Holiday Concert- Do You Bail After Your Kid?

I would (and did) stay. With my whole crew, mostly by myself. It helped my kiddos learn 'concert' manners, and as a result we have attended ALL kinds of productions over the years.

It teaches them to be supportive of a sibling, as well as people in general. I armed myself with a goody bag filled with treats, drinks, crayons and books.

I would stay. The more often you 'do' this, the quicker they will learn!

Just my opinion! It gets easier.

Merry merry!

No, I wouldn't bail and have never done it.
What if everyone left and the last kid(s) had only a few people there? That would be heart breaking.

I'm with you - I can't stand sitting around in a poorly ventilated super hot auditorium listening to other people's kids singing or playing songs that only a mother wants to listen to.

I always bailed after my kid sang/played and when my kids were the older ones I was happy for the parents on younger kids to leave so those of us who had to stay behind could breathe and have a little more room and have less children screaming to listen to.

I think the music/band/orchestra teachers/leaders spend so much time & effort with the kids that they are the ones who want the big audience. The kids only care if their own family is there.

I think it's nice and certainly preferable if you can stay (for all the reasons you mention), but if little kids are tired and cranky and antsy, and if they don't have a good sense of concert etiquette, it can be more disruptive to have them stay. I think parents really care about hearing their own children and they aren't horribly offended if a few first graders don't stay. So if you can stay for even part of the other kids' performances, that's ideal. If it's super long, hopefully they will have intermission.

I think HOW and WHEN you leave is far more important than WHETHER you leave. What I always hated more than anything was the parents who talked through the concert unless their own kid was performing! That's the rudest! So leave between numbers, and ideally during the change-over from one chorus to the next. Do not get up during a number, no matter what. Please stake out a seat on an aisle and not in the front, so that your departure is as inconspicuous as possible. Don't have the kids' costume items or water bottles in any kind of a noisy plastic bag that will be annoying to others. Do the best you can.

Hope it's a great concert!!

It's totally rude to leave when your child is finished. Can you imagine getting up and walking out of a play during a scene change just because the performer you came to see is through with their scene? Or leaving a little league game when your child gets benched?
Two hours isn't that long and you are teaching your child to support others, even if they are no longer performing.

It's nice to stay if at all possible, especially when you've been requested to do so. As someone below said, you are teaching your child to support others, which is one of the most important lessons you can teach him/her.

Huge pet peeve of mine! My daughter's group was last this year in the concert. There were so many families that did that when their kids were done that I could hardly see the stage for all the people standing up and walking. Plus, after sitting through their children's performances, my daughter's group (which was the smallest, because it was the elite group) had only half the audience left.

It is incredibly rude to leave just because your child is done. I have never done that. I grew up in choirs and bands - not just school, but professional. It is tacky and very rude to leave mid concert. Those children worked hard to prepare a show and deserve to have an appreciative audience. It sends a message when they see your back opening the auditorium door to leave. Opening the door allows in unwanted light, too, and distracts the children. Same with flashes, also very rude. I'm so disgusted with the bad theater behaviors of most people today - eating candy with crinkly wrappers, talking, taking pictures, using cell phones, texting, and yes, leaving. adults should be modeling appropriate behavior.

It is rude to leave. Unless you have crying babies/toddlers try to stay.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." How would your child feel if other parents did this?

Go ahead and tough it out. Move to the back after your child is done and snooze if you want.

I cannot tell you how many of these things I've sat through and acted enthusiastic over. (Even when I wanted to put my fingers in my ears, LOL!)

IMO? Rude to leave after your kid.
Walk out if you have a crying baby...but leave? No!

I would stay as long as possible, but with two 2 year olds, I may have to leave early. Sure, I'll try to keep my boys quiet and under control, but 2 hours of sitting still is a long time for 2 year olds. While it maybe rude to leave, I think it's more rude to have my kids act up and be loud. The parents of the older kids want to hear their kids in the show, not my kids causing a scene. Ideally, though, my husband and I would probably split up. He'd take the boys home, and I'd stay with my older child.

I think it's rude to leave. I would stay.

If you don't like the way it's set up?? Then instead of "gauging" what people like - go to the principal and PTA and CHANGE IT!!! You have valid reasons...traffic, too long for younger kids...

I hope you did NOT leave. I would consider that EXTREMELY rude

Leaving during the middle of a performance is rude, so I would plan to stay. However I think that what they are trying to do is going to cause more problems and cause the performance to last even longer. Trying to return a whole grade level to their parents in a quick turnaround and then have everyone return to their seats is an optimistic goal. The performers have worked hard and deserve to be appreciated by their audience and respected by the audience. I think too much time would be required to return the kids to their parents control and many other attendees would be inconvenienced by having people climb all other them. Hope you enjoyed watching your son perform in the holiday concert tonight!

