Help with Mother in Law - Hugo,MN

i love the fact that Grandparents have rights, but this one sounds like she has a hidden agenda. I would take some action to protect my children and her taking off with them.

She sounds a little creepy to me. I think that is a complete waste of money if you're not planning on traveling out of the country soon. I would be a little uneasy knowing she was so pushy to get passports. Don't do it. Plus, as another mom said, a third party can't just go and get a passport for a child. Ask her why it's so important to her. Maybe she wants to get a meaningful gift that is expensive. If so, perhaps you can help her think of something else.

Hi N.
So I think as far as the passport thing goes…………yes, just let her do it. But if you don’t want her to have all your personal info make sure you fill out all the paper work yourself. If she says she will do it, just say that you have to be there when she perches it because they make you sign the papers in-front of them.
We just got our passports and they are expensive so if she wants to get them I’d let her. It’s her money let her do what she wants with it.

Now the birth certificate………………..weird, yes but I don’t think it’s that big a deal it’s not like she can really do anything with it. Her name is not on it, yours is. So if she wants one …….whatever……..let her have it.
If you ever miss place the one you have she will have one.

Hope this helped a little, sorry if not good luck with everything.
N.

Ok, first thing is first, you are not overreacting at all!! I can not believe your MIL would do that!!!!!! If my MIL (who i do not get along with AT ALL) ever did that to me I would be SOOO upset. It's none of her business at all to have obtained a copy of your son's birth certificate. If I were you I would either call/email her and let her know that you do not approve of her getting a copy of it without consulting you or your boyfriend about it first, and tell her that she needs to mail/hand deliver the birth certificate to you asap. If she refuses, tell her that she obtained the copy without your permission and you will be talking to your local court house about it.

I have a Mother in law that is very controlling also. It has taken many years of trial and error to figure out what to do when she gets overbearing. She recently gave us ski passes. This would normally be great except it has been sub zero weather and we have three year old blah blah...long story short...she continues to nag me about how and when I am going to use the pass. Honestly I don't want to explain myself over and over of how I am spending my time. She continues to bring it up and guilt me. Last time I asked to borrow something from her...she made me agree to ski with her or she would not let me use it. When my husband confronted her..she said she was joking..ya..right. Example of a gift with strings....Anyway...
In your situation I think she is totally overstepping her boundaries. Passports as a gift??This is a gift with HUGE strings attached. The only person that should be getting a passport for children are thier parents. This is simply none of her business. I would suggest talking to your husband and let him know that you appriciate the offer from his mom but you do not want his mother getting passports for your children. If he sais she will do it any way explain that if he doesn't talk to her and tell her no thanks, you will and expain you don't want to get in an argument with his mom. Believe me, mom in laws can handle arguments with thier sons much better than arguments with thier sons wives. And that opens a whole new can of worms.( I have learned to let my husband deal with his mom as much as possible that way, I avoid fighting with her and he knows how to deal with his mom better than me) If he still won't talk with her about it then it is up to you to let her know thanks but no thanks. Be ready to provide a suggestion for another gift that would work better.
The main rule I have learned from my controlling mother in law...gifts seem to come with strings. I am not sure what her strings are in this situation but it seems a bit odd to me. If she is absolutely determined to get you guys passports...you may want to say...you will let her pay for the fees when you as thier mom decide to get the passport whenever that may be probably years from now. If you don't stick up for yourself now..she may always think no matter what she wants, she get. Teach her now that you have boundaries. Good Luck.

I agree with talking to your mil and tell her that you want the certified copy of the birth certificate. It is strange that she wouldn't ask you about it. I am a first time grandmother and at times I have to remind myself that I am not in charge. I would never do what your mother in law did, but I know my mother likes copies of the birth certificates for her Genealogy book. She asks us for copies, doesn't take it upon herself to get them though. These also do not have to be certified.

Sometimes you need to be outspoken when others oversteps their boundries with your child. If it makes the other person mad, it is ok, you have the rights to set up boundries with your child. If your partner won't help with this, you need to do it on your own. I have had to set those boundries with both my mother and my mother in law and we all get along great in spite of it. They do get over being mad or hurt as they call it. I remember this when I push boundries with my daughter in law, I tell her what she says goes, since she is the mother. Although spoiling my granddaughter when we go shopping is such a joy.

