How Do I Get My 4 1/2 Month Old Son to Sleep Thru the night..or Something Close?

You're doing everything right. What you are doing IS how you get them to sleep through the night. It's just a long and arduous process and you are well on your way to the end of it. Consistency is key, so just keep up what youre doing.

My thoughts: Babies that age don't eat if they are not hungry, so if he takes a couple ounces at 2 AM, maybe it is because he is hungry. I breastfed my son and went through a similar situation where his doctor said he could sleep throughout he night and he just insisted on nursing. He was a pacifier lover, too. So I would give him the pacifier, hold him, and rock him, but if that didn't work in 15-20 minutes, I would nurse him. Contrary to a lot of advice I got at the time, it did not develop into a bad habit; he started sleeping through the night at about 6.5-7 months, and he sleeps fine now that he is almost 5. You definitely need consistency, and whtever you decide should hapen should be what your mom does, too. That part of your situation is the toughest to deal with, I think! I hope that you work it out easily... good luck!

Hi G. -

I've heard time and time again to let your children 'cry it out' or 'don't go immediately to your child when he/she cries' or 'have them sleep in a different room', etc. To me, that does not seem to provide a strong foundation of trust or comfort for a tiny little baby who has no idea what is going on, other than he is not feeling good. So, that being said - all my little ones slept right next to my bed for the first few months, and actually with us until they slept through the night. When the little one would wake up, I would lay him/her down right next to me, and go back to sleep. So would they. It didn't mess up anyones sleep schedule, because we were all sleeping. :)

I was nursing, so, this meant I didn't have to get up to make a bottle - and I'm not familiar with how the whole formula thing works - but, can you have a bottle already prepared when you go to bed? Anything to decrease the amount of time that it takes before your son goes back to sleep. The smaller the amout of time is that passes between the time he wakes up, and the time he gets back to sleep, the better. You'll find that the less he stays awake, the closer he gets to not waking up at all. :)

Another thing - at 4 1/2 months - not many babies sleep through the night. He's got a tiny little tummy that's going to need a little food in it to cover that many hours. :) I am very surprised that your dr told you he can go all night without food. Are you already feeding him cereal? If so, maybe if he ate cereal right before bed, this might help. Otherwise, he's gonna get hungry. :)

Also, he may just need a little comfort. I had 3 boys before my little girl came. One of the biggest differences I found is that my boys needed much more holding and comfort than my little girl did. She has a much more independant personality than the boys. Maybe your son is one that just wants extra hugs - which is a great thing. :)

That's fantastic that you have your mom to help you out. Your mom's instincts will most likely help more than your dr's when it comes to the non-medical issues. The reason I say that is because she has a bond with you and your son that the dr does not have. :) She has your best interest at heart. :)

Hope something in here helps. :) Happy sleeping to both of you. :)

R.
www.HomeWithMy4.com

Hi G., My jaw is on the floor reading your post. I thought you wrote my situation to a t. Everything including your husband working out of town is my life with my now 8 month old. WOW. We have a lot in common. My second son was 5 weeks premature and in NICU. He was born 6.14lbs (husband almost missed the delivery as he was on business in LA) once I got my baby home my nightmare began. he was a super slow eater. 2 oz in 30 mins and was up every 1.5hours to feed since birth. I wanted to breastfeed but my older son woudl climb all over me and I had to pump as my baby had issues laching on. Since we was eating within every 2 hours I had to pump a lot. I finally had to give it up all together at 3 months. At his 4 month check up we found out he had acid reflex which explained all the window shattering crying since 2 months old. Once on meds he was doing better. At least no more screaming at the top of his longs. I was still getting up 3 plus more times a night and for the life of me was trying to get him on a schedule. LOL RIGHT!!! My older son set the bar high as he was in his crib at 7 weeks sleep1ng 10plus hours a night and still at 3yrs old does. Ive been out of my mind. My mother lives down the street and has helped me out so much. I would get up like you and think ok should i feed him or let him cry it out? It was a different time every night. I would sit there ripping my hair out at 3 sometimes 4 or 5 am thinking what do i do? He has been at the 97% tile since 3 months old. He is a handfull as he was rolling over at 3.5months, crawling at 5 and starting standing up with the help of furniture at 6 months. He will be walking any day now. I started doing the cereal in the bottles at 5 months which got me another hour of him sleeping. Naps are a joke. soemtimes 20 mins, amybe 45. An hour was heaven. However, I started solids at 6 mons and in the last 3 weeks since he is now sleeping 6 hours through. PHEW!!!! I started feeding him 2 cereal bottles one at 8pm and another at 11pm. He has 3 meals a day and he is a chow hound. When he looks at you, it looks like he watns to eat you. I also feed him a few spoons of fruit on the last feeding which holds him too. I SO FEEL YOUR PAIN. I can't tell you how many nights I sat rocking him crying with him in frustration. But I told myself as hard as it was....try to enjoy these times as I won't get them back or ever again since he is my last baby. They grow up so fast.

hang in there.

