Hmmm...am I Wrong?

You are not wrong-when education directs that a teacher crush the mind and spirit of a 6 yr old-we're toast. I wouldn't let my child put one toe back in her classroom-and if that isn't an option-I would make her life a living hell-with my incessant observations and criticisms. I would be like the plague.

I would have brought him over to the principal or school counselor, not brought him home. I don't think the teacher was wrong, it would have been great if she had come out for a moment to see if she could help, but she was likely not wanting to bring him in the room at that moment if he was having a breakdown outside her door, or perhaps she felt like she shouldn't intervene in a mother/child issue, did you ever motion to her or the aide that you needed assistance? Perhaps they were waiting for that... so it's hard to know what her reason is until you talk to her about it. All kids get in trouble, there may be a small clash in personality, but that is what school is all about, learning school rules and getting along with others. Him getting so worked up over a small issue would be a good thing to talk to the school counselor about with his anxiety and to come up with a good game plan if it were to happen again. He is old enough for discipline and to learn that this behavior is not acceptable, nor will it gain him a stay home free day.

I would tell you to next time just leave him in the office once he is signed in. Call them in advance and tell them that you cannot walk him to class. He needs to know that tears won't manipulate you in to allowing him to stay home. He needs to understand his job is to go to school and learn. If there is a real issue that can be addressed in a meeting then I would say follow through with that.

Otherwise he may just be having separation issues that need to be stopped. I would have walked into the classroom and not stood in the hall. He would not want to act like that in front of his friends. The teacher could have been in the middle of some concept that she could not really come back to easily. Teachers aides do what they are told. They don't normally just get up and do something that interferes with the parents and their child. If you had asked for one of them to come take him I bet she would have if the teacher said okay.

Talk to him about bullying and see if he is having those kinds of problems with someone. It is often hard to get kids to tell on other kids for being bossy. He may open up to you.

I was like him as a kid. The elementary school I was in was a terrible fit. It was too big, and the teacher(s) and set up were all wrong for a kid like me, who needed a small classroom setting and a smaller teacher to student ratio.

My anxiety disappeared overnight after my mother enrolled me in a small parochial school with classrooms of no more than 15 kids and each had a teacher with an aide. Parents and pets were welcomed guests regularly, and the schedules were modular (not as rigid as traditional school) with a campus much like college and time for labs, library visits and free study during the day. Everyone in the school knew each other and it was a very good environment for someone who excelled academically but needed extras socially and environmentally.

I turned out fine. I have a very high pressure career where I have to talk to large groups regularly. Some people are late bloomers, others thrive and learn differently than the rest. Your best bet is to remain attuned to that possibility with your child. It may be time to start looking for a different school. One with smaller class sizes and more teacher interaction. Homeschooling is another good option.

And contrary to what others say...he isn't playing you. He truly is unhappy at school. Do not ignore his anxiety and brush it off as a phase. Ignoring it could jeopardize his very important early years of learning and cause him to never want to go back to school. He will not excel in school as long as he's getting physically ill and feeling his emotional needs aren't being met. His fear is real, he needs coping skills and to feel safe before he can be expected to learn. Something clearly has happend to start this cycle, you need to find out what the trigger was and take it from there.

In the interim, talk with his teacher and ask her to work out a solution so that your son will have less fear about classtime.

There are a couple of different issues mixed together in your post. It might help you to separate them in your mind.

Blaming the teacher for not coming out to your son won't help you or him. You don't know what was happening in the classroom at that particular moment; she may have been unable to excuse herself (even with an aide there). She also might have felt that "If I go out there it might upset him even more; he might see that as the big bad teacher dragging him into class; he will feel singled out if I march him in here, late, in front of everyone else." And so on. In other words -- Try to step back a little from your anger and upset, and consider that maybe she was trying not to make things worse for your son, especially if she knows that he is a bit intimidated by her already.

