Help! My 3 1/2 Month Old Is an Insomniac!

Hi J.,

Here is a web site. Hope it helps.

http://www.fussybaby.ca/fussybabieschiropractic.html

Good luck. D.

Sorr.

HI J.,
You certainly sound as if you are in the middle of a hostage situation orchestrated by a tiny terrorist! Just kidding! :-)
I had a few thoughts:
Maybe try getting her ready for bed a bit earlier, as she may be very overtired and as weird as it seems, the more tired they are the less rest/sleep they will get. There are few things less manageable than an overtired kid! It defies logic. You look at them and think, "you should be falling on your face!" yet they fight it all the more when exhausted.
Try to structure her naps more through the day. Aim for two shorter naps after feedings--O. in the mid morning 10-11 and O. after lunchtime/playtime again only an hour or two long. Don't let her get to the point where she just falls asleep where she plays! If she only sleeps 20-40 minutes, maybe try 3 short naps through the day. The less naptime, the earlier bedtime can be.

Try starting to give her her final feeding or bottle about 7-7:30 then let her decompress a bit and get her to her crib very drowsy but not quite sleeping. My son used to always turn his head to the side as his "signal" that he was ready to zonk soon!
Try some soft music or white noise in her room (a humidifier/white noise machine or CD player).
Personally I would stop using the breast as a means to calm her down & lull her to sleep if you think hunger is not the issue. It's like she has learned a bad habit and you are being sucked into it.Could your husband try to soothe/rock her if she wakes up in the middle of the night?
Don't stress over supplementing with formula at all. If she needs more than you are making what else are you to do? There's nothing wrong with that. Don't let anyone tell you any differently.
I'm sure the schedule is all mixed up from the holidays, but try to get back to a routine of breakfast, play, nap, play, lunch, nap, play dinner, bath, feeding, bedtime.
She really does sound like she is exhausted and just needs more rest but if she doesn't need a feeding (a real feeding!) during the night, try rubbing her back or rocking or swaying her back to that drowsy state.....I'll just bet the more rest she can get (i.e. earlier bedtime) the better she'll sleep! Good luck and hang in there....these are the times that try men's souls!
Soon O. day all of the planets and stars will align and you will wake up rested in the morning too!

You have gotten several good responses, reading a book on sleep would be good. I think i have read all of them and my favorite was Sleep Easy Solution, by I think Jennifer Waldbaum? But since it's hard to find a moment to read-- at this age your baby should have a routine of 3 to 4 nap cycles per day (2 naps not enough at this age), with a feeding in between each one, followed by awake time, then another nap, etc. 20 to 40 min is not long enough as you know. 1-1.5 hrs. is good. She may only be able to stay up for 60-90 minutes. If she is falling asleep while playing that is too late, start naptime a little earlier. Now, my twins drove me crazy for a while with naps until I figured out they only napped well in the car seats (I put the seats in the crib). (By 4 1/2-5 months they learned how to roll and sleep on their bellies and suck their own fingers and they suddenly napped just fine so I stopped the car seat thing with no problem). If she has better naps she probably will go down better at night. You don't need to demand feed any more, she can go 3 or more hours during the day. Having a breastfeeding routine is better for your milk supply anyway, as well as your sanity. If you feel milk supply is low, drink TONS of water. Also mother's milk herbal tea. Probably you are producing more milk than you think. I stressed about my supply for nursing my twins and really it was fine. If you want to do a fomula supplement, pick the same feeding each day and give the bottle for that feeding every day. Your milk supply will adjust. It's a toss up, because it can be nice to have the baby used to taking a bottle, but it is better for your milk supply to nurse exclusively. Now as for nighttime, that is tough, I think it will get better. I don't think the repeated nursing for the evening routine is helping, it is just prolonging the agony. One of my twins was tough to get down some nights. I usually did a "second chance" nursing if he fell asleep while nursing but woke up a few minutes later in the crib. But to be honest I don't think that ever really helped him. It just made me feel better. I never did the car seat thing at night because I just wasn't comfortable. I tried to soothe him in the crib--kind of a shushing and patting. Oh you didn't mention if you were swaddling but that is great as well (I did that naps & night). The Swaddle Mes are wonderful, up to 4 or 5 or maybe 6 months. Again they change between 4 and 5 months and I personally felt more comforatbale with the cry it out after that. (We did have some nights where we did that after that point, but not too many). It's as if before 4 months, they really can't remember what went on before, so crying it out might work for that time but it will not really help them the next night. So, your ideal routine might be something like, wake 8 AM, feed, play until 9:30, nap for 1-1.5 hours, feed at 11, repeat with feedings at 2, 5, and then bedtime at 8. One feeding during the night is just fine at this age, it sounds like that part is going OK for you. Hang in there, it will get better!

Hi J.,

Congrats on your new baby. It is pretty common for babies to get their days and nights mixed up. I highly recommend the no-cry-sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley: http://mommynewsblog.com/category/the-no-cry-way/

Just remember - "this too shall pass"

J.

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I wasn't comfortable with the cry it-out method at first either,until I had to go back to work.

She may be teething along with the holiday disruptions. I breastfed only for 12-15 months with my girls. If you nurse at bedtime, try quitting when she starts to get drowsy, rock for a bit, then put her down.

You may want to try waking her up earlier each day by a half-hour until you're comfortable with the time she gets up. Try keeping her up for a few hours before napping. Continue in this way for her other naps. Try to keep her up between 4 and 8 pm. Then put her down for the night. It may take awhile, but it should get better.