SAHM/Zombie 40yrs old with 2 amazing little boys. 3yrs and 8 months. Been married almost 5 years and toether with my hsuband for 10yrs. I loving waterskiinng and boating. Would love to have more time to read and work out and maybe catch up on some long over due sleep.

I think 4.5 mos is really early / young to have the expectation of sleeping thru the night. His waking sounds pretty normal to me. Mine is 7 mos and still wakes a couple times during the night. I go w/the flow, and I do feed him when he wakes. My doc gave me the same speech about him not really needing night feedings anymore, but I side w/your mom on this one. He eats, he pees, we both go back to sleep. For me, a little sleep deprivation was expected as part of the package when I chose to have a baby. I'm quite sure he'll continue to sleep for longer uninterrupted stretches as he matures, and I'm not trying to force a timetable on him for that.

Hi G.,
I HIGHLY recommend reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth for age appropriate sleep needs and schedules. I have used the info in his book on my daughter since she was born and she is a good sleeper. The first thing I would do is make sure he is getting enough sleep during the day. Remember, he is only 3 1/2 months old developmentally sleepwise and at that age he may need to go back to sleep within 2 hours (or less) of waking. Which means starting the soothing naptime routine BEFORE the 2 hour mark. Your goal is to keep him well rested during the day so he will sleep better at night. I can't stress enough how important it is for you to establish calm naptime and bedtime routines. Now is also the time to learn his "sleepy" cues and get him in bed before he becomes cranky and fussy. Keeping a sleep journal really helped me see the biological sleep rhythms develop. "Sleep begets sleep" says Dr. Weissbluth, which means the more sleep he gets the better he will sleep. As to night time, try putting him to bed around 7pm after a calm, relaxing routine which may include a bath. Dr. Weissbluth states that babies this age may still need to eat 1-3 times at night and it is okay as long as he eats a decent amount and goes right back to sleep. If he is just nibbling a little to help him go back to sleep then he doesn't NEED food. You be the judge. I would wait a little bit before responding to see if he goes back to sleep on his own. I was responding to my daughter as soon as I heard her start to grunt and wiggle until one night I decided to make her bottle then wait until she cried a little. Imagine my surprise when she went back to sleep on her own! Give him a little time to self soothe instead of responding by giving him his pacifier.That may be too stimulating if it is taking an hour for him to go back to sleep. Try this few things for a week or so and see if it makes a difference. Also, invest in Dr. Weissbluth's book, you won't regret it. He is holding a sleep boot camp on another website called parentsconnect.com and will answers some questions posted. I think every child can and will develop good sleep patterns if we as parents give them the chance. Feel free to email me with any questions.
Sincerely,
L.

Some things I did:

Change the order of things. Feed him, then have playtime, then put him down for a nap. He should wake up hungry. Don't let him drift off to sleep while eating. So, if he eats every three hours his schedule might look like this:
7am bottle and playtime
830 nap
10 wakes up for another feeding and then waketime
1130 nap
1pm wakes for feeding...etc.

Make his first feeding happen around the same time every morning, within a half hour (ex. 1st feeding of day always between 6:30 and 7). This will help him stabilize his digestive system and eating/sleeping routine.

Feed him every 3 to 3.5 hours (eventually 3-4 hrs) during the day. Babies his age need to eat this often. Try not to feed less than 2.5 hours apart which can lead to snacking and digestive problems. Wake him if it is time for him to eat. A stable eating routine goes hand in hand with stable sleeping.

Many babies wake up 45 minutes into their nap but are not really done sleeping. It takes about this long to finish the first sleep cycle. Between cycles babies may wake briefly as they enter lighter stages of sleep but will usually settle back down again if left alone. Don't rush in there when you hear him wake. Instead, give him 15 minutes or so to make sure he is really awake. You'll know he's had enough sleep if he wakes up happy and alert. Crying usually means more sleep is needed.