Is she planning on kidnapping them or what? She sounds nuts. I don't mean to be cold but that's just not normal. I am sure there is a ton of good advice here. Good luck.

Honey...you are not over reacting!! You, and ONLY you are their mother. Go with your gut feelings!!! At our age our parents are not to be in control of us anymore. They are there for giving us advice and instruction only when we ask them for it. At our age we are all adults and the only children in the picture are the 11 and 3 year old. Those children are yours and your BFs only to raise, guide and protect as you see fit. Period. End of story. Wishing you alot of strength during this ordeal, N.. Be strong and again---follow your gut feeling. Keep your babies safe. If you get the feeling she is not always very stable then she probably isn't. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your children there alone then DO NOT DO IT. You have every right to choose where they go, where they stay and who looks after them at this time in their lives. Good luck!

N.,

Your mil can't get a passport for the kids without you and the father present, the children also have to be present. I work for the post office and I am an accepting agent for passports, meaning I am the one who verifys all the info and witnesses you and the father sign the paperwork.

A childs passport (anyone under the age of 14) is only good for 5 yrs and costs $85 not including picture fees. An adult passport is $100 not including pic fees. Someone else responded to your email about passport cards which are less expensive, but they are only good for Canada and Mexico and only if traveling by land.

I would definitly get that BC from her and go to the courthouse where she obtained it and find out how she went about it. It just seems that in this day and age they shouldn't give this info to anyone but the parents or legal guardians.

Good luck and keep those kids safe!!
S.

Just so you know, as of Feb 1st you need both parental signatures on children's passport applications.

Sounds like to me your justified. But the PMS isnt helping you either. Should she have done that .........no, asking first is a good smart move. MIL isnt the most stable either and just pulled a new one recently so I totally understand. Also my hubby says hes gonna talk to his mom but agian nothing. I think its cause they know no good will come of it so they dont even try. Just be honest with her, tell her how uncomforable you are with hre getting the record with out either of your permission. She should know theres boundries and try to respect them. Good luck and hugs

I'd be contacting a lawyer. There's no reason that someone who is not legally related to you should have either birth certificates for your children or be getting passports when you are alive and well and fully capable of getting the passports yourself if you needed them for anything. I don't know what the common law marriage laws are where you are, N., but you might want to check into those, too, as they might change your boyfriend's mom's status with respect to your children.

Okay...I am with you - that is TOTALLY wacky. Why would anyone else need a passport for your child??? I say that God gave us that "gut-instinct" for a reason, and that you should go with it. If your boyfriend won't do anything about it, maybe you could get in touch with whoever issues passports and talk to them about the situation. The good news is, however, that in order to take a child out of the country you need BOTH parents written consent...so I would definitely look into this if I were you. Don't worry about offending her - this is YOUR child and she doesn't have any business getting involved in that regard. I could see if she had gotten a birth certificate of your child for purposes of putting a savings together or something like that, but a passport is ridiculous! Think about it...would you ever sign off to have her take your child out of the country without you? Maybe you should tell her that!

Sounds fishy to me. I'd trust your gut and keep a close eye on her from now on.

Wow, as many others stated, though she can't get him a passport, she has no boundaries. Also to travel out of our country or into any other country with a child she would have to have a notarized letter from the parents giving permission.
My MIL was like yours (we're separated now for almost 3 years), she has finally stopped showing up unannounced and looking in the windows (house AND garage) then trolling the neighborhood looking for us... there are LOTS of stories, believe me!--She actually told me I was "acting pissy and feeling sorry for myself" when I was in labor.

But I wanted to tell you that my ex never stood up to his mother, either, and it really was one of the top reasons for our break-up. I hadn't realized how a MIL can ruin a relationship. So be careful on that one!

