Help Us Please!!!

Is he teething? This can be very uncomfortable for children and can really impact thier behavior. I would try tylenol, motrin, teething tablets, a teething necklace, or anything to make him more comfortable. It seems to me that he is either in pain or having some serious seaperation problems.

Hi S.,
I would not ignore your childs screams. I would exhaust all possibilities.... are there food allergies, is there an ear infection, are his clothes bothering him (some babies really are sensitive to synthetic materials), look for anything.

In addition, some babies JUST want to be near mom and dad. They NEED that reassurance that mom and dad are near. Why do anything that would make your little guy think mommy or daddy won't help me.

Also, when my daughter was 11 months old she went through a TERRIBLE month of TERRIBLE sleep. Which is really saying something because she was never a good sleeper. She too was waking up every 2 hours all night long. Come to find out, she GREW 1.5 inches in 2 months!!!!! My OB told me that there was a study done to examine how kids grow. Do they grow over a long period of time, or in big short bursts. They found, more often it is big short bursts. So, LITERALLY they can grow up to 1/4 inch OVER NIGHT!!! If MY body was stretching out like that while I was trying to sleep, I think I would have issues as well.

So, it literally could just be a growth spurt.

As I said, my daughter has never been a good sleeper. She was never one to just passively lie in her pack-n-play during the day and watch the mobile. She is a higly active, must be involved, sleep is for the weak kind of kid. Our first year was tough. But, I continued to gently show her night time is for sleeping, continued to meet her needs, and reassure her that I was there for her. I would do various things to help her get back to sleep after changing the wet diaper, or feeding her if she needed it. Now, at 16 months we are really turning a corner and getting into a GREAT sleep pattern.

Not all babies sleep through the night at the same age. And in my opinion, anyone who says differently is just trying to push kids into some kind of cookie cutter mold. All kids are different. All PEOPLE are different. My husband requires different amounts of sleep then I do...so how can I think that my daughter should be 'just like me'. In addition, I've had 35 years to learn how to put myself back to sleep, to learn what helps me relax and what does not. Our kids do not come equipped with these skills. We have to teach them. I, for one, do not like to cry myself to sleep, so that is not a skill I teach my daughter.

Be patient. Be gentle. This too shall pass.

Hmm, I'm a newbie to parenting, but besides the advice you already received about making sure there is nothing medically wrong, I'm wondering if your 1-year-old is on a routine or not. The best book I ever read of kid stuff is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby." It's written by a doctor who has done extensive research on kids' sleep patterns. It's amazing how much being tired can affect a child's whole attitude, frustration level, emotions, etc. Well, I guess it's not so amazing considering that when I'm overtired I want to cry too!

Anyway, if you don't already have your little boy on a schedule, I'd try it. Not only will it help with training him in proper sleep habits, but it will also give him a sense of security - of knowing what's comng next. As human beings, we all crave routines and need structure (differing levels for all of us) to feel good.

Try to pick up that book at the library or purchase it and dive into the section for your child's age. There is so much good info and a whole lot of troubleshooting in the book.

FYI, we are planners and it was easy for us to put our daughter on a schedule (going along with her natural bio-rhthyms). She's the happiest little girl when she's up and we get a ton of comments on it. Her little cousin who is a couple of months older is not on a schedule at all - he just goes with the flow of the parents. And he is crying ALL THE TIME! The family has made comments about the difference, but I really think it has a ton to do with Sophia being well slept.

Anyway, I hope some my advice or the advice of others helps you. I can understand how you would be at your wit's end!

Hi S., it's me again... As I mentioned before, I have 3 boys and I had them all in a row.. I had 3 under 3...I don't think I slept for about 4 years.. LOL Anyway, it CAN take a toll on your marriage. Number 1 thing, remember to keep it in perspective, try and focus on knowing that soon this will be behind you.

My first question is, was he sleeping through the night already and then this behaviour started? Or has he not been sleeping this whole time?

