How Can I Teach My 2 1/2Yr Old to Not Hit His Little Brother?

T does not yet understand the "reasons" to not hit G. It is true, like you said, that T might think it is "fun" to hit G - BUT, that certainly does not mean that T is a bad person or does not love his brother. T is just too young to understand.

As Marda says below, you do not need to worry about making T understand *why* he should not hit G right now - you just need to state it as a fact. "Do not hit G", "do not throw blocks at other children", etc.

I think you have two problems:

1) You seem to think that T has a highly developed emotional maturity well beyond his age, and that he can experience "love" the way a much older child or an adult does. He does not. He might parrot you and say "I love you and I love my brother" but he does not. Nothing wrong with him. He's not there yet. It's kind of like making a young child (even age 5) say, "I'm sorry." They aren't sorry - they don't have that developed a sense of empathy. They don't understand that other being have feelings, experience pain, etc. That's an acquired skill and sense.

2) If you've tried time outs and ignoring him, then you either aren't do it fast enough, often enough or long enough. This will work but you have to be consistent and do it every time. It does not matter at all if T understands that hitting is not nice. It matters only that, from his viewpoint, bad stuff happens if he hits. He needs to be put in a room that is not full of toys and that he cannot escape from. He needs to be made uncomfortable and miserable. He needs an entirely hands-off policy with his brother and with his friends. "Patting" is not okay because the other child hasn't asked for it and because it's no longer patting. And he needs to stop kissing G on the head until the hitting stops. Period. T is getting a payoff from doing this - either attention from you or something else. Even the long explanation about why this is a bad idea and why he shouldn't hit seems to him to be attention. So stop doing that. He hits, he goes off to a no-fun space. And not one where you have to keep saying "Sit in the time out chair" or "Sit on the bottom step until I say so." He needs to be isolated. Not forever, but enough that he doesn't like it. And if that means that you have to put him in his room 20 times in a day, then that's what you do. Box up his toys so that his room only has his stuffed animals and his special blanket or whatever he needs for comfort. Keep the toys in a playroom or a bin in the family room, with half in the closet if you have to in order to control the mess. I'd also get a playpen or one of those flexible baby fences to keep G in his own area and T in his.

You need to set up your home so this is possible, and you need to be willing to make your children uncomfortable when they screw up. That takes a decision to adopt a strategy and to use it until it works, not give up after 5 tries or whatever it is.

at this age you don't rationalize with 'em. it's a PITA but the only good answers are patience and vigilance. timeouts are useful but in a very limited fashion. they won't 'teach' him anything but they WILL reinforce to him that hitting is unacceptable.

the rationale will come later.

you simply can't leave them alone in each other's vicinity. you just can't. either the baby is in your arms or in a protected space. whenever big brother takes a whack he gets swiftly and inexorably banished. not for long. and not with wordy explanations.

Bam.
Whisk.
Close Door.
Howl.
Return.

Repeat until your eyes cross.

khairete
S.

I have kids close in age. When they were toddlers, they didn't get that one wasn't the plaything of anything. It was cause and effect. If you bonk little one on the head, ohhh a sound comes out! fun ...

That's all it is.

They don't get it. Think about it. We had toys where they hit balls through things, and a noise would happen, or lights would light up. We even had construction type toys where they had little hammers and they'd hit blocks. T doesn't get it. He's too young.

Trying to rationalize with him at this age .. kind of pointless. You just say No, you hurt G and remove him. Don't make a big deal, he won't get it. You just separate. That's what they do at daycares. Timeouts ... kind of pointless at that age. I never did timeouts personally. I only removed my kids when they had tantrums, and they were few - they were usually tired and worn out and that was on me (learning process). Just a moment for them to collect themselves, until I could settle them down for a nap.

So in your case, this will pass. Just be ever vigilant - but mine used to bonk balls off little one's head. Thank heavens they are resilient. It's nothing to do with 'love'. It's all trial and error at this point and quite frankly, it's fun. They would do the same to a cat, or anything else. Some kids are more like this than others. You just repeat no, and say that hurts - oowwie.

