Helping My 3 Year Old Understand/cope with Loosing His Dog.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, am dealing with a similar tragedy this week. My best friend, my 8.5 year old dalmatian, Tino, passed away last friday from a very aggressive cancer. My son will be 3 in two weeks.

Tino was going through chemo so my son also knows that he was at the doggie doctor a lot. Here was here at home shortly before Tino passed so he could say goodbye, but didn't really understand that and was at a friend's house when the vet actually came to put my pup to rest.

He knows that Tino is not around right now, but like your son, waited two days before he really asked for him. I think he is finally understanding that for some reason, Tino really isn't here. I kind of believe my son thinks he's at the vet. He mentioned picking him up this week. And he said yesterday that Tino is coming back and I had to gently tell him, no, he's not. Today, he thought we were taking Tino on his daily walk when we took a stroll and I reminded him that wouldn't happen again.

I think it will take time and I'm not sure that at the point he's old enough to understand for real he will even remember Tino.

I will say that I am not taking it well! Truly, heartbroken. And it's ok for my son to see my cry. I think it helps him know that everyone gets sad sometimes. And it may let him realize in a small way that although he doesn't "get it" something has happened in the family.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. We actually had a Boxer as well and he had a seizure and died. My son was only 2 at the time and I knew he wouldn't understand about God and Heaven and dying. Frankly, I didn't want to tell him he got sick and died because he was so young I was afraid that anytime anyone got sick (even just a cold) he would be worried that we would die and he wouldn't see us. So I just simply told him that Butchie (our dog's name) was gone and he wasn't coming back. It wasn't an actual lie. It was the truth, just not the WHOLE truth. He was young enough that he didn't ask further questions.

Since you've already told your son that he is in Heaven there's not much else you can tell him except that when people or doggies go to Heaven, they do not get to come back home. That when people/pets go to Heaven we no longer get to see them. Then just assure him that Heaven is a very happy place and Bentley is having fun there. Good luck!!

This just breaks my heart. I am so sorry for your loss - boxers are the greatest, and cancer is the worst. We lost our 12-year old boxer, Crash, to cancer in August. There is a wonderful book called "Dog Heaven". It really helped our daughter be OK with losing Crash.

S.,

This is a tough one. I would just keep explaining that Bentley died and is living with God free of all pain and sickness. My nephew was the same age when my Father-In-Law died of liver cancer. He asked about PaPa a lot the first year after he pasted away. One of his first questions was, "Why couldn't God fix PaPa and send him back?" We all had to keep explaining that life doesn't work that way and eventually after a long full life we would all be together again in haven.

Best Wishes,

J. N.

Sorry for your loss of Bentley, who I'm sure was a wonderful family member. I would just remind him that Bentley is living with God in heaven now doing all of the things he loves, eating treats, playing etc.Let him know that Bentley has to stay with God, but he is healthy in heaven. I saw someone whose kids left a few items out for God to take to their dog that had recently died at bedtime and they would be gone in the morning.Not sure if that will help, but it may. The book Dog Heaven can also be helpful. I'm sure it is hard on you when he is asking where Bentley is and you are also grieving.

Our chihuahua was hit by a car when my son was 3. I tried to explain to him what had happened and that we wouldn't get to see her anymore and he didn't really understand at all. For a couple of months he would occasionally tell me "We have to get ChiChi back". And I would just tell him that she can't come back and remind him that she was in Heaven now. Then my uncle passed away a few months later (whom my son was close with and saw almost every day). And of course I was upset when I told him what had happened. I told him that it made us all really sad because we would miss him and couldn't see him anymore, but he was happier because he was in Heaven and wasn't sick or hurting anymore. And I could actually see on his face that he made that connection, that once someone goes to Heaven you can't see them again and he got really sad and it broke my heart, but I knew that he actually understood. He hasn't said anything about getting ChiChi back since then. He talks about her still occasionally, but in a 'remembering' kind of way. Just know that he will eventually "get it". I pray that it doesn't happen through another loss like it did with my son, but it will happen. Sorry for your loss and good luck to you.