Help with Housecleaning...

At my house, clothes and toys left in the floor start to disappear. And they don't come back as long as there is this behavior.

I don't know your position on punishment, but I am the eldest of 5 children and in order to get us to understand that we had to help out our parents, we were asked to help... then told to help, and if we didn't have the "clue" by then, we were punished for not helping. We are all FINE, and not a one of us is emotionally "scarred" for being punished. As a matter of fact, I believe understanding consequences helped us to become more responsible adults. Good luck. (as for your husband... if you can solve that one, please let me know... lol)

I have had this problem in the past. I made a list of things that were to be done. (i.e. put your dirty laundry in the laundry room, put your dirty dishes in the dish washer, put away your clean laundry, etc...) I started only washing laundry that was in the laundry room. When my husband had no clean underware he wanted to know why. I told him all the laundry that was where it was suppose to be had been washed. I got my point across. I also started refusing to take the trash out. I would just get another bag or box and add to the pile until my dear husband decided to take it out. I now don't have to ask to have the trash taken out. As for the children I made a to do list and they have to have their things done before they can play or watch tv. Don't get me wrong this didn't happen over night and I had an extra dirty house for a little while but now it is a lot easier. Good luck!

I don't have that many children, I have a wonderful 3 yr old.

I make her help around the house as far as picking up her toys or cloths etc.

We go on a 5 minute timer - I tell her to pick her toys up or the cloths and that she has 5 minutes and set the timer. Within that 5 I count down, if she is helping and trying she gets more time, but if she isn't she gets a spanking when the timer goes off. Plus she loses the TV, computer (she likes playing seasame street). If it goes past 15 minutes, she gets a spanking and goes to her room.
It only took one time of her going to her room, and now she helps out.

Not sure if that will work for yours but you could give it a try.

Here's my advice:
On your 3 year old son, set a timer. Have him help during the 5 minute time span ... we sing the (admittedly annoying) "Clean Up" song from Barney while we work ... usually make it through 2-3 times (I know, I know). IF your son is helping in earnest, you can allot more time if needed, but IF NOT, then take away the toys left on the ground for 3 days. Do this consistently. EVERY time. NO exceptions.
With your 5 year old daughter, I'd recommend pretty much the same thing - set a timer for 5 minutes, but maybe don't sing the Barney song! (ha) With her, you could either take away what's on the floor, or a favorite toy or a favorite outfit ("special" dresses meant a lot to my daughter at that age).
With your 8 year old daughter, it may be tough. Since she's older, she *should* be expected to do more, but she *may* feel like she's getting the short end of the stick since she's a stepdaughter ... just be cautious, consistent & FAIR. With her, I'd do a chore chart. LIST everything she's expected to take care of & EXPLAIN specific consequences (no phone, no computer, no tv, whatever will impact greatest). As far as the laundry - I NEVER wash what isn't in the hamper. Period. They catch on pretty quickly when a favorite outfit remains dirty.
As for your husband, try asking for help. You work outside the home, too, so you shouldn't be expected to do it all simply b/c you're home during the day or (gasp!) b/c you're the woman.
With my husband, I do the same thing on clothing. If it isn't in the hamper, I NEVER wash it. He learned quickly that if he needed a shirt or slacks for work, he better put it where it belongs.
Hope this works! I have a 3 yr old boy, an 8 yr old boy & a 10 yr old girl, so I understand laundry & messy rooms. (My oldest two LIKE their chore chart - they come in from school each day to see what their "jobs" are that day) I've been w/my husband 18 years & married 12 in June, so he's stuck around even though I've refused to do a few loads of laundry left on the floor.
GOOD LUCK. It's HARD, I know. Sending positive thoughts ...

Whatever is left for me to pick up, I keep. For my son, he has things taken away one day for every year of life. He's three, so I will take toys away for three days. I don't just take the toy on the floor, though. I take that category of toys. If it's a couple of cars that he won't clean, he loses all cars for 3 days (a huge deal to him). I've heard that the same works for older kids and their clothes.

With the husband, good luck and let me know what you find that works!

Hey sis,
I have the same problem so I am monitoring your replies. Lately I have begun a chore chart. Mom, Dad, and the kids are all on it with specific assigned tasks. There is a reward at the end of the month for the one person who has done the best at getting their chores finished. Each person picks their reward. For me it may be a manicure, Hubby wants an Xbox 360 game, the kids want a special treat, or outing (going to the pool).

My hubby's chore is his clothing (getting together for me to wash, taking out garbage and doing dishes. If he doesn't get his clothes together, I don't wash them. If he doesn't do dishes I won't make dinner because the kitchen is messy. As for the garbage. I will empty the can but leave it in the doorway, eventually when the door won't open, he'll take it out.

It might seem hateful, but after 8 years, I had to do something different because asking nicely wasn't working.

As for the kids, I have had trouble, but I am going to try the taking toys away strategy and see if that works. Somethings gotta give in that department.

Good Luck!

i have a rule at my house concerning the laundry. maybe you could try it out and see if it helps: "If the clothes aren't in the laundry room or hamper by (what ever day is "laundry day") then they don't get washed."

eventually, when they run out of clean clothes, they will be more than happy to do this small, yet very helpful task.

hopefully, this will help or give you a new tactic to try.

I completely understand your frustation. I am right there with you. I have no advice but would love for you to share your responses with me. I need some tips in the same department.

~H.
I am a 29 year old mother of a 7yr old daughter and 2yr old boy/girl twins.