With my first boy I was breastfeeding on demand and up every 1.5 or 2 hours and let me tell you after 8 weeks of that, your nervous system is shot! My son was using me as a human pacifyer. I finally talked to a doctor who told me to let him cry it out at night.. I was so desperate, I tried it. I thought it was odd though, that if you put your child down at night wide awake. He will cry for about 15 mins or so and then he will probably stop. This is a method lot's of moms use. But what I thought was odd was after we did that. He really almost immediatly stopped waking in the night as well. ( I hope I'm not confusing you;) ).

I guess what I am trying to say is look into that method of putting him down at night. Also, remember, crying can't hurt him. The other thing is he may be having a bit of the "night terrors". This also will go away, but worth mentioning to your pediatrician.

You and your husband must understand that children are a sacrifice and I think this sort of thing is hard on the husband because he probably has to get up to go to work and is feeling sleep deprived. The wife is feeling pressured for many reasons, first she is worried about her baby, secondly, she is very tired herself, and now she has to worry about her husband who may be pressuring her to keep the house quite at night so he can sleep. ( Not trying to man-bash ) but sometimes the guys doesn't realize the stress this whole situation can cause. I will pray for you and your family. Don't feel ashamed talking about these things, sometimes it helps to know you are not alone. A.

Yeah... take him to the doctor. Something is definitely wrong.

Hi S.,

You might want to mention this to your child's doctor. I'm wondering if perhaps your baby is experiencing reflux. It can make them really uncomfortable. In addition to this, I'd recommend eliminating dairy and soy from his diet. This would include regular milk based formula, or soy formulas from his diet. If by chance you're breastfeeding, eliminating these from your diet as well is important. Reluxing and sensitivity to a protein found in milk (and over 50 % of babies who are sensitive to the milk protein are sensitive to soy protein as well) can cause babies to cry, cling, and wake up a lot at night. I hope you get to the bottom of this soon. It sounds like everyone is unhappy. Hang in there. S.

I would try talking to your pediatrician about acid relex to see if that might be the problem. It is so common these days in small children/ My nephew has acid reflex and has had it from day one, that is what they found with him screaming at the top of his lungs and waking up very frequently. He is on medication for it. If this is it, they become more more calm with the medication so you and your husband can get some rest. I hope that you can find the problem.

I'm very sorry, but please do not ignore your screaming child. They scream because they have no other way to tell us something is wrong. Whether he is scared, tired, in pain, etc. he needs patience and applied care to his emotions in order to heal his anxiety or worry over not being held etc.
I'm a parenting educator. I teach Connection Parenting. You can lookup articles at the site www.handinhandparenting.org. That is the non-profit organization whose method I teach and follow. I also have an almost 1 year old who does wake quite frequently at night, and has times where it is Mama or nothing. I would like to hear more about his birth, and his regular daily life, and possibly an idea of the trigger for his upsets. Do you have to hold him 24 hours a day, or can you pinpoint something that may seem to lead to him wanting to be held? What are your sleeping arrangements?

hi, my daughter had this problem for the first 13 months of her life. After crying to the docs, they finally checked her for food allergies. Turns out she was allergic to milk and to regular formula. She could only have soy. She cried all the time and only slept 4 hours in a 24 hour period. If your son has not been checked yet, you might want to rule this out. After my daughter's tests we found out she had an anaphalactic allergy to milk and all derivatives so she was getting it from my breast milk (I was breast and bottle feeding). She also ended up being allergic to eggs. Once we found this out and I stopped drinking milk, etc. she was a happy camper and began to sleep. Even if your child is not spitting up a lot and does not have reflux, he could be experiencing a lot of gastric pain and that could be why he only is happy when being held (because he is in somewhat of an upright position). Good luck!

I read your description and had a flash back to when my son was a baby!!!! He was exactly the same way. After a couple of doctor appts. we realized he had a dairy allergy (not lactose intolerant). Which causes them all kinds of pain and discomfort as it travels through their intestines. If you are nursing--you should stop eating dairy products as well.

