Help- My 3 Year Old Is Out of Control! Seriousley!!

We had to get help for my son with his speech problem. He has the same problem 4 year old with the speech of a 2 year old. He has been seeing a speech therapist, but they also gave us an option of parenting classes because he also has a behavioral problem. In the parenting classes they taught us about positive disceplene. Catching him when he's doing something good and praising him on it. This has worked wonders with our son. It is hard, and it does take a while but it does work. I didnt have my son potty trained until he was almost 4 years old so have faith it will happen, its just some boys take longer than others. Good luck

Hi hon,
I sounds like your in the same boat that I'm in. My son is 3, in speech therapy (he's also at a 2 yr. old level), and isn't potty trained. He has a LOT of tantrums because he can't communicate with me. We've been going through an addition program called Parents as Teachers and they have been great. A woman comes out to our house every two weeks and works with both my kids. She help my son with his speech, and works with my 10 month old daughter. I was told by his Dr. and by his speech therapist not to push potty training until we can get him closer to his age in his vocabulary. He'll go every once in awhile and he'll tell me he has to go and then doesn't but I know I have to be patient.
You might want to look into a program called Parent to Parent. They will have your child looked at, evaluated for free, and he can possibly be put in with other children who are in the same position as yours. It might help if he's in a specialized daycare instead of a regular one. I know this is a lot but I hope something helps.

Hi there,
The Oregon chapter in Eugene is EC Cares, and the phone # is 800 925-8694. There is something you can request, called and IEP (Individual Education Plan) which will test for and start treating in areas of need like speech, physical or occupational therapy. I know that in San Diego I was using the services of Early Start, a division of Head Start, and the therapists would visit my house, on my schedule, for free! So you really don't have anything to lose. Best of luck to you and your son.
Hang in there, feel free to email me with questions, concerns, or just happy news.
A., mother Luke (who is on track after about a year of therapy:)

Have you read about the Fiengold Diet? My son was very much the same and it turned out he had food sensativities. When he started the program he potty trained in 2 days and added 150 words in 2 weeks! Plus, he was able to control his emotions and became calm and relaxed. Google Fiengold Program, it isn't hard and WHAT A WONDERFUL DIFFERENCE!!

Best of Luck,
K.

Call your local school district and ask about an evaluation to get him into an early intervention program at your local school. Bring your doctor's diagnosis and anything else that brought you to that diagnosis. He will qualify for services through the district. Join groups - local and online that cover your son's issues and you will find support and answers. He needs many kinds of therapies... many of which you may qualify to receive for free. He clearly cannot fit into the typical preschool and needs to be brought into a program that is designed to handle kids like him. You did not specify what particular DD he has.. but any local autism support group should be able to help give you some direction.

A more positive approach to his behavior works better than a negative. Have him earn stickers since he is young for every good thing you want him to do. One or two behaviors at a time is better. My son also seemed to not want to be potty trained it seemed like we went back to the start several times. Concentrate on going pee in the toilet and then work on the other. The stickers are good for this. Also, after he gets as many stickers you decide he needs to get ( I would keep it a smaller # for now) he gets a prize. My son gets to go to the dollar store.
My son went through several daycares, preschools because of behavior. A small group or in house setting would probably be better. I also had him in early intervention at the portland school district. They helped both him and me. Contact the esd of your district and have him evaluated. I used this as my son's preschool the year before kindergarten. It is only a couple hours a day and may not be every day. But they will work on his behavior and speech.

I agree with what the others said about therapy. We've had the same issues with my almost-3 year old (he'll be 3 in December). Luckily, he was diagnosed with his speech & communication problems when he was 2...so he was able to get into some early intervention services through Kindering Center in Bellevue. They have been WONDERFUL!!! I don't know where I'd be right now without them. They only see children until they're 3...but at that point, the school districts DO have programs for children until they go into Kindergarten...have you tried checking into something like that??? Good luck...I know how frustrating it can be...but I really think if you can get him into some sort of therapy, it'll make a world of difference.

PS Early intervention is free! Not sure if anyone else mentioned that, but I know in Oregon in most counties it's free, regardless of income. His not wanting to potty train could have something to do with the new baby, kids often revert back to baby behavior when there is a new addtion to the family. They get jealous of the attention the baby is getting, even if you are still giving them tons of love and affection. I would have a talk with his daycare/preschool if they've been doing this type of work for long, they've seen it all! Explain his delay, maybe they will be a bit more understanding if they know the whole situation.
Good luck and yes take a deep breath!

Because your description includes developmental and speech delays your son may be having bhavioral difficulties because of the reasons for the delays. Having therapy to resolve his delays will improve his behavior. Your son's behavior sounds much like that of my grandson who is now 4.

Professional help is available without cost because of a Federal law mandating that all states provide evaluation and treatment of children who have a disability that will affect their success in school.

In Oregon this is provided thru the Educational Service District. You can call the local school district to find out where you would apply for evaluation.

My grandson was evaluated when he was nearly 3 and is having therapy. He started with speech therapy during the summer and then went into Headstart, even tho he wasn't qualified based on parents' income, because he could continue with speech therapy. He was difficult to control within the classroom. He refused to co-operate, threw temper tantrums and began hitting the teacher. At a meeting attended by everyone involved in his treatment, his parents agreed that he should be placed in a therapeutic preschool where he is now. Again the parent pays nothing. This is a service of the school district.