I think she's just really overtired from all of the stimulation of the holiday season. At her age, 8 pm is already a fairly late bedtime--you might try 7 for a while and see if she goes to sleep better. Once she's back to sleeping better, you can work towards a bedtime that works for your family as a whole. I recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child as a reference on sleep.

I also remember that my son around that age, would go to sleep nursing and wake up screaming about 10 minutes after the transfer to the crib and would howl for about 15-30 minutes. Either he outgrew it or he was just cold; we put a space heater in his room shortly after that and he stopped crying (maybe his crib was too chilly).

Good luck.

Read The Baby Whisperer Solves Your Problems. It gives you a step by step way to get your baby on a schedule and a way to approach to deal with the self-soothing that needs to be learned so that baby won't wake up constantly. It's a quick read and doesn't require the cry it out method. Good luck!

She will outgrow this soon. A great routine is the Sleep, Eat, Wake, routine based on On Becoming Baby Wise. You can get the book, or just do it. It changed my life, but unfortunately I didn't start it until my daughter was 6 months old. All you need to do is feed her as soon as she wakes up form all naps. Then she'll play and be awake until she doses, then feed her again when she wakes up. Feed her right before "real bedtime". Somehow they miraculously start sleeping at night as well as you knowing exactly what she needs all day without the "did I feed her recently, or is she tired?" debates. Your schedule is easier to plan too when you know when she will be hungry and napping.

She is actually old enough to make it through the night, once she gets a comfortable routine and is very well fed all day long. You mentioned your milk production is low. Eating to capacity all day long is key for babies to make it through the night-do whatever you can to increase your supply and supplement without letting your own supply drop if necessary. She may seem fine all day and not too hungry, but she WILL wake up at night if she hasn't eaten enough.

Also, you're right, the holiday hectic stuff hasn't helped.
I'm a huge advocate of "Cry it out" once the rest of the routine has been established. My kids have been sleeping happily and securely snug in their own beds since day one-no coming in my room, no long nights comforting them. I don't know what I'd do without my full nights of sleep, I'm still tired!!! You said you don't agree with that method, but whatever you end up using, just remember, whatever you "cause them to need to sleep through conditioning" is going to be what they need, and you want them to be happy and secure falling asleep on their own sooner than later. But don't even think about that until her routine has leveled out and she is eating plenty all day long for a week or so-it takes time for the body to register that she is really full. Good luck, hang in there!

I think you nailed this on the head just a little when you talked about the holidays. it sounds like her schedule has been more hectic than usual, and she's getting more stimulation than she needs, then she has a hard time relaxing to sleep. And actually, getting about 6 hours of sleep, then a couple more, is a pretty good schedule, but the problem is that she is not on YOUR schedule for her 8 hours of sleep. Which says to me, you need to do quieter, more relaxing things earlier -- like start around 6:00 to limit the noise levels, and activities. Not so easy over the holidays, or esp when visiting other family members, but do your best. You have to survive parenthood, while the rest of your family can simply not hang out with you when they need sleep.

I didn't put my kids in the crib to cry it out either. I held them in the dark, singing to them, esp if they were crying as they went to sleep (cuz it kept me more calm to sing than to listen to them) Some nights I sang everything I could think of, and started over . . . but i didn't put them down until I was sure they were asleep enough not to awaken. That meant that you could lift an arm and it would drop like a stone aftewards. If there's any muscle action at all, your baby isn't quite asleep. If you have a blanket on your shoulder, then the baby, put the blanket down into the crib with the baby, because it's warm from both your bodies, so you aren't taking a warm baby from a warm shoulder and putting her onto cool sheets.

If you can get her to sleep by 10:00, so you get to go to sleep sooner than 1:30, you'll be waking up on a more normal schedule, and you and your husband will both get a better amount of sleep.

My son is just a few weeks older than your baby and I am also breastfeeding. I know when he goes to bed late, he gets up about the same time, and wakes up more. Try getting your baby to sleep earlier. To help your baby sleep, do you swaddle her? My baby won't sleep long if not swaddled. I use the kiddopotomus swaddle blankets and swaddle him very tightly. Just swaddling in a blanket never kept his arms in.

Hi J.: It sounds as if maybe she is not getting satisfied. Have you had her checkup to make sure she doesn't have an ear infection or anything not visible. Also if you can ask your doctor about feeding a bit of cereal or something. Usually by 3 months they get some "solid" food. Anyone out there agree? It's worth a shot. Don't do it without asking your MOM and your doctor. Also, is she getting overstimulated with all the festivities? Babies need that schedule which usually means us parents have to give up our schedules for a bit until we get past those first few years. That could be the problem also. You could try staying home a few days, implement a real schedule and stick to it but it may take a few days to kick in so don't get frustrated if it doesn't happen immediately. You can do it. Hang in there. It does get easier in time. One thing is for sure, without a schedule, you'll be exhausted and so will she. Let me know how you make out. Good luck
S.

I think you need to get educated about several of the sleep theories (Weissbluth, Ferber are consistently the highest rated systems, and would be my choice) and find something that you are comfortable with. The trick with any of them is to actually read the book and do what the author says, and not just what you've heard about it from other people. We use Ferber and like it very much, and he believes that at 4 months you can begin to teach them to sleep at night.

Just remember, you all need your sleep-- grown ups and baby. My husband and I took turns with the sleeping-- at 4 months my baby was waking up once at night to nurse, but if I was really dogged, my husband would get up o and give a bottle, or get up with him early in the morning and give a bottle then so I could sleep in. We also often slept separately (he'd go to the attic, or once a week or so I would) to get one good solid night's rest. You will feel so much better once you get some sleep!