Help - My 4 Yr Old Is Driving Me Nuts!

My advise is to establish that you are the mother. Find a punishment like time out and stick to it every time he acts out. Even if you are in a public place or driving in a car. For instance...my daughter pulled this act for a while and no matter where I was if she acted out in any way I would give her 1 warning to go to the time out room. If she did it 1 more time she went with out question. If we were at a restaraunt or store I would find the closest bathroom and make her sit on he toilet with the door shut for the time of her age in minutes. If we were driving in the car I would pull over and sit her on a park bench and do the same. I only had to do this about 1 month with complete consistency. Now my little sweet pea is the most well behaved child. She knows my word means something and doesn't even try to challenge it. When I say please stop that behavior or their will be a consequence then she stops. It was really quite easy but just about being consistent & firm yet loving & gentle with lots of communication. Good luck!

Hello,
wow guess I am not the only one going crazy lol. I have three boys and my four year old is the youngest and is my hardest of them all. He requires so much attention and when he feels he does not get enough he will misbehave some times in horrible ways. I have gone to bed shaking my head many many of nights not knowing what to do. What I have done however is put him in preschool for 4 hours a day 4 days a week, the break has been very nice for us both.
I think for your boy, for one it may be the new baby, my oldest was three when my second was born and he turned into a little monster for awhile, what I did for that and it worked very well, is I put my newborn to bed at 8 after they both had baths and such. My baby was well fed at bedtime to that way all his needs were cared for and I did not have to worry about being interruped(altho you have to be somewhat flexible), this gave me a whole 30 mintues to spend with my oldest before his bedtime at 8 30. We read stories and talk and sometimes just snuggled. He calmed down after a week of this, its kinda like when a first born comes along the hubby feels left out well its no diff for a first born when the second comes along. Make him feel like he is important to you as an individual.
But also remember its the age too, I worked in a preschool for several years and at this age they are testing their independences and their limits with you, do not back down for anything, just remember what you see now will be better or much worse in ten years. The best advice I can give is tap into his independces, have a sit down with him and go thru the rules and let him pick out consequences( providing they are reasonable work with them. He is likely to follow the rules better if he knows he has to take self responsiblity for his actions. This worked well for my kids.
I hope this helps, for me I just count down the days till he will get a bit older lol but then i ll cry cuz he is not four any more haha can't win.
GOOD LUCK you are not alone!!

L.

Hi!

I can definitely relate to your issue...I am a 23 yr old mother of a 6 yr old and a 21 month old. When my daughter was about 4 or so we had the same problem, NOTHING WORKED!! All of our discipline methods went out the door. I even got so fed up with her I took her down to one of the health clinics in town and asked a counselor there what to do. They sat me down to watch a discipline and behavior video...WHAT A JOKE THAT WAS! Kids are unique, like snowflakes, no 2 will act/react the same. Because of this it is literally a trial and error for discipline. You just have to try everything until you find the one that works.

For us it was trash bags. When time outs quit working too I got irritated and ended up going in and putting all of her stuff in giant trash bags. Then I told her when she learned how to act nicely and respect us that she could have toys and stuff again! I hid the bags with her stuff in our closet. Everytime her behavior would improve for an extended amount of time I would bring some of her stuff back out. She was always so happy to get things back, and have more toys she would try even harder. 2 yrs later she is one of the best behaved children around!!!

I hope you find the thing that works for you and your child...and soon! I know how frustrating that is to have them acting like that. In the meantime just take deap breaths and try everything you can think of, and any advice people give you...you'll find the right one soon:)

Best of luck to you, hang in there!!!

Boy, could I relate to you this morning. MY four year old daughter was being a maniac while getting ready for school this morning. She had "terrible twos" from about 18 months through 3 y.o. She turned four in November, and things have been much better overall - but this morning I was convinced it would take an exorcism - LOL!

Our strategy has been that when she is misbehaving, that she goes to her room. We turned the lock around so she can't come out before we get her. We set the timer, and when we let her come out (assuming she isn't still screaming - we refuse to try to reason with her when she is out of control and not able to listen) and we talk about what she did and how she could make better choices. Sometimes she can draw out the time she is in time-out, but we let her know SHE has the choice and ability to be in time out for 2 min or 15 min...whatever it takes for her.

I know some experts will argue that you shouldn't use their rooms for discipline, but I think those are people who must live in 7 bedroom homes with the ability to "choose" rooms...and that's just not realistic for most of us! The main thing is that she is excluded from the family and fun when she misbehaves - and that is the lesson...that you can't be a part of what everyone else is doing, if you are being disrespectful. The key is not intervening during the time out of they cry, yell, bang on the door....they're just frustrated. Let them be. THe more you engage in disciplining them, the more attention (albeit negative) that you are giving them, and it minimizes your control. Stay calm, firm and consistent!

Good luck - to us BOTH - LOL!

It is not just yOu! I have a 4yr old boy and he thinks he is the boss. he tells his little sister what do and and everything. I think it may be a 4yr old stage, Like suddenly they think they are in charge. I fell your pain...

You can call 1-877-705-KIDS. It is a birth to age 5 helpline that is run by early childhood development specialists. If they don't have an answer for you, they will direct you to someone who does. Its an awesome number and I highly recommend it. The hours are Monday-Friday 8am-8pm and Saturday 10am-2pm. Give it a try and maybe they can help you out!

1-2-3 Magic - Effective discipline for 2-12 years. It's a very easy read. Basic concept is counting 1-2-3 & time-out. No talking/yelling/emotions (like another poster said-that's fueling the flame & giving them more attention) The counting & time-outs are for "stop" behaviors (stuff you want them to stop doing) & "start" behaviors (stuff you want them to start doing) that will take them less than 2 minutes. Time-out can be in their room (cuz it's also a time-out for the parent too). It has worked wonders with my 3 year old. The start behaviors have different methods you can use or combine (such as praise, kitchen timer - "I bet you can beat me dressed"-type thing, etc.) HIGHLY recommend! I'm not a big reader either! Consistency is the key! If you want more info msg me! Let me know how it goes!

When someone gives you some actual "useful" information...will you please let me know? I have a 4 year old girl, and 2 year old girl, who think they are 18 and can do whatever they want, whenever they want! I have tried everything, diciplining them, time out, spanking, taking their tv away, taking their toys away, emptying their entire room, except for their beds, a blanket and a pillow....I still am getting NO WHERE! I wish their was something more I could tell you, but I know how you feel. And to top it off I have a son who will be 1 years old on the 22nd who thinks he's already 4! Hang in there..I'm trying too, also.

Hi J.,
My children are 3 1/2 years apart. It looks like your eldest's independent streak coincides with the birth of your younger son. Do you have him in a preschool program? Also, when your spouse is home you should both separately spend one-on-one time with him while the other watches the baby. I think a lot of this comes from all of a sudden having to share your attention with a brother. I ended up doing things alone with my eldest and telling her that the babies were too young to do things that a big girl like her could do. Also, I always introduced the baby as Elizabeth's baby brother so that she would be aware of where she stood in the family. It helped. Keep him busy and also spend one-on-one time with him. Hope this helps. Good luck!