How Different Is Having Two Kids from Having Just One?

Hi T.:
Having two kids is a challenge, but a great one!
My kid are 21months apart, and while the transition from one to two was a bit bumpy the first few months, it's now a lot of fun. (Hardwork, but fun!).
My best insight would be to say remember that you are capable, and that the older the kids get the easier and more fun life gets.
Take care and Best Wishes!

my girls are 11 months apart and i also was almost doubting that i could handle having two kids. maybe im just lucky, but my oldest was great from the beginning. she stayed on her normal schedule, didnt get jealous or anything. it helped a lot that i could put her in her high chair and sit and breastfeed makenzie. the only thing i had a little bit of a hard time with was personal time with each child. it seemed like every time i was playing with alexis, makenzie would wake up from her nap. it got easier as they got older, and now nap at the same times, etc.
its so cute to see alexis help out with makenzie. if shes crying and im in the bathroom/kitchen/whatever, alexis will find a binky and give it to makenzie. or she tries to help feed her, change her diaper etc. she also hugs and kisses her which i LOVE to see :D

I was worried about my oldest feeling left out, and my baby getting neglected. I was bound and determined to prevent this.

I focused on things my oldest could do and the baby couldn't. For example, he was doing really well with potty training. Anytime I changed the baby's diaper, I would heave a HUGH sigh and say to the baby that I wished he (the baby) could use the potty like his big brother. Or when I nursed him, I would say things like "Baby, I wish you could eat big boy food like your big brother, Alexander." My oldest really loved hearing me tell the baby that I wished the baby could be more like him.

Another thing that I would do. If the baby started crying while I was doing something with or for my oldest, I would say something like "Baby, I know you are hungry/need a diaper, etc., but you have to wait two minutes because I'm reading Alexander a story/fixing Alexander his lunch, etc." This really pleased my oldest. He felt as though he was still very important because he felt that I was putting him before the baby.

We had absolutely no jealousy issues at all. My oldest even got to the point where he would introduce the baby as HIS baby!

For me there is a big difference! I have two boys, one is 4 and the other is now 9 months. It is at least twice the work! I am not trying to scare you just tell the truth. I only have one child in diapers which is nice, but I think little boys are more maintenance than little girls too.
Congrats on your new baby!

I have five children... I found that three was the most difficult. (not enough hands and arms to look after three!)

I would say it all depends on how energetic your girls are and what kinds of personalities they have... and how involved their dad is. Though one and two are relatively easy.. after three - the oldest is old enough to be a helper!

Hi T.,

As a mom of two, I just wanted to reassure you that having two children is WONDERFUL!!! I was a little scared during my 2nd pregnancy because I wondered how it was going to be. I think I am always a little afraid of unknown things! But once #2 came along, I was so much more relaxed that I thought I would be.
I quickly put my skills to use-this time around I could revel in the fact that I knew how to bathe, breastfeed, and care for a newborn...when I had my 1st child, I think I must have had him in the E.R. everytime he sneezed! And I was soooo much more relaxed just about being a mom in general. It was great.
My son did go through a little jealousy, but it was just a little bit, and he adjusted quickly. I was mindful of his desire to "take care" of the baby, and I let him join in as much as I could. So, don't worry! You already know how to be a mom, and you will get even better this time around. Best of luck to you guys!!

K.

I have 2 girls, 20 months apart, and while I certainly didn't plan it that way, it is wonderful and I know you will think so too. Yes, two is different than one, but this time around, you have the advantage of knowing that it goes by in a flash. You won't have time to obsess about every little thing, and you know from experience that the sleepless nights, etc. won't last forever. Make sure Dad knows he will be called upon a lot more often, especially to keep Big Sister busy while you bond with Baby. Don't feel guilty abotu that- Big Sister got unlimited access to Mom; Little Sister is entitled to the same!

Hello,
I am not a mom so to speak but i do have a step daughter and have a younger sister that is 2 years younger than me. I remember when my sister and I were young my mom did wish that we got a long better. I do have to say that haveing 2 kids 2 years apart will be challenging as the close age diffrence will cause stronger sibling rivalries ( especially as they are girls) but it also may cause them to be closer to each other as well.

I have been through this from both angles...as a sister first (my sis and I are less than 1 year apart) and as a mother of two girls.

My sister and I switched between rivals and best friends as our mood struck. As we got older, we really began to celebrate our differences and not try to step into each other's limelight. She is an incredible athlete and I am more musically inclined, so I left the sports to her and she left the music stuff to me for the most part. The unfortunate thing for my sister is that my family definitely values music more than athleticism, which they have unintentionally voiced from time to time. So that is my first bit of advice to you...if they do choose different types of hobbies than each other, be sure to praise them equally for their accomplishments within that activity regardless of which hobby you value more.

