How Do I Get My 18Mo to Sleep?

One way to reduce night feeds, as per Ferber is to dilute the bottles progressively. So on night 1 each 9 oz bottle is 2/3 formula 1/3 just water, night 2 you go half and half night 3 only 1/3 formula. She gets the same volume, although she might take less. This will only work if you don't allow more feeds to make up the deficeit.

Best
F. B.

It sounds like you've really messed up her feeding schedule because of her being difficult with night sleeping. This has created a real mess for you both. Your 18 month old isn't getting the brain development she needs.

You've got her upside down with giving her bottles all night. No wonder she won't eat food.

You need to talk to your ped and put together a real plan. Do it now! Fixing this will eventually fix the constipation, though her digestive system may be so messed up that the doctor may have to prescribe a medicine to help.

More than anything, you need to form a plan with your ped that works on ALL of this at one time, and STICK TO IT. Even if it's hard as heck for you to do. She will scream and cry. She will tear your heart out. She will fight it. You've trained her to do it by feeding her all night, either out of ignorance or not being willing to be tough. TIME TO GET TOUGH! If you don't, she's going to have all kinds of problems and you will regret this.

CHECK WITH HER PEDI
at 18 months most kids are on regular milk, not formula, they should also be eating 3 regular meals (breakfast lunch and dinner) with 3 additional snacks (between breakfast and lunch, between lunch and dinner and before bed) they should be given a 2-3 hour afternoon nap and only water to sip in the night. if your childs eating schedule is not simialar to this try it, you will be placing your child on the schedule that most daycare centers and preschools use. i would cut the use of a bottle, switch to a sippy cup with a straw (this helps with language development) and get a schedule. keep that schedule strictly for several months till her body fully ajusts to it.
my kid is a picky eater so meals have to be creative to get her to eat a good meal. once i find a favorite i go with it, i offer her a variety, and if she won't eat i give the favorite as a last resort (currently pb and j or tomato soup)
also if your childs napping or sleeping a ton thru the day it will make it difficult for them to sleep thru the night. so make sure shes getting the proper amount of sleep (11hours at night and 2.5 for a nap is the recomended for her age)

What have you already tried? It would help to know.

Have you talked to the pediatrician or read up on brain development in babies/toddlers? They need more sleep, and you need to train her to do this. An 18 month old does not need to eat at night. She will make up for it during the day. My pediatrician told us to do this at 6 months - that even a baby that age doesn't need to eat at night, barring severe medical conditions. And 4-5 bottles of 9 ounces each? Please talk to the pediatrician about giving your child a lot more real food with more water and more fiber, and a lot less formula. There are also major dental issues with a child this age having milk or formula in their mouths at night. You're asking for a lifetime of expensive dental work starting very soon.

I know it stinks, but you have to bite the bullet and do it. Read up on the Ferber method, and reconsider the co-sleeping unless your living arrangements require it. But she needs to learn to soothe herself back to sleep, without you waking up. Get some help - perhaps over the long Thanksgiving weekend, and just make everyone miserable (!) and get it done! Someone else can help you put her to bed when she wakes up (read the Ferber book, twice, and make sure the other person is on board with you, doing exactly the same thing).

Look, the bottom line is that this is not a sustainable system the way you are doing it. And you are a huge risk on the road if you are driving while sleep-deprived, to you, your children and to everyone else on the road. You are also not productive at your job or in your studies at this rate. Bite the bullet, learn a technique (such as Ferber) you can get on board with, and don't cave in after one bad night. It might take 3-4, but it works. And it's a gift you are giving your child.

Do you have access to health care for your children? A pediatrician, a clinic, etc? Health insurance?

What is your schedule like? You go to work, and go to school - so are you home with your children during the day and if not, who is? What's your children's schedule like (pre-school, going to daycare, at your mother's, etc)? Does your 18 month old go to other people's homes (grandparents, daycare, etc), and if so, what are her eating habits there?

Who advised you to use formula for your child's nutrition? What have you tried feeding her as far as regular food that's suitable for toddlers?

What do you mean when you say she doesn't listen to the word "no"? I think you mean she listens but doesn't respond appropriately, right? Is this when you're telling her "no bottle" or when you're otherwise parenting her?

If you will tell us a little more, maybe you can get some more advice that is tailored to your situation.

