How Do I Find 3 More Hours a Day?

In addition to a bjorn, sling or other front carrier maybe a backpack carrier will work for you too. At least this is safer for cooking and keeps her close.

I totally understand where you are coming from it is very stressful. My daughter was like that for awhile. I actually had to change laundry and she would cry the second I left however I tried not to turn around and pick her up every time so that she learned that she was ok when I left. When my son came along he did some of the same things only now I was feeling so far behind. I would put him in a front pack and then when he got too big for that I wore a backpack that they can sit in around with him in it and did alot of my house hold chores that way. WHen he was able to sit up I put him in the highchair and let him play with toys where ever I was. Hope this helps and gives you some idea. Hang in ther mine two both grew out of it quickly. Best of luck A.

Hi N.,

We all hear you...and believe me...your plight is common to motherhood.

As a mother of ten, now 25 down to almost 5...I highly recommend utilizing the walker, the playpen (or whatever that new name for them is), within sight of laundry and household work you need to do in the evenings.

Some mothers who work out feel necessary to compensate by being at their children's beck and call when they are at home. To some degree that's good; but teaching children to entertain and clean up after themselves as they are growing up is very doable, and results in more independent children than ones who have had everything done for them. Yours is only 8 mos. so I know Nadira can't clean up after herself yet....but plan as she grows over the next year to teach her things she CAN do.

As far as when your husband goes into his Army training...well that's quite similar to all the hours it took my husband to study and go visit people when our first 5 were little and I took full time care of them. I hope you have family nearby who can relieve you while he is gone. I hope you develope friendships with other local mothers and take turns caring for each other's children. That'll give you a break too.

What type of work do you do? Maybe I know of a way to do something from home that would compliment it.

B. in Eau Claire, WI

your daughter sounds a little like my son when he was younger.. i would put him in his bouncy chair and clean that room till he got sick of that and then put him in somefin else.. i just kept trying other things.. they got carrying devices you can buy that she will be right by you.. really cant do much as shes right there but you can do somethings.. or naps i would sleep every other nap with my son as you get tired also.. i didnt work for the frist year i was lucky... but once i did start to work i would stay up late and do my cleaning and by the time you get to bed and wake with the kids it always seems like they can mess it up in 5 seconds.. maybe ask a friend or relative to come over to help you.. my sis was a big hand with this.. also... i sometimes hired a babysitter just so i can clean for a couple of hours.. good luck... keep strong..

I have a couple of friends who have written down the chores and designated each one to a day...example: Monday - Clean bathroom, Tuesday - Vacuum, Wednesday - Dusting.....there should only be one, maybe two chores a day. Everyday things include dishes (a few min. a day is better than 1 hour on one day).

As for meals - I took this amazing class that was called "Once a month cooking". There are 30 recipes (I think). It gives you a complete shopping list and details on how to make all the meals in one day. Then you freeze them. The day you are going to eat it you take it out in the morning and then when you get home - throw it in the oven. It means no prep and more time with your family. They aren't necessarily healthy recipes, but it would work to get you through a while. Some of the recipes I didn't care for too much. You could pick and choose which ones you do - and then you wouldn't have to cook that many meals at once.

If you want the recipes just let me know and I could make a copy and mail them to you. (I'd have to find them - but I think I know where they are).

We used it for a few months, and now we haven't used it for quite some time...

I have a 9 month old child now and at 8 pm he is given cereal and a bottle and then is put to bed. Try to get her on an 8 pm sleep schedule and then you will have the rest of the evening to yourself. She's not lacking attention if she has your DH home with her a lot of the day. At my child's 6 months well child apt the Ped. told me that now that he was 6 months old to put him in his crib in his room and he should start sleeping through the night. He had been sleeping in a pack and play in our room and was getting a couple bottles during the night. It only took a few nights of letting him whine himself back to sleep the first time and then a bottle the second time he woke up and he was sleeping like a pro in his own room. You really need that time to yourself to unwind and get your chores done around the house or you'll drive yourself crazy.
Other suggestions that may help for other times would be an exersaucer, they are wonderful and the kids love them. You can put it in whatever room you are in and just drag her around with you. Another thing I did with my first child because she was also VERY needy was to put her in a big laundry basket and fill it with toys. I hooked a belt on the end and could pull her around with me. She loved the ride and had all of her toys wherever we went.
I do agree with a previous post that sometimes you just need to let her cry and you will soon see that she learns that you are coming back and not leaving her for good. I did this with my 9 month old as soon as he started getting clingy and it came and went in just a few days. He realized that I was coming back and he didn't need to cry.
Best wishes,
J.

First of all it's ok to let them cry it out sometimes!

You can find a room that is babyproofed like her bedroom etc. and put a baby gate in the doorway and have plenty of toys and things to keep her occupied. I had to do this to take a shower when mine was around a year old.

If you need to cook or clean DO IT! let your daughter be right by you while you do these things and do them just don't pick her up.

You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of your baby. You need sleep, and to beable to eat so that you can be a good mom.

The hardest part on me was trying to keep the house maintained and a be a mom. To balance it out I let some of the housekeeping go. I never had a disgusting house or anything but there were many many nights the dishes waited a few hours or even til the next day.

It does get easier with time. My daughter is now 5 and either helps me or occupys herself. She is my only child and I'm a single mom so I've had to adjust to takig it all on by myself.

