Help w/ADHD-Impulsivity

My 9 yr old son is very hyper and has trouble focusing also. We limit his sugar, especially foods with red food coloring in them. We have him in sports year round. He also goes back and forth to his Dads house every other weekend. My husband is more of a Dad to him than his own Dad. He comes back worse than he was when he left. We start over with behavioral issues each time. My son has pretty much straight A's but U's in conduct. What we have found working for him is not to take away all the things he enjoys when he is acting out, but just the most important ones, video games and tv. Usually within a few days he wants them back and tries his best. On the focusing thing, we keep reminding him that we can't do anything else until homework is done. Depending on the homework, we may give some incentive to finish early (like a movie at home with popcorn or playing a game as a family). If his homework takes too long, he takes breaks, gets some water, and comes back to the table. My Mom has also started him on Isogenix shakes which are researched to help ADHD. I think you can find it online. It is a little pricy, but it is making a real difference in my son. Other than that, just be patient. Boys will be boys. They are more active and disruptive than girls at this age. I'm sure your son like mine wants to please, he just needs a little help sometimes reaching his goal.

I can honestly say I understand! My son, who just turned 12, went through the same thing; he was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten - however, even before that, he was diagnosed with an "anxiety" disorder, and since then has added "OCD" to the list... he gets it from me... been there, done that... STILL doing it! LOL Nonetheless, if you already have him on the ADHD medication, and that's still not enough, I would suggest taking him in for a visit (probably a pediatric psychologist) and letting them evaluate him for an other things - possibly anxiety, etc... Don't freak out - it's not as bad as it seems, but to the person it effects, it's very frustrating. My son also has a tic disorder, and unfortunately, the ADHD meds we've tried (too many to list) have all increased the tics - so as of now, he doesn't take anything for the ADHD - and it's really making him struggle acedemically. Anyway, just keep in mind that you may need to address more than just the ADHD, and if you find that's the case, the meds that are out there can help a lot... just make sure you have a very good doctor to monitor them! Good Luck and God Bless :)

ok, It sounds like your son is going through a growth spurt and his medicine and hormones aren't working together well. I would take him in to be evaluated for new medication. As for the yelling and grounding and hounding. This doesn't work with an adhd kid. I know it is sos frustrating, *have one myself. However, it does have to be completely quiet. no pets, no tv, no radio, nothing. we have converted our dining room to a study room and NOTHING happens in there but work. Also, earplugs might work for him when he is feeling especially out of control. It works at school for our guy He can still hear the teaacher but it blocks alot of background noise. As far as the room goes. He is feeling overwelmed and disorder and disarray are part of the condition. A suggestion would be to say. Go get all the shirts out of your room. then pick up all the cars and put them in this bucket. I hope this helps. You will hav eto stay in there with him to help him stay on track. He can't help it, but you can help him to train himself to overcome it. He knows he is different and He is just as frustrated as you are.

R. I believe it is that age because my daughter who will be 9 in March and is ADHD is going thru the exact same thing and both of us are still together. so that isn't it. Amber goes to spend time with her Aunt about once a month and when she comes back she always seems worse. I don't know if it is that her Aunt gives her too much attention or spoils her too bad or what and I stay home all the time. I do not work I am here for her at her beck and call so I must say after seeing your having the same problem it really makes me happy to know that it is not because I am doing something wrong. I watch her diet very close and she would be a vegetarian if I would let her. It is not sugar. I have a friend who has a son same situation same issues and he is about the same age and both of his parents are together as well and they both work a lot of hours so it seems like no matter what they are going thru a stage and we just have to find a way to make it thru with them?!

Also when Amber starts having a lot of trouble focusing I will sit down and talk with her about what is going on and usually she can get herself calmed down enough to focus again. She alwas tells me that she has so many things going on in her mind and she is trying to figure out which one to listen to and which one to focus on. I just talk to her about what they are and help her to decide which ones to get rid of and which ones are the important ones that we can take care of quickly and get them out of the way.

Diane

Are you aware that starches like pasta, (spagetti, noodles, macaronu etc) all contain sugar as well as corn

Many natural foods contain sugar. Also many foods contain red food dyes and preservatives. You must read the labels and be very restrictive in foods.

Have you thought of a blood test to teat food allergies.
His meds may need to be changed as he could have developed a resistance to the meds he has,

Are you sending his lunch to school or is he eating at school. Sad to say that most school lunches are nolonger as nutrrius as they use to be. Our rural schools have lots of sugar and red fooddye in them.

With my son who had hyper tendonsies but not ADHD I removed all sugar and food dye. Also homework was read aloud when completeng it. He may simply need to hear what he is reading it. Your son is also probably testing to see how far he can go. Make consistence rulesand reward or punishment.