As hard as it is...you need to put your foot down right now. Maybe her intentions are pure, maybe they are not, but one thing has to be made perfectly clear to her...you are the mother. No one has your permission to obtain these records without your consent. If you wanted your family to have passports, you would get them. I would ask, then demand the birth certificate back. I would then check at the issuing county to figure out the process for getting another birth certificate and find out if you can place a hold so "certain people" can never get one for your children. It sounds harsh, but if you let this slide imagine what she will be trying 10 years from now! Oh, I feel for you! Good luck. Just remember, when you became a mom, your number one job became protecting those precious babies...no matter who it offends!

No, you are not overreacting. I would question her motives too. As I am learning... you can never be too cautious when it comes to your children!

I don't blame you at all for feeling violated and stressed about this.

I don't care who she is, she over-stepped a boundry or two or ten. !!!! I would call Vital Records for the state the birth certificate is from and find out how this is possible. I mean can any one say they are a grandparent and get a birth certificate and a passport for anyone's kids. That scares me alot!!! They should need a court order stating that they need a copy. ( or something) I wouldn't let her watch him either. Stranger things have happened and you'd never forgive yourself. If she did really get one I would threaten to sue the state department for child endangerment and stay home with my kids on their dime for the rest of their childhood years. That's not only illegal and unresponsible it is dangerous.

I find this interesting as I tried to get my granddaughter birth certicate as my daughter was not married & they flat out refused to give it to me. I have adopted the first grandchild & hopefully be adopting the 2nd one. I wanted the birth certificate to show the child who her mother was later on in life. I would contact the your local place where you can obtain birth cerificates & ask them how she obtained this info without your consent. Maybe someone in that office made a mistake by allowing her to have it. Good luck

She won't be able to get any passport for your child because to do that not only the child needs to be present but both parents. You and your boyfriend need to sign the paper in presence of the person that will process the request. I know that it sucks that she was able to get the birth certificate but don't worry legally she can't do anything with it. Did she lie to get it? I will push your boyfriend to talk to her or maybe you can talk to her but in his presence and him knowing what your concerns are.
Good luck,

Good luck N.. It sounds like MIL's got boundary issues. Some people are like that and have no problems. Some people are like that and have serious problems. Ever thought about asking her to talk with you and someone else about it? Maybe the someone else would have some good ideas. It could be a friend over for coffee, or a counselor through a church or medical facility. I was once in a situation where the MIL totally overstrepped her boundaries. Dad didn't see it but it still has a horrible impact on the children socially, and at school. Best wishes. Trust your gut. They are YOUR children.

Hi N.,

You sweet girl! You are so NOT out of line asking this question... Your MIL is WAY out of line. Great if she wants to pay for everyone's passport- and airline tickets to boot! But although she may have a legal right, she truly has no right to get his CERTIFIED birth cert, when YOU are the mom and your boyfriend is the dad...

Also, FYI, to obtain a passport for a minor, both the mom and the dad need to be present and sign the forms. They will not accept an application from your MIL for your children.

So sorry to hear this. Wish I had some great words of wisdom for you... Just know that your feelings are valid and you are NOT overreacting. It is OKAY to set up boundaries for yourself and your children. That is GOOD to do- helps them to establish their own boundaries later in life.

I think it would make most moms a bit nervous...
Blessings to you sweet girl!
G. H.

I too have an unstable mother-in-law. I feel your pain. I don't think you can ever really overreact when it comes to ensuring the saftey of your children. If nothing else, just make sure that you are the one in possession of the passports and that you keep them somewhere your mother-in-law won't be able to access them.

check out this website: http://travel.state.gov/passport/get/minors/minors_834.html

she will not be able to get your son a passport on her own. you and your boyfriend must be present to get the passport to establish parental idenification.

it is $85 per child and $100 per adult...if you have no intentions of traveling, this would be very expenisve process. If she pays for them, why not go ahead with it?? They are valid for 10 years. If you do get passports, make sure you take posession of them and keep them in a secure place (lockbox, bank security deposit box). She should not keep possesion of them!! She sounds either a little freaky or bored and wants to be in your business!!

Yes......you have a case of pms and are overreacting!

