My son is almost 16 months now and we have been co-sleeping since he was born. We're expecting #2 in Oct when my son will be just over 20 months and need to get him into his own bed before the new baby comes. I have no idea how to do this! I'm very against crying it out so thats not an option. The only idea that I have is to move the mattress from our guest room into his room and do it gradually with my husband and I sleeping with him on the mattress in his room, then me moving back to our room and my husband staying with him (my son sometimes still wants to nurse to sleep when he wakes up, but will go back to sleep fine if I'm not there). Then my husband sleeping on the mattress and my son in his crib until he's used to it and then finally my husband coming back to our bed. Has anyone else tried something like this? Or did you find something else that worked? My other question is would it be ok to just get him his own bed instead of trying to get him to sleep in his crib? I think it might be an easier transition that way and he does fine getting out of lower beds by himself... he just might not be able to get back in by himself. Any advice or ideas would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks :)
Good for you for co-sleeping! We did the family bed for both our sons and there seemed to be a natural "self-weaning" time right around 2 1/2 yo. Maybe when the other baby comes he will want to sleep in his big boy bed! Make a big deal out of his own toddler bed this summer and you'll find he will probably be ready!
At that age I would go directly to a bed with a side rail. That gives you the crib for the new baby. I like the side rail for my own sanity so I know he won't fall out. When we first moved ours to a "big kid" bed, I didn't use the bed frame, just put the springs on the floor so they wouldn't have so far to fall. I also sprang for "fancy" sheets: Bob the Builder for my sons and Disney Princess for my daughter. It made it fun to "put your head on Bob." Also, (as an avid cosleeper) I found it easiest to lay on the bed with them until they fell asleep. I have to take a little alarm with me so that I get up and get into my own bed later. As they got older, I set the alarm for 10-20 minutes for "snuggle time" and when it goes off, I get up. Yes, it's a lot of work, but I feel right about it for my family. Good luck.
We didn't co-sleep with my son, but he always had a hard time sleeping through the night. We finally had sucess by me going in to lay with him when he woke up at night, then laying at the foot of his bed, then just sitting by his door. Took about 2 months to get it all done. Now he sleeps through the night with no problems (only the occasional bad dream). This was in a real bed with a rail -- which he got when he was just a bit older than your son. I don't see any reason to transition to a crib at this point.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you talk to your son about it and avoid putting it in terms of "because the baby is coming" since that could create a bit of resentment.
The best thing you can do is put him straight into his own bed. Make it a huge deal, let him pick out his own sheets and make it a big boy bed. I got twin beds for both of my kids and put them in it at 18 mos and they did beautifully!!! They were so excited. I got a bedrail and it gave them more security.
Unfortuately hearing you say with a a toddler now and you don't do "crying it out" I am confused. What do you do when he pitches a fit? I would assume you don't give in or coddle him then. It is a transition to move into his own bed but he will handle it much better if you just make a plan and stick with it. He will be looking to you for reassurance this change is a good thing, if he sees you stressed or caving in then it will backfire. I don't think letting him scream for an hour is productive, however he may cry, you need to be tough and stick firm or each time he cries hard enough he will assume you will just give in, that goes with a number of things. At his age he will be getting much more peaceful sleep out of your bed!!! You and your husband deserve to have your own private place.
I never did crying it out until my kids were one year old, after that it can just become a power struggle and running in and picking them up, or rocking them or nursing them to sleep is so counterproductive for them and confusing. I would make sure there was nothing major wrong, did our routine, walked out of the room. I did not go back in until the 15 minute mark then made those increments longer, however I didn't have to even do it more then a few days if we had problems.
Toddlers don't always get their way and they get mad or upset. It isn't being a bad parent sticking to your guns and it will be a process, not overnight but you cannot give in either.
Start at naps and lay him down, get the room like he likes it, help you decorate it or whatever. Get a chart down so he gets a smiley for every big boy night he has.
Start even with a mattress on his floor, lay there, read, snuggle and empower him. But walk out after exchanging good nights. He will be fine. Put a baby gate on the room if you are concerned about him getting up. Sleeping on his own is a gift you will be giving him and doing all this now before the changes of a new baby will help everyone. He should not be nursing to sleep or needing you or your husband in the room to sleep, that is so hard on them and the best thing is just to decide to do it and stick with it, he will adjust quicker then you think.
You should think about weaning him now too or that is going to cause you a different set of heartaches as newborns need the breast milk but at your son's age he doesn't really and if he is using you to fall asleep he has no idea how to self soothe, you would be doing him a great service to help him wean now. When the baby is born he won't and that is going to be confusing for him.
Hi there,
Here is an idea. Why not put a toddler bed in your room? He can sleep there as long as he needs too. He will still feel like part of the family, all in the same room. You don't have to move him out of the room, just into his own little bed. Just an idea.