Avoid sleep props like rocking him to sleep and popping the pacifier in every time he wakes up. Stick it in there when he initially goes down and then let him work out getting back to sleep without it.

Wake him up around 10, or whenever you go to bed, for one last feeding. Then don't feed him again until his first feeding time. If he wakes up in the night try to let him fuss back to sleep. If you can do this consistently he will catch on pretty fast and there wont be many tears. If you get him up and feed hm sometimes he may get confused and really mad if you don't feed him.

When he is doing good sleeping from 10ish to first feeding time you can lengthen his night time sleep by either gradually giving him his last feeding earlier (like at 9:45, then 9:30) until he is sleeping a long time. Or, just don't wake him for the 10 pm feeding and see how he does.

I hope this is helpful and don't lose hope. He will be big and busy before you know it.

If your instict is not to feed him, don't. Don't do it just because he wakes or because your mom says to. At least that is my suggestion. At some point you will have to have a conversation with mom that although you appreciate her and her wisdom, what you decide is final and needs to be respected in your house. Grandmas can spoil at their homes, after all that is what they are for, but doing it at your home causes confusion. Also an option is not to rush in when he wakes. See what he does. I am not there, but my feeling is that if he is like my daughter he is trying to soothe and using outside sources. If he learns now how to soothe himself it will benifit him, you, everyone in the future. My daughter slept through the nigt starting at 2 months, each child is so different. But that is my experience, hope it can help.

I used to wake my son up ( I know, "never wake a sleeping baby", but whatever) before I went to bed every night to "tank him up". I could usually get a good 4-5 hours straight and then he was up every 2 hours or so after that. I definitely agree with your mom in saying follow your instinct and doctors don't know EVERYTHING. If your instict tells you he doesn't need to eat, don't do it. On the other hand, fighting a grandma can be futile(sp?), so either get up with him or let your mom feed him.
Other than that, all I can say is "this too shall pass".:)
Good Luck!

the response to his sleeplessness should be consequent.you're the mother so i think you should do what you think best-however,does your mother's approach work better?the sleep pattern needs regulating-even if he doesn't sleep during nap time-it is good to keep the pattern of rest in place.

I would say that your baby knows more about whether his own little tummy is empty in the middle of the night than your doctor does! I know bottle-fed kids usually sleep through the night sooner than breastfed ones, but every little one has their own schedule for these things--and fewer kids consistently sleep through the night than most people think. Heck, my 21-month old doesn't always sleep through the night. My 4 month-old usually wakes up for a feeding around midnight (which is when we go to bed, so I change him & take him to bed with me to nurse (usually nurse both kids together at this nursing, honestly), and then he wakes again around 5 or 6. Maybe other times that I don't remember. One of the nice things about nursing and co-sleeping is that middle-of-the-night feedings don't require waking up all the way.

The book The Baby Wisperer was a great resource for me. She suggests that if your daughter is waking up about the same time every night, but not because of hunger, as you suspect. Then it's a habit she's started and you can break. It takes a 3-4 nights of disrupting her sleep patern about an hour before she would normally wake up. So you set your alarm and go to her while shes sound a sleep and just touch her a little without waking her up, just get her to stir a little and you've basically reset her sleep pattern and it starts over.
It has been a while since I read the book or practiced the technique, so I don't remember all the steps specifically, but this give you the idea.
As for nap times, with my daughter, I found that sometimes she would wake part way through her nap, but if I didn't go right to her, she would soothe herself back to sleep again within a few minutes. You can tell from the noise she's making if she really needs you or not. I think the sleep pattern at that age is cycled through and ended with waking partially, but if given the chance she will fall easily back to sleep and eventually her system will learn not to wake fully at the end of the cycle. I also found that she needed her room to be darker to sleep durring the day.
I found some cheap black-out curtains at Walmart and also put a towel over the tent on her crib (we have cats, and later the tent has kept her from climbing out of bed :) ).
Best wishes.

I disagree with your Ped. I think your son may want more food. Does he get any cereal? I started to introduce rice cereal into my son's formula at 4.5 months as that was when he stopped breast feeding and wanted more food. I also noticed that it helped him sleep better.

Maybe a good feeding with cereal before bed would help your son sleep a little longer. And I do think if feeding him helps him sleep it cannot harm him.

My son is almost 7 months now and sleeps much better if I feed him when he wakes at night. He even sleeps through the feeding.

Good luck!

Hi, My twins are now a year old and I was pretty successful at getting them to start to sleep through the night starting a little after 4 months -- but it was done in stages. Prior to that, I was an exhausted mess.

