My 5 yr old son is driving me crazy!! He does not listen. He leaves a disasterous mess everywhere he goes and absolutely refuses to pick up a thing. He lies. When he is full of enery he gets really wild and is not respectful of other people's space and body. He whines,cries and throws tantrums instantly over even the tiniest of things. I have tried every avenue of educating him and helping him manage his emotions but to no avail. Please, any ideas? In spite of all my complaints about him, he is such an awesome kid. He is so loving and thoughtful and I love him to death. I just can't take his bad behavior anymore. It has been going on way too long without any improvement. I must be missing something.
Thanks for all the great responses. I have tried most of the suggestions but I am glad to hear that this is somewhat normal and probably just a phase. I know that I could certainly give him more attention. This all started since the beginning of school. Kindergarten is a big change for him and I started working again at the same time. So, we are all probably still adjusting. One thing that I did not mention is that my son is a highly sensitive child. This has promoted other issues that may contribute a bit to his behavior. I thank each of you for your thoughts and ideas and you have given me some good suggestions. I never thought about the food dyes. I will have to look into that one.
I highly recommend 1-2-3 Magic. You can by the book or the DVD. It is implemented in the schools here, including preschool and the special school for the handicapped. I have done it on my children with great success. Key is you have to be consistent - whatever the discipline is - be consistent.
Good luck!
It sounds like both of you children need some non aggressive redirection. Set up two places in your home for this. One is a time out chair, where they can hear what's going on but can't see and the other is a wall or door where they can put their noses on. When daughter starts to push brothers buttons, she has a choice on one or the other and there she must stay without talking or turning around for about 8 minutes (because of her age, the older she gets increase the time by 1 minute)and the same goes for your son, but he gets only 5 minutes. If he disrespects someone or something, either the chair or the door/wall. Now for him not picking his things up, give him a choice, either he picks up or he'll loose his belongings. Put toys, books, clothes into a box and put them on the top shelf of your closet or somewhere he can't get to them. When he's lost all of his toys, explain to him that they are tired of being disrespected and abused and that when he learns to respect his belongings then he'll get them back. Don't give in either. Now for his throwing of temper tantrums, send him to his room and tell him that he can throw them in there because you don't want to hear them anymore and when he's through, then he can come out with the rest of the family. These are some of the things that you can do at home (time tested in this house and they do work).
Now if your son is going to a preschool of some kind, have them test him for things like ADD and ADHD. The reason that I say this is because I have two sons who's behavior was about this same way and after testing and getting them to a psychirtrist, who reviewed the results, said that they were ADHA and ADD respectfully (older son is ADHD).
There is no quick fix and no easy way of doing it either, but you need to do something before you need a very long vacation away from both. Not only have they learned to push each others buttons, but they're starting to learn how to push yours as well.
I deal with very similar issues. Try this: Reduce the stimulation (Turn off the TV, remove 1/2 of his toys and hide them in a garbage bag somewhere, and no candy/sugar). Also, he needs more time with YOU (Play with him, lay down with him, turn off your computer and just do things together with him, ask him to show you what he can do, and sit still listening to him). Remember to praise him when you like what he's doing.
When we have trouble with behavior issues, We have to change the way we act as parents, which can be hard, but it's possible. Each child has different needs, try not to compare him to other children. ...Good luck, you can do it.
Hi H.! I'm so sorry you are going through this! I agree with the poster that mentioned food dyes. They can cause a whole host of behavioural problems. Other things you can do are cutting out sugar, testing for wheat or dairy sensitivity and having him tested for blood sugar problems.
From what you are describing it really seems like a diet or blood sugar issue. Alot of behaviours can be reversed with diet change.
Also, fish oil supplements are fabulous for improving moods! The brain needs Omega 3's to function properly. Try Nordic Naturals strawberry flavoured capsules for kids.
I really believe that just cutting out sugar alone would help you get your loving boy back again!
Blessings on you and your family!
