Oh D., I hear you with such empathy!! My son is only 4 and we have been through hell already. My 15 year old was a handful, never diagnosed, but none the less a handful. He is now an incredible student and has found what works for him.
I pulled my 4 year old out of public school and tried a private school. He was kicked out this past week. The issues in class are not as bad as she made it out to be, but in a nut shell, my son and a full classroom environment does not = a positive learning environment. So, I am starting the journey of homeschooling him. There is a great co-op that I am part of, lots of socialization opportunities. He is very bright and will be doing a curriculum that is one year ahead of his age.
We just recently tried a homeopathic remedy called Calm Forte by Hylands. It was recommended by the compounding pharmacist in our area. It took the edge off...and he was better able to focus. I only gave it to him once because now he is battling a cold and I did not want to mix with cold medicine. Check it out.
I agree with advice about diet and supplements. We give our son Omega 3's and he responds really well to them. If we run out and I don't purchase a re-fill within 2 days, I notice a difference. We also watch very carefully..food dye. He cannot handle food dye. He loses all focus and bounces off the walls. We also offer him Vitamin C, which is a natural detox as well as a good multivitamin. We had some lab work done to determine areas of which he was deficient and he came back deficient in calcium so we are supplementing with that too.
We are going to be using Calvert Curriculum. Google it. I am setting up a spare room as our "creativity center". This is where we will do all our work and creative projects. My son learns by being very involved and hands on.
If you decide to stay in the school, do you have an IEP? Have you requested a functional behavioral assessment at their expense? Have you requested a 1:1 aide? Does he get OT? Check out wrightslaw.com Have you ever read "the out of sync child?"
I opted to not use my energy to fight the district. I did not want my son's self esteem in the toilet because he did not fit into their "box". He may be a square peg, so I will use my energy to create a square hole instead of trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. He is brilliant and learns differently than others...and is ahead of the curve...
If you ever need to bounce information off someone, shoot me a message. I wish you all the best on your journey...
T.