Help...trying To Potty Train

My son will be 3 years, 6 months at the end of next week. We too have struggled with the very same thing, but it seems over the past couple of weeks, it has begun to click and we've had some success! If he won't go at school because he is in underwear, then I would put him back in a pull up and move to low key rather then all steam ahead. Let it rest for a month or so and then try again. It sounds like he just isn't ready. It will happen, it just takes time.

when my son was 3, he had his well visit and i told the doctor he was not potty trained. the doctor told him that big boys wear underwear and babies wear diaper sa nd he is a big boy so he has to wear underwear. it helped a bit because then at home i could say, "the doctor said you have to..."
we also had a "potty Party" we went out for pizza and i made a cake and i took him to the toy store to pick out some toy(s). good luck. A.

Hey J.,

I own a childcare center and have potty trained hundreds of children. We are now in the process of potty training my two year old classroom and have successfully trained all but one. And that is only because mommy is not ready to start at home. It is crucial not to go back and forth, accidents will happen and that's okay. We do not use pull-ups we go straight to cloth training pants. We also do not ask them we just go as a group every hour and when they see their friends go they go. I am telling you do not give up even if you have to sit on the floor or the bathroom and read him a story just sit until he goes. When he sees you are not going to give in and am willing to spend the time doing this he will give in and just go. Tell the daycare providers not to ask him just take him and sit with him until he goes. The reason why some children do not want to go in a daycare situation is they do not want to leave what they are playing with because when they return their toy is gone. This is why we go as a group everyone puts down what they are doing and when they return they get to play with what they had. If not it is like punishment to go to the potty. At home he may just not want to take the time to stop playing. I wouldn't say a word to him or make a fuss either. Put a timer on and just say lets go its potty time. And sit until he goes once he knows you mean business he will give in. When he does go just tell him how proud of him you are and go about your business. The more of an issue you make of it the more control he has. So I say less talk more action. Just take him and sit. Of course since you work just dedicate a weekend to this and I am sure he will give in and you can get him potty trained. Good luck!!

Do you reward your child when he sits in his car seat, high chair, bath tub? IMHO too much fuss is made by parents about potty training which gives the child the idea that something is weird, or different about the toilet. Set a timer and take him to the bathroom every hour. Dont beg, plead or reward, just do it. He must sit there for at least 5 minutes, if he doesnt do anything. If he has accidents dont fuss, simply remind him that he should have done it in the toilet. If he refuses to sit on the toilet he should have a consequence the same as if he refused to get in his car seat. The more natural and routine you are the more natural he will become. Make sure his day care takes him once an hour also.
One thing to remember is little ones dont always recognize the signs they have to go. They have been just letting go for 3 years. So its important that you dont wait for him to tell you, because then you set him up for failure. BTW I think you should start training your daughter while you are training him. I bet she is curious about whats going on and she is old enough.

Hi J.. I am trying to potty train my 2 1/2 year old as well. I saw a posting on mamasource for someone who comes to your house and does it for you. I emailed her for information. I didn't actually use her, it is too expensive for me at this time, so my son is still happy in diapers but below is her email. You can give it a shot. For now though, I think I will read your responses and hopefully something will work for ustoo!
Good luck.
J.

Potty training help - ____@____.com

Hi J.,
I had this issue with a 3 yr. old that I babysit for. Instead of going every hour, I took her right after she had a cup of juice and every 20 min. and made sure it was very inconvenient for her and interrupted whatever she did, that way she would tell me she needed to go. Otherwise, she would hold it in for too long and have an accident. She got the drift after a couple of days of interrupting her favorite cartoon. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi J.,
Telling mom or dad that they have to "go" is typically the last part of the toilet training process. I would put him in heavy duty cloth training pants with waterproof outer layer and continue taking him to the bathroom every hour and a half or so, or any time he exhibits signs of needing to use the bathroom. I wouldn't do any candy, bribes, etc - I never did that with my kids, I didn't want them to think that using the toilet was optional or something they were doing to please me, but that it was expected behavior. If you think it's motivation, then maybe try cloth diapers for a bit - mess is contained and if the consequence is that when he pees, he is really, really wet, but no instant change like peeing your pants, it might make him opt to use the toilet instead.
Good luck

First, at this point, try making a game of it. Put
Cheerios in the toilet and have him aim. You cannot
imagine how little boys love this. I would also get
rid of all pull ups in the house. Make it non-negotiable. The first day or so, may be difficult,
but I found it always works. Just tell him ran out of
pull ups and he will have to wear big boy pants until
you get to the store. It worked for me. Good luck.