Life doesn't have to be so hard....stressful......there is more important things in life then to fret whether your mil buys a passport, if she wants to let her....maybe you will have a chance for a vacation sooner than you think.

Who cares if she has a birth cert.

Shes family!

You have to follow your gut on this one. Like others have said, just be sure to keep the passports tucked away in a place where she can't get them. A great place is in a safety deposit box at the bank. I think she'll likely have to send in the birth certificate with the application but if not get that back. Then tuck everything into the safety deposit box at the bank. Then you don't have to worry about her snooping or anything if she is ever alone at your house.
I also think you should talk to her about this. Tell her that it upset you that she did this and ask that she never do it again.

Hi! I think you just sit down and try and talk about it with her a bit more and figure out if there is some other reason she is wanting to do this. If she is offering to pay for them, maybe she is just trying to be nice and think about possible future vacations. I have found it helpful with my own MIL to just be honest and let her know that you were surprised and confused by this request and are not really comfortable with her going forward with it. Give her some other suggestions for your birthdays!

I am reading my own response here and laughing because I realize it is much easier said than done especially with MIL, but one thing I know for sure, if your boyfriend is not willing to talk to her (which I would keep asking him to do!) I would go ahead and do it yourself!

unless your mil is from another country originally, where she might run back to if she stole your son, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Of course- let your mothers intuition be the judge- if you feel something is not right- you are probably right go with your gut

Hi,

Your boyfriend's mom does sound like a weirdo but don't worry about her getting a passport for your son. Both parents have to be present to pick up a passport for a minor for the very reason you have described. She can apply for one but she can't get a hold of it.

Good luck!

J.

Follow your instants and protect your child.
How would your bf feel if she hurt the child or took off with the child or hurt you to get control.?
She needs to be seen by a head dr and reg dr and have a offical wake up call.
She maybe voilateing the law and if you protect her or do not turn her in she can not get help and the situation can get serious or worse.
I am no old crack pot bf >
I know where I am coming from.
I helped people before with this type of stuff.
I even seen what a family goes thru when a child is taken so please do not wait.
If you need a sitter then get one for the child and one for Grannie.
D

First of all I agree with you 100% about the birth certificate, I can't believe that almost anyone can get someone else's birth certificate, all aside She has it and there is no way to stop her from using it. You have to understand that she will have to have current photo's of your son, specfic photo's taken just for a passport. So if She gets the photo's she will be on her way to obtaining a passport, that would be if she can prove that she is the legal guardian of your son, as I am under the understanding that only parents or legal guardians are allowed to apply and recieve a passport for a child. Good luck and I would suggest that your "significant other" speaks to his Mother and informs her that she is over stepping her bounds, as if you don't squash this now, you're going to have bigger problems down the road.
Good luck and if you end up going on vacation to Mexico, enjoy your vacation and remember to drink bottled water.

N.,

This is a little weird. My mom is kind of like this also. Thankfully, what I imagine she can do is never quite as bad as what she does. If it is any consolation, when I looked into getting passports for my kids, they said BOTH my husband and I had to be there or I had to have a legal power of attourney document notarized that my husband agreed I could get the kids passports. I don't think your MIL could get the kids one without you if she tried.

Good luck,
S.

N.,

You are right to be concerned. That is a little weird that she would get his birth certificate and want to get passports for all of you when you don't plan to take a trip.

Don't depend on your boyfriend to stand up to his mother...that is an age-old problem and rarely works. I would be cautious of her, but don't overreact. This may be a silly idea she has gotten in her head, but you want to be sure.

Politely refuse the passports if you want. She can't do it without your permission. You have to have passport pictures as well.

Stick to your guns about this. You don't want to ruin a relationship with this woman if she is the grandmother to your children (or future children), but you also don't want her running your life.

Good luck

L. ;)

Get passports for you and your children, place them in a safe deposit box at your bank -- with you as the only signer -- then present the receipts for the passports to your MIL after-the-fact, stating that you got the passports as she wished (if you need to, explain that only you as parent can get them anyway), and she is welcome to reimburse you for the fees if she'd like. Say this in the nicest, sweetest way (no condicention) possible. Oh, and I'd also tell her you need (don't ask, tell) that birth cert. copy to put into your box at the bank as well -- "to keep things safe at the bank" -- tell her your concerned about identity theft in case her house is broken into or some such other thing. Make sure to give her a photocopy in case there is some weird sentimental value thing...

