Help with Sleep Transition!

Hi R.,

Keep doing what you are doing - meet your baby's needs - you will all be happier and she will be healthier emotionally knowing that her mommy is meeting her needs. To help her learn to sleep on her own will take time - she has had the comfort and gift of your co-sleeping with her and you are meeting a need for her. This is a good thing. I love the futon idea. This way, she is learning to sleep on her own a bit gradually and yet still has the comfort of your presence when she needs you. There will be a time when she starts to need you less and less. Enjoy the time you have now...it goes by very fast. So, my advice - continue to do what you are doing. Growing up takes time...

Now: re: the CIO method.

I'll be blunt: CIO it what I consider to be child abuse. There - I said it! My personal opinion. DOn't bother me with angry private message...I have a right to my opinion and my degree in child development (as well as being a parent for over 22 yrs) supports it. Here is why I feel this way:

Babies have NEEDS. They are still in the developmental stage of Trust vs Mistrust. If their needs are met the learn to trust that their caregiver will care for them; they learn that the world is a good place and that they are safe. When their needs are not met they learn that their caregiver will NOT care for them regardless of their need; they learn the world is a bad place - a place to be feared - a place they are not safe.

When a baby is left to cry it out here is what happens:

Baby is left alone - baby get nervous and starts to cry. NO response from caregiver - baby gets scared and cries harder. Still no response from caregiver and baby become terrified - even moving into hysteria. After several nights of this baby doesn't learn that the caregiver isn't giving in to them - they learn that the caregiver doesn't care enough to take care of them. So - what does baby do? They GIVE UP. They quit trying because they have LOST HOPE that their need to be with the caregiver and feel safe will be met. They have now learned that the world is NOT SAFE and that their needs may not be met...

People forget to take into consideration the physical effects of the CIO method. When babies go into hysterics during CIO, this causes a potentially dangerous rise in their blood pressure. This isn't safe!

Lastly, I'd like every person who feels that the CIO method is a good thing to put themselves in this position:

You are bedridden. You cannot take care of yourself. You have a caregiver. You are hungry - you cannot feed yourself - you cannot go to the kitchen and make yourself a sandwich. You call for your caregiver - no response. Oops! You have just pooped your pants. You cannot change yourself - so you are now lying in poop filled pants You call the caregiver - no response. Well, darn - now you pee yourself. You call for your caregiver. No response. You call again. Nothing. Now you start to get scared - where is your caregiver??? You know they were here just a bit ago. Now your stomach is starting to hurt because you are so hungry - your head hurts too...you know - hungry headache. You stink from poop and pee, and it's starting to burn...and it feels gross too. You scream for your caregiver...NO RESPONSE!! How do you feel? Do you feel like your caregiver cares for you at all? Are your needs being met?? Think about it...it may happen to you when you get too old to take care of yourself and are in a nursing home...think about it.

These are my personal opinions...I know not everyone will get it...and I know not everyone will agree...but I hope everyone thinks about it and puts themselves in a baby's position...

J

Hi R.,

Two words: FAMILY BED. Everybody sleeps, kids feel secure, which carries over into their general attitude towards life, and the family has quiet togetherness time in a very hectic world. I did it with both my girls, ages 14 and 9. The older one chose to leave our bed at 10 and the younger one's still with us. Many of my greatest memories are of us all piling into that giant bed on a cold night. Besides extended breast feeding, it's the best decision my husband and I ever made in regards to our children and to our family. Just because western cultures (with their obsession about independence) tell you it's a bad thing doesn't mean it is. How many years do you have your kids with you, anyway. And to be clear, this isn't some dependent parent situation. This has been fantastic for the emotional development of my children. They are confident, secure, and INDEPENDENT.
You had it right the first time but, regardless of what you end up choosing, do what works for you - this is YOUR family!
Best to you and yours,
T.

Have you tried nursing her to sleep and then putting her in her crib once she is good and asleep. That is what I have done with my daughter every since she was born, she is now 13 1/2 months old and it works really well. She has always slept in our room with us first in a co-sleeper and now in her crib. There have been a lot of times when I have fallen asleep with her when I nurse her, but at some point in the night I do try to put her in her crib and she will usually stay there until it is time to get up. Just keep trying to put her down in her crib and she should get used to it, but go ahead and nurse her to sleep and then put her in the crib. My husband also gets up before 5:00 and I don't want her to wake him either. If you don't feel good about putting her in her crib and letting her cry herself to sleep; don't do it. Do what feels right to you. I have had a lot of people tell me to let her cry herself to sleep, but I don't listen to them. I can't do that myself, that is why I always end up nursing her to sleep, plus it is a lot more peaceful for my husband to sleep.

