Help with 4 Year Old Wetting the Bed

Updated on January 30, 2008
A.G. asks from Baltimore, MD
14 answers

Our daughter, now 4 years old, basically potty trained herself in the summer when she was 1 1/2 years old. She wanted to be naked all of the time (in doors of course) and began stopping her urine to go to the toilet like mom and dad. Of course we were excited by this and went on from there.

Outside of a few accidents here and there she has done well with keeping dry at bedtime and nap (after a period of time with pull ups). However, we became pregnant and now have our second child, who is 2 months old. Our daughter began having accidents at night when I was about 5 months pregnant and it hasn't stopped. Sometimes she'll go a few weeks being dry but we are struggling with the accidents. The last month she has had accidents almost every night.

A friend of mine's pediatrician recommended that she wake her daughter at 4am, who was also having accidents, because "it is a long time for a child to hold their urine". I agree but my daughter has been doing this for two years just fine. I tried waking her before I went ot bed at midnight but she would still wake up wet.

We have talked to her asking her is she feels herself wetting the bed but she says no. It is upsetting to her to wake up cold and wet and I am exhausted by washing the bedding daily.

Her mattress was getting wet (even when using mattress pads that are to protect the mattress). I asked her if she would rather use her blow up camping mattress or get some big girl pull ups (Goodnights) and she opted for the Goodnights.

I have always felt very confident about our decisions with parenting and concerns that arise. However, I am not sure I handled this situation the best and need some advice. (She is wearing the Goodnights just fine but of course wetting them each night. She has worn them for a week now.)

Are there any other moms out there that have experienced this and/or have some advice? I understand it is difficult with a new baby and that may be the sole reason for the bed wetting and that she will eventually be dry again at night. But I am wondering if anyone can help me out here.

Thanks!
A.

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So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone who offered up so many wonderful suggestions. We ended up getting rid of the goodnites (they were also causing a rash on her skin). We cut off fluids at least an hour before bed (which we have always done), wake her before we go to bed at 11pm or midnight, have placed a potty in her room (which she thinks is really cool and uses occasionally), started a sticker chart (she has 2 stickers and needs one more to go to the theatre!), invested in some good mattress protectors and I have made peace with doing laundry daily! Writing this all it seems like a lot, but we don't focus on any of it... in terms of overwhelming her. When she wakes wet, it is not a big meltdown; we simply get washed up and dressed and give her lots of love, ignoring the wet, and talk about good things (fun things happening that day, etc.)

I am very appreciative for all of the suggestions and the support from all of the moms out there. It was reassuring to find out that this is a normal thing that children go through when a baby arrives. We plan to leave things how they are for now and revisit the issue if it does not improve and bring it to her pediatrician's attention (which we did at our baby's 2 month check-up; he says it is normal too).

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V.H.

answers from Norfolk on

I have six children and have had problems with different ones "regressing". I say, put the goodnights on her, don't complain at all about the wetting but let her put a star sticker on the calender each morning she wakes up dry. Set a goal. Like after one week of star stickers (with no misses or she starts the count all over again)she gets to go with you to cold stone creamery and pick her own icecream. Then make it two weeks without a miss for something bigger. Then three weeks. I did this with my daughter Sarah and after three weeks straight of being dry, she hasn't wet since.
Pick something very special that she really has been wanting or really enjoys. Maybe a movie with you or dinner out or a horse ride or iceskating, etc.
blessings,
V.

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

We had a similar situation when I was pregnant with our second. It didn't last long but it really upset my daughter. It seemd the more baby stuff we got out the more anxiety she exhibited and that was really the only way she ever showed it.

So here is what we did, bought a mattress pad that tucks in on top of the sheets, you can get them at one step ahead and I'm sure other places. So we didn't have to strip the entire bed in the middle of the night which was stressful for everyone. Let her choose between undies or pull ups at night.
Limited her sugar/drinks an hour and half before bed. And gave her bathroom twice before lights out adn if she was still awkae when we went to bed we'd let her try one more time.We tried really hard not to make a big deal of it and make her self conscious. Goodluck

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S.B.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I have a now 7 year old who went through the same thing when he was 4 and he was getting ready to be a big brother. We tried pullups again at night but unfortunately for him, he saw this as an excuse to be able to wet them (because he had them on). Although it saved time for me on the wash, it only prolonged his bedwetting. If it goes on for awhile it becomes a habit and you have to break the cycle. After awhile he even started having accidents during the day. We took him to the doctor to rule out any problems. Then we made some changes. We stopped all drinks at 7:00p (an hour before bed), had him use the rest room once before his book, then once after and then we woke him up once at night. Although exhausting for all of us he has overcame it! Good luck to you! Remember lots of encouragement helps and keep her included with the new addition. Oh I almost forgot! Keep in mind constipation can be a contributing factor to children who have wetting occurances as it puts pressure on their bladder!

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

other than not dwelling on it, watching her fluid intake at night and using pullups, I would just let the phase pass. It is most likely due to the new baby and some kind of stress that she is under. when she has an accident, say nothing about it and just help her change. Good luck to you!

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J.S.

answers from Washington DC on

My son started wetting the bed for no apparent reason after years with no problem. He "grew out of it" in a few months. If the doctor sees no organic cause, it will probably resolve itself.

