My daughter is 21 months and started pulling hair and hitting about 3 weeks ago. She cycles between good and bad days at daycare. There doesn't appear to be a pattern. Her daycare report today reflected a difficult day...lots of hitting and hair-pulling. We're using time-outs at home and that seems to be working. I talked to her daycare teacher to make sure we're using consistent methods. She sits by herself for wagon rides to the park because she's so aggressive with the others. Any suggestions? How long will this last? It's very distressing and I hope she moves beyond this phase quicky. I almost can't believe this is my child acting out so terribly!
There's a great book called "Hands are not for hitting" and it talks about all the uses for our hands: shaking hands, waving hello, brushing teeth, etc. When my daughter was the same age as yours it became an issue, and now at age 2 she understands and hitting is no longer an issue. She loves to read this book still, and talk about other ways to use her hands. Perhaps this will be a good solution for your daughter, too.
Maybe try having more alone time with the older child (while your husband takes care of the baby...or get a sitter and go out with the 3 of you). She may be feeling like the new baby is taking her place and since she doesn't know how to express her feelings, she responds by acting out. My sister recommended a book to me that taught children how to handle their feelings by expressing it in a color? I don't know the name of it, but a bookstore might know...hope this helps and good luck!:)
Time outs won't work with a two year old who is angry and frustrated C.. Her world is difficult right now... day care every day and a new brother to boot. Kids don't like transitions at this age and they don't respond to time outs or discipline (riding in the wagon alone). What she really needs is more time at home and with her family.
Is there nothing that can be done to give her a break from the pressures of day care? How much time at home does she get each week? I would suggest that you give consideration to the real life experience your daughter must be having... it sounds like the safety of home is not translated to her Monday-Friday experience.
Actually, it sounds like she hates daycare. A new day care or a chance to stay home for a while will calm her down and help her through this stage. She'll only be a toddler once... is there no way to make this a fun, happy time for her?
I'm sure it's hard when it's YOUR child that's the hitter and the biter. I would bet it's her age. It's sounds like every other kid I've known around that age. As long as you and your daycare are on the same page chances are she'll grow out of it in a few months.
My guess would be it is related to the 4 month old. We have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. And our two year old started acting out as well. They want your attention even if it is negative. I would try to make sure you get lots of one on one time at home. We have just made sure to each get in one on one time with her. And to have her help as much with the baby. It is slowly getting better. And the time outs helped us too with the aggression. So maybe she acts out at daycare to get as much attention as possible. Or maybe it is related to how much time she got with you and your husband that morning. But I would say it is most likely related to the new baby.
Sounds like this might be a case of trying to get attention by acting out. My sister in law is going thru the same thing since her youngest was born. I know she handles it on a case by case event and rather than yelling she has found sitting & talking with him one on one has worked so much. Keep your chin up I am sure she will grow out of it.
You were right-on to describe it as "cycling." Set boundaries and be firm... Catch her being good as often as possible - tell her how proud you are of her for acting like a big-girl. Put a sticker on her shirt (or a washable stamp on the back of her hand) at transition times when she behaved appropriately. Be sure to tell everyone what the stickers/stamp means so they can really cheer her on for being good too! If she doesn't get a sticker remind her of behaviors and that she will get a sticker at the next transition time (usually around snack/lunch times) if she is gentle with her friends/baby. You can even set timers - can earn a star or stamp every hour, etc. HUGS are great a reinforcement too! I hope her daycare provider is a hugger! Also, as long as the time-outs are consistent, immediate and clear (nothing else attached like losing something later in the day) this should settle down withing the next few days. Children at this age cannot comprehend losing a story at bedtime if they pulled their friends hair at the park after lunch. I noticed with my son - if we were consistent and talked about why he had to go to time out as we put him in time out and when it ended ('say sorry for hitting/kicking/pulling hair/etc and give hug to her/him/mommy/daddy,etc.') - the behavior would slowly disappear within 2-3 weeks or sooner. It's as if children test and retest boundaries - ebbs and flows as they get older.
GOOD LUCK!!