Our kiddo slept in bed with us from birth until she was about 15 months old. I started out with the crib next to the bed. To get her to adjust, I started putting her in only at nap-time, when I'd be working around the home and not sleeping with her anyway. She became comfortable with it very quickly. When she was used to sleeping and waking up in the crib at nap time, we started letting her fall asleep with us and then tucking her into the crib. We kept the crib in our room for another 5 or 6 months, until she was very comfortable with it and knew it was hers. When she was about 23 months, we moved her crib into her own room, and about 1/2 a year after that, got her a toddler bed. She transitioned very smoothly. No long night time crying jags or anything like that. (Much later, we encountered sleeping issues due to hypertrophic adenoids and tonsils, but that's a different story!) She still sneaks into our bed sometimes if she's up early and we're not, or if she has a bad dream, but I don't mind that too much... :) I'd say try a slower transition instead of putting her in her own room and her own crib right now. Good luck!

Hi R.,

This is tough! My baby is only 7 months old, but we spend the night all over the place. She starts in her crib and then ends up in the bed in her room with me or our bed for at least part of the night. Usually because I fall asleep nursing her. She exclusively coslept in the begining. She transitioned ok to the crib at night once we got her to sleep in the crib for naps.

Here are my suggestions/experiences:
Is your baby in the crib for naps?
As far as letting her cry, I was dead set against it, but things have changed a little. Now she crys at nap time because it seems like she is just fighting to stay up and have fun. At night I try to avoid it. A lot of babies make a lot of noise in their sleep though. Have you tried waiting a little while when she starts making noise to make sure that she's really awake?
Is it possible for you to get her totally asleep before you put her down? I know some books recommend not to let them suck to sleep, but it seems to work for us. I nurse her at night until she is very very drowsy if not in a deep sleep and then put her in her crib. This might work for you to get her in her crib in the begining. The only danger is that if she wakes up as you are putting her down, she may start wailing.
About your husband sleeping, I also struggle with this. My husband and I both work full time and take care of the baby full time. He works nights and takes care of the baby during the day so he gets very little time for sleep. However, when you are trying to make a change that will help all of you sleep better, I think it's important that you are both on the same page and stick out the short period of tough time. If you have both decided that crying it out at night is something you would like to cry to encourage your LO to sleep all night in her own bed, then hopefully he would be willing to make it through a few tough nights.
However, I also think that if her sleeping in the bed is working for you, there's really no reason to go to the crib. It's not necessary. When you are both ready to move her to her own bed, you can do it slowly by first putting her down on a separate mattress next to your bed and slowly move it out of the room.
Anyway, sorry this post is so long and rambling! I'm working on little sleep myself and trying to write this quickly at work :)

Our modern Western culture is wealthy enough (in general) to afford the luxury of having a room for everyone in the family. For some reason everyone is obsessed with "training" their babies to sleep by themselves in another room. Does it really make sense to put a helpless infant away from its mother? Not to me. Your child is not going to continue sleeping with you after they're in college or until they're married! They grow up so fast. Do whatever makes you and your family happy. You could put the futon mattress in your room and put your mattress on the floor. That way you give her a little space but she's right there. That's what I did with my daughter. She still sleeps in my room in her own bed. She'll be four this summer. She is very independent otherwise. We all sleep very well at night. My mom put me in my own room when I was six weeks old...I am now 32 and I don't like to sleep by myself at night so it didn't do me any good. Don't worry about what the mainstream says...they'll change it in a few years anyway. Do what seems natural.

this is such a tough problem and i really empathize with you. i have several friends who had the same issue and i recommended my favorite book on this issue, "Sleeping Through the Night," by Jodi Mindell. It has worked for all of them like a charm. For the first few months it is so sweet and new and wonderful to have your little sweetheart near-by, but sooner or later.....the sleeepiness catches up with all of us. :) I did the "crying out" method and it is a little heart-wrenching but once you realize how much happier and healthier you and your sweet baby are after a good night's sleep, you will know it was all worth it. Mindell's book is short, sweet and to the point and offers lots of practical tips and reassurance for parents. i wish you the best and i hope you start getting some precious zzzzz's soon. feel free to contact me with any questions. good luck!

