Homeschooling Blues

Now you know first hand what mainstream teachers and subs have to put up with. Still, I would sit them down, explain very clearly why you made the decision you did, and maintain the same respect you would expect them to show their mainstream teachers. Some cooperation would be nice. But tell them that they are being very rude and disrespectful which makes it very difficult for you.

And I would think that maintaining discipline would be without question and that there will be consequences otherwise. they can make this workable for all of you or misery.

hey im on their side. i dont believe in home schooling. when they grow up they have to live in the real world an you are keeping them from it. it affects them socially, andthey need to learn independance and problem solving skills. They should be in middle school. How are they going to be prepared for college life?

Good for you! I'm very proud of you for making the decision to home school. I was home schooled for nearly all of elementary and middle school. I was upset too, I wanted to have more friends. We did lots of activities outside of the home which was the reasoning behind being home schooled.

See if you can find a home school group that does some activities, this might help them not feel as isolated. Other then that, just stick to your guns. I'm sure you have great reasons for pulling them out, so remember that as they try to wear you down and make you feel guilty. They're testing you right now, and you HAVE to win. This is a parenting decision and they need to respect your authority. Its a difficult age to work with, so bless you! Hopefully you'll find some other home schooling mom's for support, ideas, and even socializing.

Best wishes!

I was homeschooled from grade 2 to 10th grade.. I went back for 2 years to a private Christian high school.
I still remember the jr. high and high school years and butting heads with my mom. I appreciate now the time she took to homeschool, but at the time it was challenging for everyone. I would wonder if they'd complain about something (2-4 hours of homework after being in school all day) etc.. if they were in school too! So hang in there.. hopefully they'll thank you for it someday! : )

I have mine begging me to homeschool her at 6 yo. You didn't say what you pulled them out for. So I don't know if they were surprised or not by this. My first thoughts are to ask them what they want to learn about, the find how math, science, and the rest apply to what they picked. Ask for gift cards to field trip places for Christmas if you do that. We have family get our daughter dance lessons. This year I think she wants singing classes. Maybe they'd like the heritage factory tour in (Kalamazoo) the spring as a reward. Ask what crazy thing they'd want to be when there grown. What does it take to get into that field... Find a home school group near by, or just after school activities w/friends.
I have a 4 brothers that were HS'd for friends. They are some of the smartest, most well adjusted people we know. So best of luck to us. A. H

Hi M.! I just wanted to encourage you to keep it up. I am appalled by the fools on this site who knock homeschooling. I am highly offended at those who say that homeschooling makes people socially inept. I was raised in a well rounded, full life, homeschooled from 1st-12th grade with more friends and social opportunities than the average kid.
My nephew and nieces entered middle and high school after being homeschooled their whole lives and instantly became the most popular kids in school. My nephew was homecoming royalty this year!

Please don't be intimidated by ignorant, backward people who think the only place you can socialize is public school.

Stand your ground with your boys, M.! The first lesson they need to learn is to respect their mama! They can voice their feelings all they want but they need to be respectful.
There must be a reason for you to take on such a large task and it's no one's business to ask or judge you. I wish you and your boy's the best!

Keep doing the homeschooling. Your kids are too young to understand the gift you are giving them. You are protecting them from materialism and bullying, just to name a few things bad about public schooling. Many kids have turned out better educated, more confident adults because of being homeschooled. Homeschooling is a big sacrifice on your part as you devote time and energy, not to mention having to put up with this bad behavior. In the long run, your kids will thank you for the sacrifices that you have made:) Not every parent has the chutzpah to homeschool their kids either, so consider yourself lucky to be able to do so.

Blessings,

M.

You can do it! Hang tight.

Your children will not be socially inept. In fact, most kids that I know who have been homeschooled are able to go on to college before their peers (I know a young lady who got a full-ride to CMU last year), know how to deal with all sorts of people - not just their peer group, and tend to be a lot more polite. There are networks of homeschoolers that you should get in touch with. One of the mommies I know is always taking her kids on a homeschool field trip or event.

I can understand their position; however, in a classroom w/20-30-40 kids, they aren't expected to actually respond to every question because the focus isn't always directly on them. It might be quite intimidating to them because they can't hide like they did in a classroom.

I don't know your reasons for homeschooling, but you need to be clear with them about those. Also, remember they are in that adolescent angsty period where everything you do is going to be wrong and hormones are running wild.

Stick with it for awhile - for some families homeschooling works well, for others it's not the right arrangement. If it doesn't work out for you, don't consider it a failure. A lot of people don't have the guts to try. 8-)

M.,

Hang in there! I'm assuming you and your husband and your boys came to this decision together. They may need some time to adjust to the idea of doing school at home.

With my son (he's only 7) we had to give him a week or so of no work and time to himself to adjust to staying at home almost all day. During that time we worked on his manners. Once our polite little boy was back, then we were able to slowly introduce different subjects based on a topic of interest.

But, if your boys are really missing their friends, you might want to set up a movie trip, football or basketball game night, or a Wii night (can be rented for $20 at Family Video). Be proactive with their social life by suggesting fun outings, listening to your sons' ideas, and putting together a time for them to just be kids with their friends at least once a week.

Good luck and hang in there. It will get better eventually.

C..

Hi M.,
I homeschool my children and have found that talking to other homeschooling moms really helps. I am a part of a group that meets once a month. If you are interested I can tell you when and where we meet. Otherwise, keep trying and be patient. It is a big adjustment for them! I am sure you didn't come by the decision lightly so stick to your guns! And I have found that I couldn't possibly do any part of homeschooling without LOTS of prayer so don't forget that part!
H.

