Help with Bedtime Issues

When my children have to sleep together in one space. I put on to bed first and put on a relaxing CD. I put the other one in bed thirty minutes later and by then the first one is asleep. While the first child is in bed I have the other one in the shower. I am a single Mom so I know how you feel.

Save yourself sanity, stagger their bedtimes. I have a 7 and 4 year old. The 4 year old is in bed by 7:15, is asleep pretty fast and then my daughter goes to bed by 8pm.
That way my oldest knows she has to be quiet, go to bed, we read stories in my room so not to wake her brother, gives me some one on one with her but since they share a room the only way it worked out was to stagger bedtimes.
I also when it first started, I would put up a chart, when they went to bed nicely not getting up or whining or anything they got a smiley face. If the goofed or complained about bedtime they lost one. After 14 smileys they got to pick out something from the dollar store.
I say stagger your bedtimes with the girls to save yourself.
Being four years apart they don't need to go to bed at the same time.

Do you have a bedtime routine? I had a very set routine such as get pjs on, brush teeth, get a drink, then I would read to them and sing them a song. If there were ever issues of them not calming down during this time I would simply sit in the doorway with the hall light on and quietly read a book. My presence seemed to do the trick to keep them quite.

I also wonder if your husband is more consistent in following through with discipline. I did read and use 123 Magic and as a life coach recommend it to my clients. The thing that helped me so much from the book was the idea of detaching my own emotions from the situation. I used to get all worked up and that just always made things worse and me inconsistent. 123 Magic gave me just the tool I needed. I also recommend Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon.

I used to stagger my 2 & 3 yr old bedtimes . Now I just put them to bed together an hour earlier than I want them to be asleep. They're not allowed to turn on their light or open their door. They do get to jump up and down on their crib/toddler bed. My 2 yr old can't get out of her crib. This makes things easier. I also don't keep any toys in their room. They jump wildly and sing to each other til they both wear themselves out.

They go to bed happy. They sleep better. I have less stress.

When one does happen to go to bed later than the other: "Shhhhh, ______ is sleeping. We don't want to wake him up."

For later: my oldest has 2 bedtimes 1/2 hour apart. If she's not in bed when the clock turns 9, she has to be in bed by 8:30pm the next night. She's pretty good about it with that restriction.

I agree with the staggered bedtimes. If they complain about it, give the option of going to bed with no giggling/playing for the next night. If they blow it, seperate times again the following night. I say that, because for awhile, my older son went to bed better if his brother was in the room.

Also, 1-2-3 Magic is awesome. I'd recommend the CDs or DVD over the book, though, as "hearing" it helps it click better. I disagree with the mom who said it's a strict dictatorship. There is no explaining on things that the child already knows is wrong. By explaining why we don't do something every time, only gives the child more of the negative attention they seek at times, plus it exhausts the parents. You sit the kids down and lay out the new rules. Then you follow-through consistantly and with love. If a child does something that they haven't done before and may not know is wrong, you still send to time out, but then you can explain it. Also, you can give quick explations on "One" like, "Sarah, that's One, we share our toys". Plus, kids shouldn't be allowed to talk back, and should do what mom and dad say when they say it. When all of it is done with love, and you do explain when needed, it teaches the kids how to be respectful and keeps everyone happier.

Put them to bed about a half hour apart.

Hi K.!
My name is S., and I ran into the same problem not too long ago. Our children are close to the same age, mine are 3 and 8, and and just started sleeping in the same room. Bedtime was most deffinatly a chore, to say the least. Basicly, we, as parents, have had to make it very clear, in a nicely toned manner, the WE are in charge. So the routine goes like this....
Jammer Up- 7-7:30 A chore, but do it with them
Brush teeth- 7:30 This takes about 15 minutes
When the jammers are on, and the teeth are brushed, "get into bed time." Kids need some wind-down time, because they have sooo much unspent energy. This may involve a few minutes of kids shows, but ALWAYS ends in reading books! Whether we are reading to the youngest, or the oldest is reading to her, books are an awesome way for any child to use their imagination to wind down.

Hopes this can help!

S.

