Help with Potty Training - San Pedro,CA

My oldest daughter was over 4 and her sister was 3 before they potty trained. I learned the hard way that the more you push, punish, yell, react, the longer it will take. :-)

There is lots of advice out here and most of it says, back off and let her get it herself. The more you try and tell her when she does or does not seem to go the more she will fight you. Yes the messes are a pain, but when I backed off with my girls they were both trained overnight literally.

There are a couple replies that make me feel sorry for the kids in those homes. Control freak parents will end up paying a huge price in the long run for not letting kids learn at their own pace.

Good luck and like has been said, she won't be in school in diapers :-)

I.,
I am the same boat as you. I have a 3-year-old daughter. She likes to sit on the potty but isn't consistent. She's going back to preschool this week so I am hoping some of her peers are potty trained and she'll learn from them. Don't feel bad. I don't. We aren't bad parents. My 1st daughter was potty trained by 2 years with little training from me I might add. I think it will come with time. However, I will keep an eye out for helpful responses you will get...just in case:)
T.

Get rid of the pull ups. They are just diapers with a fancy name. She will go when she is ready and not a minute sooner. Some kids can be "trained", others just wait it out a bit longer. There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, it is just a matter of telling her that she is old enough to use the potty. My oldest son was over the age of 3 and finally I looked at him and asked if he wanted to go to Magic Mountain, he said yes and i told him they don't allow diapers there. Within the week he was out of them and that was the end of it. My next two children were completely different. See what works and don't make a control issue out of it.
Good Luck!

Hi I.,
Stop. You have been trying to long, and getting stressed. She can feel your anxiety. Just let it go for a while, if she likes going in the bathroom and pretending- let her and ignore her. She is gettting loads of one on one time with Mommy when she sits on the potty, why bother using it. Buy a potty seat and put it in the living room or whereever you spend your most time together, don't talk about it just let her see it and use it as a chair. Let her go into the bathroom with anyone who will let her, mom dad grans friends, just hang out while others use the potty. After a month or so, bring up the potty discussion again, go to the dstore together and buy big girl pants, and go for it! Goodbye diapers (pull ups)! Good luck!

Hi,

I am a SAHM of four and so I've been through this twice and actually my 3 year old daughter Ruby is at the tail end of this process now. Basically if there's one thing I've learned is that Pull ups are not good for toilet training. They're great don't get me wrong but the bottom line is that they work too well and the child doesn't get that they're supposed to be wet and uncomfortable. And let's face it, it is easier to just sit there and watch cartoons, or keep playing then to stop the fun and go to the potty. Which is how kids think of it.

With my son (who's autistic and who wore pull ups until he was potty trained at 6 years old) we finally had to remove the "crutch" because he was actually getting confused because he wore underwear at home and then had to wear pull ups to school. (fortunately he was lucky enough to have a very caring teacher and she took on potty training him at school)and once we took away the pull ups altogether he got it rather quickly. We did the same with our 3 year old and she has only had two "accidents." We do put a pull up on her at nap time and bed time because it's a little harder for her to realize she has to go and wake up in time but the rest of the day she's in panties. In the summer months we always just let our potty training kids run around the house naked (not when company was over of course, lol) when we were transitioning from diapers/pull ups to underwear and they always managed to make it to the toilet.

So just a suggestion, but I would ditch the pull ups and take her to the store and let her pick out several packs of pretty "big girl" panties. She'll like picking out the pretty colors and patterns and all little ones want to be like Mom and/or Dad so be sure and tell her that now she's a big girl like Mommy and she gets to wear pretty panties now. My daughters loved it and actually thanked me for letting them stop wearing diapers. Too funny.

I hope this works for you, but if it doesn't just remember that every child masters these milestones at their own pace and your daughter sounds like she's got a really good grasp of the concept and now just needs a gentle push towards the finish line but whether in a week or another couple months she will get it.

Good luck,
Randi

First of all, don't take this personally. It is very important that you detach your pride from this issue. This is one of the first things that your daughter has complete control of, and she needs to accept that responsibility on her own. Your daughter knows the drill.

I never wasted money on pullups. My fist daughter potty trained very well going pee, but it was a SOLID YEAR before she would poop in the potty. She always asked me to change her into a diaper, she pooped, and I we changed her back into her panties. She had some kind of phobia about pooping and one day, she just sort of worked it out and did it and it was smooth sailing from then on. The important thing is that you let her decide. If you want to keep doing pullups, do so, but show her where her princess panties are and tell her that when she is ready to wear them she can put them on. When she decides that she wants to do it, she will get it right !