Separate issue: You said that your son is "very shy and quiet" then said that "he has friend and is never alone." A shy kid certainly can have lots of friends, but the fact the teacher says she's concerned about him "socially" is something you might want to take more seriously. She sees him for most of the day, interacting with his peers, in situations in which you do not get to see him. Yes, you know him better than anyone does, but one thing you will find as he goes on in school is that our kids can be quite different people in school than they are for us at home. When she says she is concerned "socially" she may not mean "He doesn't have friends," which seems to be how you're reading it. She may mean that he has issues with how he deals with other kids, or is very easily upset by things that don't upset most other kids, or he doesn't move easily from one activity to another--anything. You can't know until you ask her, and be open to hearing her definition of what she means.

If he hates getting into trouble, he may well be a perfectionist kid. That has benefits and drawbacks, and in first grade, largely drawbacks, as these kids (mine is one of them!) want to please, please, please the teachers and are shocked and upset when they don't do that every time. It's good to want to please the adults but it also causes them so much pain when they're not perfect -- as you saw when he had such an extreme reaction to having one smiley taken away. He's at an age when adults need to guide kids on how they react to adversity and to being imperfect. The teacher and counselor can help you with that if you let them.

When you talk with the teacher, see if you can focus on the bigger picture instead of your concern about why she didn't come to the door in that one moment. I would ask her if the school counselor could meet with your son (after meeting first with you alone, or with you and the teacher). This is what counselors are trained to do -- help kids over these humps when they are having troubles. I've seen it help kids a lot just to have a few weeks of meetings to play games and chat with the counselor, so that may be a route to try.

One other thing. Next time he's anxious and doesn't want to go to school, be prepared in advance with what you will say and do to get him into school swiftly and without a lot of discussion or negotiation. He may feel that he now has the backup plan of "I can stay home" and will be prepared to try to negotiate that next time, but reassuring him, combined with a very swift dropoff and your immediate departure, probably would be best. You do want him to feel good about going to school, but when he doesn't, you don't want to stay in the school more than a moment or he will get more and more wound up; if you leave quickly but firmly he will have to go inside and get engaged.

I think the teacher absolutely should have come to the door to see how she can help. Your son is 6, not 16. The teacher should have a personal relationship with each child - that is how many children learn.

I find the taking away/giving stars/smiley faces/red and green things to be horrifying. Children should be learning that LEARNING is fun and exciting. Not that they get little rewards and punishments. While I think this 'system' is not beneficial for any child, there are many who simply do not thrive in this environment. I would set up a meeting with the teacher and principal. Your son deserves a teacher who cares about him - not just maintaining order in her classroom. There was just a study that showed that a single great teacher in a kid's education has LIFELONG benefits.

WOW - to everyone who thinks the child 'won'. Education is supposed to be a win-win situation. No one won in today's scenario. Forcing a child to hate school is not a prescription for developing a love of life long learning. Working through the anxiety in a supportive validating way is.

Sorry - I used to get 'stomach aches' some days before school if I was really worried. Sometimes my mom (whom was a teacher and pretty much could read me) let me stay home if I needed it. Once I had a horrible teacher (6th grade - the woman was simply mean to kids who were smarter than she was - and there were at least a few) and my parents had me switched into a class with a good teacher. I knew my parents advocated for ME, not for the school. That is our job as parents. I have a four year professional degree, work full time and talk to large and small groups. A little one on one catering helps - not hurts.

I think it's very possible that the teacher or the aide going out of the classroom to check on the situation might have just drawn more attention to it and that was the last thing your son really needed.
He was crying, refusing to go in and clinging to you. He was already upset. Perhaps they thought going out might have only escalated things.

I would check to see if the school has an on-site counselor that can meet with your son to help get to the bottom of his anxiety and his being so upset over getting in "trouble".
I would have taken him to the office, but to give him a few minutes to settle down so that he could go to class.
I think you need a game plan for the mornings.
He may say he doesn't like school, he may be upset because he got his smiley face taken away and that's all fine, BUT, he's getting dressed and he's going to school. That's the end of it. He got his smiley face taken away. It's not the end of the world. Were YOU mad that it got taken away? Either at him or the teacher? Did he also get in trouble at home because of it?

