How Can I Tell Her It Will Be Ok...

See if there is a "grief support" group in her area.
People who are going through any type of "grief" really need support of people who can relate....

My Mom attended one when my Dad died. It really helped her. She was able to vent and talk with people who knew exactly what she was going through. And she made nice friends there. People who were going through all types of grief, even divorce or illness, etc.

Try Google Searching for one, or ask a hospital if they know of any.
That is what my Mom did.
It helped immensely.

Support Groups, can REALLY help.
And, it is free.

My heart goes out to you and your friend's family! I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her. Listen. Hugs. Let her lean on you. About 4 years ago, my good friend's husband was hit by a train and although he survived, their lives will never be the same due to his disabilities. During that time, there was nothing I could say so I just made sure I was there for her to do anything she needed and speak or not speak. Best!

I agree with HeatherL P. It is dismissive to say "Things will get better." Whether or not things will get better, the fact is that they are awful and painful NOW. And your friend needs support now.

Rather than closing the door to listening to her despair by telling her things will better, try being with her in pain. You could say and ask things like, "You have so much going on. How are you doing?" and "What's it like to have all these losses at once?" and "Tell me more." If you feel overwhelmed by her sadness and grief, you could say something along the lines of, "Just listening to all you're going through makes me so sad, how do you cope with it all?"

I'm sorry, not trying to give you a script to follow, just trying to give you ideas about things you could say rather than, "It'll get better."

Also, as you have seen, you just don't know that it will get better. Who are you to know better than she does how her life will turn out? And of course she doesn't know, either.

Good luck! You are a good friend for wanting to help.

be her whipping post. Its the best you can do. when shes upset, listen. when shes crying hug her. when she cant sleep, tell her your phone always rings. Don't ever offer any advice unless asked directly. She needs a set of ears to just listen right now to her.....

I agree with most of the posts...just listen. And tell her if she just want to rant and rave for awhile, you will be there. If she wants to hit something, you will hold the pillow. If she wants to just break something, you will go to goodwill and buy stuff to break :-) Just offer support, not advise.

Wow, when it rains it pours. This last year was terrible for my business partner /best friend. It just went from bad to worse.

We tried to keep a focus on recovery, enjoying each day.. etc... We really thought everything was going to be ok. And then it just got worse and worse.

She died earlier this year. It has been a struggle every day, but I keep thinking, she wanted us to be happy, she told us she would always be around us. I try to focus on how fortunate my life is. I try to focus on the fact, I had the honor of having my friend in my life for all of that time and we shared every though and feeling.. We had not left anything unsaid.

She knew I loved her and would never forget her.. and I knew that she loved me and my family and was appreciative of all of our help and we were going to help take care of her husband and her family..

Tell your friend the honest truth. 'I am always here for you. Even if it just to sit with you. I want to help in any way. I promise if I cannot help you, I will be honest.. Also if you just want to be left alone, please also be honest with me.. No hurt feelings."

You cannot take away her pain or her loss, but you can be there to support her and let her know you will be there when she needs you.

I am sending you both strength and good thoughts.

Stop telling her that "it will be okay". That is not comforting when a person's world is changing in a way that will not allow it to ever be the same. 1. The tone invalidates their current feelings. 2. That essentially translates to "Your life will be just fine without this person in it," and that just feels...wrong. "It will be okay" is something that the person has to tell him-/herself. It hurts coming from others.

It's hard just sitting back feeling helpless when you want to take someone's pain away. Or at least give them a good break between painful events. When you don't know what to say, say nothing. When you want to know what you can do support her, ask just that. Be sure that you also back off a little to give her space to grieve.

(Btw, I have been that friend, and I have had those friends.)

It might actually be okay. I tell myself that it could be worse all the time. The thing that helps the most is having friends who listen when you want to complain or cry, who can hear it all again and again without judgement or getting tired of it. Little things help, food, small gift, card, babysitting, spa day, massage, housecleaning, articles on things that affect her, etc. just always let her know you are there. Anything that takes some of her burdens off her shoulders. The best saying I heard the other day was "you won't get over it, you'll just get through it".

Unfortunately, you can't make things better for her.

You can be there for her and let her vent and cry. I'm VERY sorry so many things are happening in her life right now. I would trust in God - I firmly believe that God does not give you anything you can't handle. I know there are totally tough times in life - when you really feel like a feather will break you.

Help her make lists of things to do - so she can keep herself on track.
Find out if she can get her Chrohn's Disease under control with a drug like Humira?
I personally don't know anyone that suffers from Chrohn's so I don't know if a diet change can help and I've not done the research to give further knowledge or advice.

I would pray with her. tell her you are with her - ask her what she needs. I would also focus on the positives in life....focusing on the negative doesn't help. Focus on all the good things - she HASN'T lost her job, they caught her mom's ovarian cancer...all the good in their life...and good things they can look forward to. It's VERY easy to focus on the negatives in life. More people can pick out a bad day and remember it - but the good days just kinda seem to get lost in the shuffle. does that make sense?

It WILL be okay. it just won't be OKAY tomorrow.

How are you trying to encourage her with something you don't believe yourself?

As a friend, listen more and talk less, do things for her to relieve her of some of the daily stress of life. Things like laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking a meal or two here and there, giving her some time to herself by taking on her kids if she has any.

Here are some scriptures that really help me when I'm feeling down.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Psalm 118:6
Psalm 23
Psalm 91
Hebrews 13:5

Also prayer helps. Keep her in your prayers and her family too as I will be keeping all of this post in my prayers.

Her mom may have stage 3 cancer but she is still here she has time to reconcile and enjoy the relationship as best they can. It also sounds like your friend may need some counseling to help deal with these things. My faith helps me deal with every aspect of my life Perhaps encouraging a faith life would help her and you as she endures the hardships of life.

It's such a helpless feeling to watch a friend or loved one go through things like this. While there is nothing you can say to make it better, just being there for her will help, even if you can't see that it is helping.

Sometimes she might want to talk, or cry, or rage, and other times, she might want to be silent. Follow her lead and just be there.

At some point, a distraction like a movie or some other activity would be helpful to get her away temporarily so she can recharge. Encourage her to do this. Even if she says no at first, just keep asking.

Ask her to go for walks with you. Again, she may or may not want to talk during this time. Just being outside in nature and knowing she has her dear friend beside her can be healing and provide her with a sense of support and strength.

If she has small children, offer to take them once in a while. This will be really helpful if she has to accompany her mother to medical appointments.

Encourage her to take care of herself. Many times when people are in grief and in caregiver roles, they start neglecting themselves. This is especially important, given her medical condition.

You are a true friend, and she is really lucky to have someone like you in her corner. I hope things will turn around for her and her family. I will keep them in my thoughts.

J. F.

Sometimes people just need a space where they can be in pain, where they don't have to fight, where they feel safe to say, "You know, at this point I can't see a bright side or the end. I'm tired and this sucks."

My suggestion is offer to pitch in on the chores. Making meals, swiping toilets, picking up food at the store - that sort of thing.

And when she let's you know how she's doing, don't try to fix it for her, just let her know that it sounds really hard, that you're there 100%, that your sorry life has thrown her so many swift kicks, and that you love her.

Hugs to you. It's hard seeing our loved ones in pain.