Unless you are talking a full on play, 2 hours is too long for a school event like that. I would rather they have it scheduled as K performs 6, 1st grade 6:30, etc where people can show up for their time section and stay longer if they want. I went to four different elementary schools in different states, my sister was in elementary in a different state again, and my son has been in elementary in two states himself......all of them grouped one or two grades together depending on the class size. So for an hour performance where my son is in half the show, yes I'll stay for the full time. For two plus hours where he is only in 15 minutes? We'd probably be leaving.

Imagine with me, your son's class gets up to play and a mess of people just walk out. How would that make you feel? Now I realize I am taking a risk trying to help you come to the answer on your own. After all you asked this question that should have had such an obvious answer.

Well in case you don't get, no! you don't walk out after your precious snowflake performs, that is rude and shows no concern for the feelings of the other kids.

Yep. I bail.
And when my kids get older...I'll show up late.
Maybe it's rude, but I would not think twice about other parents leaving or coming late to avoid listening to kids that aren't theirs.
And when these little marathon concerts are 2+ hours, sitting in uncomfortable bleachers, usually through dinner time (that's how it works at my school)...we're out.
Sorry.

Leaving halfway through any performance is horribly rude.

What are you teaching you're children if you are part of the selfish crowd that takes off?

I have been at many performances where the older children had 1/4 full audience watching and a constant flow of people walking out. If you must leave early due to another commitment or a crying baby sit near the back and slip out. If you're one of those people that takes off because you can't be bothered to watch the whole thing I think you're and inconsiderate jerk.

As a musician and former music teacher, I would also discourage you from leaving. It's just bad etiquette. You have to think of it like this- the parents of the older kids have to come and listen to the entire concert, because I'm pretty certain that all the children have to be there at the same time.
So to answer your questions- No. I never bail. Other grade parents listened to my child and I am going to do the same. And yes- I would be a little aggravated if folks starting leaving after their child's performance. But that's more of the music teacher talking than the parent.
It's a holiday concert that happens once a year. Just go with it.
And Happy Holidays to you, as well!

Absolutely not.
We always set the example of good manners, so we stay and clap for ach performance.

No, we don't bail. In fact, this was the first year my daughter did not participate in the Holiday ice skating show, however, she went to support the other skaters. Sure some of them are her friends, but she stayed the entire 2 hours.

It's rude to leave in the middle of a performance.

No, I probably would not leave. I would talk it up to my kids as that they are supporting the other children in their school. This year, I ended up sitting right next to the Principal, so I really could not have left without her noticing. Yeah, there will be people that leave, but I would want to show my kids an example of good manners.

Our school does 3 concerts! Propose it again. We do 8:45a, 10:15a and 1p.

I would not leave without a good reason. Whether or not the people there "to see them" are there, to see a sea of folks headed to the exits as you are about to "go on" is disheartening.

I would imagine they do this on a night when there are no exams for the children tomorrow, just fun parties and movies and such, so I'd tough it out. If you have a kid who starts being disruptive, then you take the child out (as few of you as possible, until the END of THAT performance). Then you can all leave after before the next one starts.

Just wait until they are older.
I have one in band. She's 8th grade now, so they are last when they do their Christmas and Spring concerts, and they aren't done until nearly 8 pm. Not a huge deal for her, even when she was in 6th grade (staying until the end of the jazz band and 8th graders). HOWEVER, I also have an older child who goes to show support for his sister. HE has final exams in classes the next morning. Due to the time the event starts (everyone has to be in their seats by 6:15), we don't eat dinner until after the show is over. We also live 30 minutes from the school. So... if we wait until the end, he is losing a LOT of study time.
Not a big deal this semester... but last spring, when he had chemistry---big deal.
Tough choices are made. Sometimes you suck it up and stay (if you can, you do). But sometimes you have to let your priority (or your child's) take precedence.
Whatever you do, don't be disruptive during the performance. There are always stage changes that will allow you to leave without being disruptive, or blocking another parents videoing, or the kids on stage seeing you leave.

Take something for your little one to do (quietly) if you think he will need it. He might just enjoy the show, though.

I would discourage it because it can be distracting and discouraging to the kids who are performing to look out and see empty chairs or people leaving. It's just once a year. We have all suffered through it I'm sure. I don't think it will hurt to stay.

Ugh on how long that program is! We only have one show that is as long as that, and it's the annual variety show that is a PTO fundraiser. And the organizers purposefully try to schedule 1st and 2nd grade acts in the first half and older kds in the second half, realizing people don't necessarily want to sit through the whole show.

