High School Football Game

Yes you are overprotective. She is in HS, give her some breathing room. What do you need to explain to her? I'm overprotective deal with it? OR I'm overprotective but I'm going to work on giving you space so you can grow into a responsible adult?

I teach at a very large, inner-city high school and go to football games all the time. Yes, I think you're being overprotective. Let her go. She should be safe and will have a great time.

Yes, in my world you are being overprotective. My kids were taking city buses by themselves by the age of 8. So, unless she has given you reason not to trust her, why are you treating her as if she can't be trusted? Go to the game if you must, but please don't follow her around.

(As a side note, my kid is in marching band. I don't really consider people coming to see his performance as "a show of their deepest and purest love and support." That wording is really odd. Just my opinion.)

Really?
Because in your last question you said you had all grade school aged children.
My guess? YOU are the freshman and you have too much time in your hands.

I'm not sure this is your biggest problem.
In your last question you wrote that you had five children of 'grade school age'. Now, you write that you have a 'youngest' in 6th grade and your eldest is a Freshman in 9th grade.

Okay, so, considering that it takes at least 9 months to gestate a child, where did you find the extra time to have all those children? I'm not a math whiz, but even at one child a year, I'm stumped....

You raised her, why do you not trust her?
Is it because you were wild as a 14/15 year old?
NEVER lie to your children. There is nothing more unsettling than for a child to realize they cannot trust their parents.

Instead you speak with your child about your concerns. You work with your child to come up with a plan on how to touch base with each other. Or work through an emergency plan. You talk over time about expected behaviors. And then you have to trust that your child will make good choices. And do not expect the worse, instead expect that your child is going to make good choices and can stand up for herself if one of her friends acts inappropriately.

A football game is a school sponsored event. There are Police, there are teachers, the Principals all there. If you are ever going to let your daughter attend something without you being present, this is the time to do this.

Does she have a cell phone? You could have her text you when they arrive and when they are getting ready to leave. Maybe ask her to text you the halftime score.

It is time for her to start doing things on her own. Her self confidence and her common sense need to be trusted. She needs to experience some of this stuff because in just a few years, she will be leaving your home to go away to college.

She needs to know you trust her. You have so many children I do not know how you think you can be in so many places at one time.

This same question was just asked by another poster.

Yes, you are being overprotective. Your daughter is in high school. Don't secretly follow her to the game, just pick her up afterward.

You do write kind of like a freshman. If you are the daughter, the kinder you are to your mom, the more she will trust you. Don't give your mom a hard time -- it's hard being a mom and worrying about your kids.

Couldn't agree more with Talkstotrees. My thoughts exactly.

I was riding the city bus alone when I was 8 years old. My parents often dropped me off at the mall or at the movies when I was in middle school (if I didn't take the bus, that is). My friends and I would go to minor league baseball games together (again, dropped off).

I've been to our local high school football games with my kids. I let 8 year old run around with his friends while my husband and I (and our 5 year old) watched the game. Can't wait till the 5 year old is ready to run around with his friends, because I enjoy the games.

Let her go. She needs this time to spread her wings a bit. She needs to try more things on her own. If she doesn't get a chance to do this now, she will be lost at 18. This is how they learn. She will make some mistakes, but this is how she will learn.

Your daughter is 14/15 years old. Do you not have enough faith in the way you have raised her to trust and respect her? You have to start cutting the apron strings at some point unless you want her confined to your home.

How would you feel if your mom secretly spied on you..... I would hate you for that because it would send the message that you have no faith in me to make decisions and no respect for me.

It is time to start letting go and let her branch out. Football games with friends are a Friday night highlight for many children. You go in the stadium and you don't leave. If she breaks your rules, then things change but you are not giving her a chance to even break rules... you just assume she is going to do something wrong so you follow her???

This is crazy in my mind and does not make sense. Maybe you are super hormonal because you just told everyone the other day that you are pregnant with twins and already have 5 children that you can't afford. Maybe that is the issue.... your daughter is not there to raise your new babies, you made them and they are your responsibility.

yes, i think you're being overprotective, but if you feel it's appropriate then it's your call. but i can't for the life of me get behind sneaking and 'secretly' shadowing kids, nor why one can't simply tell 'em what the deal is.
'i don't think you'll be safe at the football game/mall/sleepover/park without me, so either you don't go, or you go and i'll be there too.'
khairete
S.

In my opinion yes, you are overprotected. Are there dangers out there, yes, but there comes a time when you have to let go a bit. Do you still follower her around? Or when you were at the game, your focus was more on the game than trying to see what she's up too? Only you can answer the real reason. Yes, I do think you need to talk to her, but you need to listen to her as well. Trust is so important in any relationship, wither it's your spouse, parents, children, job; Trust is important. You are telling her that you don't trust her. I know you are being protective in your mind, but she sees it as you don't trust her.
You need to let go a bit momma!

