Helping a Young Child Cope with Natural Disaster

I hesitated a bit to answer you, mainly because I can't imagine what you are going through. I've never had to live through anything like that and I can't begin to place myself in your shoes, let alone the desperate people of Japan and the horror and devastation they are going through. My heart truly goes out to you and your family.

My only advice is to limit the amount of images he is seeing and to make sure you are speaking about the event with as strong a voice as you can. When he asks you questions about the event, tell him the basics in a level, non emotional voice. But remind him that you live far away from the affected part of the country and that he is safe. And that you are very strong and are going to protect him from everything that comes your way.

Also make sure you have as much snuggling time as he needs. Spend time on the couch with books together and read and hug and pet and reassure him that his Mommy is there for him. The acting out is no question the result of how confused he is about what's going on. Poor guy.

The folks here stateside are seeing all of these images too and we're terrified for you. Please take care. Please stay safe.

Hi D.,

I live in South Mississippi where Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005, so am familiar with the effects natural (and other) disasters have on children. My son was 8 in 2005 and, for him, once we returned to the area, it was very important for him to physically see his school, church, friends' homes, that were still standing. Once we covered what was still there, we then went to see what was not - my office building, his pre-school, our library, etc....more was gone than was standing. Since I work in non-profit we also quickly found places to volunteer to help with the relief effort.

Since you do not live in the affected area (praise God) - keep an open line of communication with your son about your friends that do live in that area. let him know that they are safe, let him know that the chance of this happening where you live is minimal, assure him that this event was no-one's fault - this was a result of our ever changing planet - heck, explain Teutonic plates to him, explain how the shifting of the plates caused the earthquake, and how the earthquake caused the tsunami. Maybe more information than he can take in - but I have found that childrens' fear is caused by the fear of the unknown - they do not understand that these types of disasters, while huge, are localized in nature. So carefully reassuring him that it will not happen to your city may go a long way in alleviating his worry.

You are right to turn off the TV, put in a CD and play music and dance with him and get your news from the internet where you can close the window when he wanders over to see what is on the computer screen. My son was 5 during 911 and I had to turn off the media in the house - the images were just to upsetting for him. He had a much harder time at 5 understanding that disaster then at 8 dealing with Katrina even though the human losses were slighter but destruction was literally down the street.

Is there is any way your son can talk to the "nice person" - your friend in Sendai? While I am sure she is extremely busy dealing with the relief effort - it may set your son's mind at ease to actually talk to her. I know in the days immediately following Katrina getting in touch with family and friends and finding out they were okay, was extremely helpful to my son.

Also, don't make this disaster a focal topic in your home around your son - hard to do, I know, but he is really young and simply will not understand much of it. Do keep yourself upbeat when, and if, he asks about it. Do give him positive updates....ah, heck D., just tell him the "big water" is gone and now everyone is just mopping up the mud. It really is not going to hurt to white lie it a little for his benefit.

As to the "egg water" - just chuckle and let that misnomer pass on by. They all do it and call things by the wrong name or their own version of names. The defiance is most likely completely separate from the disaster - unless you have been extremely distracted by the event and he is picking up on your concern - in which case, once you practice on not projecting your concern in front of him he should calm down. We often have to worry in private and project a "no problems" demeanor in front of our children.

Know that the entire country is in our prayers. If there is anything that we can do, please let us know.

Good Luck and God Bless

When my children were small, one of them was terrified of storms. He was particurlarly afraid after we had friends affected by a tornado. We are christians and I asked him what was the worst thing that could happen in the storm and he said he would die. I reminded him that if he died, he would go to Heaven, which is actually the best thing to happen to us in our faith, so the worst thing to happen to him on Earth would be the best thing to happen to him in the long run. He thought about it for a moment and said, "But I still don't want to die." I agreed with him but it also seems to calm his fears and we didn't have any more midnight storm visits.

D., my heart goes out to you in your current situation. I've experienced several deaths of family members in less than a year so I now know what real grieving is. I can encourage you to stay strong, try to see the positives but don't hide the realities from your child.

This is a natural occurence in that part of the world, so explain what it is in his terms and let him see YOU as a survivor. Let him see you dealing with it ok, and if you cry sometimes, let him know why and comfort him when he begins to do the same. Answer his questions the best way you know how without being too graphic.

Don't watch the negative stuff on the news with them around, and do the things you normally do with him before the disaster happened (play, tell stories, laugh, etc). If you know how to pray, pray so he can hear you and know there is someone higher who has all the answers and can help in time of need.

I trust things get back to "normal" quickly. My prayers are with you.

I feel a lot like Jenny does...I really hesitated to answer this question since I have never been in a situation like this...nothing even remotely like it!! But I wanted to tell you that my prayers are with you and your family...and all of the people of Japan..as well as the others' (American military...missionaries etc) who are living there in that beautiful country.
I think that you need to continue to be understanding of your sons' outburts and meltdowns...it is his way of dealing with the stress and fear that he is surrounded by. Let him talk if he wants to, it can help take some of the fear and uncertainty out of the situation...to be sharing it with you.
Please let him know that you are going to take care of him..that you love him and are always going to be there for him. Maybe he could do something to feel like he was helping...I am sure there is an office of the Red Cross there somewhere near you...take him in there and donate blankets, food, money, something tangible that he can KNOW that he did something positive to help the people who have been hurt by the "big water".
Are you a religious family? If so..pray aloud for the people who have been harmed...asking for divine intervention and protection.
Above all...remain as positive and try to keep your life as "normal" as possible under these awful circumstances. And know that the world is trying in everyway that they can to help with the physical needs of the people and to stop things from getting even worse with the nuclear situation. And please know that millions and millions of people, all across the world are lifting that nation of Japan in prayer...I Know that there have been concerted times of prayer and supplication at our little church here in Topeka, Ks and it will continue to be so.
God bless you my dear

It is perfectly ok for your son to know you are concerned but like many he feels powerless and isn't able to understand the how and why of such a disaster. Can any of us ever really understand it? Be proactive, reassure him that you are safe where you are and get involved in doing what you can to help. Let you son help with whatever you do so that he can see that while bad things happen, he does have some control and can make a difference. In a time when things have been turned upside down he needs to know he is still safe and has some control over things. A lot of his outburst that you mentioned sounds like the simple need to have that control. Truthfully though it sounds like he is dealing rather well and that he does have some understanding of the situation, so now it's time to help him over the fear and give him back some of the control he feels he has lost.