I've never had to negotiate for a child's surgery, but for my own and even seeing different docs, etc. You have to persevere. You have to figure out what angle will work with this company. the best point is:
"There is only ONE pediatric surgeon in your area and he doesn't even do it full time. You've found someone else in a nearby area who is EXPERIENCED in this procedure. You would like permission to have this other pediatric surgeon and hospital do the procedure and have it be treated as an "IN NETWORK" procedure since you cannot get this exact thing done in your area."
You probably already know this, but when you call and talk to them, make sure and take notes of your conversation. Write down the name of the person talking to you, and their phone number (in case your call gets transferred, etc., you want to know how to reach them again.) Make sure they are the one or their department is the right department for making this kind of determination. Ask what is required to have this approved to be "In Network" at St. Vincents. (They may need a request in writing, for instance. Or they may need your pediatrician to send a letter....He could say he recommends you go to st. Vincent's for their procedure has a higher success rate or something. --whatever the points are for having it done by that surgeon at St. Vincent's, he could mention this.) And don't worry- your doctor's office will do that. I am a transcriptionist and I type letters sometimes for doctor's offices...getting them to do it quickly is another matter...but they will do it.)
OK--If you've checked out all the requirements and dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's, and they STILL say no--it will be out of network- find out how much out of network pays. You can find out approximate surgeon costs and approximate hospital costs from the surgeon and from St. Vincents, but know that there are OTHER costs to surgery, like radiologist, anesthesiologist, lab work, etc. It could be they'll treat as out-of-network and it's 70% and in network would be 80% and it's not that much difference... and you and your husband decide to just go ahead and foot the bill for the difference. Or it could be a substantial amount, like out of network is 50% and in network is 90% or something like that. It's a decision you have to make. However, if you reach that point, you can also talk to St. Vincent's and ask if they have payment plans and explain the situation. They may even give you a discounted rate because your insurance won't consider them to be in network. Likewise the surgeon. You won't have as much luck with the anesthesiologist and radiologist in this regard, but possible.
On the other hand, you may be able to get the insurance company to consider it in-network and you'd get the same coverage as if you had it done at home.
Good luck! I hope it works out best for you and your daughter. I'd go where I'd feel more comfortable about her care...like you seem to feel with St. Vincent's.
My first pregnancy was complicated by toxemia and I required a high-risk OB for my second pregnancy. The insurance didn't want to pay the difference. (I had 22 prenatal visits) My OB was wonderful- said don't worry about the difference...if you can get them to pay- fine, but he didn't want us to have to pay it. They FINALLY paid the difference, when my daughter was 22 months old. Took some time, but perseverence does pay off, at least sometimes. :)