High School Athletics

Updated on June 03, 2011
M.C. asks from Ann Arbor, MI
16 answers

Hi Moms,

My 15 year old daughter is having a hard time in high school with this issue of high school athletics and I need to know if I'm right in my advice to her. Here's some background info: My daughter rebelled as a child because of my divorce from her dad (long story). Anyways, throughout her growing up, like any parent, I enrolled her in various dance classes, music classes, swimming, ice skating, etc., so that she could have something to be passionate about and possibly use later on in life. My daughter never stuck with anything and copped an attitude and dropped out. So, I never encouraged her. I offered the opportunities, but let it be when she rejected them.. Now, here's the current situation: She has made some great friends in high school who are very athletic and they are constantly encouraging to try out for the pom pom squad, volleyball, or track. This is a huge high school and many kids try out for sports. My daughter tried out for volleyball and track and did not make the team. She said she felt ashamed because she did not have the knowledge and experience as some of the other kids did. Now, I have never played any high school sport, so I'm not sure what to tell her, but I'm thinking of telling her to stop trying out for any teams because in order to play high school sports, you have to play the sport prior to high school...that's why little kids take up the sport when they are young. I don't want to be negative and discourage her especially since I really don't know how high school athletics works. My daughter seems to be under the impression that you sign up for say pom pom squad and you are taught the sport. Is that how it works? I thought that you need prior dance or gymnastic experience to make the team?

Thanks for your advice.

M.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Some sports/activities are like that (one of my high schools had highland dance, and another had drill team). The way those sports worked was that day one everyone was "taught" something... and they practiced on their own for x number of days and then they tried out. Anyone could come to day 1. Few made the actual team. Swimming and Diving however... anyone could sign up and they swam all season in one school and the other was super competetive in order to make the team. It all depends on the school.

Here's the thing about tryouts: If you don't make the team you have a whole year to practice and try out next year. So if she wants to be on track, she should actually strap on shoes and head up to the track, and start training. For volleyball, there are YMCA or community center rec leagues. There are a TON of cheerleading camps, but those are expensive (and in my experience, quite snarky). Regardless... didn't make it, fine, then it's time to start working (imho), kind of the opposite of giving up.

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

If she doesn't try anything she will never succeed. The road to success is paved with failure. She should try out for whatever she wants to. All sports are different at all schools and each school has different prereq's. She needs to try.

3 moms found this helpful
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D.M.

answers from Detroit on

Hi M.---Unfortrunately these days high school sports are nearly as business like as college and the pros. Coaches are watching kids as they come through the ranks of local clubs and camps and usually have their teams selected before these kids ever reach high school. I know that seems cynical, but that's what I've experienced with my 3. Unless your child has amazing God given talent that they can't ignore, it's hard to break into the ranks as a child enters high school. The kids that make the teams have been practicing their sport since they were able to walk.

Now that's likely to be the case for most of the bigger, more popular sports, and that would include cheerleading and poms. One of my neighbors kids has been dancing all of her life. But, for the smaller, less popular sports she might have a chance. She can always choose to start getting coaching or personal 'training' so that she might better herself. She'll probably have to do that with private lessons, as again, most of these kids are on club teams off-season as to keep up with their sport. We did this with our son as we moved from Illinois to Clarkston when he started 9th grade. Clarkston has a premiere basketball program and my son had moderate skills. But his heart was not in working as hard as he needed to in order to be noticed above the kids the coaches already knew.

So there might be other things your daughter could get involved with outside of sports. There are tons of clubs and ways she can be part of a 'team'. Have her meet with her counselor to see what is available. Maybe she could get her athlete friends to join her in those. Oh, and be sure to look for intramural opportunities within her school. She might be able to learn some skills there. She might also be able to sign-up to be part of the support group of the pom team. In most of the sports, they have student trainers that help with equipment and keep stats for the teams.

Some kids just know what they want at an early age in life. Some have varied interests and particpate in a variety of activities that keep them from notice in any one activity. Stress to your daughter that she's not found her passion yet, and that there is time to do so.

I hope this has all made sense and helps in some way. You and your daughter made choices when she was younger and in part, those choices have lead you to where you are today. Not bad choices, but ones that did have an impact on her future. Good luck! D.

2 moms found this helpful

H.H.

answers from Killeen on

I didn't play sports when I was younger, but tried out for the softball team in HS and made the team. I was not the best player on the team, and didn't play a lot, but I was really fast, so they always put me in as a "pinch runner".

I wouldn't discourage her from trying out. At least she is putting herself out there and tying. I didn't make the basketball team, but was given the position as "manager" and was able to be on the team without actually being good at it. If she keeps showing effort, many coaches will reward the effort with a position on the team.

She is young, if she keeps working and trying she might make the team next year. No sense in not trying. If she doesn't make it, well then she'll try something else!

ALSO if she is really interested, she could go to a sport clinic over the summer which would give her a lot of information and skills specific to the sport and she would be able to catch up with some of the other kids.

Volleyball is a difficult sport to just try to jump into- it is pretty elite so she shouldn't be embarrassed about not making the team.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

It all depends on the school and the team. There are some schools that have some sports that are considered 'no-cut' sports. Maybe the pom squad is no-cut?

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C.M.

answers from Detroit on

The most important thing here is that you encourage her in whatever positive activity she pursues. YOU need to be her cheerleader. Any sport needs to be learned and it's true that alot of kids start these things whn they are really young. Don't DISCOURAGE her.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Is it possible that some of her friends who want her to join the teams can help coach her? I'm not sure how all this works, I went to such a small school most people were on multiple teams (although mine were choir and drama) but it seems like they could help her practice after school and give her tips and stuff if they really wanted her on the team with them.

