Homeschooling -- Anyone Try It and NOT like It?

Updated on July 15, 2010
M.B. asks from Arlington, VA
11 answers

I am wondering if there is anyone out there, who tried homeschooling and decided it wasn't right for their family or child? If so why do you think it didn't work?

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So What Happened?

I think my husband and I are going to try it for a year. Our son has some issues. We havent' figured out what they all are despite the vast array of experts who have evaluated him. He attended our catholic school this past year for Pre-K but they dont think he'll do well in their kindergarten. They believe he needs more resources. They may be right we arent' sure. We are considering our public school, and have begun the special education process. We are going to stay with the process and see if we end up pleasantly surprised. We also contact our priest to appeal our catholic school decision. However, we don't hold out much hope in either case. Furthermore, even if we get what we want, so much has happened that we don't really trust either the public school or our catholic school to treat our son well and educate him. We are concerned that they'll just fail him and hold him back next year, which we don't want. That leaves us with one option -- homeschooling.

Thanks for the all the comments. This really helped me think about what I need to do to make this fun and successful for my son. Thanks a lot.

Featured Answers

A.G.

answers from Houston on

i homeschooled my daughter for kinder garten. But if i could go back i wouldnt. She seems to thrive much better in a classroom, with my help after school. We had many many issues with dyslexia, but as soon as she was in school, it "reversed" itself (pardon the pun), with a different set of circumstances.Its not from my inexperience as a teacher, because i used to teach. Sometimes kids just learn better in a group, with a stranger teaching them. I much prefer my role as mom, than as mom/teacher.

I will definitely be putting my new baby directly into school, asap

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

lots of people. however, the previous gentle poster is not correct that you MUST be disciplined and 'school' on a regular schedule or homeschooling will fail. i know many many many people for whom this is not the case and whose kids are brilliant, incredible, USEFUL young adults.
but as to why it doesn't work? the reasons are as varied as the people themselves. in most cases it's because people have skewed expectations. often they expect that homeschool will look like regular school except done at home. while this does work for some, for most it will become stultifyingly tedious and monotonous. others think their kids will take to it like ducks to water, while the reality is that if your kids have been in public school it takes a while for them to de-school and readjust to the new life. it can be nail-biting for a parent to watch a long phase of omg nothing's happening!
you have to trust your kids. and that's something parents have an incredibly hard time doing.
for a great many it's an inability to commit to the lifestyle. homeschooling's not about education alone. parents must be ready to try different methods, different curricula, different schedules, to do a LOT of driving, to be active and enthusiastic about creating and maintaining a group (or set of groups) to be involved with. isolation is not a given as so many think, but if a parent must be willing to be gung-ho about providing opportunities for friendship, fun and educational projects with other kids.
some parents honestly have a hard time being with their kids that much. that's not a slam. i'm one of the ones who does enjoy a break, and after putting them on the bus and going back with some relief to my day, it was hard to get used to having 'em around all the time. not everyone is a crunchy earth mother. but after one adjusts to that, it can be incredible when you realize how much deeper and more nuanced your relationship with your kids can be.
it can be surprising to realize how different kids' learning styles can be, even (especially) in the same family. a HS mom has to figure out how to accommodate her wild kinetic dynamo as well as her private studious loner.
HS parents often send their kids to public school because the kids are curious about it and want a different experience to add to their toolkits. nothing wrong with that.
we are so lucky that we have options in this country, and can tailor our kids' needs to our family philosophies and situations.
khairete
S.

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L.W.

answers from Austin on

This is an interesting question.

On any given day we look at ourselves and wonder: "What in the world are we doing?" And somehow when awards are being handed out in the spring by schools, and we see all of the great programs that parents have their children in through schools (and they only have one drop off at the beginning of the day, and one pick up at the end,)...I gotta tell ya' the temptation to send them back is real. What mom wouldn't love to have large block of time to themselves to use for whatever purpose they want, while kids are at school?