Just keeping him home won't help anything. I really don't think you should blame the teacher for not coming out.
Have your conference with her and hopefully you can work out a game plan to help him be successful and gain some confidence.
Enlist the guidance of the school counselor or a private one if necessary.

Best wishes.

Lots going on here.

Your son obviously has some anxiety problems. You need to get that addressed. Speak with the Principal or the School Counselor.

I also doubt the teacher does not like him. I doubt the teacher has some attitude against him. I am going to guess, your anxieties and assumptions are being passed onto your son.

Also he needs to learn that NO one is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all get in trouble sometimes.. This does not make us bad people, horrible people or failures. MOM you need to model this behavior. When you make mistakes, admit it. Admit today you should not have brought him home. This was a mistake and misjudgement.

If you accidentally run a stop sign.. Admit it. If you forget to pick up something from the store admit it and show how you are now having to change your plans.

If you are running late, admit it and say "oh well I guess I am going to be late. I may upset some people, but I will apologize. "

YOU are in charge of getting your child to school and into the classroom.
Everybody else is there on time and ready for class.

If you cannot get this to work for you, ask for help.

Admit you are not able to handle this and need the teachers help or the Principals help. Your son needs to see all we have to do is ask for help. This is not a weakness, it is just part of being human.

I am glad you have an appointment with the teacher to find out what is going on. And then you can share what is going on at home. You are part of your sons educational team.

DO not change schools, do not pull him out of school. He needs to learn to deal with his feelings and how to get through this.

You can figure this out. Do not let your sons behaviors interfere with his education. He needs to learn how to handle his behaviors and attitudes, even if you have to go to a professional for help.

Okay please don't take this as anything but trying to help, you are enabling him. He is playing on your emotions and you are letting him get by with it.

Stop letting him engage you in delay tactics. Drop him off at school and don't walk him up to the classroom.

I would have agreed that it was an issue with the teacher except you said this has always been a problem. Now it is getting worse and it will continue so long as you enable it.

I would actually think that some parents would be offended if the teacher had come out. They might think that she was overstepping and not letting them parent their child (ie - coach him on going into the classroom). So, no - I don't think she should have come out. Also, she's got 20+ kids probably. She can't disrupt the classroom every time a child comes in late. She has no idea if you guys were just running late and you were scolding him in the hall for not hurrying, or whatever.

No matter whether she should have come out or not, school is obviously stressing your son. Perhaps the school counselor can help your son get to the root of what's bothering him.

This sounds so hard. My thoughts are that if I were the teacher I would assume that the mother could handle the situation without my help. And, if she wanted my help (or the aide's) she would have motioned for one of us to come. If you knew she was watching the whole time, she probably was looking for an indication from you about what to do.

My other thought is that I would recommend that you consider keeping him home full time. You could offer so much more nurturing than the classroom environment can by homeschooling him. You can meet your child's true needs because he trusts you and you love him and you know what those needs are. Also, you can adjust to his particular needs rather than making him conform to some mediocre standard that is supposed to cater to everyone but actually caters to no one. Don't buy into the lies of the world that teach that we must instill independence in our children. Children are put into families, and that is where they thrive best (abusive homes are obviously different, but we aren't talking about that). At least think about it. Research it. Look into it. The homeschooled kids that I know thrive. They are happy, well-adjusted, joyful, content, love learning, and understand their value. Imagine the boost in your son's confidence when he spends his days with you under your loving instruction, without arbitrary rules that are made because it is easier to manage a classroom with those rules. It truly is a delight!

I think you should have went to the office, and asked for assistance. The nurse or counselor could have taken him, spoke to him about what is going on, and taken him to class. You taking him home, just affirms to your son, that he can do this again. I have been in your shoes. I went through this with my youngest son when he was in 2nd grade. The principal ended up meeting us at my car, since if I got out of the car, my son could hold on to me and do his thing. If I took my son to his class, he would fall down and start having a crying tantrum. He has trouble socially as well. Kids really don't want to hang around kids that act like this, and it is sad to say. I would just not let him stay home unless he is throwing up or has a fever, because he has to learn to deal with this, and putting it off isn't good for either of you. Good luck to you.