Dear I.,

I am positively convinced that she will be fine these are all very normal actions. Wait until she goes behind the sofa or chair and poops in her pants and walks out with a guilty look. So cute. Remember they are just babies and this is the way that they are. This is not a 1/2 hour tv show where everything works out before the last commercial, it is the real world, and she will do fine. Just keep close to her and don't make a big deal out of it. ....and don't get mad at me because I am telling the truth. C. N.

Hi I.,
2 1/2 may still be too early but she is definitely getting the concept. YOu can try a good behavior chart for when she does go in the potty and after so many stickers she can get a toy or treat.

My son wouldn't go on the potty either. One month before he turned 3 we told him "No more diapers or pull ups" and we put him in pants with no underwear at all. He had a couple of accidents then went on the potty that weekend. He said "That was easy. It wasn't scary!" We knew he was ready and just being stubborn. We still put him in pullups for bedtime until he learned to wake himself up to go.

Good luck! You daughter will eventually get it. As long as she can wear diapers or pullups in preschool I wouldn't worry too much.

I saw on "Jon an Kate plus 8": whenever the babies would go pee in their potties, they would "earn" 1 MnM candy and when they'd go poo, they'd "earn" 2. This seemed to be good enough motivation for 5 of the 6 sextuplets. There was one that still resisted, but it mostly worked out great.

I potty-trained my first-born at around 2- but I was at home with her. I would take her to the potty first thing when she awoke and change her into panties. (I'd use a diaper at night.) At first, I figured she would let me know she needed to go again, but she was too young so she would end up peeing on herself. I began taking her to the potty every 1.5 to 2 hours and she was potty trained within 1 month after that. After that she only messed in her panties once when she had gotten diarrhea and I was so engrossed in a book that I didn't realize she was trying to get my attention. :(

My eldest is now 17 and my little one is about to turn 1. Since I'm fortunate enough to be home with her, I plan on doing something similiar. Hopefully it will work just as great, but I know not all babies are the same. I actually think this one might be even easier because she is very regular and usually has a BM within the first hour she's awake. We'll just have to see.

Good luck with your little one.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but there really isn't anything you can do to hurry this process along. Little kids have control over just two things - what goes in and what comes out. Sounds like she understands the concept. You just have to remove yourself, your ego, your desires and your timeline from the picture because this is about her desires, her timeline and her readiness. It will happen when she's ready and not a moment before.

Like I said, I know this is not what you want to hear. I didn't want to hear it either when my 3 1/2 year old was still in diapers. No amount of coaching, praise, incentives or scheduling made a difference. Once I stepped out of the picture and just let her be, she literally one day just went on her own. She didn't even tell me - I just happened by the bathroom when she was peeing and burst into tears of joy and ran to tell my husband. From that day on, she was fully trained.

Bottom line, we don't potty train our kids. They potty train themselves. Good luck!!

I have 3 kids all were different. I think with kids who are potty trained very early - it is more the parents who are trained. I did pick up a book from the library with my last one (my son)- "Stress Free Potty Training". It was good with helping determine my sons personality and how to approach it. Actually, he was just about potty trained when I got the book - he is 27 months. He only took about 2-3 days but the book helped enforce my approach. He almost trained himself. He was getting ready for a bath one night, running around naked and the next minute I turned around - he was on the potty going #2. The next day he wanted to sit on the potty (which he had done many times before but nothing came out) and he actually went a little at first, then a little more and then even more (I could see the little light bulb go off in his head as he figured out he could control it).

Now if kids don't have the muscle control there really is not too much you can do for that. Just give them time. My oldest was pretty quick as well (in the time it took her to be potty trained not her age). It took me just deciding enough was enough since I knew she was ready. All the signs were there - it was more me. I thought my second daughter would be so easy since she was saying three word sentences by 13 months and complete sentences by 18 months but I WAS SO WRONG! She was my most challenging. Intellegence has nothing to do with body/muscle control. It took me a long time to learn that and accept it. She did everything your daughter is doing. We had a lot of accidents and a lot of frustration on my part.