I've had a group of moms meet to support each other in this venture. Some have stayed with it, and are even continuing through the high school years. Others have chosen to send there children back to traditional school settings, for reasons such as those others have listed. Things like getting used to being around your children all day, learning how to be just mom and still teach your children, missing other children (we have the opposite problem, how to carve enough time schooling without interruption from children), schooling with toddlers underfoot (had to learn to embrace this time!), or even that they planned on sending them to school at a certain age, all seem to be good reasons to stop home schooling.

But I think that the friends I've had that have continued, are those who have learned, and have grown from these types of challenges, and have taken some time to ask themselves, "Why did we begin this journey in the first place?" They have taken time to figure out how to learn skills and solve problems that they encounter as they home school. When the outcome of what people hope for by going into home schooling, doesn't meet up with their expectations, this can be enough to send the kids back to traditional school, but it doesn't have to be. Each person has to look to their own circumstances and reasons for making educational/lifestyle choices in this area. In the end we're pretty happy with the things that are working in our family/home school and don't see us stopping (despite the temptations) any time soon.

UPDATE:

Blessings to you and your family as you make your decision. We met some folks that live in the Arlington area a few summers ago and they were Catholic home schoolers. Amazing people! Hope you can find some folks like that to help you on your way. Just a note...for a long time we said we were going year by year, but amazing things started happening when we decided we were in it for the long haul. We relaxed. We stopped comparing others so closely and the kids are thriving. We do re evaluate every year, the spring temptations are alway hanging, but we like this life and end up sticking with it. Enjoy!

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M.K.

answers from Houston on

I loathed and hated it - my son loved it though!

the reason I hated it was it was so isolating for us both - but we live in a very rural area, so we didn't have a lot to do unless we drove a 2 hour round trip to do it.

my son loved being home, but he didn't like to do the work, so he fell behind in some things, i had a toddler who tried her best to be very noisy (not really she is just a toddler lol) so it was very distracting, I could never catch up on housework or anything else, always felt like my son wasn't getting a good education. people say it takes hardly any time, it would take us 4 hours to get a good rounding of all subjects.

bottom line, if you live rural, and you have babies, or more importantly, toddlers you won't get much done, you will be isolated, your children won't get to interact with people enough and you will have a messy house!

if you live metro, have older children, lots of homeschool stuff going on and a maid, you will love it!

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L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

When I was a kid we lived in Spain and I went to Spanish school. I lost ALL of my English. My mother spent a summer re-teaching me my English - we didn't have a choice... We would be returning to the US where I needed my grammar and language skills in English... She hated and I hated it.

She used a curriculum that was not hard, but it was tedious -- as most English curricula are -- and we had to cover many years of English in a very short time. Needless to say, she was successful - I can write, spell, and communicate...

She would have sent me to another one of the American parents who was a teacher, but those parents were not consistent with their own kids' home schooling (I was the only one in Spanish school). She wasn't going to set me up for failure.

I think the biggest problem with home schooling is that you have to be consistent. You have to do school at the same time every day and get it done. It doesn't take all that long to do the lessons, people just get complacent. If you are going to home school you need to be disciplined, organized, and consistent. AND you have to know when to have someone else teach a subject in which you might not be as strong.

That said, my children go to public school. They are motivated students who have support at home. You can get a decent education out of any public school in the US - for which you are paying taxes - providing you are involved. If the child thinks that you believe education to be important, they will step up and do. If the child thinks that you don't care about their school or their teachers or their work, they'll slack off, too.