At 11 months old, babies can get back to sleep without food during the night, unlike a 3 month old who needs to feed every 3 hours. She probably just wants your attention.

There are plenty of websites that can help you out with crib transitioning, but mostly they say the same thing... basically once you have ruled out all physical problems (such as wet diaper, food, warmth, teething pain) you let the baby cry for about 15 minutes.

Establish a routine for her. Give her a short bath, give her a bottle (or breastfeed), burp her and then tell her it's night-night time. Make sure you keep the lights in your house dim so that the melatonin in her brain triggers and causes sleepiness.

I know that letting her cry sounds tough, but unless the crying hasn't stopped or subsided or if it has gotten more hysterical at 15 minutes don't go in there. If by the end of those 15 minutes she hasn't stopped crying and it seems even more hysterical, you want to check on her without talking to her. Just go in, keep the lights low, hold her and then put her back down. Now you start another 15 minutes. Also realize that if she stops for a while and restarts, the time restarts too. It sounds cruel, but it's not. You are teaching her that she can put herself to sleep without you.

Now, I'm not a believer in letting babies cry for too long, especially at night cause I think it causes insecurities and a feeling of non trust with the parents. But I think it's good for a baby to learn that it is empowered and doesn't need you to do everything. At 11 months she isn't as helpless as she was at 4 months. Know what I mean?

This is coming from the parent who "slept" (this is a relatively loose term, since I don't really think I ever really slept until they were in their cribs) with my babies on my chest on an armchair for the first 6-8 months of their lives. So believe me, I'm not the "cry it out" type. However I realized that I'm doing more harm than good not allowing them the power to get themselves to sleep.

It will take a couple difficult nights, but it will pay off in the end... believe me. Let me know how things went. The last thing I would want is to give crappy advice that just hurt you and your baby. So please take this advice with a grain of salt and know that you understand and know your baby more than anyone else in the world (including some unknown chick on a website on the other side of who knows where!). :-)

Hello R.,

I think you need to let the baby cry it out. You have been sleeping with her up until now and usually by five months they should be sleeping alone and through the night. I know you mentioned your husband and his need for sleep but it is now or later. You might as well do yourself the favor by training her now and forfit a few night of sleep until she gets the concept that she better go to sleep because no one is listening. Kids are extremely intelligent, as you know, and discipline needs to start in the beginning so that they are easy to deal with as they get into their toddler and older age. There is nothing wrong with a baby crying and trust me, it can last upto a couple hours because baby's are extremely stubborn and selfish creatures but they need to learn what is best for them and sleep through the night is great for everyone. And to comfort yourself you can always check on the baby once the crying has stopped to ensure the baby is sleeping and doing well. One more piece of advice. You must be consistent or don't even bother.

A habit is very hard to break. If you want to sleep with your husband thaen you have to let her adjust and this is not easy. It should take less time each night, but if you go in there she will know that if she cried long enough you will come in. If you know she is fed, changed and eveything else is fine then I would let her cry. I heard horror stories from my friends....I have one who has a 7 and a 5 year old and they all four sllep in the same bed every night....I did NOT want that. I trained my kids from the start, all three slept 12+ hours every night in their own bed from 6 weeks old.
I hope this helps, but if you want to sleep my himself, it has to be done.

You'll get a lot of different opinions on this one. I know it's hard to let her cry if she will wake someone up, but sometimes all it takes is a few nights if you are consistent. But she is still being rewarded after a time so she's learning that if she cries long enough you'll finally give in. For me, I'd had it by that time and I let them cry it out as long as it took. It only took about 3 nights for my kids. Three nights isn't long for everyone to suffer if it brings such huge rewards (sleep for all).

I had trouble with my daughter. I let her sleep with me forever, because we were in the hospital until she was 4 months old. Anyhow I was worried about her. We finally started putting her in her crib in her room asleep-she would never stay asleep long. However after we just let her cry it out for a little while in bed she goes to bed on her own with no complaints at all. She has a routine and she knows it is time. We go upstairs brush her teeth, read three books and take her to sleep where both my husband and I kiss her and tuck her in. Just get a routine going and all should fall into place.

