Help with a Runaway Toddler

When I took a parenting seminar, someone asked that same question. The parent educator's answer was to put the child in a stroller. First give the child one more chance, saying, "If you run away today, next time you will have to go in the stroller." She will probably test you, so have the stroller ready for the next time you leave the house. After that, try again without the stroller, but if she runs away, go back to the stroller the next time. Just don't let it slide and be really consistent and strict about it. That's what the lady leading the seminar said. Hope this helps!

C.,

Multiple have suggested the child harness and leash, and I'm not different. I have an autistic 3 1/2 year old and and 18 month old who both love to run. If I didn't have the harness and leash, I don't know what I'd do. I bought mine at Target for $10. They look like the child is carrying a monkey backpack and the tail of the monkey is the leash which does detach. I have had so many people ask me where I got them because their child needs one. You can also by this item at Walmart. For the price I paid, it is so worth buying when you have runners. Have fun and good luck.

Try taking a light weight or umbrella stroller with you. Tell her that if she doesn't listen that she'll have to sit in the stroller.
Hope this helps.
M.

I know this is a fairly obvious way of handling the situation but it really works for us. My son(will be 3 next month) loves to run away from us as well. We take him to the park atleast once a week. We tell him if he leaves the playground then we go home, simple as that. If he doesn't listen when we tell him to get back on the playground, we leave. He has gotten really good about taking our hand as soon as we leave the outline of the playground and as soon as we say get back here, most of the time he listens. Maybe try and take her to more places like the playground where she's less likely to get hurt if she runs away from you, so she can learn the consequences of her actions. If she doesn't listen, then she can't play and come back again at a later time and try again.

When I worked at a preschool, I learned that the best to win a fight with a toddler is to avoid it. As you could probably teach me: discipline is simply guiding someone to the behavior that is desired. With that in mind, what I found most successful in the 3 year olds was: make discipline fun; make it a game.

Give them times when their behavior must be limited (for safety sake) and times where it's quite the opposite. For instance, in the house use the words "Inside voice and walking feet only"; then take her to the park and while raising your voice -in play!- 'yell' "Outside voice and running feet only". Then, when you are in your yard try "Outside voice and WALKING feet only". Finally start playing 'Red light, yellow light, green light". Teach her that Red Light means you have to freeze; stop; be a statue; be silly, even and teach her to pose when she hits a Red Light. Yellow Light means she has to slow down and walk only. You can make Yellow Light fun and silly sometimes by teaching her to turn and walk backwards, or walk and sound like an animal. Green Light means 'Go, girl, go! Is that as fast as you can go? You can go faster than that! Oh, you're a blur!! Where'd she go? I lost her!"

Now, when it's NOT important make it a fun game as you walk down the sidewalk as you vary between the Lights. Oh, if she goes to far and you need her to head back toward you teach her to 'Back the Truck Up' and BEEP, Beep, beep like a big truck sounds like when it's backing up. You can call it "Back up; Back the Truck Up; or White Lights (like when you put the car in reverse).

Just an alternative that will take the edge off; and take the fight away. Be sure to allow for as many 'green light' opportunities as possible.

You can also give her opportunities to run by teaching her that she can run to the next lamp post; then turn around and run back and so forth.

I hope this helps.

ps. to this day, my 15 year old will occasionally get out the front door and jump down the stairs yelling and running. If you ask him what he's doing he'll laugh and say 'outside voice and running feet, time!' *big grin*

Hi C.:
Wow - I wish my Mom were close enough so I could get help sometimes - that is just great for your family. My son is 2 1/2 and I have been telling him the rules since he was old enough to toddle. I'm already "patterning" about "look both ways" eventhough that's a long time away. He is required to hold our hands outside at every outing. We are just now "practicing" him walking right next to us without holding hands. He also used to run when we were outside. So while we were inside and it was not critical - we play the opposites game for anything I want him to learn. In this case "Stop" "Go". And we play it so he gets it and then I tell him how we will use it outside. Then we practice outside before we set off and he's told that if he does not stop when ask that we will have to stop playing and go inside or have time out. And then I say "Say YES Mommy" So I know he heard and understands. I do this for everything. I remind him everytime. Other situations like playgrounds I remind him "No Deisel 10 face, no shouting, no pointing" And he actually repeats it to me once I start the list.And I gently tell him what I expect throughout the whole day. I just squat down to his eye level and speak quietly to him. Cos he's 2 - his attention span is only seconds long. In the Mall I give him checkpoints. He holds my hand - but when he fusses about that I distract him by telling him what we are going to next. We are going to see the fish tank. And get him to tell me about the fish on the way. Then to get away from the fish - It's Hey - YOU get to push the elevator button. After that - it's the outside door button so it automatically opens. This keeps him moving to the car without a hassle. I'm 46 - he's my only child - I'm too tired for a lot of hassle!!! I hope that helps. Sorry for the long post - but raising toddlers - requires details!!!