I have two boys, 9 and 12, both of whom have gone through some of this. I agree with everyone who suggested adequate sleep and exercise and cutting down on, if not eliminating, dyes and artificial flavors and sweetners. If he likes TV and video games I would also cut down on that and significantly limit that. We have done that with our 9 year old and noticed a big difference in his behavior. Finally, I would ask your pediatrician for a referral and have him evaluated by a behavorial pecialist. Both of my boys had sensory issues and went through OT for sensory integration. Your son could just be a rambunctious boy who needs some adjustments in his life or he may need some sort of therapy for sensory issues, ADHD or something else. It isn't easy to work on these issues, but there is hope! Good luck, H..
H., my son just turned 7 and I wanted to give him away when he was 5. He was THE SAME. We spent a lot of energy on correcting everything. Not much worked - a lot he had to grow out of. If I went back to that time to do anything differently, I would 1)Make sure he gets enough sleep. 2) Expect less... he is a 5 year old boy. They are not know for manners or cleanliness, no matter what we expect. And we expect a lot these days. and 3) I would make sure he got more outdoor "running" exercise. Just this summer we discovered that he LOVES to run. When he is particularly "cooped up" or just being a pain, he usually needs to expend some of that boundless energy. If my husband is home I ask him to take our son out for a run - maybe around the block. He loves it and comes home tired and in better spirits. You don't have to do that, but any energy expending outdoor activities or sports may help.
Good luck and lower your expectations!
T.
It sounds old fashioned these days, but good discipline is so essential -- and so exhausting for the parent sometimes! Our kids are 6 and 4. We have a time out chair, and fighting with a sibling or saying "no" to mommy and daddy when we ask them to do something gets them 5 minutes in the chair. We ask them to "think about it" while they're on the chair. When the kitchen timer goes off, we ask them what they thought about. This gives them an opportunity to say, "I'll pick up my mess now" or whatever it is they're supposed to do. If they aren't ready to get with the program, they go back on the chair and think about it some more until they are! Pretty quickly they figure out they should just cooperate because sitting in the chair is so boring! If the kids are fighting, we will separate them with one on the chair and one on the step of our stairs. We say that playing together is a privelege, and if they want to play together, they have to get along and be nice. If they don't play nice, they can't play together. The separation gives them a few minutes to cool down, and they usually forget what it was they were fighting about, and they want to start playing again. Anyway, hope these tips help.
This may sound a little farfetched, but try taking anything with red or purple (and sometimes blue) dye out of his diet. You wouldn't believe how much red dye affects their behavior (RED + blue = purple) and how much kid food has that dye in it! That means any red or purple Kool Aid, fruit snacks, fruit roll ups, suckers, licorice, candy......just keep your eyes open. Hope that helps =)
My advice is to read a book called "Parenting with Love & Logic". It is excellent in getting your kids to do what you want - while also fulfilling their need to feel in control. You'll love it!!! It really works!!
Join the club! From what I am experiencing and have heard from other mothers, THIS IS NORMAL, as horrifying as it may be. Some tips I have gathered is to 1) feed him often, 2) make sure he gets plenty of exercise, 3) make sure he gets plenty of sleep, and 4) have specific rules and realistic expectations (i.e. clean up after yourself, obey right away, etc.) with consequences for breaking them, and be consistent in your enforcement of them. It's not easy and things won't change overnight, but it helps.
It's REALLY hard for us to balance #2 and 3, especially in the winter, but we're doing our best. I'm thinking about putting him in karate lessons after the holidays to help him get his energy out in a positive way, and give him an opportunity to learn about self-discipline and obedience from another source (what we say seems to go in one ear and out the other).
My friend and I have also set up a weekly play date for our rambunctious boys. It's only about an hour but they both look forward to it and they play hard.
It sounds to me that you may have an autistic child. My granddaughter is very slightly austic and has several of the same behaviors that you describe. There are degrees of autisim and it doesn't always manifest like we see in the movies. Have your doctor see about testing and gather as much information as you can. My granddaughter also has ADD and ODD her behavior can become really impossible if she gets any MSG in her diet.
Good luck with him. But get him tested if your doctor won't help then contact social services and the school system.
