Help....sleep Problems with My 61/2 Mth Old Daughter.

hi
trust your motherly instincts, hold and nurse that baby! she is at an age where she understands your proximity to her and it's very scary when you leave. you need to earn the trust back and show her that you are ALWAYS there for her and are going to help her through whatever is going on no matter what, such as fear, pain of teething, overwhelmed, overtired. that is your job, it is not a part time positon. you are mom 24/7. it is temporary but worth the work, cosleep, rock, babywear & nurse on demand for as long as needed. enjoy being needed, it's very short. the results of peaceful parenting are wonderful. research the benefits of attachment parenting at www.askdrsears.com. when she feels secure she will behave more secure and independantly. crying and distress send the bad hormone cortisol through baby-bad for brain development and bad for stress and obesity in their future. EVERY DOCTOR knows that. it's a fact. not to mention the emotional damage you are doing by leaving them alone. contact me and La Leche if you need any support or advice. hug that baby! god bless

C., she's probably starting to teethe. She's not going to sleep very well until all her teeth are fully erupted, which will take a few months.

Here are some things you can do to make your life easier:

1) Be more physically active with your daughter during the daytime. Try to get her a little more tired before evening. This will help train her that being active is for the daytime, not the night time.

2) Get some Orajel. This is a little tube of jel that you put on your finger and rub onto her gums to soothe the pain of her teeth coming through. Mostly, she will be getting teeth up front, but some kids feel their molars starting to come through from the very start, so just rub all of her gums with the stuff. Get her a teething ring, particularly the kind that has water in it so you can freeze it and let her put the soothing cold on her gums.

3) Have your daughter play with her dad more in the daytime so that she will get more used to him. Naturally, she will want YOU to soothe her if you're still nursing her, but see if she will take a bottle of water or even a relief bottle with formula or expressed breast milk from him, and then perhaps she will see him as a better source of comfort.

Take heart, because you are doing all you can to love and nurture your daughter, but she is going through a naturally difficult stage, and there is nothing on earth that can make this stage go away. You just have to get through it with all the good little tricks we moms and dads have learned down through the ages.

Peace,
Syl

I am in complete agreement with Laurie and Karen. Imagine if it was you, you fell asleep every night in the arms of your loved one then you wake up a couple of hours later and you are in a different room, all by yourself - you'd be confused and disoriented, right? Why would your little one be any different? You'd have the ability to realize after a few confusing moments what probably happened, but to your baby, there is no reasoning, she has no idea where you are and can't comfort herself back to sleep because she doesn't know any other way to fall asleep besides in your arms. It is normal for all people to wake up in the middle of the night, but we usually can fall right back asleep without incident, but if she doesn't know how to fall back asleep on her own, she will cry out for you until she feels your nice, comforting, warm arms.
I know having her cry it out seems so barbaric, but it will be the best thing for the both of you. the first night is always the hardest, but as the others have said, you need to stick to it. For my boys, it really only took about 2-3 nights of being consistent with not picking them up when they cried and by the 3rd or 4th night, they were sleeping through the night.
Please don't knock this technique, it really works and I truly believe that my sons are not emotionally scarred for life and definitely don't have trust issued with me or whatever else others may lead you to believe. No matter what, you are her mommy and she will love you and trust you with every fiber of her being.

the book is called Baby Wise. it will SAVE your life.

Hi Cathene,

I completely agree with most of what Laurie said. I have not read Baby Wise but did read The Baby Whisperer and parts of it really helped me. I was nursing my daughter to sleep for both naps and bedtime. Once she would fall asleep, I would have to very gingerly put her into her crib without waking her. If she woke up, I had to start from scratch. It could take quite a long time to finally get her down. At the time (I did this for the first 6 months) she was taking three 45 minute naps. I knew that she was waking and not able to put herself back to sleep. I knew I needed to change the bad habit that I started with the least negative impact on my daughter. I didn't feel it was fair to let her cry it out because it was me who had created this pattern and I didn't want to punish her for it. I do think that some children need to cry it out but my daughter is not one of them only because of her personality. She learns easily and is an easy baby.

