Help with Clingy 16 Month Old

It's certainly a phase and my 19 month old has been there for a while. I've found that giving him my undivided attention for a while sometimes buys me time alone or time he'll happily play with his 3 year old sister. Also, sometimes, I've carry him in the backpack and get dinner made that way.--He's with me and I can hand him snacks while I get to cook. Finally, I've also let him cry it at times when I HAVE to get something done, like take food out of the oven! Good luck, I know what you're going through.

My son went through that only he was 2yo at the time. I would guess that he will phase out of it, but that does not help you now. Try getting him something that he really enjoys like a book, a favorite toy or even a movie like Baby Einsteins to occupy him while you do your house work, shower or cooking. Whenever possible have him in the room with you when you are doing these things to give him the sense that you are not leaving him alone. I used to sit my son in his high chair with a few small toys to keep him happy while I cooked, folded laundry etc. He was tied in so I did not have to worry about him getting into trouble or climbing all over me and he felt included in what I was doing. Hope that helps!

What about a sling? There is a great women that owns KeriMeMomma who will come to your house, she sells a bunch of different slings. She also educates people on the importance of wearing your baby. A sling really helps your baby feel close and secure while you are still able to go about doing what you need to do.

My experience with whining was so annoying!! It was before my son had many words to use and he quickly learned that when he whined, we responded. So, we started telling him to use his words. He soon did! Then once he had words, we told him that we couldn't hear him/understand him when he whined and would imitate when he whined what it sounded like. He found this funny and it was a good distraction from the act of doing it. He still whines on occasion but he has a large vocatbulary and has since learned that to get what he needs, he must use those words!

I do! I have a 19 month old who is just starting to get over the worst part of this clingyness. This last month has gotten much better. He's never been in daycare and I never get babysitters so it's probably my own fault. I have a 3 year old as well. I have been going to playgroups and I have to say that yesterday's playgroup was EXCELLENT! He went off on his own with no problems at all and didnt look back for me once! So it just takes some time. What I started doing a month ago was ignoring him when he was crying and holding onto my leg. After about 5 minutes he decided he was done with me and went off with his brother to play. It will just take some time! I don't suggest time outs either. Good luck!

Dear K.,
My youngest loved to be held and cuddled all of the time and I trusted my instinct to give her all she wanted and she is now the most contented and well adjusted 7 year old. I would recommend getting a sling which will free your hands up to do what you need to do and give your son the attention he is asking for. Also make sure to take some quiet time for yourself when he is sleeping so you can have the peace you are looking for. All the best to you.

K.,

My daughter (age 26) has a 2 year old and 2 month old. The two year old is now very clingy and wants constant attention now that she's not the only one in the spotlight.

I am a holistic health counselor (homeopath, acupressurist and nutrition counselor)and have found that homeopathy works wonders in this sitution. It is all natural and no side effects. You may want to do some research to see if this is something you'd like to pursue. I'd be happy to speak to you directly if you'd like more information ###-###-####.

Hi,
I am probably not going to be alot of help but I have a 15 month old going through the same thing! I just want you to know that they DO "grow" out of this stage...I know it's not helpful now but they will get better. It's driving my husband crazy right now because he thinks he doesn't even like him sometimes but alot of children go through this stage. I have two older sons who all went through this stage, just to different degrees. Maybe it's a boy thing :). I can't even sit at the computer when he is awake because he has to sit right on top of me...I guess I am just enjoying him wanting to be so close to me because I know it's such a short time that they want to be with you! I have an 18 and 16 year old and they could care less about cuddling now...not with me anyway...haha! Keep your chin up, it really does get easier!!!!! Good luck and let me know if you need any moral support from someone else who has a cling-on!!

I have a 13 month old whom is extremely clingy, she comes to the bathroom with me and wants a bite of everything I eat (even if she has the same thing on her plate), she wont eat it if I do not have it too, and she wants to do house work with me. She just wants to be wherever I am and doesnt want me to attention anything but her. Sometimes its cute and sometimes I go crazy. But I try to put myself in her place and figure out why this might happen at any given moment. When I am doing the dishes and she is screaming and pulling at my leg ... I hop her up onto the counter with something to play with and she sits and watches me do the dishes. Same thing with folding laundry - I give her clothes to "fold". It makes her feel like I am acknowledging her and including her, and this way I dont have to hear her scream. I also try to let her know that "I will be right back" when I leave the room and make sur eafter a minute of being gone that she knows I know where she is and that she is behaving by staying where she is and being good by not crying. Some kids just want to be by your side ALL the time and as much as it can be annoying, its a good thing and we just need to work with them rather than teach them to leave us alone when we need to do something else.

