luck,
D.

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