Hi R.,

It's very hard I know, but congratulations on continuing to breastfeed and looking for the best way to train your baby girl! I would establish a nighttime routine and talk to her about it, talking her through it (she understands more than you know). A key may be moving breastfeeding to another special place, like a rocking chair or other chair in her room. At that age, my nighttime schedule with my son (almost 3 now, also born in may) was bath, p.j.'s, read books (with nighttime music on), breastfeed (not to sleep, kept him awake), rock and sing (on my shoulder, not at the breast), then down in the crib while he was sleepy but still awake. He did cry, but less and less each night.

I recommend the book "The baby whisperer solves all your problems"... I couldn't do the whole "pick up put down" thing, because of my very large son and a bad back, but it's good for scheduling, etc.

Hope that helps.

C.

Yeah, that's a tough one. My 21 month year-old daughter had the same wake-up every few hours, need to nurse back to sleep. She is currently sleeping in my bed. For me (and her), the issue was the association of going back to sleep via nursing. Last month we weaned her, and now she's sleeping through the night, entirely! It was hard at first, but I too am against the cry it out theory. Ofcourse she cried, but I laid there with her and soothed her as much as possible. I also substituted warm milk, got up for a snack, whatever she needed. I think I could move her to her own bed now, keeping with our read 25 million books before bed routine, and she would do fine. I'm not suggesting weaning, but I do think that's what they wake up for (boob). They wake up, a little groggy, a nice warm bosom to go back to sleep to...

This is a tough one. You don't want your baby to cry but I have to tell you have to stick to your guns about her learning to comfort herself and put herself to sleep.
Its going to be tough but with a plan you can do it.
Check your bed time schedule for her. Make a pattern out of it. Go outside and play with her, then dinner, bath time, read a book time and then big girls go to sleep in their own beds.
Don't hype her up before bed time, do the same thing at nap time. Play, lunch, a short story and then nap time.
It might take a week or two (ok maybe three for those stubborn little girls) but eventually if you stick with a pattern you will have a child that puts herself down to sleep in her own bed.
Leave books in her crib, let her pick out a doll that she ONLY gets when she goes to sleep. She can be the night night doll. Since my kids are only a year apart I used to hold my son and my daughter was behind me and we used to do the go night night dance all the way to the bedroom and make up a song of how great the day was, or follow the leader or silly things.
She needs to learn to sooth herself to sleep and that is very important in my opinion in their development.
Good luck...

It is important that a child learns how to fall asleep with out food or rocking. At night develop a routine...dinner with family....followed by a bath..a little story and song, and rocking..then let your little one play a while or have quiet time in her crib. It take three days of guilt ridden crying that you have to listen to....but you can peek or use a monitor to know your precious little one is alright. But she will fall asleep with out you and be okay. If the baby is wet you have to change it but that's it. I played soothing music..classical,nursery rhymes, lullabies, and church music all the time for my four girls to help them in transition. Practice musical naptimes to help her get into the schedule.
Hang in there mommy!
Laurel mommy of four princess's..Now 26,21,19 and 16.

Hi R.-
The solution for your situation is individual for your family. What works for some families doesn't work for everyone. I recommend reading "The Baby Sleep Book" by Dr. Sears. He explains why babies have different sleep patterns than adults and offers solutions for different needs. He also has an excellant website with lots of helpful information for this issue as well as all of our parenting questions. Check it out: www.AskDrSears.com
Good luck. - Kimberly

Hi R.!

You must have been almost crying when you were posting this last night. I'm sorry, it's so difficult on the mommy's heart.

I tried this same thing with my first boy 12 years ago... It lasted 6 LONG nights, and I stopped. I was told it would last 3-4 nights of crying (maybe screaming), but each night would get "shorter" in crying. Then someone told me to go into his room every 2 minutes to reassure him that I was right there for him. Being my first baby, nothing had hurt my heart worse....ever!