You've gotten some good advice already--I especially second the idea of encouraging him to "help" you whenever possible.

My middle child was this way as well. He was very demanding, high-needs for the first 2 years. In retrospect, we now know that part of the problem was a health issue we hadn't discovered: he was celiac and until we discovered this and changed his diet he almost always had a stomach ache which contributed to the clinginess and whininess a LOT.

But, health issues asside, the thing that helped us was to put him on my back in a baby carrier. I liked an Asian Style carrier called a Mai Tai which kept him close on my back and distributed his weight evenly on both shoulders and my hips. This way I had both hands free to work and he could have all the contact he so obviously needed.

Having this closeness when he needed it reassured him a lot and while we would have brief periods of time when he needed a lot of carrying he did become more sercure and independant before too long. Before we had even figured out his health issues he'd become a more independant little guy and was spending much less time on me and more time playing.

He's still my most demanding touch-needing child, but nothing like those first 2 years. I think some people thought he'd never be happy anywhere but with Mommy, and now he's a happy outgoing little extrovert who loves everybody.

Good luck. It's hard to be needed to that degree and easy to get frustrated and touched-out. Believe me, I know! I spent those first 2 years wishing he'd find some way to comfort himself that didn't involve being on *me*, pulling and twisting my hair, squeezing, pinching etc--being a human lovey is a tough job! But in retrospect it was all worth it to have such a sweet, happy, secure kid on the other side. It will happen for you, too!

My son and now my grand daughter was/is that way. I, personally, love it! My daughter was not at all clingy, she likes to be alone and thinks I respect/love her when allowed to be alone. So, I have had it both ways. With my son, I would hold him and I would let him hang on me constantly and it drove my sister crazy to even see him do it all the time, she needs her space and is not a touchy type person and feels invaded when it is a constant "hang".

To make your son do time outs is not a right way to deal with his NEED to be close and have affection. Some individuals need touch, others need verbalization, and yet others need their individual space to feel loved.
It is hard when a child needs the touch stimuli and the mom needs a different type of stimuli, thus the problem.

Having him be involved with whatever you are doing is a good way to give him the comfort he needs.
I guess I would say enjoy it while they are young! I still sling my grandbaby(2yrs8ms)when she wants to be close. Oh, and BTW, my son is 24 and isn't needing to be held all the time, but he does want a hug everyday!!

My son was very clingy with me for a long time. He would wail if I went to the bathroom by myself or walked away from him for any reason. As much as I love him, I needed my space and needed him to be a little more confident and independent. I started taking him to a supervised playgroup where the parents play with the kids for a little while, then the parents go in another room for a little while. We went to the playgroup once a week, and he cried every time. Eventually, he learned that "Mommy always comes back". I was then able to put him in daycare part-time, and this has reinforced his confidence SO much. He never cries when I drop him off, but he is always happy to see me when I pick him up. I now feel like he is happy and independent enough to play on his own, but still very loving and loves to snuggle with Mommy. I wish you the best!
L. F

Hi One of my daughters took a picture of herself and gave it to her little one to carry around with him. It seemed to comfort him.
Another daughter, and I have 5, would always talk to the child from whereever she was and they would 'sing' together. She would only stay out of sight for a few seconds then come into where he was and clap her hands and say HI. Sort of like a peek a boo game. This worked quite well.

I know how annoying that can be when the child is always whining to be with you. A special toy for 'Mommy will be right back' to give him when you leave sometimes works. Then have him give you the toy back when you are together.

I hope you find SOME help from these ideas. B.

Just chiming in with another vote for patience and love coupled with an Ergo (http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/), Beco (http://www.becobabycarrier.com/), Mei Tei (http://www.babyhawk.com/), or pouch sling (http://www.kangarookorner.com/). You can find gently used versions of all of these at Ebay also. At his age/size you may have the best luck with one of the first three since they make back carries extremely easy and comfy. Good luck!

It will be hard but leave him be... He will whine for a while but sooner or later he will realize its not going anywhere and stop it..