It sounds like the underlying problem is the eating. She's waking because she's hungry - 18 month olds aren't usually filled up by formula alone. You need to get her eating real food so that her nutritional needs are met and she's not hungry all the time. Have you talked to your pediatrician for a referral to an occupational therapist who specializes in eating issues for kids?

I'd probably check with her ped first to get ideas on what she should be eating. She should be eating most of her calories at this point. Fruit and veggies will take care of any constipation so switch over to food for her. And at 18 months there's no need for bottles. Switch over to sippy cups and get rid of the bottles all together. At night offer water only. No bottles. She'll figure out very soon that it isn't worth it to wake up for water.

May I recommend: http://www.babycenter.com which is a fabulous resource for baby through elementary school. Saved my sanity.

Second, 18 months is too young to know "no". Sucks, yes...but it isn't developmentally possible.

Third, have you spoken to your pediatrician? Possibilities which come to mind:

. She shouldn't be living on formula. She needs more than that. Babycenter, which I referenced above, can help with that. Some kids need a night time bottle, but formula shouldn't be her primary source of nutrition.

. She may have reflux which makes it difficult for her to digest her food.

. She may need to change her sleeping environment: less light, warmer or cooler, perhaps her sleep schedule.

18 months is a long time to go without sleep...for both her and you. This is really a question a professional could address.

Also, does your city have any support groups for parents? There's nothing like a group of other moms face to face to help brainstorm.

I agree with Diane D - ditch the bottles. I had one at 12 months who still woke for a bottle at night. It wasn't pretty, but I got him off it. I did the switch to water trick - and it worked. There was some fussing, but generally he was old enough to get that I was there for him, just no bottle. I didn't do cry it out, so much as went in and said shh go back to sleep, rubbed his back, and offered him the water. It took a night or two, and he got the picture.

I can't tell if you mean she's getting 4-5 bottles a night or if she's just waking that much and you give her a bottle at night. If she's having multiple bottles, that explains why she's not eating during the day. You just have to reverse this. If you can do it gradually, try that - putting her down without bottles so she knows sleep and drinks don't go together. I always found by starting up new habits that were positive and ones I wanted to continue - then after a week or so getting rid of the old habits, worked better than going cold turkey all at once.

When kids are constipated, they're not usually hungry because they feel full. So talk to her pediatrician (and maybe a specialist if they feel it's warranted) about foods to try that will help regulate her. Sounds to me like she likely just needs a more varied diet. Some find that formula constipates their babies, as do some cereals, etc. that are iron fortified. Veggies and fruits, and giving her water to drink (in a sippy cup or cup) should help.

I was told milk at about age 1 when mine were babies. There are lactose free varieties if necessary.

I co-slept with my youngest up till about 6 months. I get why it's advantageous in some situations. However, if she's waking all night long, and you are, then I don't think it's the best option at this point. Decide if you're going to switch her to a crib (she might sleep better), or if you're going to tackle the bottles first.

I always mention to rule out medical causes first. Mine had ear problems with excess fluid which caused wake ups in the night. It was worse for him laying down. Good idea just to rule out any problems at your next visit.

Best to you. You (and she) must be exhausted.

Do what Doris says, and you will probably have to let her CIO a little, although rereading your post, I don't know how you can do that since you co-sleep. One of the problems with co-sleeping is that it can be hell on the parents, nice though it is for the child.

You have to decide when your own health and sanity is worth letting your child suffer a little discomfort. An 18 month old does not need to eat/drink during the night.

When I decided I could no longer bear to be woken up multiple times a night, I let my children cry it out for as long as it took, and one of them cried for over an hour. But with each of my children it only took 3 long, stressful nights of letting them cry it out to break the habit of waking up, and after that I got to sleep blissfully through the night.

At some point you matter as much as your children.

At 18 mo she should be eating meals. You can certainly do them lactose free. Give her vegetables and fruit. You can get protein in without giving cheese. The more fruits & veggies less constipated she will be. I might be in minority but I would just cold turkey drop bottle. Give drinks in a sippy cup. No more bottles or drinks of any kind at night. Might be a tough couple days but from what your describing its already tough.

