How Do I Discipline My 14 Month Old?

im not trying to sell you anything! i use the time out chair. we have one that was made by my brother in wood shop when he was in high school. i repainted it in bright colors for each child and it says time out. I used to put them in the time out chair facing the wall in the hallway. that way there are no distractions. I put an inexpensive timer were he couldnt reach it actually screwed it to the wall above the chair and i would set it for 1 minute. he had to stay in the chair until the ringer went off thenhe could join the rest of the family. my youngest spent a lot of time in the chair but eventually he learned that if he was not being nice that he couldnt see what was gong on and things got better

Try counting to 5 and tell him that he needs to calm down. Also remember to stay calm yourself. I know it's easier said that than done but so far my 18 month old knows that if I get to 5 he goes to his room for a little while, like 2 mins depending on what he has done. The biting thing, this is how my parents broke me of it. I know it will sound harsh but it worked with me. My step dad actually bit me hard because one day I bit him on the arm and he had, had enough of it so he bit me hard and from then on out I never did it again. So you may want to bite him hard but not too hard so that he knows that it hurts and that is not nice to do to other people and especially you. With hitting put him in his room and tell him not to hit you and that you will come back in a minute or two to get him. The more you do that, the more he will realize that ok if I do this I will get in trouble. My son knows when he is in trouble by the way my voice changes. So give counting to 5 a try and time out a try. It will take some time but it will work out.
= )

I would set up some sort of time out area... either a specific playpen or one of those little circle gates, something he can't get out of. You don't have to do it for long... I think it's a minute for each year of age. After a few times I'll bet he "gets" it because an exploring child like yours hates to be taken out of the action. I'm so amazed how smart they are at such a young age. Good luck!

Please try sign language! Your son is too young to be "bad." He is likely just frustrated and giving him an effective way to communicate may be all he needs. See upcoming classes here:
http://www.sign2speak.com

I really feel that 14 months is too young for what we think of as discipline. I agree about redirection.

Also, I would encourage developing a plan with your mom so you can both be extremely consistent. That will help him to know the "rules" are the same no matter what. Have her sign with him, too!

My third child, a boy, went through this same stage about the same age. I also got tired of saying "NO" all the time. I tried grabbing what ever hand he was swinging with and saying "be soft" then giving him soft touches on the face and arms, we also tought him the baby sign for MAD so he could express his emotions that way. After a few weeks he finally stopped hitting and using his "words" to say he was not happy. Good luck, and be patient, this too shall pass ( onto yet another challenge, lol)

strongly suggest you purchase a book or cd from love and logic. it will help your situation and make parenting easier and FUN! loveandlogic.com

I feel your fustration! My 18 month old had began to act out by hitting and biteing. At his last check up his doctor recommended time outs. I tell him no hitting or biteing and then I put him in his crib and close the door. I return after 2 minutes and tell him no hitting and biteing, this really seems to have worked for me and my boy!

Good luck! I knowit can be hard, but there are a lot of us that are right there with ya!

Jenn

Hi A.,
I don't have advice on how to discipline your son, but I wanted to give you something else to consider. You may want to investigate your childs diet and your cleaning supplies. I know it sounds crazy, but these have been shown to have extreme detrimental affects on our childrens behavior. I would recommend a whole foods diet for your son, take out the junk food, processed food, sugar, white flour products, etc. You may also want to investigate any hidden allergies that he may have. Also, if you are using products like Lysol, 409, Windex, Tide, etc, PLEASE get these out of your home! These are toxins and have no place near our children. Just because they are sold at the grocery store, does not mean that they are good for us or our families. I am a distributor for Shaklee products, and would love to share with you more about them. If you would like to read more about Shaklee and Get Clean, you can go to www.shaklee.net/startahealthylife/getclean Shaklee created one of the first biodegradeable cleaners back in the 50's- their cleaning products are safe for your family and the planet and they are proven to be more effective than other "safe" cleaners.
These suggestions don't take the place of loving discipline, but wanted to suggest taking a look at other things that may be influencing your son's behavior. Good Luck!
H. Gaitten

I totally agree with the first reply and also know that redirection is a great. Although I know its difficult with a biter but it helps with the "broken record of "NO". Also, try in a soft voice "Gentle". He could also be teething. Keep teethers handy. Hope my little experience. Helps. Let us know if anything helps

Hi A.,
Keep in mind, your little guy does not know how to express himself. When he bites you, he gets your attention. He is more likely going to attempt at getting your attention first, then Dads, and then Grandma's. Try to identify when he is biting. Is he tired, naptime, or hungry? My little one bit a lot when she was tired. I would just put her down for bed or her nap and she was fine when she woke up. As far as discipline goes, they understand time out just fine. 1 minute per years old.