That's when I decided that's what my Rocking Chair was for from then on out. I rocked both my babies to sleep, and didn't care that I wasn't helping them "learn to fall asleep on their own".I thought, I'll teach them that later! They were babies, and I felt it was my job to give them nuturing and security at all times! So, that's what I chose to do. It was more peaceful in the house at night because of it. I am the only one who had to "work" a little harder during the night, but I was willing to do that for the peace and love in the home, it also made it easier for naps, especially as they got older.

Your situation is much different. First, you "freed" her from her crib to a futon. BUT now you've taken away that "freedom" from her, and she's at an age where she understands that she's lost that freedom. I think that if your goal is to have her fall asleep on her own in her crib, then you ARE doing the right thing. I think it will take longer than normal, though, because you've confused her by going back-and-forth with the crib-futon. Your household will need to be patient until she adjusts back to her crip, and this will take quite a few nights, and lots of tears on everybody's part.

However, if your "wish" is for YOU to be able to sleep alone with your husband, then start "the training" earlier with your next baby, because this one is like "the old dog learning new tricks" :o) And will take much longer.

Back to my boys....they are 5 and 11 now, and have slept like champs their whole life. Yes, we've had issue's about NOT sleeping together every night, because I rocked them. But, beginning at 3 1/2-4 years old, they slept in their own beds most of the time.

R., bottom line, how you put your kids to bed is up to you, and you alone (especially if you're the only one who does it). You and your daughter will be doing this each night together for many years, so try to pick something that you can "live with" and works for both of you.

Good luck

:o) N.

Where does she sleep during naps?
If not in her crib then rock her to sleep for a nap and put her in the crib. That way she'll wake up in the crib.

Is she ever in the crib at any other time? Sitting in it while playing with a toy? She needs to feel comfy with the crib, like it's a safe place to sleep.

Have you tried having her sleep wrapped in a shirt of yours? That way she'll have something that smells like you for added comfort. A soft toy to hold would also be a good idea.

Do you like having your daughter sleep with you or not? I am against children sleeping with parents because the transition is so hard (I've experienced the transition with my nearly five year old and it was full of suckitude).

Do you have a bedtime routine? Children even at that age need a routine, it helps them know that they are safe.

Do you give enough time for her to fall asleep during bed time before your husband goes to sleep?

Is she napping all right? If she's not napping she'll have trouble sleeping.

My brother swears by the book BabyWise. I've never read it (probably should have) and he got his baby girl sleeping all through the night at a very young age (5 months maybe?). But every child is different and will respond differently.

Let her CIO! It will be painful for you, but I swear it only last for a max of four days before she realizes that you are not going to give in to her. Teach her how to sleep on her own. By doing so, you will be giving her a very special gift, the gift of sleep. I sleep trained both my kiddies and they are sound sleepers and will got to sleep at 6:45 and wake up at 7:30. The entire family is well rested and happy. I recommend the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Read it!

R.,
From your post it didn't really sound like you wanted her in her own room. I could be misreading it though.
I always took the path of least resistance and most sleep for my family. I was going to school full time, with long clinical hours and lots of coursework, so what gave me and my family the most sleep was to have my kids with me.
They are now 7 & 9 and have a great, healthy sleep pattern.
If you are trying to maximize sleep, then pehaps take her into bed with you.
Good luck!

I have a similar situation where I stay at home with my 3 year old and 1 year old. My three year old has been held to sleep her entire life, so far. This is frusterating for me and my husband because him and I dont get much alone time because he works 9 hour days. What I have started doing is having both my kids fall asleep on their own for their nap time. I just started this with my baby, and she cried for ten minutes and then was asleep and slept for three hours. The older one is learning to fall asleep on her own but it is taking longer, I think because I just started it with her at the same time. Just remember you know your children better than anyone, and trust your instincts. Good Luck!

