Help...what Do I Send the Family of a Young Mother Who Died. Need Ideas QUICK!

Updated on March 13, 2008
K.L. asks from North Myrtle Beach, SC
9 answers

Hi,

A friend's sister who I knew just died of cancer. It was discovered while she was pregnant. She had chemo and radiation just after her son was born. She is leaving behind a husband and 3 young children (5,3 and 10 months). Her whole family is now in New York where she and the rest of her immediate family live. WHAT ON EARTH DO I SEND??? They will be receiving a ton of food I'm sure. I'm on a budget, but really want to send something. Perhaps something for the children. Help! I need ideas and have to do something within 3 days! Thanks for your quick help!

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So What Happened?

Hi...thanks for all the wonderful ideas. I am sending a small meal to the house for the dad and kids in a couple of weeks after things quiet down, and will work on having some bears made for the children with their mother's clothes. (that was a WONDERFUL idea!!!)

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A.S.

answers from Omaha on

This makes me want to cry just reading it! I would totally do something with memories. Do you have any pictures? Scrap them together even in a blank canvas with mottos, life lessons, etc. that she may have lived by. The kids will love that later on in life.

Since you have the distance thing going though, maybe order some prints they may have sent you through like snapfish/Kodac, etc. You could order one blown up, or on a puzzle, drinking cup or various things they have on their sites. Hope that helps! I'll be praying for them for sure.

OH, I just thought of this too. :) Again the distance thing? it may not work, but one company back in IA is called 'Bearly Memories'. They make teddy bears out of the deceased's clothing. Then you can place a piece of her jewelry on it too. It was so great, we have a bear from my husband's grandmother and we keep it in a special place.

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C.B.

answers from Louisville on

Just another memory idea. A friend of mine was killed in an automobile accident when her little girl was 3. They had a scrapbook at the funeral home for everyone to write their favorite memory of her since her daughter would never know her. If you know some of her friends (I know you said it was your friend's sister),maybe you could send around a journal for people to write in to be forwarded to the children. It may take a while, but the kids will appreciate it when they're older. I do think a gift card to a restaurant would be nice. Cooking and caring for three kids is a lot under the best circumstances. Yes, everyone is cooking for them now, but in a few weeks when things calm down, it will be nice for the Dad to have a night to just take his kids out to dinner.

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D.L.

answers from Memphis on

Off the top of my head, since you're in a hurry...Have you considered the Willow Tree figurines? You can get small size figurines of an angel holding a baby, a toddler, a child, etc. They're not really toys, but could possibly be something special for the children to keep in memory of their Mommy.
Another idea might be a really soft blanket, one for each of them, with their Mother's name discreetly embroidered on it somewhere. I've seen what's called a "Mommy blanket", which is approx. 10" x 10", perfect size for little ones to snuggle up with. But you may want to get a bigger size that they can wrap up in, communicating the idea that they will "always be wrapped in their Mother's Love".
I don't know how close you are to the family or what might or might not be appropriate in your situation, but I hope these ideas help in some way.

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K.T.

answers from Wilmington on

That is a really hard one. From the distance you are there is really not much you can do. Send a nice letter, handwritten of course to the children with a few busy activities like books, puzzles... Otherwise, a condolence card to the widower is all that is really expected. Loss is too overwhleming sometimes to even know who has done or sent what so keep it simple and focus on the children.

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S.S.

answers from Lexington on

i think that all of the options given are great, but they may be in need of other things that they need to purchase for themselves. have you considered a wal-mart, target, or other similar store, gift card. any amount that you could place on the card would im sure be appreciated.

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K.K.

answers from Louisville on

How about gift cards- something they can use for food, clothes or whatever they need?

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L.W.

answers from Johnson City on

I lost my mother when I was 7 months old. Of course I never knew her. When I was 8 I lost my father as well. I now have a truly blessed life that I can't imagine could have been different,that said...

I have very little, almost no pictures of my parents. I would give anything to have more. Things are just things, but to children they are everything.

Pictures, memory book, journal. All of those are great ideas. I would get together with other friends and collaborate on things to put together for the children. This will be too big a task for one person. Try and make it personal for each child. Pictures with their mom, stories of things they did together. Just the everyday routine. The baby of course will be harder to have photos. Ultrasound pics, things the mom liked to eat, stuff that made her laugh, the first time she felt the baby move. Maybe mom wrote the things down somewhere. Put them in a scrapbook, the way she wrote them, with anything else of meaning.

I think now that I have children I am more aware to the fact that I could be taken away from them at any minute and I try to write things down and have photos. I would hope that later they would be treasures for them.

I realize you wanted something quick; however, this is something the children can treasure forever and won't be forgotten. Good Luck.

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C.C.

answers from Knoxville on

I like the idea of the pictures. Or even a special photo album that they can fill themselves. Another idea is a plant for the garden - to be planted in her memory. There is a company called "personalcreations" (www.personalcreations.com) which has several items you can order online. Ulitmately, anything you send will be appreciated. At a time like this, it really IS the thought that counts!

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M.E.

answers from Lexington on

since they live far away and will be recieving a ton of food, why not send them a nice card, and a certificate showing you donated $$$ in hers and her family's name, to the american cancer society, or the susan g koman fund or whatever research group there is for whatever type of cancer she had. at least then, they'll know you are thinking of them and teat her death won't be in vain...you're donation might help save another woman from the same death.

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