Help with 10, Almost 11 Yr Old Daughter Who Is Scared to Be Alone

Updated on August 20, 2009
S.M. asks from Allen, TX
6 answers

OK moms, I'm a single mom to a 10, almost 11 year old daughter. Her dad and I have been divorced since she was 10 months old. My issue is she is scared to be alone. It gets really bad at night. She wants me with her till she goes to sleep. While I think part of this is just for attention, I do believe she is truly scared. She says she is scared something is going to happen to either me or her when we are not together. And at night, she is scared someone is going to come in and hurt one or both of us. I really don't know where this is coming from and it is starting to scare me. It is so not healthy. I'm trying to leave her in her bed for 5 minutes at a time and then going to check on her. She eventually goes to sleep but gets up in the middle of the night and comes to my room. Any help or suggestions?? I have considered taking her to see a counselor to find out where this fear is coming from and how we can overcome it. So, if you know of a Child Psychologist or counselor around the Allen area, that would be great also.

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S.V.

answers from Dallas on

I totally agree with the posters about watching what she watches/reads. I was a supersensitive child in that regard, and I now have a child just like, who is also 10. Recently, she heard about an attempted kidnapping in our city, and she has been scared day and night for the last 2 or 3 weeks.
I just really watch what she comes in contact with. I make her avert her eyes when a commercial for a horror movie comes on.
Some kids are just more sensitive and anxious than others.

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B.G.

answers from Dallas on

Definitely take her to a couselor. You need to get to the source of what's bothering her. Start with the school counselor and then possibly take her to a family therapist. Linda Alexander in Richardson is excellent. Her # ###-###-####. Also getting your daughter into a karate or tae kwon do class might boost her self confidence and give her the means to defend herself.
Does she watch scary movies or the news on TV much? It would be a good idea to limit that, especially until you get to the bottom of what's bothering her.
Good luck and keep telling her you love her.
B. G. (mother of 8, grandmother of 4)

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B.L.

answers from Dallas on

This kind of fear isn't unusual even for a child her age. You are her life line and she is afraid of what will happen to her if anything happens to you. I don't know counselors in the area to recommend, but it can't be hard to find one and it would be good for both you.

Good luck!

B. L.

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

One of my sons was like this. It magically went away at about age 12.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Stay away from scary movies and consider the counselor option to rule out any major issues. If it's just a phase, then is it possible for you to get a dog? When I was young and scared to be alone, I used my dog for comfort. You know you hear all kinds of creeks and little noises when you are scared that are always there but somehow amplified when you are scared. I learned that if my dog didn't worry about it, than I shouldn't either. Dogs have excellent hearing and can sense danger. I knew if there was a noise and my dog continued to sleep or whatever, it was no big deal. And if by chance that noise made my dog perk up, I knew he could protect me. It can even be a little dog. You can reason that "bad people" will avoid houses with dogs because they don't want the hassle and dogs will bark and warn the neighbors. It's much easier to rob a house without a dog. Kinda silly I know but it is true. And a dog is very comforting on any occasion because they listen to you and don't tell you your silly. You can hug on them if you are really scared. If you can do it, my vote is for a dog.

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R.W.

answers from Dallas on

I have a 10 year old daughter myself and I'm a single mom as well. One thing I would suggest is not to let her watch the news. My daughter saw the news one night and of course they not only tell the news but sometimes go into gruesome detail. Also some commercials for movies are scary, but I guess you cant ban tv all together. I don't know what faith you guys might be, but there's a video from VeggieTales called "Where's God when I'm afraid" and it really reinforces that when God's with you, you're never really alone, and you don't need to be afraid. She may think she's too big for it, but you'll hear her singing "God is bigger than the boogey man" 'cause it'll be stuck in her head like it was mine. hahaha

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