Hi J.,
I am as puzzled as you are. My son is going to be two in March and he tell me after he has done #2 and he lays on the floor and asks me to change him. He finds very uncomfortable to walk around with a dirty diaper. This whole thing was brought about by him. what is that mean. Is he letting me know he is ready to be trained? or is it too early ?

I feel you r pain on this one. My son turned 3 yesterday and we have been working on potty training since June. I also have a 7 week old daughter and having 2 in diapers was never my plan. I think my son could be trained if I had the focus and patience. He pees in the potty fine if taken but will not go on his own without prompting. I have had a hard time when I put him in underwear because he can stay dry for a while, even a few hours but fights when we remind him to go to the potty. I have been thinking to try a timer for every hour so he has a reminder. We have used the timer method for bedtime stories since he likes to drag out bedtime as much as he can. Anyway, from what I have read and heard going on their own without a reminder is the last step in potty training. Good luck--maybe by the summer we will both be done potty training our boys!

If it makes you feel any better, I went through similar problem with one of my almost 4yr old twin daughters. One was potty trained at about 3yrs and the other just got it last month. They eventually get it, so just keep trying. I found the most helpful was just insisting on a regular basis that she sit on the potty. Good luck.

Im a mother of three: 12, 10, 7.
GEt the Dukes family video.
Get something that he really wants. DOnt even let him touch it until he is completely toilet trained.
We did one child with the bear that comes with the video.
My other child could not even touch the underwear. Dont give them the thrill to wear the underwear.
--SCL

We noticed a lot of signs that my daughter was ready when she was a little over 2, but had a new baby so we waited until she was a little over 2 and 1/2. When we started over the summer, she totally understood the concept, but like your son, would hold it forever... she didn't want a diaper, but didn't want to use the potty either. It was such a control battle... and like our pediatrician said, toddlers can control 1 thing in life... FOOD, (going in and coming out!). So, what worked for our daughter was to let her have the control. We put her in underwear during the day and said, big girls wear underwear, when you have to go, let us know. We stopped asking her if she had to go, and let her tell us.... and after several accidents (we just cleaned up and didn't make a big deal) she started to tell us- or just go use the potty. She still refuses a lot when we ask her... the only rule is that she has to try if we are going on a long car ride. It only took a few days for her to be pee trained. We are still working on poop... our rule is that she asks for a diaper and poops in the bathroom. She has tried poop on the potty a few times but still holds back. The doctor said the same thing, let her have the control, when she is ready, she will use the potty. Poop is usually harder, so see if you can get the pee nailed down and just use underwear, then ask him to ask for a diaper when he needs to poop (only if he is reluctant to use the potty for pooping ofcourse). Stop asking if he has to go, and don't force him to sit on the potty- let him have control. This worked for us!!

My daughter got the hint when she watched "Elmo Potty" DVD - as she loves Sesame Street.

When I felt she was ready, I made a big deal in letting her buy underwear, put it on (just like Prairie Dawn in the DVD!) and put a pull-up over the underwear - so she feels wet AND the pull-up catches the accidents. When she had an accident, I would say -"oohh no!!!" and put it in the laundry. She poo-pooed in her underwear ONCE because there was no way I was going to wash it out and she became SO upset that I had to throw away her FAVORITE underwear!! So, that stopped...

I think potty training is all about communication too...so keep at it - he'll eventually get the point!! :)

Another option I did in the beginning was have her run outside with NO diaper and nothing on her bottom - just a dress. I watched her carefully ALL day. If I noticed she had to pee - I put her on the potty. I laughed so because she HAD to go, and realized she had no diaper - and she had this confused look on her face. She refused the potty and instead, HELD it in! When it was naptime, I put the pullup on and then she went!! Same thing happened after nap time. It didn't work then, but it got the point across that diapers were "all gone" and we were trying something new...then I did the underwear/pull up thing and praised her when did did it!!

Also, pick one strategy and be consistent for some time...I know if one day, it doesn't work, it's tempting to try something else the next day - I wouldn't change the strategy in one day though...consistency helps.

:) Good luck!!!

Have you tried "The Potty Train" book? You can find it online at www.toysofdiscovery.com
Good luck....it takes time, but he'll get there.

