How Do I Get My 11 Mo Old to Stop Hitting

You've got to get very firm. Hitting should NOT be tolerated, especially hitting mom! I know he's young, but he's not too young to learn that. He must never be rewarded for hitting - for example, he hits to get your attention so you can't give him your attention - move him away or walk away, he hits to get a toy, so he cannot have that toy.

It's hard to use a time-out and expect a one yr old to stay there, but you can VERY sternly in an angry voice say "No hitting" or "No, hitting Mommy!" and then move him away - across the room to a chair perhaps. Or even put him in the next room... he won't stay there but he will get that you are not tolerating it and that it results in just the opposite of what he wants.

Some, may disagree, but this is not the time to talk sweetly and nicely... "Oh, honey, we don't hit, do we? No, hitting is ouchy, hands are not for hitting!" It won't work. He's one and he learns more by your tone of voice, not what you are saying. With my first, I called it the big, mean voice and it really got her attention because I hardly ever used it. Not yelling, just very stern and louder than normal. Just that voice was consequence enough to make her stop - she was hitting to get my attention or get what she wanted and that mean voice is definitely not what she wanted.

Good luck. It's a normal stage for little ones, but get tough now so he learns that hitting is not okay and does not get him what he wants. :)

Hi Mommie Mentor here.

As a parent educator I run into this question all the time. I agree that you need to tell him that hitting is not okay, I agree you need to use a firm-non-yelling voice, I agree that you can't use timeout, in it's current version, for such a little one. The not using timeout leaves a huge gap in what parents can do with such a young child.

So, I created a simple way of accomplishing all the things parents are looking for to send the stop hitting message. Since children at this age are in the repetitive stages of development they will need to have the hitting issue addressed often over the next few months in order to really understand. Hitting comes from lack of words, and a general immature understanding of how the adult world works. Unfortunately it's not appropriate to share all the details of this method in this format. If you're interested in a respectful, easy yet firm way to stop the hitting, go to my website, www.proactiveparenting.net and click the online store. Audio seminar #1, "No We don't do that", is the one you want.
That seminar will share a baby / toddler version of timeout that lasts 10-30 seconds and REALLY works.
Good luck.

Hi,
I pretty much agree w/ what Mary says!
That's almost word for word what my Pediatrician told me when my youngest started hitting.

When your son hits you, you must firmly grab him and make him ____@____.com in a stern (not yelling) voice tell him, "Ouch, that hurt! Mommy/Grandma/Daddy doesn't want you right now. Go away".
Then you turn them around and give them a tiny push. Of course, the minute you do that they immediately try to come right back to you. That's the killer part of this but, you stay strong and ignore them for a minute or two.
But, right after that minute or two make sure give hugs and kisses and "I love you's"!

Broke my heart each and every time I did it but, it worked! He never even thinks about hitting me and he's 4 now!

Good luck and stay strong!

Oh no, that is truely unacceptable. As soon as he raises his hand you take it and walk him to a back room, kneel down to his level, tell him that hitting is never ok and then leave him alone for a few minutes to think about it and definetly do not give him any attention good or bad right after that behavior.

B., my son Cameron did the same thing. IF he got hurt, he hit his dad, or myself. If he wanted attention he also hit. I was REALLY worried and unsure what to do. I had a friend tell me "don't say stop hitting,because that teaches them the word hit". tell them "we touch our friends soft, and then show him how to be soft... patience is key, it took time but cam soon grew out of this not so fun stage...good luck.

Dear B.,

Hi Sweetie, I'm a counselor in Phx AZ with a parenting book and a lot of TV and radio time helping parents with challenges without drugging the kids.

First you have to make certain you and your husband (and Grandmas and baby sitters) are not using any verbal or physical techniques to over power your son. This just teached him to do the same.

Second, make sure you are setting healthy boundaries and that he sees you as the "Alpha Female." That means, he does not sleep in your bed (the person who sleeps next to the Lead Female is the "Alpha Male" whether it's a girl child or a boy child.

Your child has to see that you are first in the home and that he is served after you. The woman is the hub of the family and the husband (and children) must place her first. She is the fountain giving love and nurturance...from a place of "over-flow" not from a place of need.

Most women have a problem with putting themselves first but, for the health of the family and for the child to truly respect you, he must see that you are the most important person in the home.

When I have kids who will not respect my time (like when I am talking on the phone, sleeping or speaking to another adult) I put on a scary face and growl loud right at them.

I do not hit or yell. I take a hint from Clarrissa Pinkola Estes, "Women Who Run with the Wolves," and use my fierce love and power to set boundaries.

BTW, I've been getting so many wonderful emails back from Moms thanking me...maybe the Phx Moms would like to have a free group at my Phx office some time. ???

Best of Luck Sweetie,
XXOO, J.

www.JaneFendelman.com
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