I had the same problem, my kids would not clean their rooms and i finally told them if they didn't get their rooms cleaned then i was going to go get some boxes and take all of thier toys. well they didn't clean their rooms so i made THEM pack up all of their toys and i put them in a locked storage room and when they decide they want to start keeping their rooms cleaned then they can have them back!!!!

I have 2 daughters 16 and 11. They each have chores both daily and weekly. For example 11 yr old: clean room weekly, wash dishes daily. 16 yr old cleans room weekly, gathers laundry daily and cuts lawn every other week. These are reasonable chores for their age that they get a commission for. If they fail in their work, they lose their room for a reasonable ammount of time to simulate getting suspended or fired from a job. When they have lost priveledges they can only enter their room to clean or change clothes. They sleep in the livingroom, and fix their plate at meals last. This has only happened to either of my 2 kids once! They got the idea that if they are to live like they wish in our house they must pull their weight a little and be responsible for themselves. When the comfort of personal space is taken from them for a 24 hour period they realize how good they have it and want it back. We also have a 1 hour family meeting every Sunday that they can voice their opinions about chores/pay/annoyances. They have ended up making up some rules for themselves!! It has brought much harmony and respect to our home and a peace to our family. I recommend not nagging ever again and just plain telling it like it is to those you love. I have been reprimanded at family meetings myself for having attitude sometimes. I love that! My family tells me when I am getting on their nerves..but in a loving way that just says, Hey,I live here too and I want things to be comfortable for everyone! Not only does it help with chores around the house this has helped with my childrens charachter and our closeness as a family. Your kids and hubby may not like the change at first but they will settle in and love having the opportunity to be a voice in every decision that you make as a family. You will be able to enjoy more free time together as a family as well. Take them out to eat or fix special meals as a treat when they are doing good. We have board games on rainy days and park activities a few times a month. We actually have time to do it because I don't have loads of chores to do myself and can maximize time with them. Try it for a few weeks and start small, especially with little kids, but I promise you it works!! Let me know how it goes!!

I feel you, girl! Both my husband and are work from home and we have a 3 year old and a 22 month old, and our house is always a wreck! I keep wondering how we can better manage our time. I even made a chore chart to no avail. I really don't know what to tell you, except that I know how you feel! :)

I actually grew up the middle child of five girls. I was the tomboy and didn't really want to do a whole lot. My mom made a chore chart as to what night who did the dishes, when our rooms had to be clean, who got the bathroom etc and if that chore wasn't done on your day, it was your day until it was done no matter how much the dishes piled up or if the bathroom hamper was overflowing. It was our responsibility to keep our chores done and if it was all piled up, we were the only ones at fault for making it that way. I am doing the same now with my 8 year old daughter and will be doing the same once our two boys (2 1/2 and 13 months) get to be old enough to do the same. The wonderful thing is that my 2 1/2 year old is already helping out a lot by picking up his toys when asked and he (for some unknown reason) loves to take his and his brother's diapers to the garbage when they get changed. My big hurdle on this now is getting the 8 year old to actually do the chore *before* it gets piled up and she gets tired of looking at it and getting the 2 1/2 fully potty trained. He goes in the potty but only sometimes. :) Oh yeah, and my husband is real good about things too even though he works and I'm currently a stay at home (only very recently though) he helps out a lot too. He grew up with a very stern father and his father taught him that not listening and not helping out around the house is disrespecting his mother and he and my husband are both real big on respecting your mother. My husband is the youngest of 6 and the oldest 4 are girls, so there was that there too but the girls were grown and started their own families by the time he was 6 or 7.

Okay, you may not want to do this but, when I was married to my ex I also worked a third shift job, and when he refused to help because he thought it was my job, then I stopped doing it. I didn't wash his cloths, I didn't pick up his messes. I done nothing for him until he realized he needed me, and he wasn't going to get me unless he helped....It worked. So make them go without clean cloths, when they complain you tell them that until they all begain to help your not going to lift a finger. My husband of 7 years and two daughters 4,& 12 help around the house even though I don't work. I couldn't ask for a better family. Mu husband washes dishes and cleans when I don't feel like it and he never complains. Make your family realize they need to help you...like my husband says, "A marriage is 50/50 and that includes the house chores."

M. honey,
There truly is little help in that department. What needs to happen is you ned to make your own jobs a little easier on your self. I had the same trouble a while back with my boys and became so frusterated that it was causing fights. I read in a book that it was okay not to be their maid but be their mom. Ultimately what I ended up doing was putting laundry baskets in rooms and washing only what made it in the laundry basket. I assigned a cooking night to every person who was old enough to be in the kitchen unaided. I gave them each a job at the beginning of the week with a limited amount of time to get it accomlished and when it was not the next time they asked to do somethig or be taken somewhere the answer was "Did you get your job assignment done this week?" They already knew the answer. The hard part for me was actually sticking to it. With small children I made it a game. I got basketball hoop laundry hampers for my boys. I had a short game time when they were finished with their job. Small children are easier to teach these things to so it becomes a habit.
Don't think it always works because it doesn't and it will cause fights but in the end if you stick to your guns and have them do what needs to be done on their part you won't feel like their maid. (I tell my teenagers that all the time, "I'm not your maid, I'm your mama") Now getting your husband to help, if anyone gives any good suggestions, please let me know because I have yet to get the solution to that problem unless I'm on my deathbed. LOL
Hope this helps a bit