K.,

I have two boys ages 2 and 6 and they share a room with bunk beds. I put the six-year-old to bed at 8:30 and the two-year-old goes down at 9:00. The six-year-old is in first grade and has to get up in the morning and the little one gets a nap in the afternoon; that is why the six-year-old goes down first. Every once in a while, I will put the two-year-old to bed in my bed and carry him into his room once he is asleep. Usually I do this if he is super tired and can't wait to go to sleep or if Daddy is not home. When Dad is not here, it throws off the schedule because he is the one that prays with them at night and tucks them in bed. Even when I follow the exact same routine, it doesn't always work. There is just something about daddy. I hope this helps. Happy sleeping!
T.

Hi K.-
I wanted to address the "when my husband is not around" as my husband is a grad student and away from the house 2 nights (last semester it was 4 -so it is a common thing in our house) - when I put our daughter to bed - no issues - when he is around - chaos! He doesn't see it but he is trying to, and has started to follow my lead as he knows Kendall goes to bed for me without the chaos.

1. set bed time - we use the timer on the microwave to alert our daughter "bed time" is here. That way if she is playing, being read to, etc. it gives her a sense that when this story is done, the puzzle she is working on is done - bedtime is here.
2. bathroom time - routine it - teeth brush, hair brush, potty time, jammies then straight to her room
3. we have a ditty we say which helps our daughter focus on the fact it is sleep time -not play time (Number 1 - Kendall stays in bed! Number 2 - Kendall has dry pants, dry bed (she has a portable potty in her room); Number 3 - Kendall goes to sleep! Number 4 - mom (and dad) shut the door!) The point is it routine and it works to focus her to bed time.
4. When i put her to bed - rarely do i ever have to go back to her room.
When my husband is home, that is more common - the funny part is that when I go back in - if she is goofing around - I say "what are you giving me (toy, etc) since I had to come back in here?" - whereas my husband gets totally suckered into the back rubs, the extra kisses, the "I can't find..."
Obviously if it is for a real reason (which obviously happens) she isn't in trouble - but when she is goofing around then I seem to be the serious one.

Ironically last night she started to pull the goof routine and I said I was done, told her goodnight, gave kisses and hugs, and after prayers, left the room - for the first time, the husband followed my lead and daughter was asleep in 10 minutes with no goofing off. She slept an extra 1/2 hour this morning too - so there may be something to a "unified" routine from mom and dad. She may think Dad is the pushover but last night she realized that WE were united. Big difference.

I am not sure about the 2 kids in the same room but the other suggestions of staggered bedtimes sound pretty good.
Best of luck!

I love Magic 1, 2, 3. I also would stagger their bedtimes. Put the younger one down earlier and let her get really sleepy. Then, put the older one down. There is enough age difference to make it happen. With the older one, I would take away privlages for the next day. Good luck and be consistant.

I feel for you. My husband is a long haul truck driver and gone for a few weeks at a time. My boys (now 7 & 5) have always shared a room, and we've had the same issue. For a while I just let them go to bed in different rooms (one would go in my room). After they were asleep I'd put them in the proper bed.

And before you (or anyone else) has nightmare visions of this going on forever, and trying to lift a big kid into bed, I can tell you that they have pretty much grown out of it. Sure, every now and then, they get a bit wild sometimes at bedtime, and sometimes ask to sleep in my bed, but for the most part, I tell them "bedtime" and they go. Much easier than my 10-year-old daughter who's doing the "tween" attitude thing. (But she'll grow out of that too <grin>)

K.,
I find myself with more questions then answers.
What is so different when their father is around?
Why are the girls put to bed at the same time?
With the age differences I would believe they would have two different bedtimes.
With my whole heart, C.

Hi K.,

I have read 1-2-3 Magic and it works, but it is not a good book. It turns your home into a dictatorship where kids are not allowed to talk back or question mom and dad, just follow whatever you say or go to time out.

Better books are Love and Logic types. Research shows that the very best parenting method is to have firm rules, with an explanation as to why and natural consequences for bad behavior, rather than time out.

Good luck,

Marci

well K. the thing i did when my kids were little and sharing a room was i did the whole bedtime ritual and then i grabbed a book and sat in the doorway just in the hall. No yelling no screaming no pinching.... just patience (mostly ignoring them) but when they started to talk to one another or figit i would would say shhhhh... over and over...lol it took about 2 -3 months to get them in the habit... but it worked for me hope this helps you... good luck D.