My son was the same way and we found out he had reflux. He was crying because he was in pain. I would get him checked out. The only thing that helped our son was switching him to Nestle Goodstart formula and liquid Zantac. Good luck! :)

Just a possible idea you might want to check into if you haven't yet...check with a pediatric gastrointeroligist to make sure your son does not have a significant acid reflux or gastrointestinal problem. My son had this as an infant and would scream all athe time and barely sleep...he would only stop when being fed. He needed to sleep in his car seat for the first year because if he wasn't in an incline position, the formula would be causing him intestinal distress. You could try having your son sleeping in his car seat in the house or if he is too big for the car sleep, they make a special foam cushion for babies that you put under the matress cover so that the baby is sleeping at a slight incline...this might be why your son likes sleeping in your arms because he is not lying flat, amongst other reasons. Hope this helps.

If you rule out any physical problems (like other posters have mentioned), I recommend trying the method used in the Baby Whisperer to help your son learn to self-soothe. As long as there's nothing wrong, physically, you'll need to teach him how to self-soothe - if he's still waking up every 2 hours at this point, he sounds like he doesn't know how to do that. Best of luck :(

Your sure nothing is wrong? Mine wakes like that when he has an ear infection. If your sure everything is fine...then you have some tough nights ahead of you.

I recommend reading a few sleep books to find the technique you want to use. I could not let my son cry so we did a different method, which takes a bit longer.

I liked the No Cry sleep solution, The baby whisperer, and healthy sleep habits healthy child. The library has them all. The biggest thing is both of you need to agree on a method and stick with it.

Good luck

I would talk to your doctor to rule out any physical reasons for his behaviors. The issues you mention are not normal for an almost one year old. He should be sleeping a good part of the night for you. If you do rule out any physical reasons, ie: ear infections, teething, cold, food sensitivities, environmental sensitivities, light sources, sound sources, clothing sensitivities, etc., (my youngest wouldn't calm down unless he had/has a feather in his hands to rub under his nose) then you might want to have him evaluated for any kids of developmental difficulties. By now he should be sitting on his own, crawling, saying short words, mama, dada, ball, stuff like that. If he isn't hitting his milestones because of needing to be fed or held all the time then it's time for some intervention. Getting help sooner than later will make all the difference in the world. Your local school district special education department can help you with that.

Good luck - S.

Hi, My son was premature, so maybee this doesn't apply, but he needed 24/7 loving and feeding. My husband did ALMOST EVERYTHING dring the 1st 1½ years and Mark just laid on my belly, or was carried around on my hip. It is amazing what you can do with one hand. We wrote down has sleep/wake times when he was 7 monthts and in a 24 hour period he was asleep 7½ hours. ( he is 16 now and still doesn't sleep - thats how he is ) One night we called the Dr in the middle of the night and he said your kid is just hungry, feed him wwhen he wants it and not on a schedule. It worked. Good luck,

J. , mom to Mark 16 and Vanessa 10

I sympathize with you! My second son had wanted to be held quite a bit and would have difficulty keeping a consistant sleep schedule. He is now 18 mos. We think it may have been due to growing pains and teething. I know it is hard, but continue to hold him and love him. You may want to also check with your pediatrician's office to see what they have to say.

Awwww mama, dont let it get you so upset. Mine is 2 almost 3 and still has that blood curdling scream....The best thing to do is to let him throw his fits...Do not pay attention to him. I know this is hard when you live in an apartment building or something but explain to the neighbors whats going on. Do not let yourself get angry with him. When the hubbys at work is a good time to start...I think they said it takes 10 days to break negative behavior. Remember not to ignore him all the time....but he will most likley cry himself to sleep after a while (which could be a couple of hours but bear with it). try turning up the music or something like that. Try not to have the mind set that hes breaking your marriage up...its not his intentions to do so...he just wants a lot of attention. Have you had him checked at the doctor to make sure he doesnt have a medical issue causing him pain which would account for some of the crying? Might be a good idea if you haven't.
Remember to not get mad at the baby...hes instinctually doing what he knows how to do to get your attention since he cant talk. When you put him in his room...make sure to tell him "No one wants to hear this...and you can come out when you have calmed down" but do not yell at him...speak calmly to him....even if hes screaming so loud he cant hear you..you have still said it...I know its hard..but in time it will pay off and he will probably be one of those perfect teens who gets great grades and becomes a doctor or something! Patience is the key!