C.

You COULD put his arm/hand in his mouth when he tries to bite you - he'll bite himself and associate it with hurting.

I also second the redirection tactic - I read something a while back about how kids learn, and the basic theory of it is this: if you tell him "don't jump on the couch" but he doesn't understand what "don't" means, then he'll do the rest of the sentence thinking that's what you want. BUT if you say "put your butt on the couch" while pointing to his butt and the couch and gently showing him what you want, he'll associate your words of praise with his goal of pleasing you.

So, instead of saying "don't hit", you'll say something like "lets hug" or set him down and explain that sometimes when YOU get mad (go with me here), you have to go somewhere else to be happy again, and that if he needs to do that, he just has to tell you he's mad and go somewhere else. Our two year old daughter now remembers on her own to go into another room if she's starting to get upset, but I had to remind her gently for a while.

Hi A.,
I can only relate to the issue with biting....my daughter was about that age when she started biting, but there is no doubt in my mind it was to get what she wanted from another child. I tried everything I could think of ie: talking to her, time out, smacking the back of her hand etc. etc., my mom suggested biting her so she knows what it feels like. Needless to say I was reluctant, but the issue got worse, leaving marks and drawing blood. We were w/ friends one afternoon when I heard the children arguing over a toy, I watched them to see what would happen and I caught my daughter holding the other child face down ready to bite him in the back, I startled her as I came in the room yelling NO! NO! I picked her up and bit her in the back myself, and put her in time out....then I put myself in time out because I felt awful about what had happened. Happy ending though she never ever bit again, or even attempted to bite anyone else!

I highly recommend watching the seminar on DVD "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years" found here http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/p-128-painless-parenting... or reading the book "Parenting with Love and Logic" found here http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/pc-121-25-love-and-logic... You can also buy the book on CD if you prefer. Both the DVD I'm recommending and the book are by the same authors and are wonderful. It's all about tough love--being firm and consistent in letting them suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions. My brother and SIL have a strong-willed, stubborn child and they are seeing remarkable changes in her behavior since applying the principles/ideas they've learned through attending Love and Logic classes here in Arizona. You can call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area (I just called and a real person answered right away and was very helpful). I wish you luck!

One more recommendation is "Dare to Discipline" or
'Parenting isn't for Cowards", both by Dr. James Dobson who is devoted to strengthening families. Here is his website http://resources.family.org/category/focus+resources/dr.+... also have Love and Logic parenting classes taught by a parent coach in the East Valley that I recently attended, which are awesome.

My now 18 month old is getting over this. She was miserable for awhile. She was hitting, biting, piching, scratching. WE got kicked out of the gym a couple of times for hurting other kids. I tried time-out, yelling, small spanking. Nothing worked. I was so fursturated. My Dr. reccommended a couple of drops of lemon juice each time she did any of these things. Well, she didn't mind the lemon juice at all. So, I tried putting tabasco sauce in her mouth. A couple of drops on my finger and stick it in her mouth. She absolutely hated it. It took about a week of this and she no longer bites, pinches, or scratches. She still does get pretty mad when kids try to steal her toys, but I can usually get her to stop before it gets out of hand. I know tabasco seems harsh, but that kind of behavior needs to be nipped in the bid. It's worth a try.

Something that I learned in a discipline class has really helped to stop negative behaviors in our house and in my childcare.

When your son bites, gently take his face in your hands and tell him that mouths are for kissing. Kiss him on his cheek or mouth and then tell him one more time that mouths are for kissing.

When your son hits, gently take his hand in yours and tell him that his hands need to be nice. Rub his hand gently on your arm, leg or wherever he hit you and tell him one more time that his hands need to be nice. You never said the word, "no" and you never focused on the negative behavior. Often times children, even as young as him, learn to tune out the word "no" or "stop" because they hear it so much.

Some other examples of this technique are:

When your son stands on a chair instead of yelling "No, get down!" You say, "Chairs are for sitting on" When he uses an object to hit you say, "________ is for ________" I hope this technique helps. It really does work if you can stick to it. I recently had a 14 month old biter and tried timeout and it continued for two weeks. I started kissing him on his cheek with his mother's permission and telling him that mouths are for kissing and he has not bit since. I had to do that three times. I would love to hear if this works for you:)

My son's preschool is hosting a wonderful series on parenting. It's a free three week class (once a week) and the first class was last night (childcare provided). No worries though because you can borrow the DVD and be ready for the next class which is two Mondays from yesterday. Just email me if you want details. It's a very small and personal class, so lots of time to explore your questions.