This is what I did. I put her to bed awake and when she cried, I immediately picked her up. I held her until she stopped crying and put her back into bed. When she cried again (almost immediately the first night) I picked her up and soothed her until she stopped. I wouldn't hold your child for more than a minute or so-they are crying because they know they are going to be put back into the crib! The first night I picked her up about 10 times, the second about 5, the third only a couple and by the fourth night she was able to go into bed and go to sleep without crying at all. I did the same thing for her naps. It took me three full days but each day got better and my daughter never had to cry it out. In the first week she was taking 2 hour and a half to two hour naps. Now, (she is 14 months) I put her to bed awake, she plays for about 15 minutes and goes to sleep on her own. She rarely wakes at night and cries (maybe once a month) because she puts herself back to sleep. She also plays in her crib for about 15 minutes when she gets up.

I hope this helps. Whether to use the crying it out method or the method I describe really depends on your child. Even though I didn't let my daughter cry it out, I have some friends who really need to. Their children are very erratic sleepers and it isn't only the exhausted parent who suffers.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!

N.

Flow with her. She is learning life right now. Being tired is part of the job description. She is definitely teething at 6 1/2 months. You may not feel the teeth, but they will be in soon. You can try to give her a pacifier...the sucking motion helps alleviate the pain. Hyland's makes Homeopathic remedies or you can try Infant's Tylenol. Both of my babies are/were breastfed and during times of teething and growth spurts they cluster feed...usually a lot at night.
As for you...try to sleep with her. Take up a coffee habit...LOL or Green Tea. They are only this little once. My son, 9 months next week is doing almost the same thing as your daughter and my daughter didn't sleep in her crib or through the night until she turned 2...needless to say I know what it is like to be tired:)
I also put a humidifier on their room and elevated the crib mattress with a rolled towel under it. Lavender also helps with soothing for sleep. California Baby products sell a soothing bath gel with Lavender.
Soon enough the story will change and you'll forget...until the next baby comes along.
Good Luck!!!

We co-sleep. I nurse my daughter 14 months whenever she wakes during the night, now generally once.
But when they are teething (mine just got her first bicuspid), they canm wake many more times. So the couple of weeks before her tooth actually cut the gum she was waking every two hours like clockwork. Many people are very opposed to co-sleeping, but both my girls (I have a 3 yr old and a 14 month old) and I have benfitted from it. We wake well rested and happier for it.
Contrary to popular belief, the test of how good a mother you are is not how fast you get them to sleep through the night. Every child is different, and though few will admit it, there is not a child out there who hasn't had periods of night waking. The manner in which you deal with it is entirely up to you. I prefer to comfort mine, hold and nurse her and it feels right to me. Good Luck working out what is right for you.

honestly, as hard as it is to let her cry it out, there are some times when parenting isn't easy and the right thing to do is often the most difficult. I'm a parent of teens now; my daughter was a lot like yours as a baby. She would cry if she wasn't moving; either by someone walking her around the house holding her or going for a ride in the car (a sure way to get her to sleep!). At about 8 months we tried the cry-it-out method which was heartbreaking for me but my husband was very supportive. Babies need to learn to self-comfort, and she will never learn this skill if you are always there to rescue her. For her own good, she needs to get through this phase as part of her normal growth and development, even if it takes a few nights of crying! She will not cry forever and will eventually fall asleep.

the other factor here is that your home is controlled by the baby....not a good scenario for your sanity, your marriage or a functional family. Parents need to establish control and your relationship with your husband should be the priority. I don't like the idea of letting children sleep in our bed...we have never done this. (There were, however, times when I slept on my daughter's floor!!) We also established early on a system by which our kids would accept letting a sitter watch them, be it a grandparent or nanny, so we could have time for each other. We even vacationed together for a weekend, sometimes more! The long-term effects of this were the most beneficial to us as a family: 18 years later, we are still married; more than I can say for a lot of families. Our kids are 15 and 13, well adjusted and successful. I've been home with them for the last 10 years, and I can say they've benefitted from my presence. When they were very small, I was still working so we had lots of help. I think it helped them to develop into strong, confident kids. While your baby is still small, it's not to early too think about the long term effects of how you handle today's problems. Keeping your ultimate goals in mind may make it easier to get through the tears and on to more peaceful nights!