Now, as a mother, I highly recommend two things to help your 2 year old with the transition before the baby comes. First, spend some time with Amelia showing her photos of when you were pregnant with her and when you went to the hospital to have her, including early pictures of her as a baby. This will help her to understand the fact that the baby you have inside you right now will be coming out for good once you go to the hospital to have her. I did this with my oldest daughter (who was also just over two years old when her sister was born last December). She loved seeing the pictures and hearing the stories about when she was born and I do believe it made it easier for her when the baby came. Second, get her a "Big Sister" book to read to her and play up the whole big sister angle. I looked around at the time for a decent big sister book and ended up with "I'm a Big Sister" by Joanna Cole, which she really enjoyed hearing.

Once the baby comes, be sure to spend what special time you can with Amelia to make sure that she knows she hasn't been replaced and that she is still important. If you can, read stories to her while the baby is nursing or taking her bottle. If that doesn't work, then sit and have quiet snuggling/reading time with Amelia as soon as you put the baby down for her nap. It's difficult juggling the needs of two small children, but taking a little bit of special time aside for each of them (especially the toddler while the baby is too young to know any better!) will make the rest of the day go smoother.

Good luck!

I am in your situation only 5 months over the hurdle. My oldest is 4 1/2 and my youngest is 5 months.

I am a busybody, so I didn't sit still, but I did find some things beyond me. The post office wasn't possible until my body healed and my back quit hurting. I wanted to get back to regular exercise (Jazzercise), but found that those 2 extra mornings out were really taxing me.

I have now graduated to going to the post office.

My 4 yr old is a big help and I make sure to enlist his energy. I also try to remind him to be patient. Mommy can't wait on him as quickly as she did before. He is getting better.

It helps to keep in mind that you are growing right along with them. Keep smiling and try to enjoy each moment.

God's grace is sufficient.

My kids are exactly 23 months apart, to the day. My oldest is a boy and my youngest a girl. When my daughter was born, my son was very jealous at first, mainly when I breastfed. Now they are almost 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. They get along great, play together all the time and my son is very protective over her. It only took a matter of weeks before he was attached and wanted to be around her and help with her. There is still a little jealousy and my son sometimes mimicks my daughters actions, which can be irritating, but its not so bad. When it was just my son, I was always occupied trying to keep him occupied, but now I get more time to concentrate on other things (ie:cleaning, banking, business, and even having a conversation on the phone!!!) My biggest challenge was staying organized. When it was just my son, every thing was organized and in its place, now with two, its more than twice as difficult, I've had to train myself a bit to let go and not be so anal about the house. Two are more than twice as much fun and more than twice as rewarding, because then your not just dealing with two individuals, your seeing accomplishments and memories from your children as a union. Good luck

Really the biggest challenge I have faced and overcome is getting ready to go out. It takes a little more time. Prepare the night before if possible by setting out, or thinking about everyone's outfit. Know what time you have to leave and get ready a little earlier. That way you have time to spare and the kids don't get cranky from you pushing them. Also remember to pack a spare outfit. I forgot that the first time. My newest son went around swaddled in the blanket. You can't find a newborn outfit in a museum! All in all it's great!

To be absolutely honest... It's funner :) I have four little girls who keep me (and each other) busy. You will get to see them interact, grow together, learn together, play together... It's amazing watching an older sibling with a younger one, that's how they will learn to be parents themselves! Good luck with your upcoming birth!

I actually was very surprised at how much easier it was to have two instead on just one. The older child will want to help with the baby. Let her do the little stuff so she feels included. When they both get older they're so busy with each other that you sometimes get a little break here and there.It's when they get in their teens I'd start to worry...hahaha...but by then you'll be a pro.

My kids are 4 years, 9 months apart, so it might be different for you, but the thing that surprised and amazed me and warmed my heart was how very quickly my first (Lainey, now 7.5) fell head over heals in love with my second (Alex, now just 3). She wanted to come visit the hospital again the day after he was born - not to see me, but to see "Baby Alex, because he's Sooooo cute and I love him sooooo much!" It's not always peace and harmony, but it's a joy to see how much having an older sibling adds to Alex's life. He has a friend to read to him, to show him "the ropes" and to play with him (on the good days, of course!) Yes, there have been adjustments to make, but they are All worth it to have the gift of being able to watch the siblings grow up together.

My best advice is to give yourself the gift of some "me" time - keeping that once-a-week job, getting exercise in the form that's most appealing to you, making sure you get some private time (bath? reading?) at some point at regular intervals can be a real sanity saver. And make sure daddy gets the same.