He may be in pain that is lessened when someone is holding him -- belly pain can lessen with warmth/heat. He could be having reflux from a food, too, with heartburn. A food allergy panel might be in order.

I'm wondering if an occupational therapist can assist you with a sensory screening or eval. Is he hitting all of his developmental milestones? Google "CDC" + "Learn the signs" for a list of developmental milestones. Being held provides proprioceptive input to his nervous system, and he may need YOU and YOUR ARMS/BODY to help HIM sense where he is in space (google "proprioceptive"). Contact EARLY ON for the info about how to get a free developmental screening

Just remember...this too shall pass. My little girls (who is now three) was exactly the same way. She cried constantly. We did some very odd things to keep her happy (one example, she liked the changing table so we would move the changing table around the house and stand by her-ugh) She had severe acid reflux that we did not know about until a few months down the road. She saw someone at Children's Hospital and was put on meds. She was MUCH happier and could actually enjoy her life. She was being burned so badly on the inside. Has your pediatrician been of any help? She should be supportive and understanding. Also, out of habit he may just really like being held...we had to gradually increase the time we would put our other girl (now 10 months) down. She would scream at first but we kept trying over and over. Short spurts of time ...She now is very independent. Good Luck. Sorry to hear about your little guy. If you need any help with investigating acid reflux please ask.

S.,

My suggestion would be to talk to him softly in his ear when he's screaming to soothe him. With my son we found that he wanted to communicate so bad that he got really frustrated and screamed when we didn't meet his needs. We started teaching him sign language (just a few signs) so he could tell us what he wanted when he couldn't say the words. It made a big difference as he could remain calm when telling us what he wanted. If we didn't understand we just told him we didn't understand. When he did start talking he was great to tell you what he wanted. If I couldn't understand his words I told him I didn't understand and he would switch to another word until I finally got it. Currently he's four years ago and very inquisitive. This could be what's going on with your little boy too. It can't hurt to try. :)

Good luck and hang in there!

Definitely check with your doctor... it could be anything from Acid Reflux, to short esophagus, etc...

Is he eating enough? Has his eating and activity levels increased so he's full and tired when he goes to sleep?

Please discuss with your doctor...

My daughter turned one in December, and she's exactly like this. Even in the hospital a few hours after she was born, she wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her. She's perfectly healthy, she just has a strong need for mom's reassurance. When she's screaming and I pick her up, the screaming stops the INSTANT my hands touch her body. She falls asleep in my arms at night, I put her in a pack-n-play in our room once she's asleep, and when she wakes up I just bring her into bed with us. My husband and I are fine with having her in our bed, and everybody gets sleep. She's SLOWLY starting to sleep for longer intervals in the pack-n-play (like 3 hours instead of 2). She's just a very high-needs baby and it sounds like yours is, too. I don't believe in letting them cry it out at this age--sure, he'll learn to stop screaming in 10 days or so, but what you're really teaching is that there's no point in screaming for mom, she won't be there for me anyway. Our son, who's 3, has been a great sleeper from the start and happily sleeps all night in his own bed. We didn't do anything different with them, it's just the difference in their personalities. Yeah, sometimes it drives me crazy, but I've just learned to accept that some kids are more work than others. Good luck to you, and keep talking to your husband about it, preferably not at 2AM when the baby's screaming and you're both feeling sleep-deprived. It's a problem you have to approach together.