Helping an Infant to Self-sooth?

I had to do CIO with my youngest. She just wasn't figuring it out and would love for us to come in. The whole "soothe from afar, or pat the back and leave" approach just made it worse for her. She'd flip out when I started to leave.

So I hit my breaking point (at 22 weeks) and let her cry.
It took 2 nights, and she never cried longer than 30 minutes.
Night 1 was 3 incidents of crying for 30 minutes each.
Night 2 was 2 incidents of crying. 30 minutes and then 20 minutes.
Night 3...NOTHING! She slept 12 hrs straight!!!

The crying was SO HARD to listen to. But I'll tell you that I wonder why I didn't do it sooner. Now, she sleeps like a dream. Through teething, colds, growth spurts. If she does wake up, I never hear from her.
It's hard for you, but great for them to learn how to sleep better.

JMO.

My daughter cried constantly for the first month, and I developed a pattern or holding her and nursing her to comfort her which evolved into my being able to do nothing else, day or night. I did get a great suggestion from a lactation consultant, who suggested I give her my pinkie finger to suck on (instead of a pacifier or my breast). She did like this. I then read the Ferber book Babywise, and decided to try and get her on a schedule. It took a while to implement, and you have to be prepared to hear her cry when you put her down for a nap. Basically you nurse your child until you are sure she is full. Then you play with your child, read to her, etc. When it is time for a nap, and you know she is full and tired, you lay her down to sleep. I used a routine of rocking and singing to her before actually laying her down, so she got some notice that nap time was imminent. The singing and rocking seemed to soothe her and make her sleepy as well. She will cry in the beginning when you put her down, but she will learn to sooth herself. It will take a week or two, but the crying will stop, and she will welcome her nap. The book recommends you check in on your baby if she is still crying after 20 minutes, I checked on mine more like every 10. You can give her your hand, tell her she is okay, but do not pick her up (according to the book). I think that I actually did pick her up, rub her back, but then laid her back down. I used the routine of rocking and singing to her at the same time before putting her down for the night also. She did routinely wake up once in the middle of the night, but this stopped around the time she gave up breast feeding, around 14 months of age. My daughter continued to take regular naps until she started school. If she was tired, she would tell me she was "ready beddie". Good luck

this has always been a hot topic. Please do what works best for you & your family & ignore all of the attitudes you're going to see with this question!

That said, there are many different methods used. Some of what I've seen in my daycare are:

1. using a swing all night long..

2. swaddling &/or using a wedge.

3. during the CIO period, soft music (yoga, New Age genre). I use this daily for naptime.

4. using a soft blanket along the side of the cheek to hold the pacifier in.

Lots of other tricks....you just have to find one that works for your child. & contrary to some of the other comments here, I do not consider a pacifier wrong & the fact that your child doesn't have a fav....well, pick one & stick to it! Don't keep buying new ones to try!

I also believe the CIO is not abusive. Good grief..... & good Luck!

What you're describing is a pretty common problem and you can probably overcome it with the pick-up-put-down method. There are books on this method but the general premise is that you put her down "drowsy but awake" (meaning eyes closed or nearly closed). When she cries, even if it's right away, pick her up, calm her down, get her drowsy but awake again, and put her down. Lather, rinse, repeat. It takes stamina - this can go on 20 minutes to a couple hours - but it will help her learn to soothe herself, without CIO. She'll still know that you will come to her when she cries, which at 4 months, she needs.

Your daughter is still pretty young and may not be quite ready for this, but it's worth a try. I did this method with my son at about 6 months; he was the world's worst sleeper (up every hour every night, for months) and in about a week I got him down to two wakings a night; at 8 months he started sleeping completely through the night (7-5:30 anyway)!

I *highly* recommend the Baby Sleep Site. It's a web site dedicated to baby sleep and acknowledges that every baby is different and no single solution fits all. The woman who runs the site, Nicole, offers personalized, email-based consultation for a very affordable fee. That's what we did and it was WELL worth it. She'll analyze your situation and give you advice tailored to you so you don't have to read six books and figure out what to do from that.