YMMV
LBC

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L.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm a mom who is homeshooling my only child. I do like it.
But I want to comment about some things I have heard that might be a bit skewed.
Many parents isolate their kids while schooling them. That is not homeschooling!
In this area There are over 1,000 families who homeschool. Just one listserve that includes the Baltimore Washington area has over 900 families. So, those that can't find a group to do even one outside activity are not looking.
I am so tired of hearing about jkids not getting the social aspect while they are not in public school.
Yes, my son has special needs, it's hard at times. We have our struggles and our rough patches. But, we find our ways into the delightful valleys.
When my son was in public school he was bullied, the school gave the kids a slap on the wrist.(Thank you Montgomery county schools!!). While homeschooling, kids want to connect with not just their age groups, but all ages of children. And they learn to communicate and be around adults and kids in a healthy way. That is if the parents encourage that.
I know I didn't answer your question, but I feel that these points needed to be mentioned.
No, it's not for everyone, but, parents need to do some research and talk with other parents before starting on this path.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I think many times a mother will try homescholing and think it's easy. What could be easier than teaching your 2nd grader, right??
It's not. YOu have to be very disciplined.
THere are days I don't like it. THere are days we all hate it. But this year I asked the kids if they wanted to return to public school and they both said no.
We have a schedule, it's very tight and I am pretty much a task master on the math and Grammer. Both my kids are above "grade level" , whatever that means, according to the public school testing I have to do. I still feel they are not.
It's not for everybody. Some kids learn better from someone other than mom. My eldest daughter is one of those, she is in the public school and has done well.
It helps to set goals, short term and long term. So by the end of the year you accompllish everything you set out to do, and by each month's end you have completed that month's goal. It helps to keep everyone on task.

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E.M.

answers from Johnstown on

We haven't homeschooled here, but a friend of mine tried to homeschool her children. Her children had both been enrolled in the public system beforehand. After 4 months, both of her children begged her to go back to school, that 1) they were bored 2) they missed being around other kids. Perhaps if the kids would have been homeschooled from the beginning, there wouldn't have been an issue? Good luck on your decision!

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A.B.

answers from Washington DC on

I know you asked to hear from parents who hated homeschooling and quit. I still homeschool, but often thought about quitting in the first three years. I felt isolated, endured criticism from family and friends, experienced constant interruptions (housework, illnesses, emergencies, etc.), and still had to teach while caring for a newborn. It was rough and not what I expected. I did my homework before making the decision to homeschool, and no one had shared what that first year could be like, or maybe they had forgotten. Then, I met more homeschoolers who became my friends, my children made more friends, we found our rhythm academically (curriculum, schedule and teaching approach), found extracurricular activities, and the balance in it all. My husband now even teaches, too! Most people I have met who quit do so because of finances, poor health, leaving the area, or--the biggest one--no friends for themselves or the children, or no activities. Usually at the teen years. And yes, they felt isolated. As the previous poster said, that's not homeschooling and it' s not fair to your family. Humans are sociable and we enjoy being around other people, family and friends. As a homeschooler, you work more, depending on your child's age, to get out and help your child explore different actvities. In that sense, it is so much easier to drop off a child at a school, or better yet let the school bus pick them up and take them to school where they can explore different clubs, sports, and subjects, but that has its pros and cons as well. There is no perfect academic solution or hands-off approach to raising children. Being a homeschooler also does not make one a better parent than a person who has chosen public education as an option. Every "good" parent sows time and energy into the lives of their children. Whatever decision you make should be honored by others, but the decision should be one you and your spouse feel good about for your family. There are pros and cons to private school, public school and homeschool. Just know that whatever choice is made, there needs to be accountability, plans for adjustment periods, support/network, and consistency.

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R.D.

answers from Washington DC on

My neighbor homeschooled her kids for about a month. Our kids are the same ages and so after school all of the kids would play and have fun, but they did miss being around other people, and my friend missed being able to just be mom. Now plenty of people do it and are fabulous at it. I think it is just different for each mom and each kid. So if you decide to do it, good luck!

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J.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Homeschooling is what you make of it. If you enjoy it , are proactive in getting out of the house , and are positive and excited then your kids will have a good experience. If you are not a proactive, creative , outgoing leader you will not have a good experience.

I excited my son about all the opportunities we had with homeschooling and he loved it.

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