You need to take some time when you can be home and devote most of your time to working on it, give up the pull ups (How are they any different then a diaper - I used them with my first two but wish I hadn't.), put her on the toilet first thing in the morning and after nap time, watch for those little signs when she normal goes poop (goes off to play by herself, she is very quiet, hiding in another room, etc.), just place her on the toilet about 20 - 30 minutes after drinking or eating something and once every hour or so, give lots of praise and rewards when she is successful (a large clear jar filled with her favorite thing in it), etc. Unfortunately, the messes are going to happen but remember they will become fewer with time til not at all. Try using the training pant underwear with the extra absorbant front area (double them up if you want but say goodbye to the pull ups - you have to if you really want success. Night time ones are ok but say they are night time underwear.)

As I said, that book helped be determine my sons personality and showed me that I was approaching it correctly with him. All kids are different so a little different approach might be needed. What works for one my not work for all - which I figured out with my 3 kids.

Best of luck to you!

Hi you're not a bad mom! I know what you were going though. My 3 1/2 yr old daughter and I fought w/ potty training. She would be on the toliet till I cried, not go and then after being off for 2 minutes go in her panties. We had her run around naked, it work a little. I gave up and figured I'd have the only kindergarder in diaper. Then day out of the blue she was using her little potty on her own, just walked in there and pottied. She was 2 months past her 3rd b-day. No accidents, not even at night since then. Maybe she just has to do it on her own terms. I know this isn't any advice but I just wanted to let you know your not the only one out here w/ that problem.

Like your pediatrician said, "Be patient".j
My first child was completely trained by 3.5 years, my second child trained herself (really) by 2.5 years.
It really happens when they're ready. Pressuring them will just cause regression.
Personally, I'd keep her in diapers. I never used pull-ups (just a money-maker for the companies). It'll happen.

I'm curious to see what happens with my third child.
Good luck

It sounds like your daughter is doing tremendously well for her age. Don't rush it. From diapers to using the potty 100% of the time, it can take 6 months or more (even a year) for a child to adapt! Especially one at the younger end like your daughter. Keep encouraging, letting her wear the panties while at home, and never get mad or show your (understandable) impatience. She will keep working on mastering this new skill and be proud of herself, rather than feel shamed or feel forced. Your patience in the matter is very very important for her in the long run. My daughter is now 4 and we knew only one little girl who was even starting to potty train at 2 so that's why I say yours is still young to be even as far as she is at 2 1/2 or nearly 3. Even after she seems to be 100% she will still poop or pee in her pants a few times until she's a few years older. So just plan to buy a lot of underwear and understand you're in it for the long haul. She'll have it in no time.

No offense, but I think you're putting too much pressure on her. I do the same thing about getting my daughter to eat. Now she has an issue ever time it's time to eat.
But with potty training, both my girls began at 2 1/2 yrs old. Key word, "began". There should be expected mistakes. I wouldn't make my child wait any longer than 3 min.s to see if she needs to go. One time I was at the Wild Animal Park (she's 3 1/2 yrs old) I put her on the toilet before our 30 min. Journey into Africa bus tour. She had only panties on so I insisted that she go. She insisted that she didn't need to go. I just told her well give it a little try. She sat and then pushed a little and right when I was going to give up (2 min.s later), she piddled a little out. It was when I wasn't hovering over her putting the pressure on that she was relaxed enough to go. I remember after my c-section, the nurse got me up to see if I could pee. I told her, "Well if you weren't standing right over me, I might be able to go." I guess with anything, we as parents need to not put too much pressure on our little ones to perform or we'll to the reverse affect.
Good luck, but she's just beginning.

P.S. I would have a potty chair that is already accessible to avoid accidents when she's setting up w/ the insert. I use a potty chair for my daughter. Although, my 11 yr old used the insert and did fine from the beginning, no accidents in panties or bed. Every child is different.

Hello I.. We made a potty sticker chart for our daughter. When she filled on line up with stickers she got a reward. We changed the rewards up and one chart was sugarless gum. We also bought a book, "Big Girls Use the Potty." Someone advised us to have her pick out her own underwear at the store and have her wash them. Have her start the load, put the detergent in, and then switch them to the dryer because that would make her take ownership and be excited. It worked for them but did not make a huge difference for us, I just thought I would pass that along in case it would work for you. Wish you the best!

I am in the process of potty training my daughter, who will be three in December. Like your daughter, she was very reluctant to sit on the potty and would poop in her underwear minutes after I sat her on the potty. I say we are in the process because she still doesn't go #2 regularly and we still have to reward each time she uses the potty, but we've not had a #1 accident in about a week.

A friend of mine told me how she potty trained her eldest daughter and I immediately knew it would work for my kid.