He is 6.
I insisted my daughter stay at school even though she had severe anxiety about it. She ended up calling me every day in kindergarten to come home. She would get so worked up she would throw up, or wet her pants. By MArch she could only make it to lunch, end up wet and puking and shaking. She was in diapers after having been potty trained since 2.
This went on in some form or another until 4th grade. I finally pulled her out and have homeschooled her since. She is now ready to go back into school, into 9th grade next year.
I say this because I missed all the signs when she was little and it took me too long to recognize that at 6 I should have pulled her out or put her in a different setting, private school, homeschool.
I'm not saying rip your child out of school and homeschool. But this is not high school and you are not setting a precedence by letting him stay home when he is this worked up.
Let him stay at home for a day, or two even.
Talk up how fun school is and how much he is learning, how proud you are of him.
Have the meeting with the teacher.
Have her or the aide give a pat on the back when he is doing well. It could just be a hand on the shoulder to let him know he is being noticed for being good.
He should also receive a warning before he loses his smiley.
Ask her if she has "jobs" for the children to do. He could be in charge of watering the plant or he and a buddy can take papers to the office or another teacher.

Ex K-1 teacher here. Sometimes shy kids take longer to love teachers and love school. But that being said,

I am amazed that teacher did not take the time to come out and talk to your son. Just amazed. It was a perfect moment to build a bridge.

That being said,

When you do see her, tell here that you think he feels unsafe at class, that is the reason why he has some much trouble leaving the home, etc.

Then ask if she can find some way to make him feel safer at school...a friend, special buddy, special duty, special time with her so that he can identify with HER and the class.

I don't know how this will go over. The class might be too big. She might not like this idea, or this might not be her teaching style. Then the ball is back in your hands. If this is so, you need to help him talk about going to school. Verbalized the routine, practice it at home so that it becomes less fearful. Try to find exactly what is most worrying to him. Talk talk talk.

Hugs to you. I don't think he 'won'. He was obviously very distressed and I think you did the right thing by removing him from the situation.

Honestly, I think that it would have been nice to have the aid come and help you, but she isn't obligated or required to at all. In this case, it sounds like your son was having a meltdown/tantrum.If he were in pre-school, the teacher/aide would have been expected to come and help you--but he is in 1st grade! He is beyond the age where a teacher or aide should come and help you guide your child to the class. It sounds like something bigger is going on here beyond what has occured in the last few days. I would schedule a conference with the teacher and see what is going on the classroom and socially etc with your son. If you don't feel satisfied, go to the principal and speak with them. Best wishes and hope things get better for your son!

M

You took him all the way to the classroom what do you think he was going to do? He won that round and you need to find a way to win the war. Mornings need to be smooth and free of tension; support and kindness with a firm touch is also what is needed. Hopefully the teacher can start the morning off with a distraction for him to get him more comfortable to start off the day. I hope your meeting is productive, and honestly your son will have to learn to have a thicker skin about things like getting into trouble with teacher. At 6 it is difficult to think about but I guess the sooner the better right?
Oh, and my son's teachers would have done the same thing - watched to see what you do, you just showed them that you are a push over. You may not be in most cases but this is now their opinion of you. The parents who come into the school need to show firmness infront of the teachers or they will assume the worst of the parents.

I moved my children out of classrooms where the teacher was a fascist, undereducated fool more than once. I sent them to private school some years and paid for it because there was no 5th grade teacher in the school who was kind or intelligent.
I am extremely well educated myself and would not put up with the kind of tormentors who should have been in private industry that I had for teachers in grade school.
Although it is January do not be cowed by the principle into thinking you cannot demand a transfer. You have witnessed how disconnected this woman is from your child. Perhaps she does not like boys.
Stand behind your son on this one.

Okay, I have a very sensitive DD so I do understand that. And the mom in me constantly wants to make sure nothing upsets her ect, but here it comes, I can't.

It isn't the teachers fault your son got in trouble. She can not let him do things simply because he might get upset if he gets into trouble. Imagine how unfair that would be to the other kids, and what you would say if you were their parents.

