Help!!! Overeager Librarian Ruins My Kindergarteners First Day of School!

S. -

I had a similar issue with my daughter last year. We also had an issue on the first day of school and I thought the same thing I did not want her labled by all the teachers.

My recommendation is to do exactly what you are doing - go and talk to the librarian directly. If you do not feel that you receive resolution than I recommend talking to the principal. We ended up meeting with the principal, counselor, and my daughters teacher last year it was very stressful but we got resolution. I think that it helps for the teachers and administrators to see that you are an interested parent not one who just sits by and lets them do whatever they want. My daughter ended up having a great year!

Good Luck!

First, let me say I am so sorry to hear that happened to your daughter. My son just started 1st grade and I can totally relate to your situation. Last year was hell for him. His first two weeks of school he had a little trouble adjusting to the routinne, since it is very different than the routine that they have at his daycare. He got his "color" chaged daily and he got very discouraged and began to get in trouble for just stupid stuff. We had MANY meetings with the teacher and I emailed her daily to check on his progress. It was as if he was marked to be the trouble kid from the beginning and she was constantly getting on to him about things that were not worth it. In the end we saw a counselor and consulted our pediatrician and concluded that the teacher just disliked him and that he was not actually as "bad" as she made it sound. So my advice is stop it now, put your foot down and closely monitor how she is treated from this point on. Ty's kindergarten year was awful because of a teacher and we are now working on making him "like" school again. Dont make the same mistake I did, believe her and defend her or they will walk all over you. Best of Luck to you. God Bless

Be carful how you address the librarian. Many teachers believe parents do not support them and always take the childs side with out knowing the whole story. Your child will be the one to suffer from you going in up set and talking to the librarian....find out the whole story. Try and place your self in her shoes. All the different children and personalities and thier parents. Good luck. The real world is not fair. This is just a lesson in life. Your daughter will be okey.

S. -

First, I'm really sorry that this happened to your daughter. However, I'm not sure I would approach it the same way you are. For one thing, I don't think one incident like this will label your daughter as a troublemaker. And stuff like this happens...I am sure I have made mistakes with my own two children where I misinterpreted what I saw or heard. Having spoken to several teachers over time, I suspect that you will risk labeling yourself as an unsupportive mom who will always side with your child and not the teacher if you go in all upset about this after the first day. The teachers, in general, have a really hard time maintaining discipline in the classroom, and one of their biggest issues is parents who will never believe that their child did anything wrong. I believe you that you know your daughter and she probably told you the truth, but my point is that the librarian doesn't know either of you.

My suggestion? Let your daughter know that you believe her. Tell her that the librarian probably made an honest mistake, and that you're very sorry it happened. You can even tell her that the librarian probably didn't mean to make a mistake like that and would probably be sorry if she realized that she had (in other words, the librarian is not necessarily a Mean Lady). Let your daughter know that life sometimes isn't fair. Let her know that she did the right thing by telling you, that you're there for her, and that if problems continue you will talk to the librarian. And also let her know that, even if the librarian makes a mistake, she is still in authority and should be obeyed. I know that is hard to tell her, and a hard lesson for her to learn, but it will help her to NOT be labeled a troublemaker if she learns to respect authority even when she believes they are wrong...after all, many times she will be the one that is mistaken due simply to her inexperience.

And then, talk about the good times she had at school and encourage your daughter to go back and enjoy it.

Note: I'm not saying to never talk to the librarian about it. Maybe in a few days it can be mentioned. And PARTICULARLY if there are continuing problems, of course go to talk to her (and, if that doesn't work, talk to her supervisor). But if the librarian feels immediately attacked over one single incident on the first day of school, that could create a LOT more problems than it is worth.

Hi S.! It's amazing how much we can hurt inside for our children. Here's my advice (and I still have younger children than you, so feel free to go a different direction!). I think it is a good step to talk to the librarian and teacher so that they know your daughter feels uncomfortable now, and also so that your daughter knows how much you care. I also think it's important, though, to start teaching your daughter that even though you believe, support, and love her, unfortunately things will not always go her way. It is important that she knows you are concerned and are on her side, but at the same time, she has to respect authority EVEN if they are wrong!! (I was raised in a military family, so I know that!! ha!). My husband is a H.S. teacher, and he feels that far too often the parents side with their children even in cases where the child isn't being completely honest (and I'm not saying that is the case with your daughter!). I also don't think it's healthy to completely side with the teacher! I would just use this as an opportunity to teach your daughter that she has to believe in herself. It truly does not matter what the teacher or other kids think if she has confidence in herself (which comes from your love which I can already see you give her).

Anyway... not sure if that helps. Some other parents who have been in the same position are sure to give you some good feedback!

~ A. -- mother of 2 girls, 3 years and 6 months, and happily married to a wonderful man for 5 years!

Definitely HARSH! Perhaps it was her first day also? In my experience, go in with an open-mind and not angry or upset - though I know it must be killing you to think of your baby being treated this way. Let her know how upset your daughter is and you want her to enjoy the library, not dread it. The libraian may have a whole other perspective and hopefully she was not as hateful as it appears, though any discipline to a young child on the first day is ignorant. If an understanding cannot be reached - definitely take it up with the principle as you don't want your child to be singled out.

Let us know how it goes and good luck.

T.

I used to teach school. I think that the librarian may have overreacted by taking her clip away on the 1st day, but you should hear her side of the story, too. I wouldn't talk to the actual teacher unless she was there because at this point your daughter was under the librarian's supervision.

Good luck today! Hope your daughter feels better.