If you have a kid potty, let him run around naked.
Put the kiddy potty in a central location such as the living room or another room he spends alot of time in, and simply let him run pantsless.
My daughter is turning 3 at the end of March and she is fully potty trained, my nephew (whom I foster) was potty trained before 3 years old as well with this method.
Thing is, many kids will feel "safe" wearing even underwear because there will be a barrier, something on their privates, that makes them feel they can wait to potty or have an accident without feeling bad. It's obvious he understands he shoulnd't do it that way, but he has to WANT to be clean, and when you remove underwear when they're wet, he gets clean easily and doesn't get the full effect of making a mess. Also, it's important not to be harsh with him, negative reactions will only make the experience more negative for him and more scary.
I doubt they will let him do this at daycare, though they might...depending on how many children they have and such. Ask your daycare folks tolet him wear as little as possible down there for the time being, I know some states have a requirement for so much clothing to be worn, but ask them to let him wear as little as possible, this will help him make the connection with what you're doing at home.
My nephew was very difficult with this, we started with him at 2 years old and it took about 7 months before he finally stopped having accidents and started transitioning to the big folk's potty.

Good luck!

We started my son with taking him to bathroom at the times of diaper change, a few months before he was three. He understood the concept, but refused to wear underware. If we didn't take him to the bathroom, he would just go in his pull up. As soon as he turned three, he wanted to wear underware, but he would not tell us if he had to go. He didn't have many accidents because I was stressing and asking him every hour and I was stressing him out too. I also wasn't sure how to handle accidents, didn't know if I should act as if nothing happened or if I should make a big deal. I then put a post on this site. The ladies here suggested that I don't ask him and just take him instead, that really worked. Then I stopped taking him as often; I realized there were times that he just didn't have to go. Once he had an accident, and as the ladies here had suggested I just cleaned it up and said "oh maybe you can listen to your body next time and go to the bathroom before you have to go". Well, I think not stressing him and not stressing over it myself did the trick. I continued to take him every couple of hours, and eventually (within one or two weeks) he started telling me when he had to go. I think the key was giving him the control. He loves to brag about how he listens to his body everytime he goes now. He turned 3 x-mass eve, so it's only been a short time that all of this has happened. Now, he doesn't even really want my help with the potty thing anymore. Try relaxing about it, and if he has accidents act as if nothing happened.

Hi J....
You've received so much great advice already...but my son literally trained right away...we bought him a Peter Potty which is a plastic stand up urinal...I believe he was night trained in a week...(our daughter was in good nights for about 6 months...all kids are different)...Google the Peter Potty...when we got ours, I had to order online, but I think I've seen them at WalMart or Target...about 30 dollars or so.

best wishes to you...and don't worry about him going to Kindergarten...that's still a long way off and it will only stress you out more!

J.

J., I truly understand. My 3 year old son did the same thing. Sometimes, you don't know it and it didn't go through because he wears long johns. The other day, I noticed that he had little red marks on inner upper things near his groin. My theory that he pees in his pants because he holds it tooooooooo long. Little kids' bladder cannot hold urine that long. So, he has "accidents" and doesn't always tell us. I told him that if he keeps doing that he will have alots of boo-boos and he's getting too big to be peeing in his pants like a baby. I told him, as soon as you feel you haveto go potty like a big boy. My husband and I still ask him and we know if it's been a while and take him potty if we are out. He doesn't do it home, but when we are out he does. Well, hope this helped and just be on top of him and let him know that he's a big boy now, not a baby who pees in his pants or something that will help him learn and perhaps getting another underwear is a reward if he doesn't pee in his pants for such amount of days or whatever. You know what interests him and maybe that he's a big boy who needs to go potty when he feels that he does and saying that in nice, comforting tone, in criticism makes all the world difference as well. Let us know hwat happened and I know I will be wondering...:) Congrats with potty trained....

My son will be three next month and after a long relationship with the potty, telling me he had to go, sitting on it,going, flushing, he won't even go near it anymore. M&Ms, stickers, charts, toys, nothing works. I even told him that big boys go on the potty and don't wear diapers - he told me, "I don't wear diapers, I wear Pull Ups!" I threw out all the Pull Ups and put him back in diapers - he just isn't getting it. So I've left him alone and am going to buy a potty (which I have resisted - I wanted him to use the toilet, but that's not working so I am pulling out all the stops).

No advice, but I feel your pain! I'm hoping my daughter (who will be two this weekend) will be easier to train!