At the first grade point it also isn't really her job to get your son into the classroom while you are standing there. she has a room full of kids to teach, a schedule to keep, goals to meet.

It sounds as though your son may need some accommodations made and that's ok, talk to the teacher about that possibility, maybe they have resources that can help you help your son get over his anxiety, or maybe the situation warrants something like an IEP.

Good luck.

As a Mom, I know that is the worst feeling. I know because last spring after spring break and this fall my now 1st grader went through this phase. It was honestly the worst thing ever. The difference for me was that once he was actually separated from me, he was totally fine. That didn't make it any easier when he started refusing to get on the bus, refusing to get out of the car, refusing to walk into school, etc. We had the same stomach problems, anxiety and not wanting to get out the door. I literally had to carry him out and lock it behind us on many occasions. We live within walking distance, so we just started walking to school, and sometimes I had to hold his hand and almost drag him. It was one of the hardest things I've done - and I had my other two younger kids along... just to make it harder ;)

What worked for us was for me to meet with the school principal (who was VERY KIND and VERY HELPFUL) and also with his Kindergarten teacher and again with his new 1st Grade teacher this fall. We decided that the best was for me to get him to the door, and they'd take it from there. But, it was a predetermined plan, and we were there on time so the "drama" was done before the school day started.

I'm sure your son's teacher didn't really understand what the problem was, or I'm guessing she would have helped.

I'd make an appointment to meet with her, the principal, and even the social worker (ours was very helpful for my son when school started in the fall).

Eventually my son seemed to understand that I was going to walk away regardless of what kind of fit he threw. We tried to get to the front door of the school as kids were just arriving. The principal and all the aids knew my situation, and took charge and I walked away with my other two kids. Walking away while my son was crying and screaming was horrible, but it got better every day. By week 3 or 4, he just turned one day, gave me a high five, and walked up and got in line. I about fell over, but let me tell you, it was the best feeling ever.

Feel free to send me a message if you want to chat more. I assure you, your child is not the only first grader with anxiety. You just need more support at school, but you need a plan so everyone is on board and knows what is going on at home and with your child.

Good luck, and know you are not alone in this!
J.

I am an educator, but I am a mother first. I do think the teacher could have come to the door to check on him and ask you if you wanted her assistance in getting him into class. I have done that and even taken screaming children from their parents and reassured them they will be okay. I do agree that there are some teachers and children who just do not mesh well. In my opinion this teacher is not going to have this crying stuff and just will not give into it. I on the other hand believe that school anxiety is very real to some children, and a child going through this does not need tough love, he needs someone who is patient, and reassuring. I am not a fan of these sticker charts, and smile face charts just for this reason. Children make mistakes, and they get into trouble, but these stupid stickers and smiley face thing drives me nuts. I had a teacher at my center who had a smiley face chart posted, and each child knew how many smiley faces each child had. When their parent would pick up the class would say Joey didn't behave today and he got his smiley face taken away. It drove me crazy. Every child's achievements and failures displayed. Imagine if we had a chart to live by each day lol!! To some children they can just shake it off, others cannot, I think it embarrasses some of them. If you son is shy I am sure he doesn't want everyone to know. I went through this with my son, his teacher only gave stickers for a perfect 100%, on tests, My son would come home with stomach aches every time there was a test. After picking him up from school a few times with stomach aches, I realized the problem was this test. I brought him back to school immediately and asked the teacher to please give him the test so he can overcome the anxiety he had over taking the test. She wasn't happy but she did it and he was fine after that. The anticipation of not getting a perfect score put him over the edge. Because the chart was posted, and everyone counted their 100% perfect scores. Crazy right, and he was in first grade. First grade it a difficult grade, children are expected to be so independent, and so grown up. Some children are more mature then others, and some teachers are just not as patient as they should be. I am not bashing teachers, I am one and my daughter is one as well. I simply know that there are excellent teachers and not so excellent teachers out there. I also believe that it is better for you to give your son the tools to deal with adversity, so he can learn to cope with his anxiety. I know you took him home today out of frustration, but I would not do that again. Try to stay strong, and no feed into it too much. Stay positive when talking to him about his teacher, do not let him know you do not agree with the her. Reassure him that making mistakes is okay, and that's how we learn. There are going to be teachers, professors, bosses, he isn't going to like, learning to deal with different personalities will help him get through the tough ones. I know as a mom if breaks your heart to see him go through this, but you have to stay strong, reassure him that he will be fine. Good luck and keep us posted!!