Hi there! Our daughters share a birthday! My daughter, Carly, will also be a year old May 5th ( Cinco de Mayo)! I am also 32 and a SAHM. Carly is our first child and we have been married for 9 years this year.
About your sitation...Carly's been sleeping in her crib since she was nearly 4 months, but it wasn't easy. She too was used to falling asleep in our bed while I nursed her. I had to stop nursing her while laying down, so I wouldn't fall asleep, and then lay her in her crib after she fell asleep. The thing is, 11 months is when kids start to really develop separation anxiety. You'll need to find a way to reassure her and build her self confidence. One of the things that Carly's pediatrician suggested was for Carly to have a "lovey". She "adopted" one of my cloth breastpads and sleeps with it clutched in her hands, it is her "lovey".
The other thing that really helped us is that we have a really good routine. Carly's awake by 8-8:30am and has breakfast, 10:30-11:30am naptime, 12noon Lunch, 3-5:30pm naptime, 6:30pm Dinner, 7:30pm Bath, 8:30pm Nursing, 9pm Bedtime....it sounds very rigid, but she plays throughout the day, and this is a schedule she actually set for herself several months ago. If she misses a nap she becomes overtired and has a hard time sleeping at night.
I'm not sure any of this will help...let me know how it goes! If you're on MySpace I'd love to add you to my friends list since we have some things in common!

Read THE SLEEPEASY SOLUTION by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack. I have a 7 mo old boy , Rylan, who was getting up 2-3 times a night and I would feed, rock to sleep, or he would end up in our bed. So basically I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in 7 mo. We tried the Cry It Out method but I was in tears within 30 min and it didn't seem to work for us (though I'm sure we didn't try hard enough or try long enough). BUT after reading this book and trying their method, since last week, we have been training Rylan to soothe himself to sleep and since Friday night I have been weaning him of his night feedings. It took an hour for him to go to sleep on his own the first night and an hour the first nap but now, a week later, he can soothe himself to sleep and tomorrow night he should be weaned of his night feedings. You still have to do the cry it out method but a bit modified and you have to be very consistent. The book also talks about ways to even make co-sleeping work. I think the website is www.sleepyplanet.com. Good luck and hope you get a good night’s sleep soon.

Hi R.,
My heart goes out to you. This was a difficult transition for us as well. We let our boys cry it out and it was one of the most difficult things I've had to do in my life, yet it did work for us. While I was doing it, someone gave me the advice to stick with it if it was indeed what I was going to do. Otherwise, it's not fair to your baby and your baby will be confused. One night she gets comforted and the next night she's left crying. If it's not for you, then that's fine too. You have to do what feels right for you and your family.

Best of luck to you.

Hi my name is Sasha and I have a 22month old girl. We have justed started to transition our daughter into her own bed which is at the foot of our bed. She is very excited about her bed and we read books and cuddle. She usually crawls into bed with us at 1am or so. I think cribs are overrated and I think listening to your babies cues are the best thing to do for you child. I slept with my parents and have no sleeping problems and fairly well adjusted adult. Read THE BABY BOOK by Dr. Sears its great and gives you all sorts of helpful info on nighttime parenting. Hope it helps. Follow your instincts!

From my experience with my son (now 3 1/2) I would suggest letting her cry it out. As long as her cries gets mommy to come in she will continue to do so because that's what she wants! Eventually she will cry herself to sleep and will learn that crying doesn't work and will stop crying completely.

A consistant bed time routing is important. For example, we would eat dinner, do bath time, a liitle play time while drying off and dressing, watch 1 Thomas the Tank engine episode and read 2 books and lights out. We do this every night any my son has been a great sleeper for years.

Hope this helps.
L.

Hi,
You'll have to let the baby cry it out. It only takes 4 to 6 days. My husband also wakes up early (3:30!) but understood that in the end he'd be getting more sleep because he'd wake up every time I got up to comfort the baby or crawled back into bed. It's only for a week and well worth the headache. When the baby started crying, I would turn off the monitor right away and then quietly close our door to minimize the noise but I could still hear her. Also, an 11-month shouldn't need night feedings anymore. If she's waking up to eat, you might want to send your husband in with a pacifier since you're breastfeeding.

If the question is mostly in regard to whether she should sleep in the crib or on the futon, I think you need to determine why a crib might be important to you or to your daughter. If there isn't a compelling reason for her to sleep in the crib, why not let her stay on the futon? In my own experience, 11 months of age is approaching the time for a child to leave the crib for a toddler or other bed. (In our situations, it was so the crib would be ready for the next baby).
If the question is more about the waking up to nurse, I think it depends a lot on how much this is disturbing your sleep. If you are getting adequate sleep and don't mind the night nursing, I don't see a problem. Children tend to have various needs during the night when they are very young. It goes with the territory that parents will have some interrupted sleep, You just need to decide how much of that you can tolerate, and begin to wean her from depending on that feeding according to your needs.

