Help with 4 Year Who Will Not Poop in the Potty

I know with my kids rewards always did the trick but this may be difficult if you can't get her to do the deed in the first place. Maybe try letting her know that if she starts pooping on the pot that she will get to pick out a new toy or get to go somewhere special like Chucky Cheese or something.

Hi M.,
I am amazed that several people have suggested making the kids clean up after themselves. That doesn't make much sense to me, particularly from a hygiene standpoint. It also seems like that would be a rather shameful experience.

When my daughter was first learning to use the potty, we actually placed her potty chair in front of the television, so that she would enjoy sitting on it. We also rewarded her with a couple of M&Ms, at first every time she used the potty, and then only when she pooped. Eventually we were able to move it into the bathroom. It was a while ago, but I remember the whole experience being pretty painless. I sympathize with all the moms who are having so many problems.

Good luck!

My daughter went through this and for about 6 months we kept telling her that when she turns (whatever age) on her birthday she's going to poop in the potty and be a big girl. Now you could use another date (Valentine's Day, St. Pat's, Easter) but have her look forward to this and know that this is the day she will start pooping on the potty. My daughter pooped on her own in the potty on her birthday and came and got me and was so proud. Just another idea...and maybe let her do it alone as well, no pressure.

M.,

Some kids just learn later than others. Back off the pressure! Stop punishing her for it, do not make her sit on the toilet for long periods of time, put her back in diapers, and do not be negative about it when you have to change her. Stop with the laxative twice a day, and give her a healthy diet with many fruits, vegetables, and water. Make sure she gets physical exercise every day, even if it is just going for a walk. Since you both work full time, you might also investigate what the daytime sitter is doing. Children often manifest some problem or conflict in their lives through misbehaving in some way that will get your attention. Surely this has your attention? Be patient with her and know that it will work out for the better soon.

Best wishes,
K.

hi M.. i just had to let you know my oldest son's experiences with my grandson. i am not really sure if all is the same with you, but thought it might give you another route to think about.

my grandson is also 4. potty trained pretty well with the potty part, but to go #2, they tried for months and months and months. took everyone's advice, tried it all, from all that u have done with your daughter to whatever else they could come up with. my grandson would hold it for days and days, and then scream or cry when he did go, and would most of the time at least start to go in his pants.

christopher, the dad, is kinda a health food nut. they had already tried limiting taevin's dairy(can cause constipation), so one day out of the blue, christopher decided to try soy milk(vanilla flavored) with taevin cause that boy likes his milk! LOL. he liked it, and christopher said they were shocked with what happened within a day of taevin having the soy milk. he said that child started going #2, and he said initially what started coming out of him shocked the daylights clean out of them. they said the size of what came out, and the amount was overwhelming.(sorry to be exlpicit) christopher said he as a grown man, couldn't have imagined what came out of taevin. he said he went like that several times over a couple days, and christopher said he has no idea where it all was at in his little body. christopher said it has been like a miracle though, cause taevin is completely regulated now, goes in the toilet with absolutely NO problem every day, and is a very proud little boy for doing so!

so just a thought. ya might want to try it. the way i look at it, it might be at least, worth the try to see.

good luck, and take care!

C.

Hi M....We have been going through the same thing. My son is terrified to poop. He holds it in for days and when he finally goes it hurts really bad :( What we decided to do was to get him a "poo poo toy." This is a special toy he plays with only when he is sitting on the potty. When he is finished he puts it right back on our bathroom shelf. We have him sit everyday after breakfast, and sometimes he likes to sit on the potty through out the day for "practice." We are still working on this but it has given him a different perspective of the potty (he is actually giving the potty a chance). We had to help him choose the toy (we had a no cars rule, as he cant really play with them on the potty.) We got him a Thomas the train view finder, but i'm sure anything else they can manipulate while sitting will work great. Good luck and take care!!
K.

We were kinda in the same position as you are. My 2nd son is 4 will be 5 in June and has a really hard time with pooping on the potty since day 1. My oldest never went through this so it was kinda hard to deal with it. He was kinda potty trained but then he just deciede that he didn't want to be bothered with it any more. Our doctor called it potty resistence. He was never an every day pooper more like ever other day, so I think that his body just wasn't use to the idea of pooping and doing it in the potty might have scared him. Just with in the last month he has gotten a lot better. He still has problems when he has a runny stool but has been doing great when it's a solid poop.