I'm with the others - trust your gut -- but also try to keep the peace as much as you can...

This solution may cost some $$, but it may be well worth the price to avoid problems.

Just my take on the whole thing. And no, I do not have a controlling MIL -- but my GRANDMOTHER was!!! We found it best to try to play to her as much as possible, while also protecting our own interests. We also ended up just not seeing her all that often as she could make life very miserable.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Actually, it depends on the state. I don't know what the current laws are in Minnesota, but once upon a time, I worked for a county health department in Indiana where the laws where *very* different.

In Indiana at the time (around 10 years ago), if the parents were married at the time the child was born, yes, any relative could pick up the baby's birth certificate. Mother, father, brother, sister, grandparent - provided they could correctly identify the birth certificate and have proper identification.

However - and here was the kicker. If the parents were *NOT* married at the time the child was born, and if they did not subsequently get married and "legitamize" the birth (at any point, there was no time frame on this), then the *ONLY* people who could pick up that birth certificate were the people listed on that particular birth certificate. This means, if no father was listed, only the mother and the child could pick it up. If a father was listed, only the mother, father, and child could pick it up. Period.

Like I said - this was Indiana, and this was years ago. Times change, laws change, and *every* state has the possibility of being different. I know that there are some differences in laws surrounding how they handle the births of children of unwed parents (I have one child born to a father I'm not married to, and can see how it's different) but how they handle it on the "back end" here, I have no idea, since I no longer work in that area.

I would trust your gut on this one. I would call and ask how she was able to obtain a copy. If she slipped one by someone they should know. You could also tell her that money wise, you don't think that you will be able to travel for a while and you are worried that she will be wasting her money. I would be gentle about it. You should always start out with a positive, like "I think it's great bla bla bla and really appreciate bla bla bla, but, I worry that the passports would go unused for many years because we don't have money to travel and don't foresee it for a while." You would hate for the money to be spent (find out how much it costs. Photo cost is seperate from passport fee) and you not be able to use them. Also see how long the passport is valid for because if it is for a long time, it would be ok. My mother doesn't always spend money wisely either, but you have to appreciate what they do or it will hurt their feelings. Now on the thing with her watching your child, that is where I'd really trust the gut instinct. It may be best just to talk to her about how she is feeling. I would also talk to her and ask her if you can have that copy and if she ever needs it just to ask you. You don't need to explain yourself. If she asks why just tell her you don't see any reason for her to have it and that it bothered you that she got it. You should probably google dealing with mother in laws or something like that. I'm certain there are tons of articles! They can probably tell you the most effective way to address these issues without hurting her feelings and being firm and effective at the same time. Good luck!

That seems extremely ODD and weird! What is she up to?

Why would anyone want passports if they have absolutely no intentions or the money to leave the U.S ?

That is also bogus she has your son's birthcertificate.

What is she up to?

How close is she with your son? Does she want to steal him something? This is just weird.

I don't know what you should do but I find it highly strange.

I'll state the obvious...she is the grandmother and not the mother! I did get passports for my children and both parents HAVE to be there to get them. I wouldn't leave it up to your boyfriend to settle this. He has obviously taken his mother's side on this by stating "She is going to do what she wants". Well...You will do what you want too...Tell her to give the birth certificate to you ASAP!