Along with therapy for my grandson the school district provides support for his parents. My grandson is doing much better with both speech and behavior.

I urge you to make an appointment for evaluation right away. Early Intervention for ages 1-5 is the name of the program. The earlier the intervention the better it is for both the child and the parent. We wish that we'd known about the program so that he and his mother could've received help earlier.

I've answered several mother's questions including web site addresses but I don't remember them now. I remember other mothers writing about this program. Perhaps other mothers can add to my information.

Since you are already a stay at home mom, maybe consider taking him out of preschool/daycare and keep him home? I heard a similar call on the Dr. Laura show and she recommended that the child was too young to be away from his mom. 3 is pretty young. My daughter is 2 1/2 and I can't imagine her being away from me during the day. This might be even more true for your son with the delay? Just a passed along suggestion since I don't have personal experience. I'm sorry you have having a hard time. Good Luck.

Ok, first off - breathe. I know it sounds silly, but really. Do it.

I have a son who is 4 and is in the same position. Just a bit delayed, but still dealing with all the triggers and stresses. Fortunately, I have him in a special needs preschool where they are working with him on everything (from potty training to regular preschool stuff to playing in group, etc). Even with a slight delay, he's done so much better in the special ed class than in the regular class rooms, because his teachers know that he's just not like the "regular" kids. He demands more attention and with the class, he gets it and behaves much better. Our main issue at our house is behaviour, we're constantly going at everything. We've learned to pick what battles are REALLY important (like don't touch the stove, etc) and which ones can be left (like if he wants to re-velcro his shoes after I put them on wrong, he can).

Be patient. If you have a good set of MD's, they'll get him diagnosed and in treatment to close the delay gap. There is a lot of good that can happen and remember not to give up because it can be frustrating. Pester your doctors for treatments if you feel it will help. I had to beg for a few things, but now - I know it was completely in my right to do so and I am glad I did because it made all the difference in my son. Feel free to e-mail me and I'll tell you what we have gone through and what treatments we have been through if you want to.

Things can be tiresome and weary, but eventually, it's worth every effort that you put into it.

Good Luck!
Beka

As a mom of a child that has multiple mental health issures (anxiety, OCD, ADHD) - I can tell you to start picking your battles! I even took my son (now 9) to preschool in his bathrobe one day 'cuz he refused to get dressed - I packed clothes into a backpack and sent him in, he begged to get dressed in the car and I wouldn't let him - 1 day of peers asking why he wasn't dressed was enough, he never didn't get dressed again.........but some days it's just not worth the fight. Maybe if your guy has a developmental delay you should let him have some more time with the potty, it could be a control issue, it might be a delay..if he still fits in pull-ups maybe it's not worth the fight for a while. I know I had to start deciding - "is this a safety issue and worth a brawl, or will he live if I let him 'blank'?" It's hard when they are that little, nobody ever believes that something might be wrong - just that you can't handle your kid. My son also can't be phased....no punishment in the world works to stop him - I've tried them all! Hang in. Good luck! Don't forget to get some time to yourself - you can't take good care of others if you don't 'decompress' and 'destress' yourself!!!
Oregon has a group (Oregon Parent Training and Info Center) that does wonderful things - they help you make sure that your child is getting what the law entitles him to for education (among other things) I love them, wonderful group of people 1-888-505-2673. They are in Salem. We have ended up with a Psychiatrist and it's helping.

call your school district. if he was diagnosed with a developmental delay you may be entitled to special education preschool that could help your son "catch up" with his peers.
good luck!

Your son sounds a lot like mine. He is autistic. Get ahold of early intervention. It is a federaly funded program. They have preschools to help with children who are developmentally delayed. I know how frustrating this can be. Especially when they don't communicate like a "normal" 3 year old.
We also have started to change our sons diet and saw very positive results. We started by eliminating dairy. (Milk, yogurt, cheese...) He now drinks rice milk. The protien in the dairy had a negative effect on his brain, kind of like an allergy. The transition was not as hard as I thought it would be and within 5 days we saw a huge difference in his fits etc. Then we really notice when he gets any dairy product because he would have screaming fits all day the next day.
If you need anyone to vent to etc, feel free to email me. Best of luck!

S.

Hello, I hope that this helps, Your son sounds alot like my 4 1/2 year old brother. My folks have had their hands full since he was born but it really has gotten hard over the last three years. He is very kind and loving but when things go south, he turns in to an uncontrollable terror. They have done alot of reading and reasearch and have discovered that his behavior can be helped and somewhat modified by food. Sugar has been the number one factor so far as well as foods adn drinks with red dye. They have limited and/or eliminated sugar all together including sugar subs, and have resorted to sweetening things with honey or other natural sweeteners. They also struggled with the potty training issue, he would be nearly trained and then wanted nothing to do with it. At four he finanlly would go potty but no poo on the toilet. It had to be in his time. I suggested that they give him a time line that had a visual. They bought a large pack of diapers and told him when it is all gone, no more diapers, he would have to poo in the toilet. Amazingly it worked he was fully potty trained shortly after I gave birth to my second in August. I would do a web search, food+behavior+children, and I am sure you'll find so helpful info. Good luck, C.