M., you are not only patient but must be a strong person to make the choice to homeschool your sons, particularly at their ages. I thought hard about homeschooling when my kids were in middle school, but decided I didn't have the patience! Your boys are at ages where they'd challenge any change you made in their lives. They also are in unknown territory- they know what it means to go to school, but this is all new to them. Plus they're probably going through puberty - so there's more of the unknown! Sometimes you just have to say you're in charge, you've got good reasons for making this change (and tell them your reasons), and it wasn't made lightly. Show them some of the research about how well homeschooled kids do in college - it's pretty persuasive. And I don't think there's anything wrong with telling them they're trying your patience, because it might help them understand it's not easy for you either. Maybe you can get involved with a homeschooling group, so the boys will meet other kids and you can get support from other homeschooling parents. Good luck!

M., Check for local homeschool support groups. You will want someone who has gone through these challenges to give you ideas. Check the local YMCA for idea finding homeschoolers. Best of luck, S.

It does sound frustrating. If you've only been doing this a week, and they are 12 and 14, I imagine it would be very difficult!

Perhaps if they grew up that way, it would have been all they knew.

If everyone is miserable, perhaps they'd do better at the public schools. I think Michigan even has school of choice?

I would tell them this is how it is so quit whining! And then offer an incentive for good behavior. Is there a sport or club they want to join? Perhaps plan some awesome field trips to encourage them to see things your way. Good Luck!!!

Hello M., firstly why have you suddenly decided to home school your children at this age. Was their a problem at school? I can imagine that it must be a real culture shock to have your mom be the teacher instead of being at school. Do you have a degree and a teaching background? Also, they are probably missing the social aspects of school and sports activities. If the school was a problem, would there be a chance of finding another local school for them to attend. If they are so miserable, home-schooling doesn't sound like a great idea. I have a 15 and 12 year old and I can't imagine giving them an adequate education at home, although I know their are some people who are passionate about home-schooling. I think the social aspects of learning are as important as the academics. Good luck - Alison

M., email me again and maybe we can figure out somewhere to meet up. And remember I am always just an email away :)

Tell them they have to prove themselves and then you can "take a break" from school. They may need to de-tox for a while before they are ready to focus. Set some kind of "test" of the things you think they MUST learn. Ask them how they think they can best learn them and have them prove it. Set a time frame and try it "their way" -- if they prove they know the important things then they can have some time off from school and help with holiday stuff. Don't tell them that normal everyday living is learning too -- just have them learn "home-ec" stuff around Christmas etc... and let them de-tox and chill out or whatever you want to call it. After the first of the year, with good attitudes and better behavior, maybe they will settle down and focus. If they CAN'T prove they can master the important stuff then it is up to you to show them how. Either way you have the important stuff covered and MAYBE they have a better way of learning the stuff and it will be more independent or something (fingers crossed).

I have only homeschooled for 2 years and my sons are just starting but from all I have read it takes time for them to adjust to the differences. If they were not learning at public school then it might take even longer for them to de-tox and focus. Pray about what is important and then have them come up with a doable plan, with finally approval from you :) of course. GOD bless!

M.; homeschooling does take patience, and they may feel they miss their freinds, especially teens, what is your reason for taking them out of school? ive seen parents pull their kids out of public schools due to peer pressure on the adult to homeschool, if you feel your kids can do homeschool and keep a strict schedule and teach with all the patience you have, kids miss kids their own age, maybe they miss the socialization, and also they may just be testing you, to see if you will stick to your word, was it their idea to be homeschooled? did they think they could just sit at home and play games and not do any work, ? have their freinds come over and give them play time after their schooling is done, keep it structured, and fun, have fun and keep up the work of doing what you can the best way you can, D. s

M.,
Maybe it would be best if they went to public school. Especially at your kids ages, it won't be long before the students can take Advanced Placement classes, dual enrollment with a college, etc. that can give them college credit if they do well. It is also a very social age. The kids might want to be on the sports teams, band, choir, student council, National Honor Society, and the list goes on. At least let them give it a try. It may be that they end up coming back to home schooling all on their own. When it is their decision, behavior is usually improved. Good Luck!

Why did you pull them out of public school? At those ages, the social aspects of school are just as important as their academics. Training children is difficult, but I feel so many "homeschoolers" put the blinders on to the realities that 12-14 year olds are already in. It will be a challenge to isolate your children and their education could really suffer.

Hey M.,

I am sorry that you are going through this tough time. I am really amazed at the range of responses people have given you, too.

I was a teacher for 10 years. In that time I learned that different kids have different needs, and it was a lucky kid that had parents who recognized that and acted accordingly. For example, I had one family with 3 teenagers who put their kids in different schools (some public, some private) based on the kid's personality and needs.

I do not know why you have chosen to home school but I think that is the most important question. No matter what the reason, your kids are probably shell-shocked by the changes. If you do determine that homeschooling is still the best course for your family (you are the only one qualified to make the final decision...just don't do it because you think you "should") then my teacher advice is to have a daily lesson plan with goals on it that are attainable that day and work until most of those goals are accomplished. Let the boys know what the goals are and that you will work until they are done, whether it takes 2 hours or 5. That might motivate them. They also might want to take part in goal setting as time goes on...they can challenge themselves in this way, and what an asset to have as an adult...being able to set your own goals and see them through to completion!

I'm a person who believes that there is a type of education best suited for each child. If you, the mom, recognizes what is best for your child and then does it, you are doing an excellent job.

www.grkids.com

You need to figure out why you made the decision to home school them in the first place. If they were doing well academically, had a good group of friends, extra school activities, etc. it would be in the children's best interest to be back in public schools. They are at a time in their life where they are learning to socialize with the opposite sex and to start acting more independent...you can only shelter them for so long. If the school system is bad, try sending them to school of choice. There is no reason to make yourself and your kids miserable.