First of all that librian has no right to make your daughter cry much less tell her she's a liar.....Talk about being just plain rude and mean. I would also tell her under no terms is she allowed to do that to her. If she has a problem with your daughter then le the teacher know so that the teacher can let you know abd ya'll can handle the proble. I'm sorry this went awful for her. I know that when there in school we need to let the teachers do there job but I think sometimes they go to far in telling the kids what went wrong. I know that that happened to me when I was in school and it was very tramatic for me.Just ell her what you feel and that as a parent you will "correct" the problem.Good luck in the meeting and let us know what happens today....D.

That is terrible, my daughter started K on Mon. also and I would be devastated if that happened to her. I would def. talk to the lib. I can't believe they started discipline like that the 1st day, that's a bit much, they are in a new environment and are learning new ways to do things and they should not be repremanded so harshly. Good luck at your meeting and let us know what happened!!

This makes me mad. You can not accuse children of lying when you are not sure. I would give her a piece of my mind but start with her boss. G. W

As a former school librarian, this broke my heart! I was always so excited to see my new kindergarteners, and realized what a huge responsibility I had in shaping their views not just about school but about reading and libraries. I am so very sorry for your sweet daughter! When you go in, be calm. Try not to be defensive but ready to work as a team with the librarian to make the school year a happy one. She is already stressed that a new parent wants to meet with her already and will probably be a bit defensive herself. You both will get much farther if you can work together. One more thing-- I know you trust your daughter but there is always a chance that she did put the book on the floor herself and she is not being honest with you-- the librarian may actually have seen her do this-- be prepared for this, too.
Good luck!
A.

Reward clips taken away on the first day. That is not good. They should let the children have time to adapt before the whole reward system. That is to much presure. Explain to them the nap at daycare and maybe they will understand. Also explain that your daughter is not a liar and you want to know what they will do to make her feel more comfortable. If youare not completely satisified with the answers youa re getting. Go to the principal. Make sure they know that you will stand up for your kid.

Thats too bad, first days are usually rough and at least one thing usually goes wrong. I'm not saying that the librarian is right, but give her a chance to explain the situation before you assume the worst. If your kiddo is that tired she may have unintentionally exaggerated the problem or gotten a little crabby and could have been showing a little of the tension of starting a school and not being at her best. The librarian (who is considered a teacher) in the school may have taken it a step to far, but find out her side first. I think you are right to go in and speak to her...if you aren't satisfied go to the principal. There is nothing wrong with being a concerned and involved parent and letting the staff know that you expect then to be fair and consistent. Good luck! A.

Yikes! I would definitely talk to the teacher and librarian. Not as an angry parent but as a concerned one.

I remember when I was in about 3rd grade we were in music class sitting on the floor and I turned around to see a little spider on the girls dress next to me. I jumped up and for that I had to walk to the front of the room IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS and sign "the blue book" (behavior tool from 1983, lol) I was devestated. It was the first time I had been in trouble and I was quite upset. I was told I should have raised my hand and alerted the teacher that way instead of my instant reaction of jumping up. Still remember that her name was Mrs. Lawrence.

Another time we all had instruments we were supposed to play at a certain time during a song. We were told a million times to be ready to play our part on time.... so I was holding my sandpaper blocks close together to wait for my cue. Someone behind me tapped my shoulder and when I turned around my blocks scraped OUT OF TURN and I had to walk to the front of the class, give up my instrument and sit out the rest of the class. I'm pretty sure those were the only 2 times I got in trouble in elementary school.

Point is........ unfair things are going to happen and I wouldn't get too ruffled that she will be labeled a troublemaker already. Most likely the teacher is trying to ensure that on her first day she is in control of the classroom from wild kids that misbehave. She was probably nervous for the first day of school too! Let the first few weeks play out and see what happens. Keep your eyes and ears open but don't get too upset just yet.

And hey, at least 25 years later they're taking away clips instead of resorting to humiliation tactics. Maybe there is progress after all.... :o)

~ t

I taught Kinder before I had my little boy and will give you my opinion. I think there are several things to consider here. First of all, taking a clip away on the very first day of school is a little much. I can understand how that was devastating to your daughter, and for the teacher to accuse her of "lying" - actually using those words - can hurt a more sensitive child. I feel bad for her that this happened. But, let's turn it around and think from the teacher's point of view. It's very possible that she wasn't in a good mood, wasn't having a good day, or just was trying to exert her authority from day 1 to make a point to all the students. I know "not being in a good mood" is no excuse, but everyone has their own issues going on that most of us don't know about - I mean, she could be sick, her husband may have lost a job, etc. etc.

All of that to say, when you meet with her, with it being so early in the school year, I think your best method is to be kind, friendly, but direct and to the point. Listen to her talk, but be firm in your opinions about the situation, explaining how this is her first time at school, how the "lying" statement hurt her feelings, and let her know you'd appreciate it if she would take a more sensitive, but fair approach with your daughter should something happen again. Let your daughter know you met with the teacher, but do not make out to your daughter that the teacher was "bad, wrong, stupid" because that will further skew her view of the entire school setting. I would say that all adults make mistakes and that the teacher was not trying to be mean to her.

Good luck!

I would be pretty upset about this. It is the 1st day of Kindergarten after all, and one bad experience like that can ruin a really important day for your child. The librarian should not have been so harsh. What school district are you in?

Just approach the librarian in a casual manner- no accusations. Tell her your daughter was upset by an incident that happened with her on the very first day of school and you wanted to hear her version, which may be way different than what your daughter told you. Try not to approach the principal unless absolutely necessary. It's always best to try to work it out with the person directly involved.

By the way, is it possible that she accidentally pushed the book to the floor when she was stretching her arms and the teacher misinterpreted it?

About taking the clips:
It was terrible for her to take the clips since she was disciplining the wrong child. However, if the teacher had disciplined the right kid (the boy who threw the book), then I think it would have been appropriate to take his clip. A kid who throws a book on the first day needs to be set straight pretty quickly.

Good luck with your meeting.