HELP With My Two Year Old

I would recommend Dr. Phelans 1-2-3 Magic. It worked for me when my 4 and 6 year old became bratty. They are now 8 and 11 and it still works. I will use it with my youngest, 10 mos., when the time comes. Thr trick here is consistancy with both parents and to get any other caregivers involved. It is a very kind approach to discipline. I am also a child development specialist and it fits perfectly with my own philosophy. Lots of my friends have used it with their kids too, with great success. For more information you can go to http://www.parentmagic.com/ . Good luck and happy parenting!

Hi sweetie,
Its called terrible two and there is no solution to it. She'll grow out of it, right now you just have to adjust to it either by ignoring or live with it. Take care love auntie mj from Arizona.

stacey, that was some good advice you gave. it's ironic because i raised 3 kids and the only one with ocassional tantrums was my autistic son (now 18) when he couldn't speak and he dropped one of his toys he used to carry along, never in defiance or as a rebellion ploy. i felt bad saying that not all kids have these issues but since you had the guts to say it i decided to chime in myself. (this is why it took days for me to reply) you can't reason with a 2-year old. i think many people nowadays have the notion that a child has the same thinking/problem solving/insights as a grown up and they don't, which is why they need the guidance/direction of parents at this stage, not a long sermon and punishment that is laughable or even a game to a kid. when your child thinks time out is fun...obviously the system is backfiring and you look like an idiot in the eyes of your child, no wonder they hit 10 years old and they're then uncontrollable. it worries me when people with little ones give out advice when they're still "experimenting" with their kids based on what a book tells them to do, and they haven't even reached the pre teen/teenager stage yet, which is even harder! that's when we're going to find out whether they're "it's okay to call mom stupid so you can express your anger" approach is as wonderful as the book promises. my reward for dealing with things and "being the boss" raising the kids as you call it was the ability to take my kids out in public without fear of humiliation and embarassment, actually enjoying my time with the kids (as a full time mom) and knowing that they would obey the minute i said something (which kept them out of danger many times: "don't climb the chair!, don't jump from there!") and now at age 19, 18 and 12, my oldest is studying medicine, my autistic boy is perfectly verbal and excelling in school, my 12 year old has As and a B and they know what's expected of them because i taught them when they were little. the biggest compliment is "your children are so well mannered and polite".
i have seen in parking lots where it's dangerous for a child not to have his hand held by their parents~ kids whose mothers are shouting at the child to stop running/walking ahead and the kid obviously not having any kind of respect for them doing what he wants without consequence. (that is, until he gets hurt one day). i especially feel sorry for the teachers who will eventually get a child in their classroom who doesn't respect them because they never respected the parents and they do not listen to correction. and the teacher will essentially be given the child with the instructions: "please fix him".
ignoring a tantrum great is for the tired mother, right? but ask a plane-ful of people how they'd like to deal with a tantrum of someone else's child on a 4 hour flight somewhere. it is selfish to think other adults should have to put up with someone else's lack of discipline or control.
discipline is so much more than what's going on right now, it is always done with your eyes on the future. what kind of kid do you want to have? what do you want others (and you) to think of your child down the road? it's all about planting seeds for the future.

i am 42 and i've been taking care of young children and helping raise my younger brothers since i was 11 years old.
i joined this board because "i've been there done that" and i thought my experience could account for something. it is really shocking to see how much things have changed since i was rearing mine. it'll be interesting 10 years from now to see what the fruit of all these new ways have to offer parents who have invested all their faith in the system.

I am a mom of 7 wonderful kids. None of them tantrum throwers. First of all YOU have to be the boss. But you also need to show true love and respect to your kids. NEVER EVER give into a bad behavior. ALWAYS vocally reward a good behavior. "You were so good at the store, thankyou." If you are at home when the tantrum starts, immediately put the child in their room WITH THE DOOR SHUT. Do not let them think you are SHARING in the tantrum. Let them know they can come out when they can be nice. Outside the home is tricky, and you have to be creative and find a place to remove them from the public, like going to the car. Modern day theory is to reason with the child. NEVER REASON WITH A 2 YEAR OLD. LET THEM KNOW WHAT IS EXPECTED.BE CONSISTENT EVERY TIME. Good Luck.

