Help with Head Banging

Hello,

My 20 month old has begun doing the same thing. I go to an amazing therapist and have been talking to him about this and he thinks it is fairly normal during a certain age but how you respond can determine how long it lasts and whether or not it turns into something bigger as he gets older. He gave me some good advice on how to handle the situation. First of all DO NOT let him do it. Stop him from hurting himself. He can cause damage to his head and neck. Also tell your husband NEVER to yell at him about it. What I have been told to do and it helps the situation is stop my baby first. Drag him away from whatever he is banging on, put your hand in the way, whatever you have to do. Then hold him, even if he struggles. Hold him, stroke his hair, back whatever is calming to him and talk to him. Ask him why he wants to hurt himself when he is upset. What he is so upset about, what he needs. Encourage him to think about why he does it. Give him some words he can use to tell you what is going on with him. Even if he does not understand or can't answer. Eventually he will and you are planting the seeds of communication and caring with him. Don't respond negatively to this and don't ignore it. You will only make the situation worse and possibly turn it into a bigger problem in his future. Best of luck to you.

I feel your pain. My son use to do it when he was mad or frustrated. At the time we had tile and carpet. I would just drag him off the tile and to the carpet and walk away. When he stopped getting attention, he stopped banging his head for as long. I think it also helpped to see what triggered the head banging and help it not get that far. If you have never seen it, have a look at Positive Disaplin A-Z book.

Dear L.,
Do your best to get him into a crib or playpen when this starts to protect his head. But you really need to talk to your pediatrician about this. He is having a hard time with his emotions and you need sage advice on how to help him react appropriately.
STac, mother of 7.

Head banging is a normal outlet for toddlers who are frusterated and can't express how they are feeling. I know your son is young but try to get down on his level and talk to him. Say I know you are upset because... and try to talk through it. Getting on the floor with him or scrouching down to his height and talking to him helps. He wants you to understand and validate his frusteration. Try it and see what happens. Good luck

Sometimes when children bang their head purposely during a tantrum, they don't have the right words to express how they feel. When my son did this, I used to get down to his level and say things like, "I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I wanted that [toy, game, food, etc.]. I wanted to go to the [park, playground, playgroup, etc.] That's not fair." He may suddenly stop what he's doing to listen to you, because he now realizes that you understand how he feels.

During the next tantrum, tell him to use his words to describe how he feels. If he can't, you can help him along. By teaching your son to use the right words to express how he feels, he may eventually stop the head banging. Good luck!

L.,
Consider getting a copy of the DVD or book 'The Happiest Toddler on the Block" - great information and approaches that may help. It is by Dr. Harvey Karp.

Here is an excerpt from a website advertising it:
"Would you like to stop up to 80% of your toddler's tantrums in just a few days? The Happiest Toddler video / DVD is the perfect companion to the book. Watch Dr. Karp as he teaches, step-by-step, his extraordinary discovery of the "Fast Food Rule and "Toddler-ese." Practice his approach for just a few days and you will be rewarded with fewer, shorter and milder tantrums! As an extra bonus, you will be building your toddler's self-esteem, teach him or her patience, respect and having a lot more fun time! The video is approximately 45 minutes long. The DVD contains a bonus chapter of an additional hour of Dr. Karp demonstrating his effective techniques and helpful questions and answers from parents of toddlers."

I am not connected to the book or to Dr. Karp, but I did have a chance to meet him and learn about this DVD and also his "Happiest Baby on the Block" when he did a presentation for our agency. I was very impressed.

Good luck. -J.

L.,
You need to get him to a Doctor immediately. He has a disorder and without medical help or really knowing what it is that you are dealing with, you are doing him no favors. Many neurological disorders start at this age group. Or at least they are not detected until this age. This behavior is not at all normal.

I urge you to get help for him. A simple medical check up and you being honest to the doctor about these symptoms are very important for his growth and future development.

L.