Homework not done no TV computer games etc until done. One of you two parents may have to sit and make sure it is done Use reading aloud even with math problems.

Not clean run remove the offending items and do not return. When my son refused to clean his room I simply threw stuff away and did not return or replace. That is My son had to earn them back and third time they were gone. YOu have to discover what works and be consistence.

I will pray for you to have the widson to know what to do and the courage to do it. Hang in their

My eight year old (boy) has trouble focusing, also. I believe that boys that age are not meant to focus. If you think about it, they are in school for the entire day, then come home to way too much homework. When do they just get to be kids? Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it too much at this age. I had problems with my son at school last year because of the homework, and I homeschool him now. He does a great job at home, gets all his work done in record time, and makes straight A's. But it's because we aren't spending eight hours a day on focused tasks. We do EVERY subject, every day, but get it done in a few hours. Then he's done and can play. He still has homework at the end of the day, after normal school hours. He gets that done, as well. I realize that not everyone gets to homeschool, or even wants to. I am just saying that I personally believe it's an age/maturity thing, and he'll grow into being able to do the outrageous amount of homework our kids have to deal with. :)

Also, if he is already on meds, and having sudden changes in behavior, I would take him to a psychologist. Maybe you already have, but if the family doc is the one prescribing meds like that, I would strongly suggest getting someone who specializes in that to talk to him on a regular basis.

Good luck!

Hello R.,
I'm sorry for what you're experiencing. But it seems as if more and more of us are going through this very thing. (Why, I am not real sure) This response will be directed more toward you than your son.
My Nephew was first diagnosed with ADHD, then to Explosion Disorder, and now Bi-polar. My sister has tried all sorts of theory, medication. She even sent him away (under the dr's advice) to a behavioral "hospital". He is now on his third school, because he keeps getting kicked out. My opinion is he uses his disease as a crutch this I know because I experienced it myself with some of his actions. My sister sometimes let's it get the best of her, and she like all of us mothers want to be the best that she can, and when she has no control over him, in her mind; she thinks that she is being looked upon as a bad mother, and even goes as far as questioning herself. So this is my OPINION to you. FIRST THING: Do not allow your son to use his problem as a crutch to get away with more than is already allowed. SECOND: Never doubt yourself as a parent. This can be emotionally straining for you, and for your son's sake you have to be the strong one. THIRD: Understand that not everyone will understand what you are going through; you'll hear alot of negativity. I could give you a few examples but I'm sure what you've not heard accidently behind your back, you'll hear eventually. So again here is where motherly instinct kicks in. You'll have to be patient with those that do not understand as well as with your son.
Hope this helps.
D. D.

if possible can you have the school evaluate him on friday after noon and monday mornings. one never knows what goes on when he is with his father on week ends. Nor is there any other way what he feels like being at home monday through friday.

Medicines - be careful, talk to your doctor and see if he is agreeable to change his drugs, if not, i would get another doctor.

Some children cannot accept two mothers or fathers.

I pray all goes well with your son. GOd Bless

I also have an 8 yr old ADHD (very impulsive) boy. He is doing really well in school but he is also in behavioral counseling once a week. ADHD kids lack social skills so that is what they focus on. Does he seem to want to talk over what is going on in the house? Mine does. The Dr's explained it to me as he hears everything at the same level (very loud in his mind) and he is trying to talk louder than everything going on in his mind. As for cleaning the bedroom, I pick my battles. I tell him 1st-go get all the dirty clothes, then come back. 2nd-put all the shoes in your closet, then come back, 3rd-pick up all the hot wheels cars, then come back, etc. He doesn't seem to have food and sugar issues, but I think I will check into that on the especially bad days. Not sure where you live, but my son was officially diagnosed at UAMS Children's Clinic in Little Rock, Ar. They are very good and taught us a lot of things we did not know concerning ADHD.

My 11 year has Adhd. I have been dealing with this for about 6 years. She has been on almost every medication and they work for a while and then we have to change. We have seen about 7 different doctors to find the right one that works for us. He is straight to the point and finally help me realize that I was part of the problem. He also explained to my child that she cannot use her Adhd as a accuse and that she is responsible for her on actions. One of the problems was that the stilmant medications made her to emtional and the non stilmant was not working. He listen to all my concerns and came up with a low dose of Vyanse and Strattera. I am not sure where you live, but Dr. Brown is in Mandeville, LA. His website is www.centerforadhd.com. She is like a different kid since we started seening him. I feel like my child and I have finally won the battle. Good Luck!!