I experienced the same problem with my second child, and was at a loss because my first child didn't ever throw temper tantrums. The most effective way we've come up with to deal with the fits is to tell him he can't get what he wants unless he's "happy." (We tried telling him he couldn't whine, but he wasn't sure what that meant.) It's worked remarkablly well. He'll go from a full-out fit to making himself laugh so that he looks extremely happy. After he changes his attitude, we quickly get him what he wants (or explain why he can't have it), so that he knows there is a correlation between his behavior and what he gets. Hope that helps!
And remember when all else fails, this too will pass!

I have a 2 year old also haha its so much fun huh? . What I did when he would throw a fit, I would tell him "GO to you room, nobody wants to hear that"!! And He stopped and looked at me surprised like "what"? ha And It only took a few times and He hardly even does it anymore. And If we are out in public and he does it I tell him real sturn " OK we are going to leave." and he stops . Its a hard stage. good luck. I know he hates being away from other people so when i force him in his room, he straightens up quick.

It may be terrible 2s but three doesn't seem much better to me. We sent our son to his room to have his tantrums and told him he could come out when he was done. There were times he would go in by himself, scream a few minutes, and then came out calm (not anymore though). I've heard you should let them experience their feelings and acknowledge them so they know you care but don't let them hurt anybody. And don't give in! I have come to realize that if he starts to get grumpy if I give him a snack I can usually head off a tantrum, don't know if he gets low-blood sugar or if he just can't handle getting hungry. And if he's tired watch out! So keep snacks on hand, I keep a ziploc bag of cheerios or goldfish or cheezits or a granola bar in the diaper bag, and make sure she gets a good nap and a good night's sleep. It makes a big difference. Our worst tantrums are usually right before dinner and right before bed.

This is what worked for me: as soon as I realized it was "just" a tantrum and not a situation I could address (hunger, hurt, tired, etc) I would tell Aidan to go ahead and have his tantrum, leave the room and put on headphones with my MP3 player. The headphones were my savior, because I was unable to "ignore" him before. Then I would go and check on him periodically (with the headphones on, and say something like "okay, I guess you still need to cry".) We went from multiple tantrums every day to maybe one every week or two.

The terible twos are just that, but I see the Nanny 911 method work pretty good, you kneel down to their level, talk to them calmly, get their attention and ask them to tell you what it is they want, or why they are upset.

I have noticed that some moms don't talk to their children much. The more you communicate Verbaly ie converse with your children, the better their vocabulary will be, as well as their communications skills. I suppose they have a lot of feelings, they can't explain about because they do not have the words to communicate them, until we give them the words to talk about it.

The Time Out Zone, where they have to stay until they are calm enough to talk about what is bothering them. You put them their and tell them to think about why they did what they did, or why they are behaving a paticular way and let them know you are going to discuss it in a few minutes. Give them some time to think, and yourself too, then talk to them.

Good Luck
Grandma Nix

again. get the book or audio tapes.. parentingwith love and logic

Our terrible 2's didn't start until 3 but there were some incredible tantrums. Try to only go shopping etc. when you child is well rested and fed.

Tantrums frequently start with a tired child. Once a tantrum starts you have to let it run it's course. My son laid down and screamed in the mall of america! We just watched him, made sure he wasn't hurting himself and let him go until it was over. Yes, we got some dirty looks but picking him up was a guarantee to escalate the situation and result in lots of kicking and scratching. When he didn't get much attention it stopped.

At home, this particular child REFUSED to stay in his room during a tantrum so I would just shut myself in my own room while he wailed outside the door. Once he screamed outside my door for 30 minutes! It was difficult to let him cry.

The good news is now he is 13, makes A & B's in school and is respectful most of the time. We consider him normal.

T. C.
www.spaescapescottsdale.com

run to your library or bookstore and get the book "love and logic". the best thing is to ignore them.