You won't be able to completely avoid him banging his head on the hard floors when he begins a tantrum, but I'd make a soft place with a soft mat, blankets or whatever. Just a place big enough for his body with very little extra around it, and designate that as his tantrum spot. Make it a place that's out of the family traffic pattern, but where you can easily observe him. When he starts a tantrum, try first verbally sending him to that spot, but if he doesn't go, pick him up calmly, take him there and tell him that's where he's allowed to have his tantrum and he may come out of there when he's all done. If he tries to get up and leave before being finished, just calmly put him back with the same admonition.
One thing I noticed in your request is that you have three different responses to his tantrums within the family. Yours is, I believe, the best response and you need to try to get the other family members on track with you in responding to him that way. Your husband's response of yelling at him to stop needs to be at least softened to a firm, but calm voice telling him to stop. The siblings soothing him is not helpful during the tantrum, but maybe you can encourage them to do some soothing once he's totally calmed down. What I'm saying is that it won't be easy to get them to totally change their methods, so just try to get them to use their methods in a more productive manner. You'll need to talk to them about this at a time when a tantrum isn't in progress and get them on board with a plan.

I hope you have taken him to the doctor and asked about this behavior. It can be normal in some kids, but it can also mean it is a precursor for another problem. Please take him to a pediatrician.

My daughter does the same thing when she gets upset...as many people mentioned I did ask her doctor when we went in for her 18 month check up and he did say that many kids do that and its normal...he said all kids tantrum in differnet ways. He gave me the advice of starting time outs and see how it works...I'm starting to do timeouts in the crib ...usually she get very upset in the crib for like a minute or two and then I take her out ..after some soothing she is better and I just talk to her. I used to move her to the carpet and talk to her/soothe her and then ignore the behavior ...she usually stops very quickly. I think they don't know how to react when they are upset/angry so they try everything. I hope she stops it soon too...I'm going to keep with the timeouts and see how it works...good luck!

L.-

Head banging is often a symptom of cranial pressure. Does your child also arch up on his feet and try to stretch his spine? The pressure can often be caused by compression of the cranial bones during the birth process. You may want to seek the help of an osteopath, cranial-sacral therapist or pediatric chiropractor to check him out and offer treatment.

I hope this helps.
-L.

You should also talk to your pediatrician about this. Be sure that he is on track with communication/language issues. Sometimes theses big tantrums are a way for a child to communicate when he doesn't have the words. I would second the recommendation of the "Positive Discipline" book.

Hi L., call me if you to talk to Moms who can tell you personal stories.
A. ###-###-####.

I am currently reading a fascinating book called "whats going on in there" it covers neurological development from conception to 5 years. There is a section in there on vestibular stimulation the area of the brain that is stimulated by rocking, swinging, bouncing etc. And interestingly the author states that head banging is doing the same thing. So it actually may be a strange sort of self soothing that toddlers do when they are mad.

I would ask the advice of a doctor. This doesn't seem to be normal. Although I do remember my daughter putting her finger near her eye as if she were going to poke her eye out when she was angry...

Hi, I have read the advice you have received, and I would like to share a few thoughts.

I am a nutritional consultant and I work with children.

Due to the environmental toxic body burden our children are dealing with... see www.ewg.org
(Environmental Working Group -- umbilical cord study with the Red Cross) ,
.. we are see many of these behaviors in children as a result of toxins on the receptor sites..to include heavy metals such as mercury, lead , arsenic.

There is a very safe way to remove these toxins from the brain and body that can make a world of difference for children. O

ne out of six children have challenges of varying degrees. There are tantrums and then there are "extreme frustration caused behaviors" because of processing challenges. The medical world many times 'lumps' them together until the child gets into school and the challenges become more 'obvious' and intervention by the school becomes necessary.

I would encourage you to watch:
www.sharethecause.com/live... and contact me if you would like some help... L. Medina ###-###-####

Dear L.,
My darling little daughter started doing the head banging thing when she was mad too. Her favorite spot was the brick hearth. I tried soothing her, moving her away from that spot, ignoring her all together about it. I was terrified she was going to get brain damage or I was going to be turned in for all the lumps and scabby bruises on her head. One day I just walked over, popped her right on the butt, stood her up on her feet, then calmly went and sat in the rocking chair as if nothing had ever happened. She didn't even cry, I think she was just stunned. She only did it a couple of times after that. She got a pop on the diaper, I stood her up, then went and sat down. I guess head-banging lost it's thrill for her after that. All kids are different, but that's what worked for her. I don't know why some kids do that. My son never banged his head even once.

Best of luck!