Hi C.,
I had the same trouble with my 3 yr old a few months back. I was fearful of going into an airport or any other busy area. I purchased the teddy bear backpack harness which has a tether that attaches in the back. I only use it as a disciplinary tool.
At first he thought it was fun to wear it, then he figured out he couldn't run away... At first he wore it. Period. No choice. Now we talk about it "I am bringing the Teddy Bear Back Pack. If you stay with us we'll leave it in the stroller. But if you run away you'll have to wear it." It works like a charm!
I hope this was helpful for you,
C.

Try holding her hand. Do not let go. She will want you to let go, but don't. She will have to earn that trust from you. My child hated when I held her hand without letting go. They feel restrained. Once she has earned your trust and you let that hand go and she gets out of line. Grab her hand again. This time don't let go. Maybe the next time you are out in public, hold her hand, then let go and see what she does. It took my child a few times, but she caught on. It's worth a try.

My first daughter started running probably a day after walking and I got a ton of exercise chasing her around. She ran away from me once to cross the street at 2, this was the only time I've swatted her bottom. I also said something like NEVER RUN INTO THE STREET! I think this behavior comes from high-energy, the need to explore, and lack of fear. All good things at the right time. I would suggest finding some safe outlets for her energy like a big field or gymnastics class and setting some up some simple rules like no going in the street without holding your hand.

When possible, I used to just let my daughter lead and stayed within swooping distance if she started to approach something dangerous. Also, at three, children can understand some basic explanations about what the boundaries are in different situations. Playgrounds for small children often have fences and you can explain she can go anywhere inside the playground but outside she has to stay close or at least in view. I often explained that if children can't see me then I can't see them and I always needed to see them. When we go to a city my rule is they have to stay much closer to me than when we're in the suburbs. My daughters are now 5 and 8. They're much better but we still have to have a short talk to remind everyone of the rules in crowded places when we go somewhere special.

Hi C.,
I can tell you what I did and maybe it will work for you. We always made our kids hold our hands and then when we started to let go and they would run off we would pick them up and tell them if they could not stay near us then they would be held like little babies. We had to hold tight, because you know they squirm and I must say both our kids got the point and they stay near us. We also use the red light, green light game and they like that. You yell red light when they get to far and they stop and then when you catch up you say green light, but they have to walk no running after you say green light. I suggest trying it at home first, so she can get the concept before you go somewhere and try it. Hope I helped.

Hi - Under most public circumstances, our three year old simpley must hold our hands (like the mall). No exceptions.

But in some situations, like the park or the yard, she needs to learn to obey boundaries. When she was two and experimented with dashing off, we picked her up and left the situation. This was pretty effective since it generally meant she stopped playing. And I would continue to hold her, even into the house, until she squirmed and complained, otherwise it seemed like a "catch me" game. Then I would explain that we would try again the next day to see if she could act safely.

Under quieter conditions, I suggest looking for a context to talk about staying with a grown-up. Like a story book with children playing or a movie - "Hey, look.. what would happen if that little girl ran into the street?" Etc. This is a good time to start talking about good pedestrian behavior, what to do if you get lost, and stranger-danger.

This is one area where a child simply has to obey, no negotiations. I think if you draw a hard line here, it will resolve pretty quickly. In my case, my daughter figured out there was no pay-off for running away in about a week or less. Good luck.

Hi C.,

I am a preschool special ed teacher and have worked with many children who have difficulty understanding boundaries. One way that we have made progress with children running away and what I actually use with my one and 3 year old is a game called red light green light. You can start by making little signs on popsicle sticks (one red and one green) and play a little game in the yard or in the house. When the green goes up, she can go. When red goes up, she must stop. It turns the struggle into something fun and engaging. Eventually you fade out the signs and can just say red light or green light.

Good luck.

I would try holding her hand when you are outdoors.

You are wonderful to care so much about your grandchildren. I definitely agree with the recommendation of getting her ears checked. If they check out fine, then I would focus on positive reinforcement, since it seems that the negatives aren't working. State your expectations clearly and then when she does what you say verbally praise her like crazy- specifically mentioning what she did that was right (i.e."I really love how good you are at running back to me when I call for you" or "You are such a good listener. You always follow directions so well". Everyone likes to hear about what they do well- toddlers and adults alike. Start small, like when she's across the room and you want her to come to you and then gradually move outside. Be very clear about your expectations for her and what the consequences (both positive and negative) will be. Toddlers push limits, but with consistency and follow through she will adapt. Good luck. She's lucky to have you.