PLEASE don't do CIO if you aren't comfortable with it, and certainly not at 4 months. I don't know that "crying is exercise a baby needs"; my son never had CIO and was always a strong, lean baby. Also be careful swaddling - it helps for very young babies but as they get older, they may actually be annoyed by the restriction. And once she's able to get her arms out or roll over at all, stop swaddling, because she may be able to get herself tangled or strangled with the blanket.

My son when he was that young would fall asleep to his crib toy thing. It attached to the side of the crib, played music, had lights going, and bubbles. It really helped him out. Now when he started teething nothing but me holding him would suffice, and still is mostly like that :(
I would try a swaddle, maybe before going and spending money on a really good one, go to Babies R Us and get the $10 one that they sell there. She would probably like the cuddle feeling that it brings since she's out pretty quickly with breastfeeding her.
Do you have a set bedtime routine. If not, start that immediately. It will help cue her into night time mode. I recently started rubbing a little bit of lavender oil on my son's earlobe and he is out like a light when I do that. It's just one more cue for him that it is bedtime so he isn't shocked that all of a sudden he needs to be quiet and falling asleep. Our routine is dinner, bath (on the days we don't bathe him I read him an extra book or two), change into pj's, lavender oil, books, rock, put into bed. On the days that my son wants to fall asleep on his own, I sit in the glider till he falls asleep. He still doesn't like it when I'm not there. So I kind of viewing that I am slowly weening him off of me, then off me being right there. It's a SLOW process, but I feel it's worth it since we aren't CIO.

Maybe you could try a crib toy that has soft lights and music that attaches to the rail. I swear by the one that I have used on both my daughters, it is the Baby Einstein aquarium one-it has an auto shut off after 15 minutes and some other settings that they can eventually push a button to turn on themselves. So we used that (still do with my almost 8 month old) and fans for white noise and I have had a couple of great sleepers. Good luck to you, sleep for us is so important too!

I was also a "human pacifier" for my middle DD. She would fall asleep, nipple would slip out of her mouth, but rest on her lip. I'd edge my breast away, and suddenly wide open eyes, and mouth, all hungry again, for maybe 15 seconds.. She stayed latched to me, until I weaned her at a year. I used to wake with small hickies from her trying to nurse & missing the nipple. She refused a pacifier & bottle completly.
3rd DD came along & I didnt want this scenario. We started a pacifier (hubby's insistance because all babies have them) and luckily she took that. Still, many nights, I laid with my hand gently rubbing her belly shushing, half asleep. We used a fan for white noise, a mobile that plays for 20 min intervals with a remote to sneakily restart it, used the vibrating thing off the bouncer in the base of the bassinet, co slept, and a swaddle. I think the swaddle was the best thing we had. We also dipped the pacifier in gripe water to get her to take it, its ok until teeth come in (gripe water has some sugar in it, so once teeth are there, dont do that & use alcohol free if you do) *you could probably dip the pacifier in breast milk.. or teach her to suck her thumb. Bad as it sounds to teach her to use a pacifier or thumb, she wants to suckle, better one of those two things, than you...

Why are you unable to sleep with her latched on? It sounds like you intentionally get worked up over it which results in your staying awake. Breastfeeding sends off hormone reactions in BOTH participants to make them drowsy, relax and more likely to sleep.

I think you need to relax and stop resenting your infant... once that happens, your relaxation and rest will come with co-sleeping. She is WAY too young to consider abandoning her to CIO...

Being a Mother to a newborn comes with some major sacrificing... and those who choose to offer the best nutrition to their newborns and infants - that means being a temporary pacifier. She was IN YOUR BODY for 9 months... why do you think it would be so easy for her to separate herself from you? She does not see herself as an individual but still a part of you. Your smell, heart beat, milk, voice, breathing - all creates safety, love and comfort to her.

***Added****
I think you should contact a LC or IBCLC so you can discuss positions to use while laying down together. I don't know why you think there is only one position to nurse from while trying to sleep. As she gets older, the positions will expand even more.

www.kellymom.com and www.drjacknewman.com are great resources

Believe it or not she will probably take to her own fingers in her mouth. Try it when she is not sleepy or coming out of nursing. I know it is supposed to spoil their teeth. It's a myth. My younger brothers, and my children were all thumb suckers.