Take care!
Have fun!
T.

having children is the most rewarding experience ever. you know what's so great? I don't get graded.. and if I screw up.. they aren't always standing over me telling me I screwed up!
mine are 12months and a week apart!
She turned one and he came home. Our biggest adjustment was really you buy one more of everything, it takes more work to go anywhere alone, there's another baby to care for.

BUT it is so wonderful... I can't wait to be blessed with atleast one more. i am blessed to have my children close and they are just beginning to play together which is soo nice! it gives me a second to myself...which I usually spend caring for the household.

One piece of advice... try to keep those special moments between you and one of them special. I tried to share every moment with the two of them and now they are constantly fighting for my attention. my new angle is to spend quality time alone with each of them so they still feel special. however if you joke to my almost four year old that we are going to leave her brother behind she gets very upset.

What a wonderful blessing you are about to have!

Oh, boy! It is quite a difference. I have an almost 2 year old and a 10 week old. Both boys. Funny things...mmm....well, Justin (almost 2) is almost always looking for a change to beat up on little Jason. He is not a violent boy, just curious--wow, what a TOY!!! That may just be boys. I think girls will be alot easier...Justin is so good at holding Jason though! I am so suprised! It is fun and I look foward to seeing them play together.The biggest difference is you always have your hands full and you never get a nap. :P That's not too scary! ;P Just make sure you plan lots of extra time to get ready when you go somewhere. It takes 3 times as long! Plan times to PLAY with your oldest. They do miss you alot! Remember: God will NEVER take you past your limit of endurance, though often times right up to the edge. Trust in God for your strength. These kids are such a blessing from God and you are right where He wants you! Good luck and have fun! I hope you are done with all your Christmas shopping!

I have three kids now, but when I had my second it was pretty shocking! All in a good way, though. My eldest daughter had been the only child for four years when her sister was born. During those years I always felt like I needed to give her my undivided attention all the time. When her sister came along, my oldest was forced to grow up a little. She became more independent and more willing to do things on her own. She stopped asking (begging really) for my help to do everything. It was great. And then I stopped feeling guilty for saying no to her. I also stopped feeling guilty when I told people that I needed some time for myself. Having two kids really made me understand that I needed to let my oldest daughter do things on her own, and that she COULD do things for herself. Before then I had always assumed my role was to help and be available for her whenever she "needed" me. It was a real eye opener about how capable she was and how much I had spoiled her. I'm really proud of her because she handled having her two younger siblings so well. You'll be wonderfully surprised at how your older daughter grows into a more independent person-after she gets over the initial jealousy. Good luck and congrats!

T. --

Altho. it's been awhile (my kids are 17, 15 and 12 :) ), I think your BIGGEST worry is having a baby on Christmas Day :). Really, the biggest adjustment to having children is always the first. After that, it's really not that scary or that big of a change ... especially with a two year old. I am sure you have been preparing your daughter for her sister that is coming, as much as you can. I really believed in involving the older siblings in the care of the newborns as much as possible -- i.e. bringing diapers, wipes, etc. but, I also let them "hold" the baby, etc. and did everything I could to really include them in the whole process. Taking time with Amelia when your newborn is sleeping is also "key", I think, to avoid as much "rivalry" as possible, as she adjusts to the change in the household. Honestly, it will come naturally to you -- just don't stress -- take it all in stride and you'll do great. One thing I did for my two year old is created a drawer in my kitchen (bottom drawer) that was "hers" -- I put plastic lids and cups in it as well as small hand towels, etc. Then, when I was cooking or preparing baby food in the kitchen, she could be entertained in "her big girl drawer" at that time. It sounds silly, but I am telling you, it was a life saver for me. Unfortunately, it didn't work for my son ... :) Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your daughter!

Hi,

I think it is totally dependent on the personalities of the children, but in general the biggest change is the loss of free time for yourself and loss of free time with your husband.

Advice? Try, if possible, as your 2nd starts napping regularly, to synchronize their naps (or if the 1st has given up naps use some 'quiet time' in her room at the same time) to give you a break each day.

Use your support system, order out, treat yourself to a maid, use paper plates, do whatever you can to make your life easier. (I also found it helpful to have the older one in a short class once a week so I could get some alone time with the 2nd).

About 3-6 months into it, I would recc'd reading BABYPROOFING YOUR MARRIAGE. It is a really funny, really quick and easy read.

Congratulations and best of luck to you.

I had my two boys 15 months apart and it was the best thing ever. My first child is so loving and nuturing,giving him a sibling was an easy transition. He loved having the baby.