You should just stick it out. I breastfed my baby to sleep 11 years ago. I would bring her to bed in the middle of the night too to breastfeed. When I stopped breastfeeding she couldn't go to sleep on her own. I tried to get her to sleep on her own after a bottle but she wailed and cried and I felt guilty. I couldn't handle the crying. It broke my heart. So then I let her sleep with me to ease the crying. I had not planned on having her sleep with me as long as she did. Last week my daughter started sleeping on her own. Had I let her cry it out in the beginning she would have been better off. She could have learned to self soothe and her self esteem would have been better off since she wouldn't have to keep the secret of sleeping with her mommy from her friends. Sleepovers were hard for her because of this. You may not think she will sleep with you forever but the crying only gets worse as they get older. Also, when they are older they just get out of bed and come to you. Good luck because I know it is hard.

I agree with the posts below. Your daughter is dependant on you to go to sleep...and it will only get worse as she gets older. A friend of mine has a 3 year old that never learned to sooth himself to sleep. Everytime they put him down for bed (for naps AND night time) they have to lie down with him until he falls asleep. He does not sleep through the night because he wakes up (as all babies and adults do during the night) and doesn't know how to go back to sleep on his own. I have a 2 year old daughter who is a great sleeper. When she was about 8 months old she had some difficulty and it took me one terrible night of letting her cry. I did much as the post below describes. I waited 15 minutes and when I went to check on her I did not engage her. I kept the lights turned off, I didn't make eye contact with her, I hugged her, sshhhh'd her, told her mommy loved her and it was night-night time....layed her down and walked away. It broke my heart and it nearly took my husband to physically pin me down, but her crying only lasted about 45 minutes the first night, maybe 25 the second.....and we have had no trouble since. It's really hard but it is SO worth it. You don't want to have a 3 year old that needs you to lay next to her for nap time, bedtime and twice during the night. This is just my experience and my advise. Stay consistent, even if hubby has a bad night or two of sleep, it will REALLY be one of the best skills you can teach your daughter. Good luck to you. It's really hard but you can do it!!

Hi R......are you just breast feeding here at night and maybe a little something else at dinner? If so try giving her a big bowl of warm rice cereal or warm oatmeal cereal but something warm and heavy to the tummy. Remember the good ole days when people use to say that a nice tall glass of warm milk right before bed helpped them sleep through the night...basically it's the samething. Getting her tummy full with a nice warm meal and then topping it off with the breast feeding right before bed should be enough to let her snooze through the night.....it worked for me!!! If it doesn't work then you may not be able to do anything else but let her cry herself to sleep.....sometimes it has to happen....but I know how it pulls on the heart strings ;-) Good Luck & Best Wishs!!

I think by 11 months old your daughter has developed habits that will be very hard, but not impossible to break. I think you will have to use the Cry it out method and really be consistent with your daughter. I don't believe in Co-sleeping (with the exception of a sickness or something). I think the bedroom should be reserved for parents to maintain closeness and also get rest. If my daugher is in my bed- I am definitely not getting much sleep. It might take a week for her to go to bed without crying, but it will be so worth it in the long run. It will also help your daughter develop good sleep habits or you will be dealing with a bad sleeper. Your daughter also doesn't need to eat at night. By about 4-6 months old, babies can go the whole night without eating. My daughter is 13 months old and rarely wakes up at night since she was 4 months old. She goes to bed at 7:30 PM and wakes up around 6 A.M. If she does wake up I go in and give her the blankee or pacificier and walk back out. I try not to talk with her or make a big deal about it. If she cries and there is nothing wrong with her she knows that crying won't get her any attention in the night. Also, we put our daughter to bed wide awake. We say good night and give her a kiss and walk out and she has learned to put herself to sleep. If babies don't know how to put themselves to sleep they will continue to wake up in the night and not know how to go back to sleep. I know your husband wakes up early, but don't you work also. He should just suck it up for a week (with the CIO method) for the good of everyone.

Is there a transition? My girls are 9 and 6 and still sleep with me and have since they were born. They have their own rooms and beds but prefer to sleep with me. If that isn't your thing...you probably should keep doing what your doing so you don't end up like me. Two kids in bed with you kicking you, hitting you, snoring, etc. I never sleep.