I would definitely speak to the school about the possibility of splitting things up in the future. The worst that can happen is they tell you nothing will change (though actually the WORST would be you getting wrangled into running the show(s) the next year).

No we never left, but our school finally did break up into two nights. K through 4 and 5th through 8th for the Christmas concerts. It is soooooooo much nicer and more room for family!!! That is a really long and, sorry to say, boring night for grandparents that don't know anyone but their grandchild. Just got home from ours........

No. I have never left before the concert ended. We have really great music programs in our schools, so I actually don't want to miss part of the concert! It is disrespectful to the kids performing who have worked so hard to see a half empty audience when it is there time to shine. It is disruptive to the rest of the audience to have people getting up and walking around to leave during the concert (we don't have down time between sets, so there isn't a good time to get up and go without causing a scene). I also think it is important for my kids to watch the other kids perform. I can see if parents need to get a crying baby or toddler out the door, but school age kids definitely need to be able to sit quietly through all of the performances. They don't return the kids to the parents after our performances. The kids stay with their classes.

If I had little kids with me, I would leave a performance if/when they got antsy. Because I'm on the flip side of that equation now, with my elementary school children as my youngest, I'd stay the whole time.

I would stay, unless my younger child really couldn't handle it or I really had somewhere to go. As a parent of an older kid, I watched people stand up and leave and disturb others with their leaving, playing back video with sound after their kid was done, and the audience for the older kids drop by half. It is not always true that the older kids' parents fill in and it can be tough to be 9 and watch everyone leave just as you are about to perform. I would ask the school why they don't do 2 concerts (perhaps staffing) and why they have the kids go sit with the parents after each grade performs. It sounds like they need some feedback.

ETA: Friend's DD is in a ballet recital. I would only know her, but I would not dream of leaving the entire show after her part. I am deciding if it would be worth going based on length and time and either going to stay or not go at all.

Usually no.
It depends on how the concert is being run.
I've been to some where parents/siblings/grandparents and other family members are coming and going - we're talking LARGE numbers of people.
Some kids have large extended families and they show up to performances like entourages.
If it is standing room only, if the crowd is not diminished by my leaving (and frankly they could use the space/seats) - THEN I'd leave early.
Being in the middle of large dense crowds - I can take it so long and then I feel like I'm running out of air.
If it's not that crowded of course I'll stay for the whole show.
The elementary school our son went to split the shows in 2 by age groups.
They'd perform on different nights (K-2nd, and 3rd-5th) and each show would only be about 30 min long.
Parking works out better and the kids are not freaked by being on stage in front of an immense crowd.

People don't come and go while anyone's actively performing.
If they do it they do it when kids are moving on/off stage - which can take a long time.

No, I wouldn't leave. Any live performance, whether done by professional ballet dancers or little 1st graders, deserve the same respect. A concert is a concert...all or nothing. So, personally, I would show that respect to the performer.

If other parents choose to leave, that's no concern of mine, I don't judge that. I'm only concerned with my own integrity and manners. And that means I stay and enjoy the whole concert, regardless of crying babies, traffic and antsy kids.

And then I would try to get them to change the format for next year, because a 2hr concert with those circumstances DOES seem nightmarish.

Staying is plain good manners. Teach good audience behavior to kids young and they will retain it. Yes, babies and toddlers are a pass for bailing -- but infants really shouldn't be at the school concert at night anyway if there's any chance to avoid it. Toddlers should be where either mom or dad can tag-team and one of them takes toddler home when toddler gets restless so the other parents stays for the whole time. Good manners, good management.

Your school does not make this lesson easy, though. I have never heard of a school around us that crams all kids from K-6 in the same single concert or performance. All the kids deserve to be able to perform to a respectful audience without loads of families walking out during songs. That's what will end up happening this year, as kids are "returned" and families take a moment to gather stuff, etc., shush little Billy who's all excited about just having performed, and meander to the door -- the concert has to move along and start up after each grade is released, and folks will end up leaving while the next grade is actually performing. It's a recipe for a distracting mess and it's rude to the kids who have yet to perform and who look out at empty seats. The older kids in particular DO know that yes, the family's there, but they also are more keenly aware of those empty seats than the younger kids would be. I bet the school agreed to the "return the kids" idea this year due to parent complaints. But it's not a good solution either.

Be the parent who steps up and works on this before next year. Do what you need to do to get this on the school's radar if there is a massive spring concert, and certainly well before next year's holiday concert. There may be some logistical reason that the music department insists this be done all on one night, but the music department (that's where you need to go) needs to hear from a lot of parents -- politely -- that a two-hour concert doesn't work but neither does the rudeness of families exiting after numbers because their own kids are done. Maybe sell it to the music teachers as giving all the kids a chance to experience doing a whole concert as both performers and polite audience members who stay and listen to others, rather than teaching kids it's fine to leave during a performance when it isn't.