First, we were on the bottle too and I had started rice cereal mixed with formula twice a day in the hopes that they would sleep through the night. This was helpful because I know exactly how much the girls were eating at each feeding. My pediatrician said that they should be drinking *a minimum* of 24 ounces of formula per day at 4 mos. So, my first goal was to try to get them to eat as much of their 24 oz during the day rather than needing to eat it at night.

When my girls dropped their first night feeding (2 am ish), it was a shock to me because I realized they were waking up out of habit rather than hunger! This was a little after 4 mos. They woke up as usual, I went to warm their bottles and when I came back, one had fallen asleep again and the other was playing in her crib. So, I decided not to feed them and wait it out -- I knew that they had eaten enough during the day. One of them fussed a couple of times that night but from that night on, I did not feed them at that hour. My husband and I agreed that when we were driving in the car and can't get to the girls, they cry for a max of 20 - 25 mins before they get tired. We said that if we are ok with that in the car then we are ok with doing "CIO" for that long too. Honestly, the most my girls fussed after skipping that feeding was about 20 minutes and that lasted 2 - 3 nights getting better each night.

Net, if you know your son is getting enough food during the day / at other feedings, I agree with you that your mom is wrong to feed him... it just prolongs and reinforces the habit. If he is drinking just a small amount during the night feedings, that sounds more like a habit to me.

Just a note, we did make sure to feed them another large bottle to tank up for the night between 10 - 11 pm; this lasted until they were about 8 months old. I kept the lights low, quietly got them out of their crib, didn't talk to them or change them, etc. After they ate whatever they are going to eat (anywhere from 2 - 6 oz), I quietly put them back.

Also, the girls went through a number of good and bad sleep periods during the year so it is always changing ... when they started to roll over and get stuck, I'd have to go to them a few times a night. Teething, illness, etc. But, in general, we dropped the 2 am feeding at 4 months (ish), the 5 am feeding at 6 - 7 mos ish, and the 10 pm feeding at 8 mos ish.

A piece of advice given to me by another twin mom: "Don't go back." Once you drop a feeding one time or establish a good habit, don't revert to past behavior, no matter how hard. She found that it takes about 3 days to establish new habits.

A piece of advice from me that I read about: for feedings you are working on dropping, reduce the size of the bottle or the time of the breastfeeding little by little.

Hopefully some of this info can help. I know how tough it is when your otherwise perfect, wonderful baby is keeping you up at night. Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions on what I wrote. Hang in there!

Get the No-Cry Nap Solution book which will give you tips on how to extend his naps (gently, no CIO) which will help with him being able to sleep better through the night.

Sorry, I have to side with your mom on the feeding in the middle of the night thing. At only 4 1/2 months, and 1 month premature (so, really only 3 1/2 months), it's very plausible that he really IS hungry in the middle of the night. Think of how tiny his tummy is. I know my baby was! In fact, at 10 months, she still wakes up for night feedings (which I don't mind).

Also, you say he eats "only 3 oz" and suggest this isn't enough to indicate he was actually hungry. For my little one, 3 oz was substantial. Then again, every baby is different so maybe for your baby, this is nothing. Still, it is plausible that it's enough to wake him up.

Anyway - regardless of what you decide about the feeding, I would work on extending his naps which should help with the problem either way. And that No-Cry Nap Solution really helped me (my daughter has gone from 20-30 minute naps to 45 to 2 hour naps).

By the way, contrary to popular opinion, babies aren't meant to sleep completely through the night so soon without any wakings(some suggest not even for the first year or so). I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for saying something so blasphemous (gasp!) but just so you know it's NORMAL for them NOT to sleep through the night at such a young age.

Finally, especially since your little one's a bit premature, I would caution away from introducing solids too soon. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends not starting solids until 6 months of age. You put him at greater risk of allergies if you start sooner as the stomach and intestines are just not developed enough.

Good luck!

My first daughter was born 6 weeks early and had the same issues. I tried everything and nothing seemed to work. She finally started sleeping through the night at a year. I know this is not what you wanted to hear. I am sorry. One thing that I found that worked a little bit was to feed her rice cereal in her bottle before bed. This seems to keep her fuller longer. Worth a try. Good luck to you!