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L.H.

answers from Norfolk on

I agree with much of the advice you've gotten - a new baby can manifest itself as stress in a variety of ways - not to mention all the ways 4-year-olds are "so big" but yet, still so small. It's a big emotional time for them even without a baby. Watching fluid intake can be a good idea - it works with my 4-year-old, especially since we recently had a physical reason for bedwetting and are working ourselves back. I thought we were there (physically alright) but had to give some more time for the emotional getting on track. It sounds like this has gone on for a while, and so this next idea is unlikely, but have you had your daughter checked for pinworms. They are small and basically harmless, but, especially in girls, can cause urinary problems, especially at night. Plus, preschool is the age when they usually get them because of the way they play. It's about the easiest test ever (scotch tape on the bottom - no joke!) and was the recent cause of many massive loads of laundry at our house - but now I know the physical has ended and am journeying through the emotional. We have a 17-month-old also, so it's no "new baby" stress, but my daughter's just going through that emotional time of being 4 (ah, the age of, "you're not my friend anymore..." isn't it fun?) so we're working on that. After a few weeks of the pill treatment for the pinworms and some back and forth with underwear or goodnights) she has been dry enough that I'm going to let her wear underwear (as long as she goes potty just before bed). Wow, that was much longer than I meant it to be, but pinworms may be something to check if you haven't already. If it's not that or a UTI, then just gently caring for her as you have been is probably best. Having just gone through it (and still a bit in it) I know the sleep depravation (plus my little one has had some really tough ear infections, so I've been getting up at night as though she were a newborn). If you want to talk more or just vent, let me know! I'll be praying for you all!

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M.L.

answers from Washington DC on

I don't have any great advice but it sounds like you've handled the situation wonderfully. You're prtoecting your daughter's dignity by not getting angry at her - and you've provided choices for solutions. My daughter was not potty trained before I had my son, one main reason I didn't push it was becuase I knew that if there was going to be ANYTHING she regressed with, it would be the potty training.

I know you're exhausted but keep up the good work of respecting your daughter. She's obviously aware that this is a problem. Continue being patient. She'll stop wetting at night soon.

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M.M.

answers from Norfolk on

I would say it has a lot to do with the new baby. Our 3 1/2 year old has been having the same issues. He was doing great and then I was about 6 months pregnant and he stopped being dry all night. We put him right back into pull ups to save on laundry, but I noticed a few things. Drink consumption 2 hours before bedtime effected it a lot. Also, sleeping habits effected it. I always send him to the potty right before bed and we do not drink anything but a small amount of water if he's thirsty. Sometimes, even that is too much. There's been a lot of change in your house lately, and that is probably a big part. It may be her way of getting your attention. Try spending a little more time with her before bedtime and even during the day. That may take care of it. Good luck!

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M.L.

answers from Norfolk on

I'm a 37 year old mom of four. My oldest now twelve was a bed wetter. Totally dry in the day and soaking at night. I tried the waking up on a regular basis through the night but ended up with a cranky 5 year old because of lack of sleep (not to mention me). She wore the night time pull ups until she was six, it was hard because her younger sister was dry at night by age 3! Finally it became an issue when her cousin wanted her to spend the night and she was embarrassed. Bed wetting in many kids is due to a lack of some hormone that the body produces. My pediatrician gave me a prescription and it worked after a few days, after she was dry for a few weeks I took her off it and she's been fine since.

In my opinion, four is a little young to start a medication, but if you feel for social reasons that you need to later I would say go ahead.

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L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

You need to ask if either of her parents, you or your husband, were bedwetters. This could be a hereditary thing. My 12 year old son, on occassion now, will wet the bed. He has been dry for several months now, thank God! I too got tired of washing the sheets each day, but you learn to "deal with it" if you must. My husband had trouble with nighttime wetting when he was young, so we found that ours was hereditary, the doctor helped us with this; ruled out infections, etc. Maybe your daughter is having issues with her new sibling, and I hope that is it. Just hang it there and hopefully, one way or another, you figure out just what it is that is causing this. Good Luck and God Bless

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S.N.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi, I have an 8 year old son that is wetting the bed. He started doing this about 2 months ago. I took him to the Pediatrician first to rule out bladder infection or anything else. The tests came back normal. The Pediatrician told us not to let him drink past 7:00 pm. This was 2-3 weeks ago and he has had one accident that i know of. It was just about every night. I encourage him to drink water when he is thirsty because usually they won't drink as much water as milk, etc. Good Luck!

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C.H.

answers from Washington DC on

Anglea -

Just as a thought - has your daughter been drinking more before she goes to bed? My oldest does (he's 4) the same thing. He stays dry for a period of time...then he wets the bed. My pediatrician had said it is not uncommon.
As for my own two cents - she could be regressing with the birth of the new baby. The baby wears diapers...and gets the attention that comes with changing them. She may be torn between being the Big Sister and extra attention the baby seems to get. Mine went through it and still does. If it is just at night - my advice is to let her wear the Goodnights. She isn't hurting anything and you're getting the rest. If she was the only one with this issue as a 4-year old, they wouldn't make Goodnights.

Give her some time. She'll get back to it. Having a new baby is new to her too.

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L.L.

answers from Dover on

If you've ruled out physical problems (illness, etc.), she might be sleeping so soundly that she can't feel the need to "go". My pediatrician suggested an underwear alarm. Basically, it's a special pair of underwear with a pocket for a sensor that beeps when any moisture touches it. It trains the child to wake up when they need to pee. I know that One Step Ahead sells them for around $80, which might seem expensive until you factor in the cost of a ruined mattress/jammies!!

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S.F.

answers from Washington DC on

My son who is 5 now, potty trained young, easily and well, also. He will occasionally have a short (4-5 night) spell when he wets the bed. Now that you have a new baby in the house, she may be dealing with the stress of that new situation. She may also just need your patience and reminders to get up from bed and go potty if she feels she needs to. It can be hard and frustrating to change the sheets every night and wash them. But my preference is to do laundry every morning than having my son wear Good Nights.

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