We use to be like you and make him sit on the potty for a long time, we use to yell at him when he would poop in his underwear and tell him that we would put him back in diapers like babies if he wouldn't put it in the potty. None of that worked and our doctors told us just to stick with the underwear so that we don't confuse him and just to make him clean up after himself. What we did was make him clean his own pants in the potty...with some help obviously. And then he had to go and get himself clean underpants and clothes if necessary. He hated cleaning up after himself and so he slowly started to become aware of what his body was doing. I just made sure that I carried extra clothes with me wherever we went and tried to not let it bother me, after all if is his body and he is cleaning up after himself. We just tried to take the stress out of the situation. One other thing is I think that he isn't really comfortable using the bathroom outside of the house. He's getting better and I hope that we are done with the accidents.

I hope this let's you know that you aren't alone out there. I just hope that our next son doesn't have as hard of a time.

Ahh! I just went through the same thing with my 3 year old daughter we just figured it out two weeks ago!!! I wish someone would have helped me! It took one time of her sitting on the toilet til she went poopy. We praised her so much and gave her a special treat ( a small chocolate heart candy) And we also have a star chart for her to see her improvement. It took my husband and I awhile to figure this out she did great with no accidents during the day than when we put her in a pullup at night she would go poopy and need to be changed. She is doing great and has not wore a pull-up for two weeks now. just take one day and focus on training her that is all it takes let her know that big girls go poopy on the toilet! It worked for us! I hope this helps! Good luck to you and your little one! ~ T.

I completely understand your frustration. My daughter is 4 as well and about 3 months ago FINALLY pooped in the potty. I tried everything, treats, toys, privilages. I stopped taking her to the park (which she really loved) and told her only big girls could play at the park and since she pooped in her panties she was still a baby. We talked about it all the time. She was terrified to poop in the potty. She told me that she was afaid that she would fall in with the poop. I tried to make her understand that she didn't fall in when she peed and therefore wouldn't fall in when she pooped. She wasn't buying it. I gave her lots of water and high fiber fruits and veggies so she was very regular. She would beg me (tears and all) for a pull-up every night after dinner. Luckily she never held it in for days. She would poop in her underwear and then hide. At this point I stopped buying pull-ups and told her she had to clean up her poop when she went in her panties. After about 1 week of doing this she finally pooped in the potty! I have never been happier about anything in my entire life. The very next day we went the park!
Good Luck,
J.

We went through the same thing with my daughter and she would go days without pooping thus making it more difficult to go. I think after having a few hard poops it made her scared and she would just hold it in. We talked with our doctor and he told us to give her prune juice mixed with apple juice (half and half) everyday. She would still have occaional accidents in her pants, but eventually she learned it was okay to go one the potty and that it wouldn't hurt. We also would praise her like crazy when she would go on the potty and she would receive a piece of candy. Now she tells me when she has to go or she will go by herself and she still wants everyone to cheer and clap for her, but she doesn't expect the candy anymore. Best of luck to you and try not to get too frustrated.

I wonder if she is in preschool yet and if the preschool setting/peer pressure would change anything. My son used to hide in the closet to poop in his pants, it took him about 6 months longer to poop on the potty than pee. Bribery helped, chocolate...has she ever done it? She will. Good luck.

Hi M.,

My daughter did not poop in the potty until about four months before her 4th birthday. We used incentives to get her to the point where she would go in the bathroom, in a pull-up that she put on herself, in a crouching position, but we just could not get her to go that final step of putting it in the potty. We had her on Miralax for months, and we also did the full gamut at Children's (inc. x-ray, ultrasound, and several visits to the psychiatrist). Finally we just kind of backed off of the topic, but any time she asked for something special (a new toy, etc.), we'd tell her she couldn't get it until she pooped in the potty. One day we were in the toy store and she saw a princess Jasmine doll she really wanted. I gave her the usual response, and she turned to me and said, "O.K., I'll go poop in the potty." To my amazement, she went home and went immediately, no problem. After that we rewarded her for every time she pooped in the potty for a couple of weeks, and she never went back to the pull-ups. I was so stressed for so many months about the issue, but the answer proved amazingly simple. She did it when she was ready.