I don't have any personal experience with this issue as we only have one child (9 months old), but most of my friends have two or more children and I will say that while some kids have no issues welcoming in a new family member, for others, it can be quite traumatic. If he's used to sleeping with you guys and gets sent off to his own room, only to see the new baby being able to sleep with you - that might be hard for him.
It may be that you either have to get more aggressive (ie.e make the transition more quickly) than you'd like so that you have him sleeping in his own room for several months before the baby comes (as well as weaned, like another poster says) so that he has forgotten he used to sleep with you. Otherwise, if you don't make the transition until closer to October when the new baby is born, it might be unfair.
But I think everyone is right about skipping the crib. Invest in a full or queen-sized mattress so that you can lye down next to him and read him books in bed in the years to come. Decide wether or not you want to put his new mattress in your own room - that may be the perfect solution, or it may be that he can't sleep as well with the baby getting up to nurse frequently. If you already know he's a pretty light sleeper (our son is!), you may want to get pretty focused on making his "big boy room" a fun place (soon!) for him to sleep.
Also - does he have a "lovey"? We chose a bunny we knew our son already liked and made it extra special by getting excited ourselves every time we saw the bunny and we played games with the bunny, etc and our son bonded really quickly with it. Now, it's his special "lovey" and he grabs on to it should he wake in the middle of the night and is usually able to put himself back to sleep, knowing bunny is close by.
Anyhow... good luck! I'm sure you'll figure it all out!
How do we make the change?
Which approach is best for you will depend on your reasons for making the change, your child’s personality, and the size of his room. Here are a few options:
Big-kid bed hoopla
Some children enjoy having an official Big Kid Day party. Set up the bed, decorate the room and add a few sleep-related gifts like books and stuffed animals.
The gradual introduction
Set up the new bed in the same room. Allow your child to play on the bed and nap there. Do your bedtime reading in the new bed. This will help your child get used to the bed gradually.
Patience and encouragement
No matter which path you choose - be patient. Big steps toward growth often happen in spurts, and your child may be excited to welcome the change one day, but wary of it the next. Maintain your nightly bedtime routine and help your child develop a positive association with his new bed, since he’ll be sleeping there for many years to come.
This article is a copyrighted excerpt from The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley (McGraw-Hill, 2005)
C. M., CBE, CLD
www.westsidebirthconnection.com
For what it's worth, here's how we did it - we went from my daughter in our bed to her on a futon beside our bed. One of us would lay down with her to help her get to sleep. Then we started laying down with her but getting up before she was all the way asleep. (Unless we got too warm and cozy snuggled up to her - I spent more than one unintentional night on the floor.) Then we moved the futon away from the bed, but still in our room. Then we moved the futon into her room across the hall. Finally, we put the futon away and put her in her low bed. We did this over 3-4 months.Dealing with her if she did wake up and need attention became my husband's job over the course of this process, because like you, I had one on the way, and needed her to be less dependent on me. With patience and time, this did work for us.
An interesting thing has happened since then. When we were in the process of getting her little brother out of our bed a few years later, Moira stepped in and became her brother's "sleep buddy" while he was in the futon stage. She told him about when she left our bed, and said she would help him learn to sleep in his own bed. I was amazed that she seemed to remember the process so well. This is a big deal for the little ones.
I'm not sure about transitioning, but I'd go straight to a bed. Why add in an unnecessary transition? Our boys were both in a bed by about 18 months. We didn't do side guards with either one and they were just fine. I don't remember there being any issue. Our second totally thought his bed was cool and couldn't wait to sleep in it. Our first didn't really care, but didn't fight it, either. GL!
Our pediatrician told me that if my daughter was not in a crib by 18 months, there was no point in putting her in one. There are guard rails for sale (got ours at Target) that help keep them in bed.
The only advice I have is to be consistent. If he knows when you will flake, he'll get to that point every day. There will be some crying, but crying it out and some tears are totally different.
Good luck!
It can be quite a challenge. We first put our son's bed right up against the foot of our bed ~ he knew we were 'right there' and adjusted to that fairly easily. We found that through the day focusing on "What a big boy you are now" with lots of little accomplishments helped to lay the groundwork for moving into his own room/bed. I will bet he would be thrilled to pick out a "big boy" bed and make the transistion, perhaps as something kinda interesting to explore ~ 'shall we find out how nice it feels' - or something of that nature - to get his imagination stirring into positive scenarios - that way it might be simpler to help him want to go to his own bed/room.
My son was about 18 months when we moved him out of our bed. We started with a toddler bed in our room. He had a playpen crib which I usually had put him in for part of the night so he hadn't acutally been in our bed the whole time but in our room. After he got used to the toddler bed in our room we moved it to his new room. We did have a few nights where we had to lay by him but eventually I just put a gate by his door so he couldn't come out and he would lay down and go to sleep. Each child is so different when it comes to their sleep needs but I would definetly recommend going straight to the toddler bed since your new one is going to need the crib in a few months. Good Luck to you.