I'm so sorry. I had one bad sleeper out of my two kids. Your daughter is old enough to stop having a bottle at night. It's a crutch she uses to go back to sleep. I would feed her as much real food as possible in the evening and give her a bottle before bed. Then you have to be strong and think of it like boot camp...she has to learn no more bottle at night. Tell her. No more bottle at night. It's time to sleep. Repeat. You are a big girl and no more bottle at night. She has to learn to soothe herself back to sleep. This is hard and painful and exhausting. I had to do this with my bad sleeper. He was addicted to his bottle at night. It was the only way he had to fall back asleep...not a good self soother. But he learned! I had to do it with the pacifier with my other child...and it was not pretty. There is a lot of crying. It takes a while but it's worth it. Both my kids finally learned, oh! she's not going to give in! I have to go back to sleep now! The other thing my bad sleeper always did...he also was not a good eater and he was happy to fill up on milk instead. He had to learn that he could not just have a bottle whenever he wanted at some point...that he had to sit with the rest of us and actually eat food. He didn't want to sit. He was picky. He just wanted milk. Some kids are like this. I had to be careful to not just let him fill up on milk all the time which is easy to do.You have to really push to teach them to grow up and act their age!! Parenting is very tiring at this age. That is my advice. Good luck. Added: You didn't say how much she eats just that it's not much. She's no longer a baby and should be eating meals 3x a day with a snack in between right now. I would guess you do this but she just doesn't eat much....is that what you meant? At this age my daughter LOVED bits of bread, avocado, any fruit, pasta, garbanzo beans, black beans, bits of whatever we were eating. She loved bits of salmon, mashed potato, cheese, tiny cut up green beans that were soft, tiny cut up anything if it was soft! She loved ice cream for dessert. She loved bits of lasagne or buttery baked potato. She loved bits of tortilla, refried beans, you name it! I just made sure it was cut up very small. She loved feeding herself. She loved "helping" me cook in her high chair in the kitchen. My son who was getting picky at this age also loved many things...he just was picky about somethings. I remember he loved beanie weenies for some reason! He's almost 13 now so it's hard to remember but he liked basic foods like pasta, soft cooked carrots (cut up), potato, canned peaches, mashed potatoes with butter, small cheese raviolis cut up, etc.

oh my dear, you sound exhausted and overwhelmed. i'm so sorry. the best thing you can do is recruit some help, and soon. do you have no family who can help you by staying just one night over the weekend so you can get some sleep? some counseling?
i'm so sorry you're doing all this on your own.
khairete
S.

Some kids just don't sleep through the night until they're older and stop having growth spurts for a while. One of our grandkids didn't sleep through the night until he was at least 4. Every single night he'd wake up and come find us, curl up in bed with us and sleep the rest of the night.

As for the bottle, have you thought about a binky? If he's seeking something to suck then he might need something he can find on his own. Our pediatric dentist told us that the mouth rinses out and drinking a bottle was fine. It's holding a dripping bottle in their mouth that eats the enamel away. The saliva never gets to completely rinse the mouth so the stuff is constantly on the teeth, eating away. If they take a bottle and put it down when they're done it's the same as drinking a glass of liquid. No difference, milk is milk no matter what it comes out of. Just make sure he's not keeping a dripping bottle in his mouth. The pacifier might help with that too. You sure don't want to take the bottle and him find his fingers to suck if it's sucking he is needing.

Nutrition. Is he eating enough calories during the day? Breakfast, snack, lunch, nap, snack, dinner, late snack? If he's truly hungry during the night he might need something more substantial at that late evening snack. More complex carbohydrates and protein instead of easy to burn calories.

I'd also say give him 4 ounces of water each hour to see if he's just thirsting for fluids. See if it helps him during the day too.

If he's taking a 4 hour nap each day that's too long, put him down after lunch and get him up after a couple of hours. If he's too tired the rest of the day and falls asleep after dinner then he might need a little bit longer nap but make sure he's active in the afternoon so he'll be ready for bed later. If he's going to bed at 7 or 8 that might be too early for him too. He might be a 8 hour sleeper and not need 12 hours per day. Our kids all want down for the night at 9.

We have busy lives and it absolutely did not make sense to come home from work, eat dinner and put the kids to bed. What sort of family life is that? Not one. So we did our things in the evenings and then got home around 8-8:30. Eat snacks, baths, bedtime stuff, kids out and down, except that one boy, for the night.

So I think there are things that influence night time success and some of the things we've done with out kiddos have helped. One kiddo it made no difference at all what we did, he didn't need as much sleep as we thought he should have.