I went to Target and I bought a fancy birthday hat and a birthday candle that sings Happy Birthday. She was with me when I purchased these items and I made a bid deal over her only being allowed to wear the hat while she sat on the potty. Despite her crying for me to let her put it on her right then, I said NO. When we got home she immediately went to sit on her little potty. Then I gave her a nice big glass of water and a salty snack. I put little bowels of salty snacks throughout the family room and encouraged her to eat and drink as much as possible. I also put on a new DVD for her to watch and put her potty in front of the TV. Every 10-15 minutes I would ask her if she wanted to sit on the potty with her hat. It took about 90 minutes, but she finally peed in the potty. Of course, I made a HUGE deal over it and after washing our hands, etc. We lit the birthday candle and sang Happy Birthday to her. She also got a temporary tattoo on her arm so she could show Daddy when he got home. Then I repeated this all day long. We did not leave the house to run errands, etc. By the next day I was able to relax and she would tell me when she wanted to sit on the potty, but I would try to have her sit first thing in the morning, 20 minutes after eating, and before her bath. It took two weeks before she would go #2 in the potty. It was a lot of laundry because I used training pants, not Pull-ups.

Some suggestions I have for you are 1) get a little potty that she can sit comfortably in. I actually keep one in my van for long road trips. 2) Don't use Pull-ups, get training pants and 3) plan a day when you and Daddy are home all day to really focus on potty training her.

A note on the tattoos: I heard another daycare provider did this, one tattoo each time the child went. Well, it really is ugly having tattoos up my daughters arms. They are also not that easy to remove because she complains when I scrub them. But, she really likes showing Daddy how many times she used the potty that day, its a physical reminder that doesn't disappear like a sticker or candy (my kids pull stickers off a sticker chart). It really works and because I also have a husband that works very hard, he enjoys counting the tattoos with her each morning.

Wow! I really wrote a book this time. Sorry about that.
Good luck!
N.

would you and your daycare provider be open to cloth diapers. children can actually feel when they are wet.
i am in the cloth diaper business so if you or anyone you know is interested in healthy eco-friendly diapers here I am...

best,
S.
www.beachbummies.com

Don't worry she is not late. My question is dose she have hours of dry time between wet pull ups? If the answer is yes then I would suggest taking her every hour to the bathroom. Even if she dose not go whe will get the point that that is were she is to go and she will get tired of you interupting her play. My oldest was 3 and a half before she was potty trained but unlike some of our friends we never had all thoughs accidents that you her about. After three days we were done. Good Luck.

Check on Dr. Phil's website. He has a 1-day process to go through. I would take her out of pull-ups and only put underwear on her. Then, follow his tips.

Not sure if this helps your little girl, but with my oldest who is now 3 years old and potty trained a couple of things worked with him. At first he wasn't sure about the whole pooping on the potty bit. So one day I sat him on "big potty" and stayed with him in the bathroom holding his hand while he proceeded to poop. He didn't want to sit on toilet, but I reassured him I was right there and wasn't going anywhere. I told him he could do it all the while holding his hand. He pooped and I congratulated him on his success sayin, "Now that wasn't hard was it?" He agreed. After that, he would go poop in potty, but I still had to hold his hand. Then came the transition for peeing in potty and his incentive program.

Every time he went potty, pee or poop, I would give him a sticker. I had a sheet and he'd pick one for every time he used the potty. He would put his earned stickers on his sticker paper (a large sheet of black construction paper that was on the wall by his bed.) We had a few accidents, but it worked very well. He could see what a great job he was doing by the number of stickers on his paper.

After the stickers got old, his grandma started giving him pocket change, a nickel here, a dime there. He thought that was cool. Now being potty trained for almost a year, every once in a while he'll ask for a sticker which are readily available in the drawer in the bathroom.

It helps to track when your daughter goes pee/poop so you can anticipate when she will NEED to go and have her sit on toilet around those times to show ease and dissipate the fear of the actual process.

Hope this helps. Remember she will go when she's ready, be a positive partner in this transition from infant/baby to little big girl. Positive reinforcement can go a long way.

:)

Hey I., My daughter just turned 3 in July and she is still in pull-ups. Every child is different especially when it comes to potty-triaining. She wears her pull-ups and when she goes pee in the potty we give her a sticker on her potty calander, maybe you should try that. Make a calander with enough space in the square for the date and a few stickers and then when she gets like say 4 or 5 stickers in a row, not a day, then get her a small something from the store or a treat like chocolate milk, then she will get the idea. It takes some longer then others, don't give up shewill be potty trained in no time. We are working on no pee or poo in the pull-up for 2 days in a row then we will go to panties.