HI--
I went through this with my oldest son, and finally I pulled him out of the school. A few weeks later the teacher was fired. I don't think children are trying to manipulate when they are that upset---there is something truly wrong. Although you feel you did the wrong thing by bringing him home, I think you did the right thing. Your son needed you and you responded. Isn't that our job as mother's? He's only 6, after all. Meeting his emotional needs will actually make him more independent in the long run. Forcing him to be independent in an environment where he clearly isn't feeling safe sends him the message that his feelings don't matter. Have you thought about having him switch classes to a new teacher? You'll get a feel for this teacher when you talk with her---if your gut feels uncomfortable then I would pull him.
Just my two cents--
Good luck!
J.

The teacher should be working with you to help your and your son work through his anxiety, and possibly include the school counselor. I would ask for a meeting with the teacher asap. If you aren't satisfied with the plan of action that comes from the meeting, go to the principal or school counselor.

You might also consider taking him to a child psychologist, who can help give him some healthy coping techniques for the stress he's under (he probably doesn't need long term counseling or anything--he just needs to get some more tools for his emotional toolbox).

For those that say homeschooling will fix the problem, it will alleviate the stress that this boy is facing at school, but won't teach him (or help his parents find a way to teach him) how to deal with his stress in a more healthy way, and that problem won't go away. Plus, homeschooling is not an option for a lot of us.

Poor teachers. First we tell them to butt out and let us parent our children. Then they butt out and we want to know why they didn't come out and help parent the child. They are in a no win situation.
She was watching you and seeing what you were doing. What she saw was your son being upset and you taking him to the office and home. Which, basically means that your son (for lack of a better word) won. He cried and wont leave your side and you gave into him. Now he knows...cry and mom wont make me go to class.
I know it's hard to see your child upset. My kindergartener (also 6) was in tears a couple of weeks ago because he was tardy and he didn't want to go into the class. He was embarassed. So, I marched his butt up to his class, pushed him in (after talking to him, telling him it was fine that he was late, trying to reason with him, then giving up) and talked to his teacher and told her that he was upset. By the time he got home he was fine.
I find it really sad that so many parents blame the teacher for their child's sadness or misbehavior. She is with him for 8 hours a day. More likely that not, he is shy and socially awkward. Try not to blame her and actually listen to what she is saying when you meet on Thursday.
L.

If your son is extremely shy, perhaps something to build his confidence would help. Does he participate in sports? If he doesn't want to play sports, do you bowl with him? Ice Skate? Play chess? He needs something to build his confidence and as well something to call his own. At the same time, I want to point out that if he was arm farting, he is not that shy.

As I read on into your post, I couldn't help but think he has you wrapped Mom. He didn't want to go to school and he won...you took him home. You can't do this. How will you get him into class tomorrow?

My daughter has the same stomach issues and we ignore her. We are fully aware it is anxiety, but we send her on her way. We usually don't make eye contact with her when she is like this and just send her in the direction she needs to go. She usually comes back excited and has forgotten about the stomach issues.

Yes, I am afraid you are wrong about the teacher. What did you expect to happen? Put the class on hold while the three of you try to coax your son into the classroom? The teacher did the right thing. 1) she has a responsibility to all the other children. 2) She didn't give his anxiety the time of day.

During kindergarten orientation, as parents we were instructed to walk them to the door and turn around and walk away. We were not allowed in the classroom and she really didn't want us hanging around waiting for the bell. There were students having difficulties, but what do I know, I sent my husband. I knew I would stink at this, so I went to work.

I believe rather than clashing with his teacher, that your son is able to bend your ear about how he doesn't like this teacher and you are buying it. Certainly we have all had teachers we couldn't stand, but what do you do other than hope for the end of the year to come quicker. It makes summer break more grand!