I'm an avid genealogist and let me tell you, you have to jump through hoops to get a birth cert. for anyone that's not in your residency. You can get them, but you have to know all the information such as mother's full name (this is her maiden name), fathers name, place of birth of child, hospital or town where they were born and what every the state charges for a cert. copy. Some states will charge $15.00 while others will charge upwards to $50.00. Now this can only be obtained from the county that they were born in or from the state office of health at the states capital. If you're some distance, this can be mailed to you. If you request one on the internet, you have to have a credit or debt card and there again, it's mailed out to you. I'd be very suspect of your mother-in-law. It might not be anything but then again it might be something. Also, since you have two children, why did she say that she just got it for your son and not your daughter? I think the reason is that she didn't have all the information for your daughter or she was born in another state? If you want to know if your mother-in-law is telling the truth, go up to www.cyndslist.com , find the state that you live in, go to the section that concern birth, marriage, and death cert. and click on the right link(this section is at the bottom of the states pages). They usually will have a link there that you can print off an application for one of these. If there is a spot to write why you need this, then she's tell you the truth and I'd watch your kids like a hawk. Tell someone who's close to you, that doesn't know your MIL, what's been going on just encase she tries something or has someone else tries something. By the way, wouldn't she also have to have a social security number to be able to get a passport and have the person with her to have their picture taken at the passport office? I think that there's also a waiting period for those and you not only have to have a birth cert, but also a SS number. And above all, tell your boyfriend about what she's planning on doing and about your thoughts about it.

L.

I don't think that you are over reacting at all. You have every right to be concerned about the safety of your child. I don't know what your boyfriends relationship is with his mother but it sounds like either him or yourself needs to put your foot down because she is taking things to far. If this woman is mentally unstable I don't agree with leaving your children with her let alone the fact she has gotten a passport for your child without your permission. That is just very wierd to me. So I guess my advise to you is don't ever feel like you are ever being too "paroniod" or "over reacting" to something that makes you concerned about your childs safety. Follow your gut and if you have to think twice about leaving your child with his own Grandmother, don't do it. Also I would talk to someone about your child getting a passport without you present.

It's strange that she has the birth certificate and I would definitely talk to her about boundaries. However, she shouldn't be able to do much harm with it. First of all, she won't be able to get him a passport. When we got my son's passport over a year ago, my husband and I had to be present just to take the application out of the building. They were VERY strict about it! Also, if she were to try to take him out of the country or something, she would require a passport AND a signed and notarized permission letter (signed/notarized by BOTH parents). I'd just make sure you keep the passport and she shouldn't be able to get into too much trouble! Also, when they send you the passport, they will send the copy of the birth certificate with it. Since your address will be on the passport, the passport and the birth certificate will come to you and she will no longer have a copy. (Not that she can't get one again, however.) Also, another note, for children under 18 passports are only good for 5 years--at least as of last year. I know she'll do what she wants, but 10 years leaves quite a bit more time for the possibility of travel than 5 years. Maybe you can use that to TRY to talk her out of it! Good luck!!!

Most children who are abducted are taken by family members or close friends of the family. You are not overreacting. Tell her "Thank you for the offer but if we need passports someday we can take care of that ourselves" She sounds manipulative and passive aggressive. Don't put up with it. Stand your ground. They are your children not hers.

Hi, I have to agree with Mandy. Just let it go. A birth certificate is no big deal for a grandparent to have. I have one of a granddaughter. I have it in a safe place in my Family lineage book. Grandchildren are special, allow your mother in law to feel special about her grandchild. It is ok. She is not crazy, she is just a grandparent. The worst thing you can do is create a negative relationship with her. That will hurt the man you love, he may not show it but it will hurt him. Think about how you say things to her and say them respectfully. You do not need to 'give in' to her whims but just be respectful. She cares and that is what is important. If she can't afford passports then she may never buy them but it is her intention that is noble. Just don't make a big deal over it.

Seems crazy to me!! If it were my MIL, I would have no problems with it. But I know, love and trust my MIL with everything I have. Because I don't know you or your MIL it's hard to tell you what to do. Is she a flight risk? Would she take off with your children? Have I seen too many Lifetime Movies??? If you think there is something to worry about, then take care of it. If not, sit back, relax and let her waste her $$

Good Luck,
J.

