Help. My 3 Year Old Refuses to Have a BM

Updated on December 14, 2011
K.P. asks from Coventry, RI
13 answers

I really need some advice . My 3 and a half year old daughter absolutely refuses to have have a bowel movement. She has been with holding since she was 13 months old. She has learned how to tighten every single muscle in her little body so as not to have the BM. As you might imagine, after a week of this, she is in agony but still refuses to go. She takes Miralax often and has seen a GI specailaist who recommended that I put her back on whole milk and triple her laxative dose (she drinks soy because cows milk really hurts her belly) We have had many stuggles on teh toilet , she csreams like she is being hurt and its heartbraeking. She wears underwear all day and screams for a diaper when she has to poop but does not always poop when she gets one. I have recently stopped giving in to the diaper demand and that si not working as she is miserable any advise would be helpful she also eats very weel when she does eat, when she is holding for days, she does not eat and cannot even play.

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J.W.

answers from Hartford on

My DD also holds bowel movement for up to a week sometimes.
She is also potty trained but still poops in diapers. I say let her poop in diapers if it gets her to go! Good luck!

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K.F.

answers from Providence on

Dear K.,

The poor little thing! Try taking her totally off dairy products. This means any product with cow's milk in it. Milk, any cheese, butter. She may have a dairy sensitivity. Substitute rice or coconut milk ('So Delicious' brand) Introduce more fiber into her diet, like raisins, oatmeal,or ground flax seeds (about 1/2 a teaspoon). Make sure she gets enough water every day too. As one of the moms mentioned in a prior posting, young children can become dependent on laxatives so proceed with caution on this front. Good luck to you and your little one.

K. F.

I am a work at home mom of 2 former pre-schoolers, now 19 and 17 girls.

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R.C.

answers from Boston on

we have the same problem with my nearly 3 yo, awful, painful constipation that is hindering potty training. I don't know why your GI doc would put you back on whole milk but we have also had our miralax increased and it DOES make a difference, it gets loose enough that they ultimately can't withhold it and there is less pain when it comes out. That being said, a mom on here named Emily recommend a chiro in Peabody that works with kids consitpation- i loved our visit with her yesterday and she recommended we go gluten free for two weeks before letting the GI doc do a biopsy to determine celica, so we're going to give it a try.

I've actually read bad things about giving kids Karo syrup although its the old way of doing things

I would recommend considering seeing this chiro or one like her! good luck, I know it is life consuming and very sad, just keep pushing foward, the only relief we've gotten is because I'm constantly fighting for help and answers! (we've been to four specialistists, one holistic doctor and this is our second chiro!)

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N.C.

answers from Boston on

She might have gluten intolerance / celiac disease. A common symptom is constipation (as well as lactose intolerance).

Just a thought.
N. Clark MS RD

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L.D.

answers from Boston on

This is a major digestive disturbance from a food intolerance, and from what it sounds like it could be the soy. Try goats milk or almond or hemp milk. I would not try cows milk, as this is highly allergenic. If you want more information I am a health counselor and have more suggestions.

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Oh my, triple laxatives in a 3 year old?? -t is so much easier and safer to supplement with Reliv's kids product which helps digestion and absoption of nutrients. It's completely safe and not even required to carry a warning label like kids' meds! -t's delicious and won't be giving her pure sugar like Karo syrup. It may even allow her to have daory products - my friends have a child with 50 food allergies including milk and soy, but now he's fine and eats everything. Another friend has a child whose peanut allergies have been reduced.by 50% and the pedi said to keep it up and she'll be allergy free within a year! These parents will be happy to talk to you too and answer questions! Let me know!

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S.K.

answers from New London on

You should change her diet so that there is absolutely no way she can hold it in! Think about when you have eaten lots of fiber... was it possible for you to hold it in? Probably not.
I would load her up on on soluble fiber. Shredded wheat cereal, dried fruits, fresh plums, peaches and pears. Push lots of water and juice. Continue with the miralax.
Avoid cheeses, oatmeals, bananas and any junk foods as they can bind her up more.
After about a week of successful, but very soft poop, her fears of a difficult BM should ease up. But I would continue to modify her diet for some time to keep things soft and easy.
Good luck,
S.

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K.P.

answers from Dallas on

Hi there, I just came upon your post and although this was some time ago, Im going through the same with my 3 and a half daughter. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you

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J.E.

answers from Boston on

Hi K.,

I had this problem with my now 5 year old son. He held his poops for a long time. I finally brought him to a child psychologist. She helped us figure out some ways to help him. One was to not rush the "no diaper" thing. At this point, let her have the diapers all day and take the pressure off of her having to poop in the potty. Once she is comfortable again with going poops automatically in the potty, you start over with the potty training. It really has to be her idea to potty train. I know it's frustrating but well worth it in the end. My son is fully potty trained now, except for a pull up at night, but still uses Miralax (small dose) daily to keep things flowing. Hope to get off of that soon as I increase his daily fiber intake with foods.

Hope this helps.

J.

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M.S.

answers from Boston on

Hi K.,
Frist, I am so sorry you and your daugther are going thru this. One of my daughthers went thru this same problem last year. It makers potty trainning challenging. However, the good news is that you will get thru it. With my daughter, she used to hold her poop because she was afraid it was going to hurt and just like your daughter did not want to sit in the toilet and held it for days. We used miralax every day consistantly until her poop was very soft. In the begining I gave her the pull up, until she was no longer fearful of hurtung herself while pooping. Then we potty trainned. She was on miralax for a while and this day, if she easy something that is very binding, I will give her a little bit of miralax. I would suggest to concentrate on her fear first and then potty train. Good luck.

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M.C.

answers from Boston on

I don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but Children's hospital in Boston has a whole clinic for this - it's called the Pain and Incontinence Clinic - this has been going on for a long time and you really need to get some help!

Also, I would find her an experienced pediatric chiropractor immediately! Check on www.icpa4kids.org - if you are on the North Shore, Dr. Tgettis in Danvers/Gloucester is amazing. They can realign the spine and it really helps with constipation. At this point, I'm sure she has misalignment from the extended period of time of holding and straining.

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B.M.

answers from Providence on

Hi,

My daughter did the same thing (and still does) from 1 year old one. I ended up having to put her on Polyetholine, which is a powder substance that you mix with their beverages (no taste) which made her bm's loose enough that she was not able to hold it. We tried everything to avoid this (suppositories here and there, fiber filled foods, etc. etc) and this was the only thing to work. She would hold for DAYS on end. Finally when they do go it is so hard and large, it hurts, which makes them not want to go again and the cycle continues. She was on it for about a year and a half and then weaned off. I will say she still does have issues with pooping (specifically this morning for one) but I have come to know the face and body movements and am able to get her to go to the bathroom (not without some serious persuasion and alot of patience, which I am not exactly good with LOL).

Good luck :)

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M.D.

answers from Burlington on

Hi K.,

First of all, I am flabbergasted by the GI specialist who suggested your daughter drink whole milk in spite of the fact that she does not tolerate it.
It doesn't sound like she is purposely holding back the b.m. if she's screaming for a diaper. Maybe she is because it's painful when she goes. Either way, she's obviously constipated.
Definitely no to cow's milk, try removing gluten from her diet, eat plenty of green leafy vegetables - not graina which can cause constipation, a magnesium laxative will move everything out quickly. Add a small amount of magnesium to her diet daily to keep things moving. Oils can help such as lemon-flavored cod liver oil, and flax seed oil. They both contain essential fat acids and the fish oil also contains vitamin D.

Good luck,
: ) Maureen

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