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J.V.

answers from Lansing on

Life is about trying, failing, picking yourself up and trying again! Give her a realistic view..".you didn't make the team because you suck", "you didn't make the team because you have never done it before!". Why should she be ashamed? She wasn't the ONLY one to not make the team, right? Point this out to her too. All four of my kids (did ,do) some kind of sport every season if they don't get "first" and complain I tell them there are plenty of kids out there without the opportunities you have that would love to play just to play. I would look into if your school offers sports with the no cut rules. There are plenty of programs outside of school that offer activities also.

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N.S.

answers from Chicago on

It all depends on the school and how good the team is. Also, she missed out by not trying out as a freshman. A lot of schools have a freshman team and at that point she could be a beginner and learn the sport.

If the high school has, let's say, a champion volleyball team then a newcomer would not have what it took to make it.

Don't tell her to stop trying out, instead find out what SHE is passionate about now. Is it volleyball? Dance? Swimming? What would she do if she didn't care what people thought? Lots of kids try out for sports just to be "social" and be on the same team as her friends. Once you find out what she really does love, then she should practice it and try out next year. If it's tennis, then she could take tennis lessons at the local gym, YWCA or park district (if you have such a thing in your area). If it's dance she could take dance lessons. There are still many places for beginners to take lessons that are not at the school.

Most high school pom and cheerleading squads are really good nowadays and someone without experience really doesn't have much of a chance of making it. You do need dance, cheer and gymnastics experience. At the junior high level or younger they often have "no cut" teams but at the high school level it's not like that in most areas.

She shouldn't give up though. She should still keep trying. That's a good lesson for life!

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

It is good to try IF she really has a passion for it. Being in high school sports takes skill, but also dedication and a willingness to be yelled at when things are not great as well as be praised when it is going great.. She will have to keep her grades up even when there is practice and games going on every night.

Maybe track, Like cross country? It begins in the fall and then she can run shorter distances in the spring.. These can be huge teams..

Also how about joining an organization or clubs? Are her friends members of the Student Government? Maybe PALS or Future something of America? Students of faith? Glee Club?

She could become a leader of her graduating class.. They are always looking for worker bees to get ready for their senior year events.. At our daughters school they fundraiser all 4 years so they can host the Prom, Baccalaureate, Talent show.. Also remind her any club meetings can be considered volunteer or community hours when she applies to colleges..

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S.S.

answers from Detroit on

Unfortunately, the kids with the most skill get the spots on the teams. Unless she has real talent or a drive to practice hard to get the talent, she may be in for disappointment for small team sports. However, she has a better shot at large team sports.

Good luck.

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J.S.

answers from Detroit on

It is definately more competitive at the high school level. Honestly, even at the junior high/middle school level kids get cut. Your daughter might consider seeking another position on the team (stats person, some other coaches helper). Some coaches even let the kids in these positions practice with the team (although they would have to understand that they do not get a uniform and they do not play in games). They do get to go to all the games though and that creates a team bonding.

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J.M.

answers from Lansing on

We are very involved in high school sports and if you daughter hasn't been participating and you are in a mid sized school it may be hard to make a team that has cuts at this time. It is brutal and political as well. Check with the school for teams that don't cut. Depending on the school that could be soccer, track , tennis or swimming. We also do summer camps and off season leagues to improve her skills.

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T.S.

answers from Seattle on

School sports can be as social as they are athletic. If her friends are athletes, its not too surprising that they are encouraging her to find a sport. As much as we wish they wouldn't, people - kids in particular - naturally gravitate to comfortable cliques. I agree that she should ask her friends to work with her over the summer to hone some sport specific skills. At 15, it may be a little behind the curve ball but by no means too late. My 14 year old desperately wanted to make the high school soccer team as a freshman but didn't make it, he only had scant experience - what he did do was decide that soccer was a sport he wanted to focus on, found friends who would train with him and then worked hard enough that he made a premiere soccer club team. They seen his enthusiasm and strong desire to be coached. Good coaches can teach skill - they cannot teach enthusiasm. It might not be high school, but now he is playing at what can be said to be a higher level of play and will most likely make it next year to the HS team.
Alot of HS coaches have been watching players for years and it makes it very tough for girls trying to "break in". My daughter has already been approached as a 7th grader to play for the HS team as soon as eligible. Its not fair for other players that a spot is already earmarked for her (and who knows who else) but these coaches often find their careers on the line by the championships they bring to the district. Sad. But true.
I would say - have HER pick the sport she gets excited about watching or thinking about - find a summer clinic or camp that focuses on that sport and have her dedicate alot of her summer to practicing it - she might be surprised at what she doesn't know now will be second nature by the end of summer. Please don't discourage sports, change the perspective from "not being good enough" to an opportunity to really reflect on what gets HER excited.

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M.P.

answers from Detroit on

Although it helps to be in a sport prior to high school I don't believe it is a pre requisite. If there is a sport she wants to be in, find out from the coach if there are camps she can go to during the summer that will strenghten her skills/performance.

My son has had a tough time in his freshman year at high school. He tried roller hockey but it was a club team and he was the only freshman. Then he tried out for the golf team and made it. Now he has golfed for numerous years but not in a competetive venue. He has great coaches that have supported him and helped him tremendously.

For the most part I believe you will find coaches that will help you and your daughter. They want to see the kids active so less chance of getting into trouble.

The counselor at school may be of help as well.

Supporting her and encouraging her in a sport will help her tremendously.

She has to be the one to pick a sport though. Not her friends.

This is such a difficult time for them and us moms too!

Many blessings,

M.

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C.J.

answers from Lansing on

M.,

If she were my daughter, I would tell her to ask her friends to teach her the sport and then practice with them during the summer months. Then during the school year she should try out for the team again. Encourage her to look at her failures as challenges that she can overcome if she is willing to put in the work.

Good luck!

C..

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