Hi L.,
My son who is now 8 was diagnosed much to my disbelief when he was 6 with ADHD, sensory integration disorder and pragmatic language disorder. They told me he had it severe and needed meds and therapy (speech and occupational therapy). Talk about a shock. They also told me he has an over the average IQ which I did not doubt because he was reading fluently when he 3 and did first grade math when he was 4. Nevertheless, I was at a loss. I've a nursing background and am intimate with the effects of drugs which can be beneficial but as you know also bad. I fought with physicians, and stayed away from pro med doctors and psychiatrists that told me he would be a social outcast and fall back in school if he did not take meds at this young age. I was scared at what I was told and the literature I read did not help either. All doom and gloom mostly. Initially, out of fear from all I was told by the doctors, I did put him on Addreall XR when he started first grade. His teacher really could not handle him and he would come home each day crying about how he hates school and it broke my heart. I literally cried myself to sleep some nights feeling so much at a loss. My son has always been a happy and well rounded child but first grade started to make him feel that he was worth nothing with a teacher that did not understand or support him. Each time he cried after coming home from school, I used this as a sprinboard to explain to my son why we can't change other people's opinion of who we are but that we in turn must know who we are in ourselves, what are our potential, what we are capable of and that no one should tell us that we are bad, that we can't do this or that. He would tell me that he feels something is wrong with his mind and that it must be fixed. I kept telling him that nothing is wrong with it, absolutely nothing. But being 6 and still immature, he could not digest what I relayed although he knew I supported and believed in him. I needed him to know or to sense that I trust him and in his abilities to overcome this. I would not give up on taking him off the pill because taking the pill itself was a challenge. He would choke and was just not good at swallowing it. After a few months (whilst also relentlessly coaching my son about his behavior and having behaviour charts at home and in school), I decided to do a little test and took him off meds for a few days. His teacher did not mention that his behaviour was any worse during those times because she thought he was still on the pill. I tried it again the following weeks to see if she would notice and I would say 7 or 8 out of 10 times, she did not notice he did not take his meds that day. This indicated to me that my son was already applying some compensatory skills he was learning as he matures. One day my son told me he does not want to take the pill anymore because it made him feel different. I then made a pack with my son. I told him that if we are to stop taking it, then he must learn on his own to stay focussed, to be aware of his behavior at every moment and to really respect the rules of the classroom regardless of how he may feel. We made a pack and untill today, he has not been on any meds since then. It has been over 1.5 years since he took any medication. It has been a struggle and continue to be a challenge which we wholeheartedly face.
My partner and I have very very strict discipline and behavioral guidelines in the house and when we are in public. I limit his electronic game playing to a bare minimum and is used as a reward which works. We eat as much natural foods as we can. I educate my son each and every day, sounding like a broken record about what he has to be responsible for what he puts into his mouth and his body because his behaviour is modified with the food he eats. I've to instill in him self reliance and responsibility for his behaviour and his actions. There's been some battle of the wits but at the end of the day, I tell him whether he likes it or not, it is the rule and that we had an agreement. There is no other way if we are to remain healthy and happy. He has been a math wizard in school every month since he started 2nd grade, still drug free and doing so well. He has made some friends which is such a boost for his self esteem. He has had them in our house for sleep overs and has gone to their house for play dates. I don't second guess anymore, when I feel weak and worry over things especially if his teacher tells me something I dont like, my partner and I discuss it in depth and I am so thankful for him. He dispells any single doubt I may have that his behaviour is due to ADHD or anything else. He is a normal developing boy and has a lot of energy. We invest in things to do that allows him to channel his energy and creativity in positive ways. We still do have bad days but I would say, his good days are usually 90% spot on. There isn't any junk food in our house, he swims the lap pool, plays tennis, soccer, does the dishes every night, takes out the trash, recently started dance class as a creative avenue for him, I involve him in as much activities as possible. As he grows we modify our approach with him and so far things are working out. I wish you all the best and being med free is not impossible.
W.