We had a similar problem with one of our daughters. Finally out of desperation I called La Leche League to see if anyone there could offer suggestions. What I was told worked for us, and it was totally based on logical consequences. It's been a long time ago, so many of the details are not clear but basically what they said to do was tell her that the next time she pooped her pants she would have to clean them herself. She was 3 something at the time and very strong willed. I explained to her what would happen. Sure enough she did it anyway. I put her in the bathroom and told her what I expected.

She really threw a tantrum and stayed in there for several hours, with nothing to do except smell herself and scream off & on. Believe me it took lots of courage for me not to cave in. Eventually she either asked for help, or else she was quiet and I asked her if she was ready for some help. Whatever it was, she complied. I guided her to clean what she could, and then I did the rest. We also had a talk about how she felt about it. It was not a "you should be ashamed of yourself" kind of talk. It was more like "how was it for you to be in the bathroom all that time?" And "Did it feel yucchy?" "How about the smell?" etc. "What can you do so you won't have to do that again?" She got it! No, things weren't perfect after that, but just about.

Prayer helps. If I remember right, that's how I got the idea to call LaLeche League. Good luck!

I really think it may not be her time yet. She may not be ready yet. After the oldest one turned three, the second one turn five, they pretty much insisted to do the deed in the potty or the real toilet. Hope this helps.

My daughter did this too (from time to time). We started a chart that we hung in the bathroom, so when she did poop we would draw a picture to make her laugh (stickers might work for your kid). 2 or 3 pictures/poops= a present, like a new My Little Pony or a princess crown, something reasonably cheap. We would leave the present in the bathroom so that she would see it everyday before she earned it. Also, every time she tried at all we gave her candy, like 3 Pez. Bribery isn't always the answer, but if it helps her have more positive feelings about using the potty then I think it's OK. My daughter hardly ever refuses to poop anymore even though she doesn't get gifts any longer; and we eventually moved the # of poops up to 4, 5, 6, 7, 10 to get the present. It has to be something she really wants. Try not to make a big deal about it, because you can NOT force a kid to go, and it just becomes a power struggle. Also make sure you are feeding her lots of good food like fruit, whole grain bread, plenty of water, etc. so you know she's not constipated. Don't let her eat too much junk, cheese, bananas, things that are binding.
Good luck!

My son was the same way - just had absolutely ZERO interest in going poop in the potty. Peed just fine, but no pooping.
So we decided to give him 'poop treats' - a small jar holding jelly beans -- when he actually pooped IN THE POTTY, he got a poop treat. It worked! And we only needed to do the poop treats a couple days, three at the most, before he was in the habit & forgot to even ask about the treat...
Wiping was another issue, but we'll save that for another time!

Interesting, my daughter who is 4 just went through this. We gave her the perscribed lazxtive once a day, not twice though. We have been encouraging her to drink lots of water and for dinner we are making sure she gets things like lima beans, baked beans, green beans, peas lots of fiber. I would try to increase the fiber as much as you can and tell the baby-sitter to make sure she drinks the water you set out for her. I would love to find out what the Children's dr says. I also have a friend going through the same thing. I wonder if it is a girl thing. My son on the other hand is no where near this problem. In fact he is going to be interesting to potty train since it is always runny. I have also been thinking about getting something like BeneFiber to make a more natural approach so it is not so runny, have you thought of that as well. Hope this helps and I know how you feel

Hi,
We had the exact same problem with our 3 year old daughter. It was so frustrating! One day I put a potty chair in the bathroom (she had beed sittingon the big potty with a seat for her and stool). I just let it sit there. She was so curious about it and sat down and without any suggestion or coaxing, she pooped! She had not had any problems since!! She is using her "princess potty" 24/7 now. She had been holding her poop for days and I would give her medicine, but that make things much worse!! Just a thought... good luck!

I agree with not pressuring her anymore. Let it be her decision. Potty training is a control issue. My son, who is now 12, was the same way. I told him that he had to wear big boy pants, but when he needed to poop he HAD to put a pull-up on. He eventually thought this was a hassle(as did I but I remained neutral) and walked into the potty one day by himself and pooped. No problems after that and he never wet the bed or had another accident. A wise woman (BSN, MSN, PhD, FNP, My mother-in-law) once told me that by kindergarten 99% of all kids are completely potty trained.