Often toddlers throw tantrums because they are unable to effectively communicate. When my children would/do throw tantrums I do two things. First I would put them in the "no fit" corner and tell them they can come out when they calm down (we have a hallway off of our living room and just shut the door to the bathroom and it becomes the "no fit" corner). When I first started putting them in there, I just picked them up and put them there. Eventually they learn that that is where they go to calm down and they put themselves there (and come out with a minute saying, "I'm done!"). The second thing I do is (once they are calm) hold their hand and walk them back to where they were and see if I can figure out what they want--eye contact is VERY important...you want your child to know you are trying to understand them. Then I help them learn what to say instead of throwing a fit. For example, if they are frustrated because they want a snack and I don't understand what they want, after they have calmed down, I will help them say something along the lines of "more snack please" or just "more" or "please". Now if they are throwing a fit because they can't have something or I've said No, I NEVER give them what they want when they throw a fit and I don't try to pacify them with something else. I require them to speak to me in a "big kid" voice if they want something. Sometimes that requires me to have them repeat themselves a few times till it is no longer a whiny voice. They pick up on this pretty quickly though and then it becomes a game..."Mommy, I want my sippy cup!", "Please try again."..."Mommy, will you please give me my sippy cup?" (that would be the 3 year olds...or my 2 year old says, "sippy cup please") Often the fits stop within a month once they learn that they are more apt to get something with a calm voice.

I'm sure it's already been said, but so much of this is just developmental. The hardest part for me, was that when I couldn't take anymore, it was heartbreaking to have someone else deal with it, ie. dad. He used to take my son for rides in the truck, screaming, and I would just cry as hard as I could to hear him leave that way. My husband was right on this one. Take breaks. This too shall pass. My son is a wonderful 5 year old, but from 2.5-3.5 we thought he'd lost his mind. They need to learn how to properly express and control their feelings, and you need to learn that your a great mom despite the tantrums. Talk to her after. Let her know you love her no matter what and you'll be there to help her through it all. Talk to people. Sorry there isn't a way to just "deal with it." You could also try baby sign language. For some kids, who are just screaming to communicate, it seems to help. My son loved it, but I can't say it helped for him.

lol.

L.

Try reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block. It helped a lot with managing our 20 month old's tantrums. It feels a little silly at first but it works! It seemed like the root of our toddler's issues were frustration with not being understood and the tactics suggested in the book address that. I know how hard it can be to deal with a tantruming toddler, hang in there! You're not alone and good for you seeking out help in dealing with them. Good luck!

My third child is in this stage also. All of my kids went through it, I'm sure we're not alone. They are just trying to learn their boundaries at this age. They are learning how to do some things for themselves and so it's frustrating for them when they can't do something or are told no about something. You're in charge, remember that. You lay the ground rules for what she can and can't do and stick to it. Find a trigger that will cause her to want to obey, such as taking away a favorite toy or sitting buckled in her highchair facing the corner. One day I was in the grocery store when my son threw a fit and I left a half full grocery cart in the store to take him to the car to sit in his carseat. I stayed outside his window and he flailed and thrashed around until he decided he was done and then we went home. Eventually she will learn that she has certain boundaries and she'll realize that she's happier when she obeys them.

Welcome to the terrible two's! I have a 3 year old girl (who has 3 older brothers), and her fits by far are more extreme than her brothers ever were. They are now 6 & 8 and have outgrown theirs. WIth my girl, I just put her in her room and tell her she can come out when she's ready to talk to me without screaming and crying and throwing a fit. It still does not stop the fits, but it at least lets her work through them on her own and I know she will eventually outgrow them. Then it will be replaced with something else, I'm sure. Be patient with her, realize it is a phase, but I wouldn't recommend catering to them! Not to say you are. Best of luck to you!

Ignore those little tantrums and try to walk away if possbile. She is only looking for attention.

I am a grandma & great grandma, raised 4 of my own, 3 belonging to someone else & helped with several grandchildren. I have a hard time understanding why children are so much more difficult these days. I worked while raising mine so that doesn't seem to be the problem. I know with so much TV and other things to occupy our time I'm sure it makes things very difficult. I believe a parent has to let the child know who is boss and not give into their every whim. They need lots of love, but also dislipline. Don't be afraid to say no to her. A loving Grandmother