Hopefully, if they've ever been hurt, they'll get it. It's not nice. But trying to get them to feel badly/sympathetic/empathy .. at this point in time ... pointless. That will come, but not at 2 1/2. It will in a bit though. I'd go with that hurts, oowie and remove. Just keep it simple.

Your 2 1/2 yr old is really still a baby himself. There's no impulse control at that age so you have to stay right by the baby when they are together. Basically he gets a thought in his head and does it so you have to be right there protecting G at all times when his brother is around.

He hits the baby you get down at his level, look him in the eye and say people don't hit people. Lather rinse repeat. When he throws things at the baby you get down at his level, look him in the eye and say we never throw things at babies. Lather rinse repeat. If there's a toy that he tends to throw (you mention blocks) I wouldn't let him play when then when G is around.

Your son is still a baby with a very immature brain. It doesn't matter why he hits. He needs to be trained not to hit. Each time he throws something, move him away from his brother. Tell him not to throw things. Teach him not to throw by consistently intervening. Each time he throws something, not just at his brother, stop him. Stop him when you see he's about to throw. Tell him keep the toys belong on the floor.

If he's angry, acknowledge his anger. Say something like "I see you're angry." We don't throw toys."

You have to consistently stop him over and over until he stops throwing.

Toddlers this age do not have the understanding or skills to play with another child/baby. Children this age play by themselves. I suggest that you limit times they're together. Set up your son to play away from his brother in an area that prevents his baby brother from messing up his toys.

Of course he loves his baby brother. He just is unable to express his feelings and wishes verbally. Even if he could baby brother isn't able to understand.

I suggest you learn about child development so that you'll know what each child is capable of doing. There are many good Internet sites to help you.

You are going to have to watch them carefully when ever they are together.
You can't let the younger child be injured by the older.
2 1/2 and even 3 yr olds are too young to realize how strong they are getting.
It's going to be a work in progress for a few more years yet.
Keep them separated as much as possible.
Put one in a playpen while the other is out and then switch them.
You'll have to teach the 2 yr old to be gentle with animals too and it's just not easy.

It’s pretty common for children at that age to enjoy throwing and/or hitting. As you’ve observed, it’s usually not aggression, can be overexcitement or frustration, and doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his brother. It will pass as his language develops further and he has other ways to express himself. In the meantime….

Introduce the idea of “gentle hands” or “soft hands”, and practice, practice, in the context of play, on dolls, pets, whatever you have available. Teach him what this means. If you think he is hitting because he is excited, you can remind him to be gentle. This will take time and patience.

Introduce games that involve throwing, like a toddler basketball hoop, or Bozo buckets game. If he throws anything else, redirect him to the game where throwing is allowed. Demonstrate concepts like fast/slow, hard/soft, high/low, to increase his body awareness and control.

How much language does he have? If you think he sometimes hits to get something he wants or because his brother takes his things or is in his space, try giving him useful words to use in those situations, such as “that’s mine”, “please move”, or “please give”. Try to catch him in this kind of situation before he hits and gently remind him what to say, or even say the words for him, so you beat him to the punch, so to speak. Give him greeting words too, “Hi G., let’s play”, for situations where he is excited.

If he does hit, focus on comforting the hurt child, and remind T, “hitting hurts, please don’t hit.” Ask him if he can help his brother feel better with a kiss or a gentle touch. Don’t force him, but encourage him to help you. If the hitting appeared to be for a reason, give him better ideas of what to do in that situation. If you don’t know the reason, you can hypothesize, “if you want something from your brother, you need to ask”. Help his brother, who still probably doesn’t care a lot, to give a toy when asked, so that T can see that asking works. If G doesn’t want to give something up, let T know how proud you are of him for asking, you understand he might be sad or mad, and help him find something else cool to play with instead.

Read the book “Siblings without Rivalry,” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.