Wishing you all the best.....K. G.

I'm a grandma now, but I've raised five kids. All are healthy and productive citizens. I have helped with most of my seven grandchildren, so I hope you don't mind my input! When I was pregnate with my last baby, I read a wonderful little book that I borrowed from the La Leche League called "The Family Bed" it explained that letting your child sleep with you is not a problem, or a crime, or something to be ashamed of. A lot of babies feel insecure and need the comfort of the parental bed. Your child may be one. I urge you to try this option. The theroy behind it claims you child will grow more self confident, (and less likely to fall in some man's bed befor she's ready!)if she has time with you. Nursing is also easier, as you can just roll over, and don't worry about rolling on her, your instints as a mom will let you know she's next to you. If you can obtain a copy of the book, get it and read it for yourself. Good Luck

Ok, please to not be offended by anything I am about to ask or write because I am just going to try and help you get to the bottom of the situation. First question is are you watching your caffine/sugar intake? Reminder that your milk is affected by what you are eating....too much caffine/sugar going to your daughter through your milk could be keeping her awake also alot of vegtables and foods are very gassy and that can be keeping her awake also. Next question is do you have her on some sort of solids yet in addition to nursing? It honestly sounds to me like she is HUNGRY! If you haven't yet, after talking with your pediatrician begin adding rice cereal and within the few months later baby food. Also re teething, she CAN be teething without you feeling the teeth...try Hylands teething tablets they are a GODSEND!!! They dissolve in the baby's mouth as soon as it touches it and it's NOT medicine, it's totally natural.
Lastly, you need to give your daughter something that smells like you for her to sleep with...for instance you can sleep with a cloth diaper under your shirt everynight so it gets your smell and then give it to your daughter to snuggle with, she might just not feel secure without you near so having something that smells like you might do wonders.

End of story is sometimes babies go through phases such as this. I would make sure you discuss with and go see your pediatrician, but unfortunately you might just have to "wait it out"

God Bless and Good Luck, let me know what happens!

Take care.
J. D

good for you, hold that baby! nurse that baby!
I think you need to start trying to get things going MUCH EARLIER. I think she's WAY OVERTIRED.
try getting her to bed by 7pm for a week. 6pm even!!
check out www.askdrsears.com about babies & sleep needs & bedtimes.
same for naps. try different times.

I bet things will improve once you get sleep times and teething issues addressed :-)

Hi, C.! It would be good to first analize if you are a little bit stress or very stress. Remember that when you are nursing, you pass through the milk all your phisiological responses to any stressor in your environment. My advice is that, before you start feeding the baby,take a couple of minutes and try to relax yourself making deep breathings (inhaling and exhaling with your diaphragm). You can continue doing this during the process, as well, in a normal way. Use a relaxing music for both of you. Try using some lavanda and camomile wash during the bath time and, before going to sleep, put some essential oil with the same aromas to calm both of you, if you and her are not allergic at them.

Besides, you have to watch what are you eating! You are suppose to eat in the same healthy way that you did when you were pregnant. Any food containing stimulants (sodas, coffee, chocolate, tea, etc.), or hot spices produces changes in the milk that goes directly to your baby's stomach, producing irritation and discomfort. So, I hope that this information can help you deal in a healthy way with your problem.