You're children's ages have changed. Just guessing this is not a real question.

"we wanted to see a preformance by her to show our deepest and purest love and support"

???

I assume your 14 year old goes to this High School and spends the whole day there 5 days a week without you following her around. So why would you follow her around at a school sponsored event contained entirely to one athletic field? Talk about a buzzkill for a 14 year old.

You don't. But you also don't SNEAK around following her. Either tell her you will be there, and go, or don't go. Same with the mall.

And if you go to watch your friend's daughter, then do that. Don't go walking around trying to spy on your daughter every second.

Now, that doesn't mean that you can't (or shouldn't) check up on her. But let her know you will be doing so. Set designated times (pretty easy to do at a football game, right? start of the 2nd quarter, halftime, whatever) for her to check in with you (you don't even have to get up and look for her, let her come to you).
I'm going to assume she has a cell phone. Text her where your seats are. Set up a plan for meeting up after the end of the game.

It isn't that hard. It's high school football at your local stadium. Do you think she is planning to sneak out of the stadium and go somewhere else or something?
The reason she is so upset is probably the way you have handled things in the past.
My 16 year old son rode with our family to a local football game a few weeks ago. (sister was marching with the band as an 8th grader for 8th grade night) Once we entered the stadium, he met up with friends and hung out with them the whole time. We just texted back and forth a few times so he'd know where we were and where to meet when it was time to leave, that sort of thing. Once when we saw something we thought he'd be interested in that he might not have seen from where he was.
No big deal. But then, I haven't secretly followed him with friends at the mall, either.
Be up front with her. Treat her with respect. How would you have felt if your mom had done that to you?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to look out for her and help her be safe. However, she is growing up, and you need to start teaching her how to do that for herself. Give her the proper tools, don't carry them around for her (if that makes sense). And be up front with her. If you plan to be watching her, tell her. Don't hide. Why hide? Do you think she is doing something wrong and you want to catch her in the act? That's how that comes across.

L.,

I'm sorry- Fairfax County doesn't have 6th Grade middle school...and in your last post - you had GRADE SCHOOL kids and pregnant with twins...so which is it?? Five kids varied in ages and pregnant with twins or you need attention and trolling people?? ORRRR are you the teenage kid and trying to figure things out???

What mall did you follow her to? Springfield Mall - uumm - yeah - I'd want a GPS ankle bracelet on her! LOL! I know they are trying to improve it...
Dulles Town Center? Nope.
Fair Oaks Mall. Nope.

What would I do if I'm providing transportation? I would drop them off and tell them where and when to meet me - whether it be in the food court or the door we came in.

Following her to the mall tells her you don't trust her. Has she done anything to NOT have your trust??

In regards to the football game? You contradict yourself. In one sentence you are going to support your friends daughter...in the next you are going to make sure she's safe.

What high school does she go to? Westfields or Herndon High?

When you get your story straight??? We can help you better.

Id compromise take her and pick her up but no need to stay eespecially if she is with a group of friends. All I did in high school was go to games and chat with my friends

I understand. It's hard to let them grow up. If you trust her (and the friend she's with) I would let her go with her friend. I have a son the same age and it's tough not to micromanage it but I don't anymore. They are growing and you need to let them start "testing the waters". Give her a little room...under the right circumstances....

Families go to football games in case your daughter didn't notice.
She doesn't have to sit with you and you don't have to sneak or follow her.
Just have a place to meet up at the end of the game so you all go home together.
If she doesn't meet with you at the designated place and time after the game, then you decide if there will be a next time.

L.,

You secretly followed your daughter to the mall? You just blew her trust in you.

You are being controlling. Have you thought about going to a co-dependents anonymous support group meeting?
www.coda.org
Does your daughter know how to dial 911 for the police if she gets into a bad situation?

D.

Please google sexual crimes and help her go to those pages so she can see what you are trying to protect her from.

A friend of mine went off to college, a good christian girl still a virgin, and she loved college. Went on one date and he raped her. She got pregnant and had the baby then gave it up for adoption. One date and her life was changed forever.

Kids are not adults and they just don't have any real idea of what is out there. Going to the bathroom? Getting grabbed by someone and pulled under the bleachers and raped or worse. Kidnapped kids and teens and even adults have no idea that it's going to happen and they end up dead anyway.

I'd tell them until they're an adult we're going to the game as a family and if she doesn't like it we can save the money and stay home.