Hi R.,

My son who is 6 has ADHD. Your story is very similar to ours. Currently, we are in transition---we are actually going to see Dr. Greg Brown tomorrow because i feel his meds have become ineffective. It may be worth a shot calling your pediatrician to see if maybe his meds need to be adjusted or changed. we have been on focalin xr and vyvanse--unfortunately our kids build a tolerance to the meds--so it just might be time for a change. Good Luck!!

Hi R.
I have a daughter who is now 20 years old she struggled in school from the very first day. We tried every ADHD med there was at the time nothing helped her grades. She ended up quiting school. I tried every thing private help we would work on home work from 5 to 9. Have you tried to get your child tested for a learning problem, don't get me wrong I am at no means calling him dumb, but where we live they would not help my child all they wanted to do is give her medicine. He may be getting frustrated because he does not learn like others. He can still be ADHD and still have a learning problem. I truly believe my daughter has dyslexia, but every time it was mentioned the school would tell me no she wasn't she was tottal robbed of her education. For your childs sake if you have not considered he could be having this kind of trouble look into it. I also have a 13 year old and she is an A B student with a terrible attitude but can make the grades and always has. I guess you probaly see what I am trying to say. Please let me know how it goes. Email me I fully understand the frustration.

My son is on Focalin also and I understand your plight. There are a few books concerning diet that talk about food for our children and often they talk about things that are not obvious. But, maybe you have done this already. I have found that diet alterations really helped my son.

Also, consistent bed time, and strong routines. When I was all over the place running errands here off to church there or cooking and inconsistent with his routine I found it harder. So, maybe consistency if you dont already have it. If your son is having issues processing his grief perhaps you should talk about feelings, look at pictures, and share memories, and pray together about the situation.

Good Luck and God Bless
M.

Hello, I am a mother of four 13yg,11yb,9yg,and 2 1/2yb.Two of my children have adhd and my husband. My daughter has been treated on and off since she was in 1st grade. My son has not been treated with prescribed meds. He was showing more signs of problems just in the last six months. So I went to the health food store in the shopping center on the corner of S. Penn and I-240, next to Big lots, in S W OKC. I got a bottle of Behavior Balance-DMG liquid made by Food Science of Vermont. It is a more nature source to try. Both my children take it in the am and pm and they like it better than anything else I have tried. About 15-20 min. after I give it to them they are less (to none) grouchy,mouthy and they are more focused. Now they remind me if I forget. And they have not had any side affects, like medicine. And they are not picky eaters any more and they ask for more.

I feel your frustration...it sounds like his meds are not working. ADHD is a medical illness and can be treated with medication. Diet and exercise can help but it really comes down to the meds. Red food coloring is a big culprit, wheat, some other food sensitivity, etc...can effect how a child acts but if the behavior is consistent all the time no matter what they eat or drink then the meds are not correct.

A friend of mine married a man with a young son. He had explosive outbursts that his teachers thought was ADHD. My friend kept a close eye on what was going on with the boy and realized when he had red dye #40 he became uncontrollable. Another friend had 2 sons and a daughter and ended up taking them off all wheat, chocolate, and processed sugar. When she was the one feeding them they were very calm, they could focus, and were basically normal kids, she even felt 100% better able to function too. When her family had the kids over for sleepovers and stuff and fed the kids they would come home and it would take her nearly a week to get their systems back on track.

So, I say talk to the prescribing physician and address your concerns. Make sure they know about ADHD and are qualified to treat it. Most pediatricians should be knowledgeable but you never know until you research it.

I am WAY late chiming in, but I wanted to do so, anyway. I SOOOOOO feel your pain!

My son will be 10 in May. He's a great kid in most ways, but his ADHD (which is fairly mild, and therefor unmedicated) has been ticking up in the last few months. Every change in routine sets him off. Christmas less than 2 months away? Ooo! Get hyper! Sister's birthday Friday? Hyper! TV program he wants to watch next week? More hyper! Seriously, dude? LOL

There is also a new attiude aspect to the whole thing that is making life difficult. He had to deal with a bully during basketball this season, and that threw him off a LOT. His mother (he's my step, but I just consider him mine) went a bit overboard on trying to stop the bullying, so now he has taken to being a bit of a bully himself, getting in trouble at school for picking on other kids kind of thing.

I've also found that my son gets spacy in the couple of days before he goes to his mom's, as well as the days after he gets back. So I only seem to get about 10 out of 14 days in a row before he seems to lose his mind. *sigh* LOL

The only thing that seems to help is repatition. "We'll talk about that later; sit down and work." Said about 30 times in an hour.