N.,
I researched how to get a birth certificate; you can do via fax or mail - you don't even have to show up! She could have lied about who she was on the application! I read the rules for passports and it seems to me that it is possible to get one without both parents--especially if her intentions are not honest! Think about it; it happens all the time!! You're not being paranoid! It's weird and she has no legal reason to need it.
Talk to your boyfriend and explain exactly what is wrong with the situation, then tell him he needs to confront her (with you present) and get the birth certificate back. Put any documents in a safety deposit box and make sure she's not a signer on the account. If he won't do it, talk to her yourself and explain you're not trying to be mean or rude, but it's something you don't feel comfortable with her having and if she's not ok with it explain that you won't be leaving her alone with the kids. (last resort threat & only say it if you'll follow through)
Hope this helps!!

Hi N.,
You are certainly not overreacting and if some think you are blowing it out of proportion, who cares? You are the best advocate for your kids and if it bothers you then it IS an issue.
If you allow her to pay for passports then you have to protect them. I would suggest a safety deposit box. Passports are in high demand and are easily sold. You want to protect your identity as well as your kids.
Can you tell her the truth? Tell her that you want the copy of the BC back. It is not hers to keep. Tell her that you will be keeping the passports if you get them and that she will not have access to them. I'm not saying to be rude to her but be firm and polite and in charge of the situation. If your boyfriend is not going to help you stand up to her then you need to do it alone. Win the battle or there will be many more power struggles in the end. Don't let her do what she wants. Take charge of your kids safety! You can do it!
Good luck!

Firstly, I do think it is a good idea to have passports for the entire family. You never know when you might have to go out of the country and trying to get one at the last minute is very hard and costly. Now, it does feel weird to me that she went and got a birth certificate without you. It's scary how easy it is. I would actually graciously accept the gift of the passports and then ask for the extra copy of the birth certificate as well. Explain that there's no reason for her to have it and that you want to keep all sensitive documents regarding your child secure. I'd even open up a safety deposit box or go to Costco and buy a document fire safe to install in your home. Unfortunately, there have been cases where people related to a child have been able to steal their identity years before they even try to get credit. Good luck!

Birth and death certificates are not supposed to be easy to get. I would complain to whatever government desk she got it at. I work for a lawyer and have been sent to pick up death certificates for clients and I can't get them. Even when holding my boss's attorney license. She has to do it herself. So first that she's not really even related and second that she had no letter of approval or anything to get one is rather fishy.

If she is determined to get passports and your bf is just playing along, you could tell her to get the fancy new passport cards that work for Canada and Mexico they are cheaper than regular passports and if you have no plans to go anywhere might as well have the cheaper route. http://travel.state.gov/passport/ppt_card/ppt_card_3926.html

Make sure that she understands she can't just request passports for all of you - that you do need to appear in person. At least then you can keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't fill out the forms funny.

First, I recommend Dr. Schleshinger's Book, "10 Stupid Things Men do to mess up their lives" i think Chapt 6 on Mother in Laws.

It is your boyfriends job to deal with his mother, she gave birth to him. If he doesn't than he is acting irresponsible and immature. Your position should just be to support the process and back up his stance.

You need to make it very clear to your boyfriend that if he doesn't handle then you will take care of it (explain the steps that you'll take) and let him know that there will be consequences and fallout and explain to him that this situation can create a wedge between the two of you.

You see, if he handles it like a man, then she'll back off. If you deal with her she'll keep coming back at different angles.

Trust me on this, I went through it big time and it's not fun and it's not pretty if the child of the parent does not handle his own parent himself.

What she's doing is saying, "I don't respect you". That's the psychology behind it....

Dr. Phil is also a good reference. Check out his website.

JR

That is rather odd but if she wants to pay for them, I say let her. But make sure you keep the passports in your posession even though legally, she can't take your children out of the country without the written permission of you, even with the passport. And besides, Canada isn't that far away and not that expensive to travel to. You may go there in the next 10 years so if I was you, I'd go ahead and get the passports.

As a mother you need to go with your "gut feeling", if you are not comfortable with your mother-in-law watching your son alone don't allow it, you must have this feeling for a reason, especially if you say she is not emotionally stable!
As far as a passport for him, at his age the passport is only good for 5 years and as you say you are not planning a trip it is really a waste of money, if it was me I would approach my MIL and tell her you appreciate the offer but decline, you have the right to say no.
Also if it makes you feel better I believe if someone other than the parent travels outside the country with a child I think they are supposed to have written concent????
Good luck. Remember you are his MOM!