Sounds like your poor son is confused. Your mother needs to follow your wishes, this is adding to the problem. I think your mother should not be staying with you 2 nights to help out, during the day maybe have her over once in a while, but she is not helping. I think he wakes so much because he is being fed, not fed, given his pacifier, a lot of commotion and interaction. He is only 4 1/2 months so, not old enough yet to try and fall back asleep on his own. Don't let him cry it out, too young, and though people swear by it, it is so sad and the baby gets so upset.

Here is what I would do. Have your mother stop staying over, only in an emergency, again if she is not following your wishes, she never will and you need to establish that it is your baby and she needs to do what you say. Times have changed since she had a baby and so is what we know is good for a baby. Also, I would work on his naps during the day. An overtired baby will not sleep better. He needs more naps. Keeping him up longer, makes it worse, he needs more sleep, not less. I would limit my interaction with him at night. Meaning, if he is crying, I would tend to him, but not turn on the lights, not feed him, not do anything other than pick him up and hold him til he calms down. Let him have the pacifier, (cuts down on SIDS)and when he falls asleep put him down. Ideally, you want to keep any disruptions to a minimum. You may even just want to rub his back and not pick him up. Being so young it it harder. I always held my 3 year old and do the same with my 10 month old and they are great sleepers. good luck

he is 4.5 but really 3.5 months old being early developmentally. you have to remember that even if he has hit all milestones and caught up. he had a month in the world when he was wanting to still be in your womb. my son was early too. i would say that is early to stop feeding him at night but go with what feels right to you. maybe give it another month or two, he may just need that extra nutrition for now. good luck,

I think your instinct on consistency is right on. Maybe you have to do without your mother's help at night for a while.
That said, I'm in the camp that wouldn't even try to get a 4.5 month old to sleep through the night. Sure, some babies will do it, but my two were still eating at least a couple times a night at that point.

Wow, someone else who never produced any milk. I feel a little less along, thank you!
My own personal opinion is to try to feed him at night. My doctor didn't say to stop nighttime feedings until my daughters 6 or 9 month check up although we had already done so, I can never remember which check up. He will want to eat more when he's growing and often when he's teething (which he could be at 4 months). I believe in feeding on demand. I also had no problems weaning my daughter from night time feedings by 6 months even though I was not feeding her but my husband was. Full tummy is a sleepy baby, so they say.
My daughter started sleeping 10 hours a night for her whole 4th month. THEN, she started getting her first tooth and was up every two hours. Honestly, I wish that 4th month never happened because I was in a sleepless zone and had gotten use to the lack of sleep. Once that month of 10 hour nights started, I never got back into the lack of sleep phase. She didn't start consistently sleeping through the night until she was 11 months. She still wakes on occasion and has recently decided that 6 am was the time to get up. What time do you put him to bed? She started sleeping through the night once I moved my daughters bed time from 7:30 to 6:30. I also put her down (when she was 5 months) two hours after she woke up and then again around noon and again around 3 or 4 (although the last nap was never really set). They sleep a lot at that age. What I learned, and hope to remember with out next one is this. Don't sweat the sleeping issues. I spent so much time trying to get my daughter to nap on a schedule, in a crib and not sleep with us, etc that I missed a lot of snuggle time that I wish I hadn't. Especially not being able to breastfeed, I wish I napped with her on my chest more and just held her and watched her sleep. Habits are a lot easier broken then I thought they would be, with my daughter. Enjoy him, and sleep when he sleeps as often as you can!
Best of luck,
C.

I have a 3 month old myself and am starting to go through the same thing in terms of trying to get him to sleep longer at night without feeding him all night long, though I still nurse and its not so easy.

But as for the naps during the day, I just read a book by Dr. Polly Moore (a sleep specialist), and the fact that your son is ready to nap after 1 1/2 hours is natural. According to her book, it's due to a baby's "alertness" cycle. Here's her website to get more information: http://www.pollymoore.com. The book is called "The 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program." It's a really great book and explains a lot.

I know my post itself doesn't help much with your situation, but I hope the information you could get from this book or website will help you out.

Good Luck.

My son was diagnosed very young with centralized and obstructive sleep apnea and had a sleep study test done , somniography, shortly after he was one. By 2, or almost 2 had the surgery for it, removing the tonsils, adnoids and excess tissue in the area removed. Your baby is still very young, but this was worth looking into. signs were sleep loudly, or wakes himselp out of sleep. because the body tells them to stop breathing.

The surgery was the best thing we ever did. He still wakes up once a night, but not constantly tons of times a night.
My son was always groggy, clumsy too.
Again your son is so young, but ask...
Thanks, K.