"Hitting Problem" - Senoia,GA

Hey J. - Everyone's kids hit at some stage in their lives. The most important thing (I think) is consistancy. We have three major rules in our house: If you mouth off or lie, you get your mouth washed out with soap. If you disobey you get spanked. If you hit, you sit. I know that sitting in the corner isn't that big of a deal to an older kid. I've kinda modified 'sitting' in the corner at my house. Instead of sitting my children have to stand in the corner, facing the corner, with their hands over their eyes. They stay in the corner for their age plus one minute (my son's five and he stays in the corner for six minutes). If you put him in the corner and then ignore any questions and respond to disobedience (turning around, playing, ect) by popping him on the bottom he will learn that being in the corner is no fun. Talk to him when everything is okay (he's behaving and you're not upset about anything) and explain to him why hitting isn't nice and what the rules are. Then, when he hits again take him out of the situation, tell him what he did wrong and put him in the corner - no questions asked. You can also suggest him using words to express what he is feeling to the other people instead of hitting them. Sometimes if a kid can say "I'M MAD" then they'll be able to control their actions a little better. He is old enough to understand that what he is doing is wrong. Good luck!

Hi J.! As a children's counselor and parenting coach, I help young children who develop aggressive behaviors like hitting, biting, etc. who attend the school and child care where I am on staff. I teach parenting seminars on this very subject and so I'll give you the info in a nutshell here. I hope this helps other moms too. All young children are seeking a sense of power. All humans have an innate need to feel a sense of power. Unfortunately, often, young children learn early on that it is very powerful-feeling to over power others through the use of their fists, feet and teeth. It's a very common problem. There are two tacts to take here J.. First, we have to provide young children opportunities to feel powerful and important in positive ways. I recommend giving children "very important jobs" and really playing up how hard they work and how they must feel so proud of themselves when they achieve something. Let him fold the wash cloths or unload all the spoons and plastic cups from the dishwasher and make a big deal out of how these are his VERY important jobs. Don't force him to do jobs he's not interested in at this point as the whole idea is to help him feel needed, important and powerful. The second part of this is that these aggressive behaviors develop into impulsive habits quickly. I use a technique I have developed called "impulse interruption behavior therapy" and basically it is where I (or you or whomever his caretaker is) shadow him when he's around others and keenly look for the impulse to hit BEFORE he hits, interrupt the impulse and redirect the behavior using some "emotion coaching" and behavioral redirection. If you or any mom reading this who is at wit's end would like some further info or help please feel free to contact me directly via email. I have a private practice as a licensed professional counselor specializing in children ages 2-11 and their parents in Marietta and Kennesaw. I'll be happy to help if I can! Good luck to you!

I am so glad to hear some one say get in the corner, i agree with Ms Helen F, hitting is stopped by hitting? children do not like the corner! i put my grands in the corner because i am the grand not the mommy, but the children do not act up at my house because they know i have many corners at the house and backyard, and Ms J. L my children use this method at there house also, soon they will see this is what will happen if they do the wrong thing...it will stop SOON...Thank God for this site!!! there is a lot of help here!

I have to say I can't agree with spanking a child as discipline for hitting. That would be resorting to a physical solution to conflict which is exactly what you're trying to teach him not to do. I'm trying to think how I'd handle this with my 5 year old, or even my four year old. They are old enough to be reasoned with. I'd certainly remove them from the situation in which they hit someone... the playdate or whatever. They would have to apologize. I'd talk to them about why they hit and how they think this makes their friends feel. I think, most importantly, I would try to talk with them about ways they could handle these situations differently. Try to brainstorm with your child what they will do the next time someone does or says something they don't like. I realize this is all easier said than done, but good luck.