Let it go, I don't see this as a sign that you need to fear letting her watch your kids. Just let you husband know that you don't think it was very appropriate, and then don't bring it up again. It's not like what she did was illegal.

I see that there are over 50 responses, but I am not reading through all of them. I CAN tell you that my kids' paternal grandparents, my ex in laws, need me AND my husband to be with them when the buy my kids' passports. They like to take the kiddios to Canada every year fishing, so they are footing the bill. They want me to come up sometime during the week so they can get me and my ex together to do this. I just checked the website and it says either both parents or a parent and notarized permission slip... Go check it out:

http://travel.state.gov/passport/get/minors/minors_834.html

Hi N.! What a tough situation! My MIL is a pill too. She is always saying awful comments and trying to make me into a bad guy (a favorite of mine was shortly after the birth of my daughter she looks at me in front of a room of people and says "its so nice to see you taking care of someone other than yourself"). My husband also rarely, if ever says anything to her. So I decided that I don't have to put up with being treated like that, especially when it overlaps with my children. If I were you, and trust me I know its not easy, I would tell her that you would feel more comfortable hanging on to the birth certificate with the passport. In this case, you could use the reason that in order for a child to travel beyond a border with only one parent you need a certified birth cert. as well as a notarized letter from the other parent. You would want to keep the documents together just in case. Hopefully she would just give you both and you don't have to turn into the bad guy in the situation and tell her the full truth that you are simply not happy that she has the document (which she really does not have a right to in my opinion). If it doesn't work, I think you are well in your rights to raise the issue if it bothers you. After all, it is your child, not hers.

I have the mother in law from you know where (think "Everybody Loves Raymond). The best advice that I can give you is to say something about it now. Be gentle but firm. This particular thing might not "be that big a deal" in the long run, but if you say something now, it will help to prevent bigger things happening in the future. Just explain to her that although it is "legal," you don't feel that it is appropriate for her to go behind yours and her son's back to get something like his birth certificate. Explain that you have one, and would have been more than happy to let her borrow yours. Make sure to say that in the future, if there are decisions like this that need to be made, she MUST consult with either you or her son before going ahead. I know that it is a hard thing to do, especially if your boyfriend isn't wanting to get involved. I have had several battles between me and my MIL because my husband didn't want to say anything, and I ended up looking like the bad guy. But, two years later (my daughter's age), I feel as if she knows that if she did try to pull something, she would hear from me very quickly.

That is a tough one, I think. I have figured out over the years (was married for 15, now divorced for almost 3) that my reaction to things are about my control issues. My own need to control. Sad taht it took me too long to realize some stuff. So iwould first find out through where you get birth certificates if you can put a flag up for no one to get ANOTHER COPY. Ask your MIL for the ORIGINAL copies and the passports if she already got them. Then the most important part is to let it go. Hard as that is, even if she doesn't relinquish the item, trusting that you have done your part and the here-after is what you do with your trust issues, (not referring to your MIL). I always thought that I was the only one who could protect MY kids, to know what was best. ONLY I!!!! I was so wrong, now divorced and the kids aren't always in teh best situation when they are at their dads (alcohol is a sin problem for him) and it has been a tough road letting them go every other weekend. But I have to trust, and be smart in the training in the kids to love and respect their dad and to know when not to get in the car and to trust they (and they are now 15,13,11,9) can do what is right, sucks to put taht resposibility on kids. you get teh point though right? Blessings to you!

If it seems fishy, it probably is. She gets a birth cert and wants everyone to get a passport????? I don't think you are being paranoid. It sounds bizarre. I would say if she does get everyone a passport, that you take all of them and put then in a safe or safety deposit box. Do not let her hold them. Maybe I am paranoid but it sounds like she is going to take your son away....add in emotionally unstable, I would not take any chances. I would be quite shocked if my MIL got a birth cert for my daughter and I would demand it. COMPLETELY OUT OF LINE