Wow, if each grade plus K is returned to parents at the end of its performance, assuming that at least some families then leave, that means SIX exits before the sixth graders even start to perform. Point that out to the music department. I would think those older grade kids will be so deflated.

It's the norm around here to have something like you suggest --K-2 in one performance on one day, and 3-6 in another performance on another day, or more likely here, K-3 and 4-6. The show choir works very hard, I'm sure, and deserves to be heard by both groups and likely those kids would want to perform more than one time, so suggest that they perform at both shows.

Would I WANT to leave? Absolutely...would I stay, definitely. I hate when people leave, it's really rude. And even though we may not enjoy staying that long, it's once a year.

I'm thankful my kids school does each grade per month. The concerts are 20 minutes and then we go home.

The only time when I actually do go in and out of the auditorium during performances (well in between) is at dance competitions. That is because I have to get my child ready for her next routine. Otherwise I stay and watch.

I HATE sitting through holiday concerts that go on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.....
My son's previous school "strongly discouraged" us from leaving us well. Guess what? My 1 1/2 year old didn't care that we were "strongly discouraged" and started raising hell.
We left.
And I didn't feel bad about it, not one little bit.
We have shown up late to concerts (games or practices) and we have left early for things (games or practices). That's what my children are dedicated to, not singing (which KILLS ME!! I loved choir and band!).
I don't care if people leave in the middle of a concert. Just wait until the song is over. No going out in the middle of the song!
L.

Our elementary school does it differently. Each grade level has a music concert during the first semester. They have 1 night dedicated to THAT specific grade level (max 2 hours). That way, you show up for your child's grade level performance and no one is skipping out during the program which is RUDE.

In middle school through Senior high, the band, orchestra and choir all have specific nights to perform once a semester. You go see your child perform in whatever venue they are in at school.

Again, to leave after your kid is done is RUDE and don't think the people who choose to leave are not seen leaving by administrators and other school personnel. It makes you look bad as a parent for modeling this type of behavior.

i didn't bale for K grad and stayed for 8th grade grad because I created the whole school slide show they did at the end. the very end. This was hybrid home school and parents of 8th graders got and open mike. I had a toddler and a baby as well. Staying to the end was a bad choice. Bad bad bad bad bad. If you have a baby or toddler bail.

I always stayed, but I liked it. My husband was always ready to bail.

in. a. heartbeat.
i get the school's point, but they don't get to call your shots.
and no, there's no way i'd be pissed that other parents didn't stay to watch my cherub. the only parents who are clinging tightly to this notion are the first-timers. anyone who's been subjected to years' worth of kids' performances knows how excruciating it can be.
yes, there are times you'll be in a relaxed and groovy place, and will happily sit back and coo over all the cuties up there doing their thing. but when you're stressed and busy and NEED that time, take it, and don't feel one bit guilty about it.
khairete
S.

And why is it fair for the first group to have large audience, but the last has a dwindling crowd.

I would stay & complain about it afterwards. Funny , you ask this... The only time I have been aware of a parent leaving early, was my son', BFF' Dad. He complained during the awards ceremony / concert ( well, the part he was there for). Barely before his son' part was over , he got up looked at his wife & said, " go out the side door & I'll meet you outside w/ the car". Guess what his profession is ... ? A MUSIC TEACHER!!

I wouldn't leave unless I had a little one who just couldn't do two hours sitting in bleachers, but we have been to church concerts for my daughters preschool with my son when he was 6 months and 1.5 years and he was fine (1 1/2 hour performances).

For me it's more about showing your child respect for other children who presumably worked hard on their performances.

Ugh, I spent years waiting it out. My child to me was soo important.And so are all the others to their parents.Sorry, to those who want to get up and leave, we just have to remember that each one of us have our babies and they are always the most important.

I would try to stay as a fellow rule follower...but many when every one is rushing to the exits..talking and moving..it makes staying Even harder

Of course I would bail! In all my kids school performances they have NEVER given us our kids back until the whole thing is over so we never had the option to leave. Given the option? Buh-bye! lol

I'd leave if it was okay with my little one. He has other friends at the school and might really really want to see them do their song. I'd phrase it without giving him the option of staying, like

"After you sing your songs is it okay if we leave and go get some ice cream?".

If you say "Do you want to stay and watch the other kids he'll say yes probably. So that's why I would ask about leaving instead.

I would stay, but I love your idea. Take it to the principal and/or PTO and propose it again for next year.