I know you're certain it's not food, but what is he eating at his dad's? My son gets Hamburger Helper, boxed mac and cheese, potato chips and fast food all weekend when he's with his mom. To balance him out a bit, I have to avoid nearly ALL processed foods. Other than bread (which costs an arm and a leg to avoid the preservatives!), if I don't chop it, bread it, make it scratch, I don't feed it to him unless I want some sort of spaz for a day or two. One day he came home after having pancakes with syrup PLUS sugary cereal for breakfast, a bunch of red Halloween candy and a supper of Kraft Easy Mac. I swear the kid vibrated for three days!

The attitude has also really kicked up around here recently. He talks back to his mother all the time, which is irritating, but not my problem when it doesn't happen in front of me. She gives in to his every whim and then just can't understand why he tries to walk all over her. And, since it works so well there, he's started bringing that attitude home with him. Fun!

Some of it is an age, I think. They're starting to pull away from us "uncool parent people," which is what does eventually have to happen. I have fought back by trying to never put him in a position to fight me. The word "okay" is a magic word with my kids. If I give an order but tack "okay?" on the end, it gives the illusion of them having more control and more choice.

"J, feed the dog now, okay?"
"I want to finish this [video game/drawing/whatever]."
"But the dog needs food now. Go quickly and then you can finish that, okay?"
"Okay" (sometimes an agreeable okay, sometimes a grumpy one, but they tend to get moving once they say okay back).

I also try to break up the orders and tasks more for him on days when he is having a harder time focusing.

"J, make your bed, okay."
Bed made.
"Pick up your Legos."
Legos up.
"The clothing needs to be in the hamper, not on the floor."
Ta-da! Clean room. Yes, I probably had to send him back to the Legos twice and point out the socks sitting on his toy shelf (?!), but at least we didn't fight over it.

We have cue words to help him stay focused, too. If he's doing a worksheet and starts staring off into space and shaking his pencil, I walk by and tap the paper gently. For math, which is difficult for him, I make time to sit down and work the problems beside him, then compare answers. The "race" to finish each problem syphons off enough of his energy to keep him working, most of the time.

I'm ADHD myself, so I can understand it better than his dad. I've had to teach my husband some of the skills my mom used to try to keep me focused.

Parenting a high energy kid is hard work! There are a lot of good books out there on coping, though, and you and your son could really benefit from hunting for them at the library. What we hyper kids lack in focus and discipline, we make up for in creativity, energy and a sense of fun! It's up to you to help him learn to use that for good instead of ornery, and it sounds like you're determined to do that! Lucky son you have, to have a mom like you!

Medication is just one small part of dealing with ADHD. It sounds like you could use some help in learning tools for parenting an ADHD child. There are excellent books on the topic or your child's counselor should be able to meet with you for some instructional sessions. A consistent, predictable environment can make a huge difference.

That is likely why you see issues after visits with dad. ADHD kids need a high level or consistency. Not to say that he shouldn't be visiting dad, just that you should expect some behaviors when he returns until he settles back into the routine.

R., this may be nothing more than flexing his wings to see what happens. All kids do that numerous times thru their growing up years but, if he is truely ADHD you may want to do some checking into removing Casons (misspelled, but it's dairy products) and glutens from his diet. My son and daughter in law are doing some of this with my grandson. He's not on any medication but research tends to reflect a connection between these types of foods and some tof the behavior problems that are associated with ADHD/allergies and autism. Try goodle, there aren't very many drs that are really on board with this type thing. Medication is still the choice but if all you're doing is treating the symptoms then how do you every fix the source. Just something to check into. it's not always the sugar...dairy and glutens seem to be the beginning of some of these issues. good luck. R.

Wow! Do we have the same child? My son son will be 9 next month, is on Focalin XR 20, and has a booster in the afternoon. LOL!

Here are some tips:

No red dye in foods/drinks: See if the teacher can give a time when this happens or if it happens all day. Look at his food.drink for the day.

Watch the sugar: Same as above

Foods and drink ARE a problem for ADHD kids. No med can counteract a lot of sugar and red dye.

Limit/cut out dairy: dairy is notorious for causing issues like this. Does he drink milk at school?

Your detergents/household cleaners: Go natural/non toxic. This is a biggie. We use Shaklee cleaners, www.wellnessiseasy.com. Jake's issues are the main reason we started using their products.

Can you give the booster a bit earlier? I give the booster the minute I pick him up from school, 2:30pm.

Will he swallow pills easily? I give Jake Omegaguard, an Omega, 2 a day. We have them at Shaklee. HUGE improvement in mood but takes about a month to see it.

5 1/2 pages of work for an ADHD child? OH MY! Jake's homework is modified. That's ALOT for an ADHD child to sit down and focus on.

When cleaning room, give him steps. They see one big toy, not a bunch of little things to put up. Giving steps alleviates the stress. Help him do it. Sit on the floor and say, " this goes here, that goes here, etc"

Not focusing like you say is screaming food/sugar issues.

T.
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