My 4 yr old did this after he had an accident at school.

I don't think you did anything wrong by bringing him home. He was obviously upset and you validated his feelings. When my son did this the teacher and the aide came out and tried to talk to him, to calm him down.

There is no way I could have justified leaving him there that upset! Even though the teacher told me to and if he didn't calm down they could always call me. Well I didn't want to leave him when he was so upset, to me that was blowing off his feeling/ fears. So he missed a day because he was upset... big deal. Sometimes being with mom is more important! I doubt he was playing you.

Hopefully today is a better day, if he acts that way today I would go ahead and leave him, they can always call you if need be. Then talk to his teacher today and go from there. Maybe work out a game plan in case this does happen again. Just because the aide knew he was out there, are you sure the teacher did? She might have been busy and not paying attention to what was going on out in the hall.

Good luck!

I am sorry this happened to you. Sad that the teacher and aide did not assist. Definitely talk with the teacher and other administrators at school - get the full scoop and create a plan to try to make it work for your son. Hang in there.

Homeschool your kids and you will never have to deal with teachers who hate your kids or dumb them down (as all teachers are doing).....Don't believe it ? Go read:

http://www.amazon.com/Dumbing-Down-Curriculum-Compulsory-...

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article15280.htm

http://www.deliberatedumbingdown.com/pages/book.htm

I don't have any advice other than I would keep an eye on this situation and reassure your son that you love him and that he can count on you for support. Keep the communication going with your son. If it continues or gets worse, I would consider moving him to a different school or to a different teacher. I would have done the exact same thing you did if this happen to my son. In my opinion, it's shameful that this teacher or her aide didn't come to the door. He's only 6 years old, not 16.

Keep us posted on the results of your meeting with the teacher.

When my son was in preschool for a little while he thought that if the teacher corrected him on anything it meant that the teacher did not like him - he took everything so personally.
She had no idea he felt that way.
I explained to him that no one went to school already knowing what to do and everyone learns together.
And I told his teacher that once rules were explained he needs a little bit of 'make up and be friends' time - she was so glad to know a little hug afterward just let him know there was nothing personal going on - he was about 4 yrs old at the time.
Though it took us awhile to find out what was going on (several months), once we had it figured out, the phase was over in just a few weeks.
I realize in an older/bigger classroom it might be harder for a teacher to do this but once the problem is dealt with and the student realizes the teacher does like him, then things go much more smoothly.

I would go with your instincts. Request to have a special conference with his teacher about what's going on at school and at home. Sadly, some kids and teachers do clash, but it is something they need to work through in a healthy way, not teacher-losing-patience-with-child-because-he-rubs-her-the-wrong-way-ruining-the-child/teacher-relationship. If things don't get better you should request that he move to another class. Go to bat for him because if he starts hating school in 1st grade you have a looooong road ahead.

I really can't see that she would have been able to calm him and get him in the room if you couldn't. That woudl work in preschool but by 1st grade a kid throwing a fit like that isn't going to be calmed by someone else while mom is there. Plus she really can't physically take him away from you, like you might be able to get away with in preschool. you didn't mention this but many schools have regulations about where you can leave your child. At our school, technically we are to drop them at teh office and THEY are to walk to class. ITs a safety issue for the rest of the kids incase i was a maniac..

Is there a school counselor that might help? I've taught my dd some yoga and deep breathing exercises to help with anxiety like this. I know your instinct might be to pull him out or switch teachers but i'm not sure that is the message you want to teach your son. there will be people that don't mesh with him but if there is an aide in tehroom you should be able to work with the school and find a way to deal with this. sometimes a lovely in a pocket will help or a photo of you. Is there anything else going on at home to cause disruption?

First of all, do you always drive him. Why not take the school bus. If you
do not have bus service, you take him, give him and hug and kiss. Remind
him that ou will pick up and then leave. Do not hang around, do not expect
everyone to come running to help you. The biggest mistake was taking him
home. So now he knows if he carries on and on and on, he will get his way.
Sorry to say you have just set yourself up for bigger problems. Good luck. He needs to know that school is his job.

maybe switch teachers.