Some good things to try are:

gating baby in a safe room for short periods of time to get something done

exersaucers

walkers

highchairs, give her some playdoh, or shaving cream to play with

just try to remember it will not always be like this. my first is nine and my second is 6 mos. with my first he was so easy, with my second- he is a bit of a beast, but i remember that what is more important is being with him and enjoying every minuite of his infancy. it slips away so quickly. i think back on my first and how i was always wishing he was one step ahead of where he was- you know oh i wish he ate solid food maybehe would sleep a little longer or- i wish he could sit up on his own so he could entertain himself better, etc. you get my point. but i miss thoes days of his pure innocence and total dependancy. the times when the little steps are the biggest everyday. i know this will not make it easier when you are looking at a pile of laundry to be folded, dishes to be washed,or dust bunnies to be swept, but try to remember this is not forever- b4 you know it she will not want to hold your hand in front of her friends anymore- and you will miss the little clingy monkey you have now.. take care and good luck- especially to your husband when he goes away.- H.

Well, I can make a few suggestions, and also can relate to your experience a bit, I stay home with my son, but my husband travels a lot for work, so there are some months when he is gone 3 out of 4 weeks. It is hard to do everything by yourself, and sometimes, when you have an infant at home, you just have to let some of the less important things go.

That said here are my suggestions:

Do you have a baby sling, or other baby carrier? You might find it easier to get things done if she is close to you in a carrier (making her content) that allows you the freedom to move around the house. I used a baby bjorn, and also an "Over the Shoulder Baby Holder" alot when my son was younger, the baby bjorn was especially good for laundry, cleaning, etc. but probably not for cooking.

Also - does she like to sit in a baby bouncer? I had one that attached to the door frame between our kitchen and dining rooms, and whenever I was cooking, I hung it up and put my son in there so he could watch me while cooking, and I could talk to him and engage him while still getting something done. He was pretty close to me, and I could go over to him when not at the stove and give him toys if he dropped them, etc.

Another idea to combat weight gain is to use videos that include your baby. I have a "baby and me" pilates tape that I used when my son was smaller. If you search amazon there are several to choose from.

Watching TV for children under the age of 2 is not recommended so I would try to avoid that, but music is good, and singing along might help interest her in it if you are participating in the "show".

Let me know if you have any questions, but these things all helped me when I was on my own with our son at that age.

Best of luck!
J.

All the other ladies are really right. I think every woman at some point breaks down and feels like a failure. I'm a stay at home mom and I go through it all the time. I remember a time when all I would eat was toast with butter and jam, and yogurt. (ha,ha) I actually will be doing that tonight. I would talk with your hubby...also if you can, use the idea about putting your daughter in some kind of carrier. I think my son is so infatuated with vaccuum cleaners because I would always have to carry him around while I got work done. Also, please don't be so hard on yourself, we've all been there...it's hard to find the perfect balance of work, housework, time for baby, time for husband, and time for yourself. As a matter of fact if anyone out there has mastered it ... please let me in on your secret (ha,ha).

My daughter wanted to be held all day so I understand how you are feeling. I used my baby bjorn so I could get the important chores done - they work well until the baby weighs 25 pounds or so. You can buy them for $25 at Once Upon A Child. We had a bouncy seat too so I'd put that close to where I was and I'd talk to her as I worked. There were also some times that I'd have to lay her down in her crib (so I could take a shower!) and she would cry. It is so difficult to balance work/family. Hopefully you and your husband can take a little alone time before he has to leave! Good luck! My daughter was much more content when she was able to crawl pretty well...maybe yours will be too! Although mobility comes with a new set of challenges!

One more thing I wanted to add to all of these great responses. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband. Like you said, this is causing a strain on your marriage and you need to feel like you are in this parenting thing together. If at all possible, find a way to get a part-time housecleaner. They're not as expensive as you may think. Even if it is just someone coming in once a month. You can't do it all and what's important is a happy mom and dad. Divide the chores up between you and your husband or make lists of things that can wait. Once it's on paper and out of your mind you'll feel a whole lot better. I am a post-it note queen! I usually have 50 million things in my head of things I need to do but once I write them down I feel like I have a plan and things will be taken care of and I can relax. Or get a dry erase board and jot down things around the house that you'd like to do. As you do them, cross them off the list and you'll feel better and not so overwhelmed.

Hope this helps! Remember, there's a million other moms that feel the same way you do! Over the years I've actually gotten used to living with a less than perfect house!

I have to agree with Beth. I used to put my daughter in her highchair a squirt of soap and a bit of water and let her spash and make bubbles until I was done cleaning the kitchen or what ever room I was working in. I am a stay at home mom of 2 that still can't get everything done. I don't get much help and so you do what you can and if the kids are happy and your relationship with your hubby is otherwise good, great!

All the other gals have said pretty much what I was going to as far as advice but bear this in mind...
Every mother thinks she is a failure, it's true so don't try to be super mom because thats when your in real trouble of doing something wrong. Take a step outside of it all for a moment. I know it's hard to just walk away and take a moment to your self but if you don't you will break down eventually. The best 2 things you can do are love your daughter and love your self. There's always going to be dishes laudry ect. It really won't matter if you don't get something done till tomorrow because one way or another it will be there anyway. We all had these great plans of clean houses clean children that don't misbehave and bodies that loved us. The truth is a messy house is ok if your kids are loved and cared for and anyone that tells you your not doing enough of they could do better well had them the mop and say get to it. Chances are they don't really remember or never knew what it's like. Believe me I have a mother in law that brags and her son loves to say after she's gone "sure the house was clean but we were in daycare and hated her".