Good luck,
M.

Simple! She isn't ready yet. This is not a discipline issue. No reason to get mad. Your pediatrician is absolutely right. When she is ready it will all fall into place within days. Stop worrying about it. Don't even think about it. Let her be.

Here's a great tip that worked on my 7 kids!
http://www.gomommygo.com/pottytraining.html
If you got to the home page
http://www.gomommygo.com
there are tips on other things as well!
Enjoy,
R.

I have 4, and they were ALL different. You're just going to have to be very, very patient. No, pressuring them does not help at all, it'll prolong the process even more. My 3YO is potty trained at night but I'm still having problems with my 5YO. They're just all so different. Just be patient but consistent in your efforts and she'll eventually pull through.

Good luck!

OK you know she has to poop, but she wont go on the potty chair, most the time you know the poop is right at the door, she knows this to but holds it, go ahead and get her up, but you have to watch her like a hawk checking her every minute, the minute you even think she is going take her in quickly sit her down let her finish there, you have to catch her at the time she is going once she does it once she will do on potty chair again. I would tape the flush knob , when you sit her down to pee, run the water a tad, give her something cold to eat, wash her face off, this will trigger the pee to go..

good luck

Hi, I was reading your potty situation with your daughter and I understand what your going through, my daughter is 3 yrs old and I began to potty train her when she was 1 and a half. She was tough I was doing the same things you were doing and she's been going in the potty since she was 2 yrs old. I always held up the pull up and underwear in front of her and said to her "Pull up NO NO", "Cinderella underwear YAY! when you wear this one you need to go pee pee in toilet". when you say this you need to make sure your reaction is much more joyful and exciting, that grabs there attention. I also brought her to the bathroom every time I needed to go and she would sit on her toilet while I would tell her to listen to mommy go pee pee in toilet and then it would be her turn so that mommy could listen. I put underwear on her when we were home no matter what. she had plenty of accidents, and every time she wet herself I would say firmly "NO! you go pee pee in the toilet" then I would take her to the bathroom and sit her on the toilet for a couple of seconds and then I show her her pants and I tell her that pee pee not here only in toilet. (make sure you say look at momma so that you get her full divided attention). Never yell or show an upset face, only show a positive face so that she knows that you are being serios and that you are not going to give up. Tell her every time, it may take half of a year or more.I hope you take my advice, hey it worked!

I.,
Your daughter will be okay. My daughter will be 3 in Dec. and it has only been about a month that she started wearing her undies. It is all up to them. I would get mad and would want to scold her, but that only makes it worse. I let my daughter come around by herself. So your daughter is almost there and by the time you know it she will be pull up free.....

There are a LOT of nuances to potty training and something different works for each child...a few suggestions that helped us:

we only had final success after taking away the diapers completely. A pull-up IS a diaper; so as long as that was an option, she would wait. It only took a few days of accidents and peeing herself for her to get the picure.

Don't let her just go naked...she needs to feel how the pee feels on her clothes and not like it, then she will get the picture to go in the potty.

Bribery works for some. We did use the m&m system (after first wanting to do the sticker-chart but she colored it and the wall next to it and I didn't want her to get the idea she could draw on the walls, so switched to the candy). One M&M to sit on the potty and try, three more once she successfully went on the potty. We only kept this up as long as the bag of candy lasted (about a week).

A few warnings though...my neighbor has had a heck of a time training her daughter to go poop on the potty. She would hold it as long as 7 days (yes, a full week!) DON'T let your child hold it more than a day. She did damage to her colon holding it and thus now has to be on a laxatixe and have 3-4 diarhea poops a day for 6-12 months while her colon recovers from the damage she did holding for so many months (I thin close to 8 months of fighting going on the potty).So if your child resists and holds it (more than a day or so), reconsider and try different options to make sure she has more than enough fiber in her diet and cannot hold it and work out whatever fears she has about poop in the potty. If she gets constipated and it hurts to go...this will strengthen her fears so whatever you can do to avoid that aspect of it would be important.

My best of luck!

OK so you have gotten a lot of good advice and I really can't add more to it but a piece of advice that was given to me by my Mom. First, You are not a bad Mom. Second, she has the concept now it is just a matter of time. Third, Yes it will double your laundry but get rid of the pull ups, they are a false since of security. She will always go in them. Take her to the store and have her pick out her Big Girl Panties.
Good Luck and Just remember that You are NOT a Bad Mom!