Help with Bedtime for My 3 Year Old

I had this problem when we took away both the binky and the bottle. When we took away the binky and we bought him a new toy and after a week he was okay. However, when we took the bottle away it was not so easy. It took several weeks of crying. Once we gave him a sippy cup with water he was fine. He also has a couple of stuffed animals that he holds on to. I know that you probably feel like giving it back, but don't. It will only be harder the next time.

I hope things get better soon.

S.

T.,

Binky has been your son's major comfort through the night, and he very likely wasn't ready for that to be gone, even though he chewed through it.

I know you don't want to reintroduce it, but it's either THAT (which creates a permanence issue, not good), or sitting with him until he falls asleep (boring for you, but helpful for him).

People talk about what babies SHOULD be able to do, and each one is an individual. Meeting your baby's needs is best for your baby.

Music is not a bad idea; classical is 'best' but whatever you feel is necessary for him to relax is best for your baby. You might try a really tight tuck-in, close to a swaddle but with the sheets. (My son doesn't like ANY blankets/sheets yet! :)

My thought/feeling is that you spend the front-end time getting him to relax and know you are there (not that he doesn't but it's a subliminal thing I think that is the lack of binky is making him remember you're not RIGHT there) for him -- and you will have less of that hour as time goes on to get him to go to bed and stay in bed.

Just did a reread, and humming softly might help with the not talking.

Good luck, and you're doing a great job looking after his needs.

M.

We gave our little guy a "free Pass" (we just printed out a fancy looking paper, but it could be an object or ticket) -- he could use it one time to call us back or get out of bed for something. After that, there were punishments -- basically, each time we had to go in, we took one toy. (It's not like he was using them, but the drama when there were consequences!) Most kids have well over 30 toys, right? In dire times, we threatened to turn off his nightlight. The toys were returned the next morning.

He might be reaching an age where you can ask him, during a good moment in the day, what he thinks would help him get to sleep. Sometimes little ones can surprise us with good ideas.

Good luck. Stick to your guns!

My kids somehow were ok when I took away their pacifiers. I told them the Paci Fairy came and took them away and they all seemed ok with that story. But I've had other issues like when I took them out of their cribs. They kept getting up and crying just like your Ryan is doing. I finally put a gate on the door, let them (twins) cry it out. First day or two, they cried for an hour, but then they just went to sleep.

In terms of the pacifier, my doctor had once told me (although I didn't need to do it b/c my kids were ok when I took it away) that you should wean it off slowly by cutting the tip off of it and then cutting more and more each night. But sounds like your son did that by himself by chewing it!

Good luck. I know how frustrating it is...

Hi! We went through a similar situation, and nothing is worse than having to manage that situation. My husband started helping put my son to bed, and enventually he worked out with my son that he would sing him a song, leave a light on, and give him a drink of water.

I had tried the barracade, the close the door and let him cry route, and after a couple days for hours... Ask your son what he needs to stay in bed.

Oh and we also bribed him a few days for m&m's. If he stayed in bed, then I gave him a few m&m's in the morning. He is stubborn, and needed his own will to stay in bed. It wasn't much of a reward, but it was one.

good luck!

When I took away the thing which comforted my son the most, I replaced it with a stuffed animal. First there was Ted E. Bear (a sizeable brown squeezable bear), then there was Lemon (a stuffed lemur with long velcro hands & feet), and finally there was Fishy Fish (a bright blue and yellow wide stripped soft squishy fish).

My son in 14 now and these are the only toys from his childhood he has decided to keep.

It seemed to really help him and maybe it could help your little one too.

Make certain it one that is washable and dryable.

When the Binky Fairy came for my 2-1/2 year old's binky 3 months ago he did the same thing. He had always used the binky to fall asleep and now didn't know how to do it. It's taken the past 3 months to finally get him to learn to soothe himself. There is no magic cure, but what seemed to help was putting him down to sleep later when he's totally exhausted, and laying down with him for "two minutes" (he usually fell asleep within 5 minutes). We skipped naps a couple of times so he was super tired at night too. After doing this for a couple of weeks he was able to go to sleep on his own. He still asks me to lie down with him sometimes, but it's so much better to do that than to deal with him getting out of bed 25 times. Also, after I say goodnight at night I don't go back - my husband does. We figured out that when he wasn't able to have visits from me after bed time he was more able to go to sleep.
My son shares a room with his 4-1/2 year old brother and has a 10-month old sister. I think taking the binky was just part of his bedtime-madness since he's also dealing with being 2, being the middle child, and having a somewhat-new baby.
Good luck to you.

How about changing up the routine? As is, right now you have the same routine as always minus the binky so it might seem like something is missing to him. If you can change the routine or add in a few new things then he might more easily forget about the binky and settle in more easily for you.

It sounds like changing your routine may help a heap. I noticed a quick song, a book or two (about 15 min) and BAM!! right to bed. You could cut out the high powered show for a relaxing evening in his room. Maybe more stories, a little calm singing, a cup of water and extra cuddle time will help him feel more secure in his own space. I'm only on day three but all these things seem to be working to ween my son off of his bottle. We went cold turkey three days ago, and he was still getting three a day. I wish you lots of luck!!

Put a baby gate in the doorway, baby proof his room and ignore him. When he gets up he will be trapped in his room (which is where you want him to be). And don't answer his calls. Eventually he'll get back in bed and lay down. If he knows you'll come up, he'll keep it up. I did the same with my son when he was this age. As long as he stays in his room, don't worry about it.

Hi T.,
I'd say stop going in there and stop watching him on the monitor. Let him figure it out, as long as he is not coming out of his room - baby gate it if you must. If he wants to wander around the room, let him decide when to get back into bed. Going into his room multiple times makes him dependent on you if you are going into his room 30 or 40 times in an hour. Maybe he just needs to wander around for 10 or 15 minutes and then put himself back to bed, maybe he is looking for an alternate soother.

Although my son never used a binki much at all, we struggled witha bedtime routine. Children need routine, so we created a routine that would help wind him down and get him ready to sleep. The only shows he is allowed to watch before bed are Jeopardy or a video of Thomas The Tank. Then he gets 2 or 3 stories, a hug, kiss and lights out.
Now, although this sounds easy, it didn't start out that way. I started reading stories and laying down with him with a stuffed bear. After about 5 min, I would tell him I had things to do, but bear would be there to keep him company and if he needed mommy, I am never far away. It worked for about 10 min the first night and then he would call for me. Each time I would go to him, I would give him bear and say that Bear was there to help and that mommy was busy with _______ . i would rub his back for a minute or wo. Wait for him to get comfy and put bear next to him and say "goodnight, I'll see you in the morning.
Now, Bear stays on his bed all the time. Robert climbs into his bed and listens to the stories then lights go out. He may call once or twice but that is it. then he is off to sleep.

I think knowing that mommy is never far away and there is a furry friend to snuggle with really helped him drift off to sleep without any worries. I hope this helps. Good luck! If you have any questions or need support let me know and I'll be glad to help

:) A.