Blessings,

Dr. C. A. Berrios
Psychologist
San Juan, Puerto Rico

P.S.: Sorry for my English, I'm not fully bilingual!

Cathene I am going to write you as a mom with a 10 mth old and as a professional (I am a child and family psychologist who owns Families By Design Center in Boca Raton) who does parenting training with parents with kids of all ages. Please please please hear me when I say your baby has trained you instead of you training her. If you re-read your letter you will see how you have set this up. By holding her or nursing her to sleep each night she now does not have the ability to self sooth. The reason for putting babies down to sleep and have them get themselves to sleep is it teaches them a very important tool. If you make them dependent on you or outside things to self sooth you will have bigger and bigger problems as she gets older. Trust me when i say holding her to rock her , as beautiful as those moments are for you , they are not serving your baby. Now that you have trained her for this or she has trained you...the challange it to untrain and then re-train for the behavior you want. As long as she is fed, changed and safe you need to now let her cry it out. If need be have your husband stay and you leave the house until he calls you to tell you she is sleeping. And at 7 months old I would not be doing feedings in the middle of the night. A book that might support your learning is Baby Wise. The first one will explain all you need to know about getting your baby on a schedule. The second one, Baby Wise for Toddlers, will help you plan ahead for the next stages. You allowing your baby to make her own schedule doens't make sense. She doesn't know what she is doing. You need to be the leader as a parent . Yes, read your child and be connected and sensitive to her and also you lead and make a schedule that brings consistentcy to her life. After three days of letting her cry it out you will turn this around. But it is critical that once you start you DO NOT breakdown and go in. When you do she hits the jackpot again and knows you will come. Its like playing the slot machines in Vegas. You sit there after putting 100 quarters in because of the HOPE that you will win. What you teach her when you go in is if she cries long enough you will come. And now it will be longer for her to stop. You are not hurting her by letting her cry. You are hurting her by not allowing her to learn this skill for herself and not need you. Have your very normal Mom reactions but choose your behavior from what is best for her.
It won't be east to turn it around but you can and in the long run you will make your life easier and hers if you are willing to be strong and consistent. Sometimes what is best for our children does not feel good for us. Welcome to parenting.
Hope this helps.
L.

Sounds like my problem, only my little one is 2 years old and not nursing. His problem with waking up during the night has been ongoing since Februay. It began like you described: my son would wake up and I'd try to comfort him (rub his back, belly) but he would stand up and make it real clear that he wanted to be held. So, I'd hold him and eventually he'd fall asleep but would wake up screaming and crying the moment his head touched his crib. After a couple of times of doing this every night, I resorted to falling asleep on the couch with him next to me or in my arms because any other way would make him cry. He finally got to where he could fall asleep on the couch without me holding him and now when he wakes up during the night, I go to him, pick him up and place him on the couch where he sleeps the rest of the night. Last night in fact was difficult in that he didn't want to fall asleep on the couch and instead he wandered around in the house crying for about a half hour until he found his way back to the couch to go to sleep. I never introduced my bed as a permanent sleeping solution for any of my 3 children. Like you, I would put them in my bed to nurse them and once they fell asleep, I'd put them back into their own bed. I would limit her (your baby's) naps to the point where she is not allowed to nap past 3 P.M. I don't let my son nap past 3 either only because I too, have a bedtime for him but he rarely goes to sleep by 9. Often it is way past 9:30 and has been as late as 10:30 P.M. Give your baby a LONG bath. Put some bubbles in her water...let her splash around. I've let my son sit in the water for well over a half hour! Sometimes you just have to let them learn to soothe themselves and yes, it means letting them cry a little. Try a night light in her room. With my second daughter, she went through this and it was only by accident that I discovered that she was afraid of the dark. I had a nightlamp that played music and as soon as the music stop, so did the light go out and she cried. I put a regular night light in her room and she fell asleep without a problem. This is a frustrating phase, I know. I'm going through it but with an older baby. My son was sleeping through the night just fine until February.