My 3 year old had the same problem until we started making her sit in the car and watch everyone being good. Now, when we go to the park and she tries to runn off, we go back to the car and sit and watch everyone else being good and listening to their mommies. It really has made her alot better. We go sit in the car once and if she is still running off, we go home and she can try it next week. We also have a friend who is a police officer and she came and talked to Mackenzie about being safe and not running away. She told her what can happen when she runs away and that helped too.

My son went through that phase and it was frightening. I lost him once in a shopping mall - he had decided to see the spiders in a pet store. Luckily he came out looking for me so that I can see the spiders. I told him we must stay home if he runs away and I kept that promise. If he ran away, we went home. In the stroller, with a seat belt and into the car seat with a seat belt and I insisted to hold his hand. If he refused we left and went home. Eventually he got the hint. He is 6 now and sometimes does not like to hold hands all the time as he is getting to be a big boy. He allows me to gently put my arm around his shoulder. And we do not cross a street or walk in a parking lot without holding hands. We stay in the car or on an curb until he agrees. Be strong and skip the errand or leave them at home until they cooperate.

C., this might be a silly idea, but maybe she is doing for the reaction or attention that she gets. Maybe in a controled environment you wait for her to take off and then turn and walk the other way, or keep walking or doing what you were doing and see if that works. I know with my daughter she did that she lost sight of me, and it scared her enough to realize what she was doing. It might work, it might not, but it's just a suggestion.

I would only let her run and play in a fenced yard only. If you decide to take her to a park then the second she stops obeying the rules play time is done and you leave. As for being out and about I would hold her hand whether she likes it or not. I have one daughter that did not like holding my hand so I would hold her hair. I would say "hand or hair" and she would either give me her hand or say "hair" I know it sounds strange but she liked having her hands free. She gestures a lot when she talks.

Hold her hand.

When we were kids, our parents told us that they were holding our hands and when we showed that we could be trusted to stay put they would let go. Then follow through on it.

Also, make sure she gets a chance to run around in a safe environment.

If your granddaughter understands, maybe you can start teaching her about missing children, and how some people can hurt her. I know this is very hard to teach, and she may not be old enough, but I taught my son our address and phone number when he was 4, and told him that if he ever gets lost from us, he should ask for police and give them the infomation. Maybe if she knows that bad things could happen if she runs away, she will stop. I know this sounds bad, but I don't know what else to suggest.

Good luck

Turn that harness around so it buckles in the back. I'd make her wear that thing until she was 20 if I had to! My oldest son was a runner. I put him in that harness until he was 5- that's when he figured out that he could NOT run from me - and none of his friends had to wear a harness.

YMMV!

Have her ears been checked. Childreen do continue to test us a
ll the time. From an 77y rear old Grandms. A friend was deaf and his mother didn't realize it until he was about 8 years old. I learned this when talking with his mother as he graduated from medical school with honors.

Buy a kid leash! My son was a runner and the only thing that stopped him was a tether. I tried all the discipline tactics and NOTHING worked! To add to my fun, I was super-pregnant and could not chase him, so the leash was perfect. I wish there was a "magic" cure for toddler running, but I think they just have to grow out of it.

When my daughter was almost 4, I had trouble with this. She would just run off. Like you, I had tried everything. I was in the store one day and she went off to another clothes rack. After getting really angry because she'd run off again, I decided to turn the tables and take a different route. I hid in the clothes rack. I could see her, but she couldn't see me. She turned around to find me and I was "gone". She started to get scared and I made my way out and played it like I had been looking for her. I told her this is why you have to stay with me. If she didn't she could get lost. It worked. She never ran off from me again. I know it probably wasn't what is in parenting books, but at that point in time I followed my gut and it worked. Could luck to you!

My kids (4&6) have never had this problem, but my neighbor did. She asked how I got my kids to listen. I told her that I tell my kids positive directions such as, you can go outside and wait by the car, when we are getting ready to go somewhere...or we can go outside to draw chalk on the driveway. Give them specifics and make it fun. I would constantly hear her tell her son, "Don't run to the street!" or "Don't put this or that in your mouth"...but what her son was really hearing was just the action words NOT the "don't" part. And it became more of a game and seemed more fun than listening! Most kids learn what the word "don't" means later or after they're gotten in trouble enough times over it. When your granddaughter does listen, make such a big deal over it!!! BIG HUGS & KISSES and say how happy it made you feel and how proud of her that she was a great listener!! I hope this helps a little...

Hi C.!
I didn't have this particular problem with my son but my sis-in-law did. She made sure she was in a secure place (hers was actually a small store where she could see the exit) & let my nephew wander off, & then she hid behind a clothes rack.She didn't call for him so he didn't hear her voice (kind of like radar I think). Well he started looking for Mom & couldn't find her & got very upset. Lesson learned & no worse for the wear.
Good luck!