Help with a 12 Month Old Biter....

Boy, this is a hot topic!

I have 14 month b/g twins & my son bites every so often. It's nice to hear it's just a phase & he'll grow out of it.

Thanks for all the great advice!

L. in Wood Dale

I have now 2 year old twins and a 5 1/2 year old, all boys. My oldest was a terrible biter and we tried nearly everything. Time was really the only cure. There are a million theories on causes and approaches, none right, none wrong. We did find though that the best thing we could do was make sure that the bitee got a ton of attention right in front of the biter. Even that extra second taking the biter over to time out is a mini-reward if he's attention seeking. First thing, ask the bitten child (assuming you're talking about your other twin...one of ours bites his twin all the time and I read that 90% of twin pairs has a biter) if he's ok, put an ice pack on the bite, coo over him, whatever you do. When he's settled, address the biter and impose whatever consequence you find works best for you. This way, there's no payoff.

More than anything else, just keep taking deep breaths and know that he will outgrow it. The biting twin is pretty much over it now, and our oldest was mostly done biting by 2 as well. I know that seems a really long way off, but we began seeing a big decline in the behavior a good while ago. As language develops, his frustration will decrease and one of the causes will be dealt with.

Good luck.
K.

My mom said that she actually bit us when we were younger..(it was just myself and my sister) she said it wasn't hard...but just enough for us to know what it felt like and we never did it again.

Hi H.,

We had a biter and the only thing that worked for us was putting vinegar in his mouth. Everytime he bit we would take a medicine dropper with vinegar in it and put it in his mouth. You don't even have to dispense it - as soon as they get the taste of it, you'll know. It only took about 3 times and he no longer bit. Sounds gross but works fast and doesn't hurt them.

good luck!
M.

I experienced that with my dau. when she was 18 mos old and i got feedback that ranged from ignore it to re-focus them on something positive to take away all toys, etc. and even to bite back lightly! i tried them all and it was just something she had to wear out of. thank god she did quickly.

What worked with us (and we had a terrible biter) was instead of us biting him back, we actually pressed his arm up to his teeth just enough to let him know what it felt like when he bit us. And we then told him very firmly that we do not bite. He has not bitten us in over 6 months.

Dear H.,

I know what you are going thru. I run a daycare out of my home and one of the young kids bite all the time. Its hard to do but when the your son bites your other son, pay a lot of attention to the one that got bit. Then go and write down what happened and hopefully you can see a pattern of what is going on. Let's just say that your kids names are johnny 1 and johnny 2. So you would write what happened at what time. Here is an example.

9am
johnny 1 was playing with a toy and johnny 2 leaned over and bite johnny 1.

I usually write it down for a couple of days to see if there is a reason that he is biting. The class that I took said to get down on the childs level and tell the kid that bites that it hurts. But when it first happens spend more time with the child that was hurt.

Good Luck
B.

Hi H.! My son is now 3, and he started biting when he was about 2. I have 2 girls who are 11 and 8 and I never had this problem with them at all. With Erik, he would bite me or the girls when he got mad. I usually stopped him before it got to bad, or to hard. He is special needs and goes to Hope Wall preschool in Aurora. He will also bite himself out of anger or frusteration. This has lessened now that he has words to use and is learning but it was tough. I would take both his hands, look him in the eyes and say no biting, biting hurts and we do not do that. If you are upset, you tell me or daddy etc. He would get so mad, and I would hold his hands down and sometimes did have to pin him down, because he would get so out of control I had to do that to keep him from hurting himself or anyone else. I hated doing it, but had to. Anyhow, he finally did get the point. I dont know if it would work with yours because he is younger then Erik, but you can try that. Then, Erik would do it to himself and try to get me to look at him but I would ignore it, since he was doing it, knowing full well he was not suppose to do it. He would leave big huge red bite marks on himself too. I hope this can help you some. It is hard, and frusterating I know.

S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

Hi, H.! All 3 of my children were biters...because they were cutting teeth, NOT for attention or anger! but then again, if your gums were killing you, you'd be angry..and want attention.

Try Tylenol for medicating the pain. And try small bagels and waffles frozen hard for something to chomp on.

If you really want to do a psych number on an older child, threaten to bite his favorite toy. Thanks to her love for the Barney doll, my 2-year-old quit trying to nip me.

Good luck!
PS - that 2-year old is 16 today, and has the most beautiful smile with perfect teeth: there IS hope!

My friend dealt with this...probably not the most popular idea, but she made her little guy bite down on a bar of dove soap. Let me tell ya he stopped!
Good luck!!!!
K.

I just read some of the other pieces of advice...My friend only did this after exhausting every other alternative. Someone posted that 1 year olds do not understand, I totally disagree. When my daughters were 10mo old and crawling to something they knew they were not supposed to touch, they would look back at me and laugh and crawl with all their might to get into whatever it was. Kids are smarter than people give them credit for!

Hi H.!
I'm sure that having two TWIN 1 year-old boys is enough in your house not to mention that one bites! I have a 5 year-old who was never quite a biter but I do have a thought for you. Do you think he may be teething? I mean it is very possible for one to start earlier than the other. If that's not the case then I would bet he's just going through a stage. All you can really do is just continue to reinforce to him that it's wrong by however you're doing it and he will begin to understand. It just takes time. After you continue to do it and do it and do it he'll get it.
One thing I've learned about my son is that time-out did not work for him until he was older. I started to use time out when he was about three. By then he was talking and he understood more of what's right and what's wrong. At a year old kids are still discovering the world around them, but they're not quite discovering themselves yet so they don't always understand when they do something wrong (like you said!).
If you're sure that it's not teething or some other type of "specific reason" then I would suggest that you just continue reinforcement that it's wrong and he'll get it. Has he been biting for awhile or did it just start? Does he only do it at certain times or when certain things happen or is it random?
My son has a sensory deficit disorder (which he is okay with now he just needed some occupational therapy) and he did things to feel pressure like walking hard (kind of like stomping his feet when he walked) and banging things for the pressure, too. He's outgrown these things but they were an issue. It's a little far-fetched, I know, but I just want to mention it to you for something to think about: Is it possible he may have a sensory issue with it and he likes the pressure?
I don't know some of these answers but if I can help you at all this is what I have, H.. Good luck to you with your little guys!
Kim

BTW - I read a response given to you by another parent about vinegar. I suggest to you to NOT use that method. That sounds insane and cruel. Why would someone choose to discipline a little one year old child who's just learning about the world around him by shoving vinegar in his mouth??? Does that child know any better? No - that is why that child has parents. To teach him. Not to have vinegar forcefully shoved in his mouth. And you know he was forced. Sounds like they used a fast acting treatment to a problem that just needs some reinforcement that it's wrong and a little patience. Good luck.

My son is 13 mos and a biter also. He will bite his older brother out of anger (which he does deserve sometimes :) He will bite us out of anger or frustration sometimes also. Sometimes I think he does it just to see what will happen. When he does this to us, we stearnly say no and put him down or walk away from him. I am hoping that he will learn that when he bites, he will not get any attention from us. Although it seems like forever, I know that this will pass. My older son was a biter also, but not until about 18 mos.

You are not alone, good luck.

C.